AdamSmith Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Picking on Star Trek is Fun I've been watching Star Trek since the '70s and I love it ... I really do ... but until J.J. Abrams brought us Star Trek (2009), Trek had always lacked that physical realistic believability. As a viewer, I generally don't care if the budget never permitted it or if the TOS was made in the '60s. I want believable effects and acting which enhances the story and envelopes my suspended reality into that universe (although the CBS remasters were a good start). True fans want to feel that the fantasy is real and therefore it's our duty to nitpick everything and poke fun at the inconsistencies so the producers will know how little they can get away with. The following are a few notables that always annoy me when I re-watch the series (note: most of my observations are based on TOS, TNG, and the movies; I've more or less missed out on most of DS9, Voyager, and Enterprise, and I won't even go into the animated series for my own sanity): TOS Enterprise Phasers Starfleet issued. High-quality and screeching. Turn the knob clockwise to make blue. Epic Special Effects Failures So cool that even today's CGI can't come close. All the things ILM would never have done. Firearm Safety 101 We come in peace ... shoot to kill. Kirk-Fu The Bruce Lee of the final frontier. Faster than a speeding bullet. The result of extensive tactical combat training on alien worlds and scientifically-proven systems of close quarter battle. Behold the Way of the Tiberius. No Pain, No Gain The first step in any diplomatic situation or negotiation between hostile parties. The definitive how-to guide for all things expressive, complete with illustrations. Humans With Stuff On Their Heads Extremely-convincing and so authentic that you would never, ever guess there was a human being underneath the war paint. Where Are The Seat Belts? The reason the phrase "All hands, brace for impact" is common within the fleet and why starships are the ultimate rollercoaster adventure ride. Fun for everyone when artificial gravity is out of order. Starfleet Uniforms Clothes that you'd never want to wear on the playground because you'd get beat up. The WunderKind Michael Jackson and Mozart weren't in the habit of saving the ship every week. Light Sources Multiple key lights make odd visual continuity. Press Any Button To Save The Ship Buttons, buttons, buttons - they're everywhere and I can't take it anymore! Someone grab the technical manual! Relic Transporter Sounds Scotty deserved better than this. Stuck On The Bridge Thou shall not become trapped on your own ship like a sucker. The Simplistic Self-Destruct Code Based on such quality entropy that it makes me want to use it as a combination on my luggage. Always Cloudy On Planet X Today's weather report most likely calls for constant overcast on any beam-down location. Highly-localized lighting available for photographic and filming convenience. Really, Really Fast Impulse Power Trust us, it's not warp speed. It's an optical illusion. Why Did They Even Make These Episodes "The City On The Edge Of Forever," "The Doomsday Machine," "Amok Time," "Elaan Of Troyius," "Journey To Babel," "Measure Of A Man," "Yesterday's Enterprise," "Schisms," "Cause And Effect," "Tapestry," "Unification" - great episodes that I always reach for any day. Then you have these other gems... Vortex Of Awe And Wonder When the warp speed button is pushed, one must go out in the most dazzling and visually spectacular method available. The starship equivalent of 0-to-60 in 3 seconds flat with skid marks leading off into the sunset. Everywhere You Go, There's Earth Episode 12: "Look, it's Earth!" ... Episode 17: "Look, it feels like Earth!" ... Episode 21: "Look, we're back at Earth, sort of!"... Episode 28: "We've got to go back in time on Earth to save Earth as we know it!" ... Episode 33: "Look, another planet that looks and feels just like Earth!" (Shall I go on?) Earthquakes On The Ship Since we can't shake the camera this time around, you lean right while I lean left. It'll be sure to confuse everyone. Worf's Half-Klingon Teeth While the medical facility on a starship is top-notch, the dental services leaves a bit to be desired. Or, what happens when Worf forgets to bring the co-payment to the office. The Vulcan Power-Throw Spock had special powers - the mind-meld, the nerve pinch, and now comes the most destructive arsenal in Vulcan martial arts training... Starfleet's Finest - Red Shirts If your job is to walk around the ship carrying a phaser all day long and the Captain taps you on the shoulder, you know what's coming. Ships Are Expensive When there's a shortage of hull material or original ideas within the galaxy, thou shall look into old boxes of plastic model parts. One-Shot Soft Spots We can't take any more hits like that, Captain ... but did you know we only need one well-placed torpedo to win? Nagging On Nemesis Star Trek, where the villains in the most powerful ship who have never lost a battle can never win because the script says so. Mainscreen Movie Night All the perks of working on the bridge: constant sensor pings, monitor read-outs that don't mean anything, and of course, the 60" high-definition plasma at the front of the room. When Stunt Doubles Are Obvious Every senior officer has a non-identical twin who will gladly take punishment when the time comes. Two Kirks Are Better Than One When the idea of duplication leads to more duplicate story-telling. Insurrection, Fun For The Whole Family There are times when I wish I could get a refund on the movie ticket. Captain LamoSoft Names to be afraid of when being assigned a post after acadamy graduation or to consider when thinking of a transfer to another ship. Recycled Klingon D-7 Shots There is apparently only one D-7 beauty shot angle, and that's the one we're going to use over and over again. Blow Up The Ship And Save The Day In case of emergency, break glass. Allowed only once per week. Cheap Shields What happens when Starfleet outsources research work to the Delta Quadrant. http://trekannoyances.com/index.html JKane 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RA1 Posted May 6, 2015 Members Share Posted May 6, 2015 I don't understand this. I have never been a naysayer. Best regards, RA1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamSmith Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 Picking on those you love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
