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Fart Filtering Underwear

By AdamSmith, in The Beer Bar

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MsGuy Grand Master

MsGuy

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I was going to ask this before, but then I got too embarrassed to click post. However, seeing how low the thread has already sunk...

Why is it that old folks fart :nuke: so more than young people. Well, some old folks. (OK, ME! Now mock me as you will.)

I mean I seem to fart 3 or 4 times as much as I did in my 20'. My diet is more or less the same but I'm a regular windstorm at times. Well, most of the time. (ALL THE TIME! I admit it...and stop stareing at me, you assholes, you think I don't see you pointing? :( )

Surely it isn't just me, else why would folklore be full of tales of 'old farts'?

So...does anyone here have some scientific/medical explanation for elderly people producing such copious volumes of methane?

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AdamSmith Grand Master

AdamSmith

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So...does anyone here have some scientific/medical explanation for elderly people producing such copious volumes of methane?

Apparently it's not just you...

Old Farts - Literally

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Last week at The Elder Storytelling Place, Nancy Leitz told us about Uncle Arthur:

“It was a beautiful day and even Uncle Arthur had come to spend the afternoon. He was about 83 then and was not only hard of hearing but he had a flatulence problem that only got worse as he got older.

“I suppose it got worse because he not only could not smell his problem, he couldn't hear it either which, to him, meant there was NO problem.”

It appears that like Uncle Arthur, I am gassier than when I was younger. Or maybe not. Maybe I just let fly because I can, because I'm no longer surrounded by coworkers, fellow subway riders and others most of the time.

Nowadays, living alone with no one but the cat to offend, I allow myself to putt, putt around the house while reminding myself not to let it become a habit so that I remember to control myself when I am with people.

Still, I was not certain that the affliction has increased and I wondered if old farts really do fart more.

As it turns out, the answer is yes, we do get gassier in our old age. Before I explain why, let's get an – ahem, refresher – course in the reasons anyone farts.

The National Institutes of Health tell us that the “average person passes intestinal gas 14 times a day and produces about 1 to 4 pints of the stuff.” It is a normal occurrence and comes mostly from two sources: air we swallow and as a byproduct of digestion.

Culprits in the air category include smoking, chewing gum, drinking through a straw, hard candies, carbonated drinks, eating or drinking too quickly and wearing loose dentures.

As to digestion, the volume of intestinal gas is directly related to the amount of undigested food making its way through the intestines. When the small intestine can't absorb certain foods, the large intestine tries to help out by creating more gas.

The gases involved are hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide and, according to WebMD, “in about one-third of people, methane.”

That, methane, is the stinky one.

You probably know most of these but for the sake of thoroughness, here is a list of some foods most likely to cause excess gas: Beans, of course, and

Vegetables

Cauliflower

Broccoli

Cabbage

Brussels sprouts

Onions

Artichokes

Asparagus

Fruit

Apples

Pears

Peaches

Other

Whole grains

Carbonated drinks

Fruit drinks

Foods with sorbitol (an artificial sweetener)

In regard to whole grains, here's a little anecdote I like from WebMD: “The word pumpernickel is believed to stem from Middle German and mean, roughly, 'goblin that breaks wind.'”

I have no idea if that's true but I intend to repeat it whenever an occasion arises because it's such a good story that if it's not true, it ought to be.

What definitely is true is that flatulence increases with age. The general reason is that like so much else about our bodies as we get older, digestion slows down and food moves through the gut more slowly creating more gas.

Some conditions and diseases that are more prevalent in old people contribute to excessive gas: diverticular disease, lactose intolerance, irritable bowel syndrome, Crohn's disease, colitis, some cancers and complications from diabetes can slow the movement of food through the intestines. Inadequate salivation may contribute to improper digestion.

Also, elders use more prescription drugs than young people and gas is a side effect of some antibiotics and blood-pressure medications, for example, and of course, flatulence often accompanies constipation.

So you see, there are reasons we're sometimes called old farts.

Is there any way to reduce the amount of gas we produce? Only sort of. It doesn't seem fair that the healthiest foods – certain vegetables, fruits, grains, etc. - are the worst offenders but we shouldn't stop eating them although cutting down a little could help.

We can also spend more time chewing. That allows enzymes in saliva to further break down food, making digestion easier.

Another suggestion is to try probiotics – that stuff Jamie Curtis advertises on TV. What it is, is gut-friendly bacteria you can find at the market in such products as yogurt, kefir and tempeh.

Try to stop doing the things that cause air to be swallowed – see the list above – and take your time eating meals. Slow down, relax while eating and take a short walk after each meal.

Not convinced that any of this will help much? Me neither. Some experts suggest antacids but then warn that they have limited effectiveness and results from such anti-flatulence products as Lactaid and Beano vary from person to person.

Farting has been on the minds of contributors at The Elder Storytelling Place recently. Just a couple of weeks before Nancy Leitz told us about Uncle Arthur, Johna Ferguson may have provided the only practical answer to this elder affliction in Gas Emissions:

“I find that occasionally I’ll let out a fart without thinking about it happening; it just does,” wrote Johna. “I look around in sheer embarrassment in case someone else heard it or gets a whiff of it. Oh I could die on the spot when it happens.

“I know one should drink more water and also eat slowly to prevent swallowing air but those I things I often forget. So please, if it happens when I am standing by you, don’t dash out the door for you may be the next one to join the symphony.”

http://www.timegoesby.net/weblog/2012/07/old-farts-literally.html

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MsGuy Grand Master

MsGuy

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Thank you, AS. Nice to know that at least one person here took my plea for help seriously.

Now if I can just give up cokes, straws, my nicotine gum, chew more slowly and fix my dentures, folks might be willing to sit on my side of the table down at the coffee shop.

152811004-man-sitting-alone-on-bench-get

Of course it might help too if I took a shower a little more often.

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lookin Grand Master

lookin

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Apparently it's not just you...

“It was a beautiful day and even Uncle Arthur had come to spend the afternoon. He was about 83 then and was not only hard of hearing but he had a flatulence problem that only got worse as he got older.

“I suppose it got worse because he not only could not smell his problem, he couldn't hear it either which, to him, meant there was NO problem.”

Reminds me of this old wheeze. :rolleyes:

AdamSmith Grand Master

AdamSmith

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Somehow this thread feels incomplete without a nod to the incomparably expressive Yiddish term alta caca.

(But on no account do a Google image search on it.)

(Trust me. :sick: )

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Lucky Grand Master

Lucky

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Before you guys decide to continue this sophomoric thread, take note of the deep decline in postings and new topics recently. If all people see when they come here is TV Guide stuff and juvenile humor, what's the incentive to say and try to contribute something more substantive? There's a list of new topics on the right of the page- it's pretty sparse for grown-up reading. Oh, Happy Thanksgiving. Don't eat too much or you might have to fart!

AdamSmith Grand Master

AdamSmith

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There's a list of new topics on the right of the page- it's pretty sparse for grown-up reading.

Let's see. Here's that list as of this moment:

Recent Topics

Organizing that list into some categories, and ranking the categories from those with the most threads to those with fewest:

Politics, religion, social issues

Why the Iran Deal Scares Saudi Arabia

The DOJ's 'New York Times problem' with Assange

Obama Says Americans Can Keep Their Damn Insurance

JFK's B(gay)FF

Aldous Huxley: the prophet of our brave new digital dystopia

Evangelii Gaudium

Got nukes?

Brazil

+Rio Twink

Interesting Rio Video's

1/4 Of It Came Tumbling Down

Marauding Thieves Hit The Beach

Increased Crime warning for Rio Janiero

Porn

Thanksgiving Dessert

Innocencia

Slippery When Wet

Holla BACK(side)

Back to his Roots

Topical – Thanksgiving

Pecan pies and my mother

Turkey and other holiday meal "problems"

THANKSGIVING WISHES!

Theater, film

Fall Theater in New York

Movie: Philomena

TV – gay & sexuality issues

‘The Biggest Loser’ Trainer, Bob Harper, Comes Out As Gay To Help A Contestant

Masters & Johnson bio on TV

Web / technical

Accessing Blocked Sites

Whether this is "pretty sparse for grown-up reading" is, I guess, a matter of judgment.

But if you think that, might not the corrective lie in your contributing more of what you would like to see here?

"It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness."

Guest NCBored

Guest NCBored

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Before you guys decide to continue this sophomoric thread, take note of the deep decline in postings and new topics recently. If all people see when they come here is TV Guide stuff and juvenile humor, what's the incentive to say and try to contribute something more substantive? There's a list of new topics on the right of the page- it's pretty sparse for grown-up reading. Oh, Happy Thanksgiving. Don't eat too much or you might have to fart!

The site is called boytoy.com - I'm not sure why you think people would come here expecting deep intellectual conversations?

But if you want it to be something other than it is, I think Adam Smith said it best - "might not the corrective lie in your contributing more of what you would like to see here?" rather than trying to get others to post what appeals to you?

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Lucky Grand Master

Lucky

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Deduct the threads that weren't there when I posted this, subtract all of the nude pix that anyone can find in a cursory search of the internet, and what does draw people to boytoy.com? As you can see, not much, given the paucity of posts over the period. Look how many people visit the site and post nothing.

I have liked some of the political stuff, but it seems to be the height of laziness to post someone else's opinion with no comment of your own.

And NC, you might not be so Bored if someone posted something worth reading, including yourself. Life in North Carolina must be really dull! ( ^_^ )

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