RIP Lurkerspeaks

[Guest Larstrup]

8 minutes ago, TownsendPLocke said:

I shared LurkerSpeaks penchant for Insomnia. So I was awake when I got a mysterious pm at 2 a.m. asking me if I knew of any family contacts for him. This was after telling him repeatedly to stop messing about with OCT meds and go to a clinic (and giving him the name of a recommended clinic) a few days ago. On Sunday he confirmed that he was at the clinic. And then no further communication from LurkerSpeaks.  I asked a mutual friend to investigate and this morning I got confirmation of my fear. 

I have lost a dear personal friend as well a fellow Hoovillian. I have been trying to process this sad news all day The fact that he left this world on the eve of his birthday makes this all the more tragic.  

LurkerSpeaks died as I hope to die. On an adventure! May he now rest in peace.

Since you’re in the orbit of his friends, with your friendship with him, do you have any information Regarding his repatriation to the US,  and also if anyone is handling those matters on his behalf?  Is there anything that anyone of us could do to help with this?

[kjun12]

I did not know him but, from what all of you who knew him say about him, he much have been a great guy.

[TownsendPLocke]

Early days for this. He did have a friend who was very close to him who might be able to help. Unfortunately he did not seem to be close to his siblings so repatriation of remains might be difficult. This is an interesting subject for study and I am consulting with some travel industry friends to find out what happens in a case like this.

[Guest Larstrup]

1 hour ago, TownsendPLocke said:

Early days for this. He did have a friend who was very close to him who might be able to help. Unfortunately he did not seem to be close to his siblings so repatriation of remains might be difficult. This is an interesting subject for study and I am consulting with some travel industry friends to find out what happens in a case like this.

This is where our community comes into play. I did not personally know Lurker, but some here obviously did. I'm reminded of one of @MsAnn 's posts here not to long ago reflecting upon another scenario elsewhere, which he shared with us about how forum members elsewhere just fade away and nobody ever asks about them. 

This particular moment in time however, to me at least, speaks to us about about our commonality and community as a whole, who we really are, and especially when one of our own has fallen, whether we knew him or not.

I'm not the prayers and thoughts type of guy whom many of us might become when tragedy like this strikes.

I'm the type of guy who honestly wants to know what we, or I, can do to help bring @lurkerspeaks home.

[OneFinger]

2 hours ago, TownsendPLocke said:

...This is an interesting subject for study and I am consulting with some travel industry friends to find out what happens in a case like this.

So very sorry to hear of his passing. His posts were some of my favorites.

When I travel outside the USA I make sure to have travel insurance. It usually covers much more than airline / hotel issues. The policies I get include emergency health care and bringing the remains back to the USA in the unfortunate event of my death.

[msclelovr]

It's very sad news. As a man who's older than he but in good health, it shocks me that he's dead at 56. I wonder if pneumonia was the cause.

[TotallyOz]

I heard from Townie that Lurker's family was contacted and they are taking care of everything.

[TownsendPLocke]

I spoke with LurkerSpeaks sister the other day. It was a difficult conversation for both of us. I had to use discretion, diplomacy and compassion all at the same time. 

There is a police investigation happening since there was another person (a young Thai male) in the room when LurkerSpeaks passed. I am pretty sure that this fella just happened to be in the wrong space at the wrong time when LurkerSpeaks died of natural causes and unfortunately some prescription medications were removed from his hotel room. .Ifhear otherwise I will post it here.

LurkerSpeaks body was cremated in Thailand and will be returned to his family along with his personal effects.

[Suckrates]

1 hour ago, TownsendPLocke said:

I spoke with LurkerSpeaks sister the other day. It was a difficult conversation for both of us. I had to use discretion, diplomacy and compassion all at the same time. 

There is a police investigation happening since there was another person (a young Thai male) in the room when LurkerSpeaks passed. I am pretty sure that this fella just happened to be in the wrong space at the wrong time when LurkerSpeaks died of natural causes and unfortunately some prescription medications were removed from his hotel room. .Ifhear otherwise I will post it here.

LurkerSpeaks body was cremated in Thailand and will be returned to his family along with his personal effects.

Interesting.  My understanding was that Lurker was of the Jewish faith, which doesnt support cremation?   Do you know who made that decision on his behalf ? 

[TownsendPLocke]

Having enjoyed barbecued spareribs with LurkerSpeaks if he was Jewish he was not observant. His Family made the decision.

[axiom2001]

It's Friday, November 24, 2017 at 11:05A.M. in California.  I read the title in the forward and thought it was a joke regarding Lurkerspeak's passing.  ...went to www.gaythailand.com to read his previous posts about his first visit to "The Land of Smiles" and discovered that the "RIP..." was indeed real.

Although I never had the pleasure of meeting Lurker in person-- I felt akin based on his posts here regarding Brasil and other posts.  I am saddened, especially after reading about his anticipated visit to Thailand and the preparations that he had made.  His death is oh so, so, so friggin' sad.

We never know when or how we are going to leave this earth.  Death is a mystery; it's so damn scary, too!

May this gentleman rest in eternal peace.  He will be missed.

[RA1]

Unfortunately I have had to arrange to bring a body back to the US.  This was from Ireland.  Different countries have different customs and different laws.  The widow wanted the body returned.  So through the department of state the US embassy in Ireland was contacted and made the arrangements.  $5,000 dollars was transferred to the embassy to make sure the funeral home was paid, etc. The Irish custom seems to be burying ASAP.  Few are embalmed or transported any distance.  They did embalm the body and put it in a beautiful but simple wooden coffin for transport.  Delta airlines transported from EiNN (Shannon) to KMEM (Memphis).  Then a local funeral home took over.

Through some local business contacts we got DL to waive their transport fee.  I ended up giving the widow about $4500 of the original fee.  This was some 18 years ago.

Best regards,

RA1

[RockHardNYC]

I remember the username Lurkerspeaks from Hooville, but I don't recall any interaction.

I have been very frank in the past about my thoughts on obesity. Even though I have a few XXL friends and family members I love, I can't imagine any overweight stranger enjoying some of my posts.

I've also been very critical of kiddie-porn, Nambla, and other chickenhawk type posts. While it can be fun to re-visit my days as an 18-year-old and imagine a shower scene with one of my college interns, I find the look of younger boys to be a serious sexual turn-off. Most images from Helix Studios do not turn me on.

Much like scat or latex, underage boys (or girls) are a fetish I can't wrap my brain around. I definitely can't bear the visual of an old fat guy naked with a skinny boy who looks fourteen or younger.

Age 57 is a short life. I do not want to get sick or die in a country I'm visiting for the first time. I've been in a few European hospitals. When I die, I'm hoping to be closer to home. Preferably in my bed, as I sleep.

I also can't wrap my brain around sex of any kind while not feeling well. The moment I feel the sniffles, the last thing I think about is sex. Not only do I NOT want to infect others (if my bug happens to be contagious), I don't want to leave my immune system vulnerable by being too close to strangers I don't know.

I've traveled while sick a few times, and none of those memories were enjoyable. A few turned dangerous. If I don't feel well on the day of departure these days, I reschedule my trip. A plane is a cesspool of germs.

This thread has been a fascinating read. I've shared it with a few people, especially my son. What do we do if I drop dead while traveling? It was a good question that finally got answered, thanks to Lurkerspeaks.

[Tartegogo]

23 hours ago, TownsendPLocke said:

I spoke with LurkerSpeaks sister the other day. It was a difficult conversation for both of us. I had to use discretion, diplomacy and compassion all at the same time. 

There is a police investigation happening since there was another person (a young Thai male) in the room when LurkerSpeaks passed. I am pretty sure that this fella just happened to be in the wrong space at the wrong time when LurkerSpeaks died of natural causes and unfortunately some prescription medications were removed from his hotel room. .Ifhear otherwise I will post it here.

LurkerSpeaks body was cremated in Thailand and will be returned to his family along with his personal effects.

Thanks @TownsendPLocke for the update. 

 I am very sad for lurkerspeaks, we should all leave after having lived through a good few years of retirement, not before it even starts.

But also I couldn’t help thinking about that Thai guy’s probably traumatising experience. While I would love to die fucking, I would never wish any escort to endure this. 

 

[TownsendPLocke]

The main things to ease this situation would be 1) have a well documented contact person who knows your plans and your wishes regarding health emergencies or death. Best to have those plans in writing. 2) Transportation of a dead body is a PIA and is very expensive. If you cannot have money put aside to handle these expenses then you might be disposed in the place you died. You should document that you are ok with this to relive your friends/family of any feeling of responsibility or feelings of guilt. 3) Travel insurance is great- but good policies that would cover the cost of the return of a body to another country are pricey. If you buy travel insurance make sure you know what is covered and also make sure that both your emergency contact and the person responsible for making decisions about such things have a copy of the policy. 4) Stay in contact with friends / family and let them know where you are traveling and where you are staying.. I tend to "overshare" especially when traveling  on Facebook but my family and friends know where I am. 5) Finally, although it is not always possible or desirable to travel with friends it has it's good points. Especially when traveling to new destinations.

If you die - well you will be dead and won't have to worry about any of this! But there are almost always survivors who will have the unwelcome (and usually unwanted) responsibility of taking care of the matters that follow a death.

[AdamSmith]

9 minutes ago, TownsendPLocke said:

If you cannot have money put aside to handle these expenses

Term life insurance (NOT whole life -- a huge financial scam) is a highly affordable way to cover burial and other end-of-life expenses, and shield relatives/friends from having to foot whatever the bill.

I just yesterday got a flyer in the mail from AAA offering $50,000 coverage for $562/year. (I happen already to have a $100,000 term life policy underwritten by the N.C. State Employees' Credit Union [via mama being a retired state worker] for about the same premium.)

[RockHardNYC]

42 minutes ago, TownsendPLocke said:

If you buy travel insurance make sure you know what is covered

Prepare yourself for some brain numbing reading. The "contracts" are often 30+ pages long, written by lawyers. Usually by page 5, I'm ready to shoot myself in the head to end the misery and save time, money, and the trouble of dealing with one more insurance policy.

31 minutes ago, AdamSmith said:

Term life insurance (NOT whole life -- a huge financial scam) is a highly affordable way to cover burial and other end-of-life expenses, and shield relatives/friends from having to foot whatever the bill.

I decided to do one better. After my parents died, I decided to purchase burial space next to them. I made specific arrangements with the family cemetery and prepaid the contract with written details of my wishes. All my executor has to do is get my ashes to the cemetery, and the cost of that is covered in my insurance policy.

I had not thought about dying outside the U.S. before this thread. When I consider how much I travel, my son and I thought that was weird. We now have a revised plan, thanks to this thread.

[AdamSmith]

4 minutes ago, RockHardNYC said:

I decided to do one better. After my parents died, I decided to purchase burial space next to them. I made specific arrangements with the family cemetery and prepaid the contract with written details of my wishes. All my executor has to do is get my ashes to the cemetery, and the cost of that is covered in my insurance policy.

Come to think, my 89yo mama pre-paid all her funeral expenses with a local funeral home a decade ago. And both her and my burial plots (and one for my non-existent spouse) are already bought and paid for, alongside that of my long-gone papa. I should just go ahead and do the same.

[RockHardNYC]

My name is already engraved on the stone, which is really weird. The only thing missing is the death date. I thought about taking a selfie in front of it, for fun, but then I questioned who might enjoy the share. Turns out I couldn't think of anyone, so I never did it. The truth is, I haven't visited the cemetery since I purchased everything, which was about a decade ago. Getting back to my hometown is no longer a priority, so it may just have to wait until my death. Too late to take a selfie then.

[axiom2001]

Would it had been much more appropriate for one to have generated a SEPARATE thread about one's making advance plans for his final arrangements?  I think so!   

Lurker's death has affected us all in some way or another; thus this thread should only have related to him 

NO responses need to be made here; leave my comments as they are and begin a separate thread from this spot on.  This would be most appreciated.

I WROTE this for ALL to lend some thought to what I wrote regarding the placement of your comments!

[KYTOP]

I only occasionally stick my head into this site, even though I was one of the first members here. 

I am just now seeing this for the first time and I am deeply saddened by this horrible news.

My thoughts and prayers are for his family and close friends, many of them here.

May he Rest in Peace.

[pauleiro]

I am very sad to have heard about LurkerSpeaks passing away. 

I met him in Copacabana palace in Rio a few years ago. He was great company. 

RIP, my friend. 

[AdamSmith]

On 11/25/2017 at 1:39 PM, axiom2001 said:

Would it had been much more appropriate for one to have generated a SEPARATE thread about one's making advance plans for his final arrangements?  I think so!   

Lurker's death has affected us all in some way or another; thus this thread should only have related to him 

NO responses need to be made here; leave my comments as they are and begin a separate thread from this spot on.  This would be most appreciated.

I WROTE this for ALL to lend some thought to what I wrote regarding the placement of your comments!

My papa passed of an unexpected massive coronary in 1968, when he was 41, my mama 39, and I was 8.

The random stream of friends, dozens of them, coming through the house, intensely for the first few days, and then more randomly for the next days and weeks -- and months -- and sharing their free, random thoughts about what my papa had meant to them in their own lives, were the most meaningful threads of support that my mama and I could have ever imagined receiving. All that supported us immensely through what would have been an otherwise emotionally and  existentially insupportable time.

All of us who knew Lurker are, I daresay, trying to process the same emotions now.

Your comment is insensitive beyond any comprehension.

This weird shit that you posted here -- telling us, who knew and, absolutely in a sense, loved Lurker, how we are and are not supposed to post our thoughts -- is not, to me, comprehensible.

It seems in fact a little bit psychopathic.

[Lucky]

Strongly disagree, Adam Smith. There's respect and there's mourning. The two don't have to be in conflict.  I think Axiom's post is right on.

Why call his post "weird" and "psychopathic?" That's really playing dirty.

[RockHardNYC]

43 minutes ago, Lucky said:

There's respect and there's mourning.

And then there's controlling.

I don't think Axiom's post is "a little bit psychopathic," but everyone knows how I feel about forum members who attempt to control what other people post on a thread. All one can do is smirk at the attempt and watch folks on both sides of the issue prove my point.

The thread was started by Oz. Everyone deals with death and mourning uniquely. If Oz didn't object to members talking about death and dying, as inspired by this story, then I welcome others comments, much like I welcome comments from friends and attendees at a funeral service or memorial service. I see no disrespect in sharing stories as part of one's mourning process.

If Oz or Axiom wanted to create a eulogy thread to Lurkerspeaks, with the specific intention to limit comments to eulogize, they certainly had that opportunity.

44 minutes ago, Lucky said:

That's really playing dirty.

I disagree with that overly harsh characterization.