What happen if you fall in love with a sauna boy

[Guest ellispirata]

I went to Rio last November, and I met my dream boy there in 117.We agreed that he stayed with me for 2weeks that I gave him 2000dollars.It ended up I spent 4000 on him including gifts,helping him with rent and family problems and he only slept over for 5nights. I was so sad and mad,I even bough a ticket and invited him to visit me in this May.

During this time, I sent him 2000dollars to help him to solve all sorts of problems. He always come up with problems....

And last night, he messaged me that he will be able to travel to my country because of,again money problems. I am so frustrated ,disappointed. I really don't know what to do.

I remember a old post here said once a sauna boy,always a sauna boy, don't fall in love or you will be taken advantage.

I still hoping he will come to me,but I know that it's impossible.

[paulsf]

Your last sentence says it all. Never fall in love. We are ATM machines. Coming up with a new problem and needing money is the easiest thing in the world for them. There are some really great guys out there and you can have a lot of fun. But it's your money, and it needs to be on your terms with no long lasting expectations. Nothing wrong with buying a gift or 2, but you can't solve all their problems.

[sfcastro]

Please read TomCal's post here as it is summarizes it best:

http://www.boytoy.com/forums/index.php?/topic/23290-2015-porto-alegre-and-rio/page-7#entry134945

We've all been there to one degree or another. From my experience, I've been fairly good about not falling for a guy, but the couple times I did, it was an emotional rollar coaster for me and neither had a good outcome with many requests for money, etc.

Do your best to assess the situation and leverage others in the forum who have been there for advice and who truly understand.

[mvan1]

I went to Rio last November, and I met my dream boy there in 117.We agreed that he stayed with me for 2weeks that I gave him 2000dollars.It ended up I spent 4000 on him including gifts,helping him with rent and family problems and he only slept over for 5nights. I was so sad and mad,I even bough a ticket and invited him to visit me in this May.

During this time, I sent him 2000dollars to help him to solve all sorts of problems. He always come up with problems....

And last night, he messaged me that he will be able to travel to my country because of,again money problems. I am so frustrated ,disappointed. I really don't know what to do.

I remember a old post here said once a sauna boy,always a sauna boy, don't fall in love or you will be taken advantage.

I still hoping he will come to me,but I know that it's impossible.

You posted your situation on a public forum. Therefore, I feel that you want an honest answer. That, I will provide even though my response appears blunt and/or unsympathetic. Nonetheless, my response is well intended and hopefully will be helpful to you.

First, let me say that your predicament reminds me of a friend of mine who is in a similar quagmire with a Brazilian sauna boi. My friend met a sauna garoto more than five years ago.

The garoto continues to tell my friend that he loves him. At the same time, the garoto does not work a normal job and has not worked during the period he has been involved with my friend.

The garoto is married and has two children. The garoto's wife does not work which means the sole source of income to the garoto and to his family is from hustling in a sauna and deceiving sauna clients.

The garoto plays a clever and profitable "game" which he wins, most of the time.

There is no question that handsome Brazilian garotos exist and many have a charm that is special and unique. These attributes are not found in most other cultures. Some garotos use their good looks and charm to their extreme advantage.

Combine a handsome, charming and deceitful garoto with a vulnerable and sensitive older gay man and you have a recipe for an irreconcilable and one-sided relationship that can only equate to frustration and unhappiness for the older gay man.

I have repeatedly tried to help my friend analyze the facts surrounding his relationship with the garoto. However, he is blinded to facts Conversations with my friend do not help. I don't know a solution to help extricate my friend from this unrealistic fantasy he has with the garoto.

Each and every time my friend tries to break off the relationship, the garoto responds with more lies in order to keep the game going so that the garoto can continue to "milk" my friend for more money.

After all is said and done, and after the relationship finally ends (and it will end), only the older gay man will be the loser.

I have one final thought to ponder:

If a client suddenly stopped giving money and/or gifts, how long would an alleged love for a client last? I suspect the garoto would quickly look for his next easily manipulated client.

[MsAnn]

Please read TomCal's post here as it is summarizes it best:

http://www.boytoy.com/forums/index.php?/topic/23290-2015-porto-alegre-and-rio/page-7#entry134945

We've all been there to one degree or another. From my experience, I've been fairly good about not falling for a guy, but the couple times I did, it was an emotional rollar coaster for me and neither had a good outcome with many requests for money, etc.

Do your best to assess the situation and leverage others in the forum who have been there for advice and who truly understand.

Not much to add except that Tomcal was spot on. Sauna boys, dancers, escorts, masseurs etc etc etc. They are almost all cut from the same fabric. It is all a game to them, and you can enjoy yourself immensely while playing, so long as you know all the rules. From Mvan1's post: "The Garoto plays a clever and profitable game, which he wins, most of the time"

Best to just chalk this up to a learning experience, fix yourself a nice cocktail, put your game face on, and jump right back in, the waters fine.

[Suckrates]

I would suspect If this happens to you, you sign over your IRA, All your worldly belongings, bank accounts and even your Mother (if you still have one) to the Boy in the name of 1-sided Love..... ( of that Bubble butt and big, thick dark piece of meat hanging between his smooth thighs)

[RA1]

"...you can't solve all their problems." Shoot, I can't even solve all my own problems, never mind theirs.

Question: Would you do what they do for money? No? Then why do you expect they do it "for love"? They don't.

Relationships that fail of any kind for any reason are always painful AND much easier for someone outside to see what is going on. Just take some solace in the fact that everyone on this board has been there, done that.

Best regards,

RA1

[MsAnn]

Question: Would you do what they do for money? No? Then why do you expect they do it "for love"? They don't.

Best regards,

RA1

Bingo, give that man a Cupie Doll.

[Guest tomcal]

I agree with all of the above comments. But I have also found out through the years that while a client will listen to you when you tell them a story about how some other guy got taken for a lot of money by a sauna guy telling them they are in love, when it comes to them they don't believe or want to believe it! I have seen in the last 14 years of going to Brazil it happening time and time again. I know guys who have paid for European vacations/ college educations, cars, etc...all in the name of Love! It's fine to pay for those things if you have the resources and want the company of that guy, just don't tell me, "with us it's different we are in love!" Again while it might happen once in..oh say a Millinium, 20 something year old guys do not fall in love with 60 + year old men! EVER! but you will never convince the guys who are going thru one of the academy award winning performances by a sauna guy that it's true in their case! So I don't say anything but smile and say "that's great!" the other thing that amazes me is in many of these phony love relationships the older Americans were smart business people who have/are very successful in their chosen vocation and no nonsense type of personalities that you wouldn't expect would be taken in by this performance! unfortunately so many guys keep chasing the idea of Love well into their retirement years and want to believe it so bad that they ignore all logic...imho

Brasil is a amazing place to go to find hot sex with hot guys, but if you are looking for love..u will be better of mentally, emotionally and financially going to match.com or christianmingles(lol) or one of those other sites then a Brasilian sauna!

[TotallyOz]

Having been a pimp in one of my past lives, I can tell you NEVER fall in love with a boy you have hired. It never works out the way you want it to work out and in the end, it is always about money.

That being said, I have 2 boys in Thailand that that been with me for over 10 years. Both are amazing and both love and adore me. But, I also still support them.

Allow yourself to fall in love with a sauna boy. But, be intelligent and logical and spend on him what you feel comfortable spending without hurting your future. A few grand here and there on someone that makes you happy seem like a small price to pay for a good relationship. IMHO

[lookin]

Combine a handsome, charming and deceitful garoto with a vulnerable and sensitive older gay man and you have a recipe for an irreconcilable and one-sided relationship that can only equate to frustration and unhappiness for the older gay man.

I have repeatedly tried to help my friend analyze the facts surrounding his relationship with the garoto. However, he is blinded to facts Conversations with my friend do not help. I don't know a solution to help extricate my friend from this unrealistic fantasy he has with the garoto.

Why not help your pal become a charming deceitful older gay man?

One more quickie, then I'm off to the bank!

[MsAnn]

Why not help your pal become a charming deceitful older gay man?

One more quickie, then I'm off to the bank!

:rofl:

[Guest tomcal]

I am going back to Brazil in about 4 weeks, in the past week I have gotten messages from 9 different sauna guys all saying "I miss you ....i love you" "Eu sinto falta de você .... eu te amo" or some variation of that! I always write back "I miss you too" and then usually what follows is "I need some help my friend, my -------(insert relatives name here, mother, grandmother etc)needs surgery, it's amazing how my heart transplants, kidney transplants are done on sauna boys mothers and grandmothers! :-)
then usually, they say their phone broke or was stolen or then need $500. for rent this month, the list is endless! I always say "sorry I don't have any extra money" and usually I get back a "ok, thanks amigo see you next month". The boys don't take it personally and operate under the nothing ventured nothing gained premis! I have never had one refuse to see me because I didn't sent them money.

I respond by saying "você não dá o sexo de graça e eu não dar dinheiro de graça"....."you do not give sex away for free and I do not give money away for free"! they always smile!

[Guest tomcal]

I should add that I think it's great to take a guy on a vacation(I have) or buy him things, just don't say it's because he is in love with you and that why you are doing it! you may be in love with him, but he is not in love with you, but I agree he acts more like he is in love with you then any real life boy friend you have ever had!! again The Academy Award goes to .....Sauna boy # - - - -

[mvan1]

I agree with all of the above comments. But I have also found out through the years that while a client will listen to you when you tell them a story about how some other guy got taken for a lot of money by a sauna guy telling them they are in love, when it comes to them they don't believe or want to believe it! I have seen in the last 14 years of going to Brazil it happening time and time again. I know guys who have paid for European vacations/ college educations, cars, etc...all in the name of Love! It's fine to pay for those things if you have the resources and want the company of that guy, just don't tell me, "with us it's different we are in love!" Again while it might happen once in..oh say a Millinium, 20 something year old guys do not fall in love with 60 + year old men! EVER! but you will never convince the guys who are going thru one of the academy award winning performances by a sauna guy that it's true in their case! So I don't say anything but smile and say "that's great!" the other thing that amazes me is in many of these phony love relationships the older Americans were smart business people who have/are very successful in their chosen vocation and no nonsense type of personalities that you wouldn't expect would be taken in by this performance! unfortunately so many guys keep chasing the idea of Love well into their retirement years and want to believe it so bad that they ignore all logic...imho

Brasil is a amazing place to go to find hot sex with hot guys, but if you are looking for love..u will be better of mentally, emotionally and financially going to match.com or christianmingles(lol) or one of those other sites then a Brasilian sauna!

Unquestionably, TomCal's post is true, generally. However, there is always the exception to the general rule.

Provided there exists sufficient maturity on the part of both parties, it is entirely possible for a garoto and a client to have a "working" relationship without being 'in love" so to speak.

A working relationship between a garoto and a client includes the garoto's services that a client would typically pay for in the sauna, plus companionship. The garoto benefits from the client's willingness and ability to pay more for the services beyond what is paid in the sauna.

Such a working relationship would not be possible for some people because it would be too difficult to control emotional involvements or attachments.

There are people in this world who could not help but feel "in love" under the above described circumstances. The author of this thread is one example.

On the other hand, there are people who simply enjoy the company of special garotos and seize the opportunity to show the garoto other things in life that the garoto ordinarily would never see. Enjoying such companionship is "priceless" under the right circumstances. In this situation, neither party forms an emotional attachment, beyond a close friendship. These people do not fall in love, as the term goes. But, they do become lasting friends.

[mvan1]

I am going back to Brazil in about 4 weeks, in the past week I have gotten messages from 9 different sauna guys all saying "I miss you ....i love you" "Eu sinto falta de você .... eu te amo" or some variation of that! I always write back "I miss you too" and then usually what follows is "I need some help my friend, my -------(insert relatives name here, mother, grandmother etc)needs surgery, it's amazing how my heart transplants, kidney transplants are done on sauna boys mothers and grandmothers! :-)

then usually, they say their phone broke or was stolen or then need $500. for rent this month, the list is endless! I always say "sorry I don't have any extra money" and usually I get back a "ok, thanks amigo see you next month". The boys don't take it personally and operate under the nothing ventured nothing gained premis! I have never had one refuse to see me because I didn't sent them money.

I respond by saying "você não dá o sexo de graça e eu não dar dinheiro de graça"....."you do not give sex away for free and I do not give money away for free"! they always smile!

Tomcal, I enjoyed your list of excuses given by the garotos for their wanting money. I was disappointed in not seeing a familiar excuse told to me time and time again (several times each year by the same garoto) "hoje é meu aniversário" "Today is my birthday" - In other words, their fake birthday is just another attempt to get extra money.

[mvan1]

Why not help your pal become a charming deceitful older gay man?

One more quickie, then I'm off to the bank!

-

Funny!

The days of my friend being charming have long since passed him by. Thus, trying to teach him would be futile.

-

[Guest tomcal]

Tomcal, I enjoyed your list of excuses given by the garotos for their wanting money. I was disappointed in not seeing a familiar excuse told to me time and time again (several times each year by the same garoto) "hoje é meu aniversário" "Today is my birthday" - In other words, their fake birthday is just another attempt to get extra money.

LOL Mvan you are right! that is the most common reason they give! but now that they are on facebook and usually their birthday date is on there, it is harder for them to have the multiple birthdays of the past!

[lookin]

I am so frustrated ,disappointed. I really don't know what to do.

Probably not a good idea to give advice to folks I've never met but that's never stopped this ol' busybody before!

First, I'd suggest counting your blessings: you have a loving heart, you have compassion, and you had at least six grand under your mattress. Lots of folks don't come close.

Second, I'd ask myself if I wanted a happy life. Givers like yourself surrounded by other givers have a pretty good shot at it. Givers surrounded by takers are generally pretty unhappy. You're the only one who can choose and I've known a few unhappy people who, for their own reasons, wouldn't have it any other way.

Third, if you do want a happy life, acknowledge that it's not likely to come attached to this grab 'n' go garoto. If you decide you want to give him one final chance, perhaps you could get his attention with an international Western Union.

MY PSYCHIC JUST TOLD ME I WILL MARRY SOMEONE WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF ME AND GIVE ME EVERYTHING I WANT. STOP

IF YOU ARE THAT PERSON PLEASE WRITE AND LET ME KNOW. STOP

IF NOT DON'T TAKE ANY WOODEN CENTAVOS. FULL STOP

[paulsf]

Tomcal, I also enjoyed your list of excuses. Most of my travel now is to Thailand. The boys here send messages with same excuses, sick relatives being #1. But the best one here is the water buffalo died. Try replacing one of those.

[MsGuy]

the best one here is the water buffalo died.

OK, so maybe I'm not dead yet...

But I'm definitely feeling puny.

[Guest ellispirata]

Thanks so much for all your advice.

I did send him money several times via western union. and now he is telling me he has a few thousand dollars of bills to pay otherwise he can not come to visit you. But I know the more I give him, the less likely he is coming, he got so many reasons.

I don't mind helping him as long as we are happy.But at least give me a great holiday first before I give all myself to you.

Back in Rio last november , I waited for him every night in the hotel room like a desperated wife, I gave him the agreed money and he gave me reasons why he can't come over tonight tomorrow night. Even that I still couldn't control myself to fall in him:(

I have been to Brazil 7 times, every time I was so happy,I met a lot of great guys in 117,I took them to holiday, I could always control myself except this time.

Anyway I know he is not coming,and it's time for me to let go.I am still going to brasil this year,probably on september,I hope I will enjoy my holiday this time and I know how to protect myself and make myself happy.

[sfcastro]

It sounds like you have gotten the advice you needed and are considering letting him go. As TomCal has said many times, these guys give Academy Award winnign performances so be ready if and when you tell him. You will have many tears (I have never seen so many grown men cry as I have with Brazilian garotos), countless messages telling you that he loves you and that he want wants to continue the relationship, pictures being sent to you and a list of reasons why things did not work out in the past but assuring you that everything will be great in the future. Remember that it's all just part of the performance. Knowing what to expect will help you deal with it.

[Guest parisrio2000]

Is it love or lust? The latter can be more dangerous! This is because you may be giving him money in part because it gets you off! Or because you think he deserves it regardless. I don't know your situation or what you do with him, but it depends...it's like people who give advice to a woman to leave her husband who's beating her. But they forget about the fact that she may be enjoying it! I like it when the boy I see at 117 punches me. I also like his arrogance.

I knew a boy at 117 (a different one) who I gave some very expensive gifts...I had no illusions he was in love...I felt he was a superior type of man and deserved gifts!! You don't think that happens??? Read Oscar Wilde Dorian book.

[Coogee]

It's amazing that in many cases successful businessmen can be totally naive and think that the young garotos are in love with them. The young Brazilians are gorgeous and know exactly how to pull all strings. If you know what you are paying for, it's fine, but if you have the illusion it's love, you are wrong. I heard about a garoto who managed to charm to wealthy European gentlemen to buy him apartements in Rio! He plays a game with both of them , but they are totally blind! They would never be so stupid in business affairs!