Money, Sex, Haagen Dazs

[Guest bobbalino]

Money, Sex, and Haagen Dazs

All three bring me comfort. One might go as far as to say childish comfort, by that perhaps I mean more primitive than emotionally immature ... hard to say.

My family growing up, my parents, lived paycheque to paycheque. We were happy. Like many boomers, I lost more money in the late 2000s recession than my parents saved in their lifetime, but I actually lost little relative to what I maintained. I think the correction was in some respects good and brought us back to Kansas, following the unrealistic fantasy of unlimited wealth accumulation.

I look for Haagen Dazs bargains ... there is a fair spread in what it costs, according to location or retail sale fluctuations. If I spend more on it, I metabolize the "hit" quickly.  I certainly do not discuss it. I do not interact with the Dazs's ... it is not interpersonal. I always knew I would pay for ice cream. I don't compare and contrast the expenditure with that of other consumers.

My earlier fantasies about interpersonal sex never included the concept of trading off one (childish) comfort, money, for another comfort, sexual gratification. Unlike for Haagen, I have to work through the affront to my ego paying for sex imposes. This accounts for my unique relationship with the complexity of money and sex.

It has worked out better for me to refuse to suffer future pain, a Susan Sontag idea. In this context, being a reasoned consumer without fretting over what is traded off, without imputing malicious intent to the Rodrigos any more than to the Dazs's.

I think many of us face a similar challenge. Sure, we want basic consumer information, but in the money/sex arena it sometimes seems in this forum to border on obsessional, driven to know to know to know, to compare to compare to compare, to preserve preserve preserve, conserve, obviate the possibility of one iota of being had, of being cheated. 

I get it, I think. I still find it hard to check my own anxiety about money at the portal. I, too, feel impelled to itemize my costs. Perhaps I react to the overall tendency in others' posts because of some residual anxiety I harbour. Perhaps there is some discomfort being somewhat outside the collective consciousness of resource preservation. I think I am more comfortable being a part of the herd, though I do not wish to unnecessarily suffer neurotic pain.

I describe the above not with a view to being dictatorial. I value personal autonomy. However, you may find me inclined to try to put a wedge in a thread when I pick up the scent of worry or heightened focus about money and sex. It may be a projection, I realize. You may agree to think about it, reflect, and add your perspective for the benefit of our little microcosm of intimacy pursuit.

Now then, how about those new 'Spirits' flavours?!

[Darkseraphim]

@bobbalino : I look at it a little differently.  My family was also poor but happy growing up.  However, I swore to myself that I would never be poor again!  I make a middle class income now and because I live by myself I can indulge in the upper-middle class vices of foreign travel and great sex with gorgeous young guys.  I save money like a maniac because I know that I may end up taking care of myself in my old age and would like someone young to keep me warm at night   I view my hobby as a charitable mission.  The amount of time and effort these guys put into their bodies should be rewarded!  I have age, experience and resources.  The guys have youth, great bodies and hungry mouths to feed or school expenses.  I will gladly help to put food on the table, a cell phone in hand or tuition to rest for a guy who is willing to share his body and time with me.  In fact in my excel budget that section is journaled as "Goodwill".  The elders of the community must take their responsibility seriously otherwise I would just work all day and save a lot of money.  The mundanes have "Toys for Tots" we should have "Toys for Twinks" or "Gifts for Garatos".  I am doing my part to support the youth and I can safely assume that everyone on this board has chipped in as well! 

[Guest bobbalino]

Very well put, Darkseraphim; I am right on the same Excel page.

My guys get some of what kids might have received, had I procreated. 

I think I was going more for empathic attunement above. I get annoyed about the money focus and turned it inwards, trying to comprehend through my own processing (not completely dissimilar to yours, perhaps) and stir up thinking about the necessity of referencing dollars and cents.

I think if everyone here shared your philosophy, we would not see so much infusion of dollars and cents spreadsheets in our threads.

You have very graciously and accurately described an angle that makes so much sense. I think I was too worried about channeling Nellie Oleson Prairie Bitch. 

You finessed it without finger-wagging. Very classy.

[Darkseraphim]

@bobbalino : A appreciate your honesty and openness.  I am still conflicted about paying in the States but, once I leave the industrialized bubble I really feel free again.  Please keep in mind, though I have an Excel journal line for "Goodwill" I still like to maximize the pleasure I receive from giving; like the dad who buys a box of cookies from 20 different girl scouts because he loves to see their eyes twinkle and their happy smiling faces.   I don't include the meals, drinks and attraction expenses for my companion because he could have spent his day skateboarding or hanging out with his friends, instead he chose to accompany an old foreign dude all day as I explore his country.  The "Goodwill" goes solely to pay for play fun great body, sob story and full service!  I do my part to support beauty in this fallen world  

[axiom2001]

...cute boy although a little too young for me!  As a former teacher in a secondary school-- I looked and kept other thoughts and actions to myself and survived the temptation along with my livelihood/profession and integrity!  I retired honorably!  

But if this cutie is 21 and older, I'd be apt to "pleasure him" and he me!!