Fart Filtering Underwear

[AdamSmith]

Fart Filtering Underwear Said To Neutralize Stink Of Passing Gas

The Huffington Post | By Ron Dicker Posted: 10/24/2013 1:07 pm EDT | Updated: 10/25/2013 11:06 am EDT

Keep cutting the cheese, America.

A British line of fart-filtering underwear is doing big business, and it has the United States to thank for it.

"Americans are making up the majority of our sales at the moment," Shreddies spokeswoman Ianthe Betts-Clarke told The Huffington Post.

Since word about the odor-neutralizing Shreddies passed through the Internet a few days ago, the company has experienced a 400 percent increase in orders over all, Betts-Clarke estimated.

Shreddies weaves a carbon cloth called Zorflex into its rear panel. Betts-Clarke says it can squash the smell of "200 times the average flatulence emission." (Shreddies apparently hasn't met my Aunt Edna.)

In 2008, the company began to serve customers with digestive-tract woes but branched out. "It's a product for everybody, because everyone farts," Betts-Clarke explained.

Men's boxer briefs cost between $39 and $45, while women's panties are about $31 to $34.

A product called the Flat-D Flatulence Deodorizer is also on the market. It's an activated charcoal cloth pad that tapes to the inside of briefs to mask the stink.

Imagine your silent but deadly farts now just silent.

This pair of Shreddies for women costs about $31.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/24/fart-filtering-underwear_n_4156400.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

[AdamSmith]

Since you asked...

Fart

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This article is about the word fart itself. For information on the bodily function of passing intestinal gas (flatus) via the anus, see Flatulence. For other uses, see Fart (disambiguation).

German peasants greet the fire and brimstone from a papal bull of Pope Paul III in Martin Luther's 1545 Depictions of the Papacy

Fart is a word in the English language most commonly used in reference to flatulence. The word "fart" is generally considered unsuitable in formal situations as it may be considered vulgar or offensive. Fart can be used as a noun or a verb.^[1] The immediate roots are in the Middle English words ferten, feortan or farten, kin of the Old High German word ferzan. Cognates are found in old Norse, Slavic and also Greek and Sanskrit. The word "fart" has been incorporated into the colloquial and technical speech of a number of occupations, including computing.

Contents

• 1 Etymology
• 2 Vulgarity and offensiveness
  • 2.1 Historical examples
  • 2.2 Modern usage
• 3 See also
• 4 References
• 5 Further reading
• 6 External links

Etymology

The English word fart is one of the oldest words in the English vocabulary. Its Indo-European origins are confirmed by the many cognate words in some other Indo-European languages: It is cognate with Greek πέρδομαι (perdomai), as well as the Latin pēdĕre, Sanskrit pardate, Avestan pərəδaiti, Italian fare un peto, French "péter", Russian пердеть (perdet') and Polish "pierd" << PIE *perd [break wind loudly] or *pezd [the same, softly], all of which mean the same thing. Like most Indo-European roots in the Germanic languages, it was altered by Grimm's law, so that Indo-European /p/ > /f/, and /d/ > /t/, as the German cognate furzen also manifests.^[2][3][4][5]

Vulgarity and offensiveness

A humorous fart sign.

In certain circles the word is considered merely a common profanity with an often humorous connotation. For example, a person may be referred to as a 'fart', or an 'old fart', not necessarily depending on the person's age. This may convey the sense that a person is boring or overly fussy and be intended as an insult, mainly when used in the second or third person. For example '"he's a boring old fart!" However the word may be used as a colloquial term of endearment or in an attempt at humorous self-deprecation (e.g., in such phrases as "I know I'm just an old fart" or "you do like to fart about!"). 'Fart' is often only used as a term of endearment when the subject is personally well known to the user.

In both cases though, it tends to refer to personal habits or traits that the user considers to be a negative feature of the subject, even when it is a self-reference. For example, when concerned that a person is being overly methodical they might say 'I know I'm being an old fart', potentially to forestall negative thoughts and opinions in others. When used in an attempt to be offensive, the word is still considered vulgar, but it remains a mild example of such an insult. This usage dates back to the Medieval period, where the phrase 'not worth a fart' would be applied to an item held to be worthless.^[6]

Historical examples

Treason!!! John Bull emits an explosive bout of flatulence at a poster of George III as an outraged William Pitt the Younger ticks him off. Newton's etching was probably a comment on Pitt's threat (realized the following month) to suspend habeas corpus.

The word fart in Middle English occurs in "Sumer Is Icumen In", where one sign of summer is "bucke uerteþ" (the buck farts). It appears in several of Geoffrey Chaucer's Canterbury Tales. In "The Miller's Tale", Absolon has already been tricked into kissing Alison's buttocks when he is expecting to kiss her face. Her boyfriend Nicholas hangs his buttocks out of a window, hoping to trick Absolon into kissing his buttocks in turn and then farts in the face of his rival. In "The Summoner's Tale", the friars in the story are to receive the smell of a fart through a twelve-spoked wheel.

In the early-modern period, the word fart was not considered especially vulgar; it even surfaced in literary works. For example, Samuel Johnson's A Dictionary of the English Language, published in 1755, included the word. Johnson defined it with two poems, one by Jonathan Swift, the other by Sir John Suckling.^[7][8]

Benjamin Franklin prepared an essay on the topic for the Royal Academy of Brussels in 1781 urging scientific study. In 1607, a group of Members of Parliament had written a ribald poem entitled The Parliament Fart, as a symbolic protest against the conservatism of the House of Lords and the king, James I.^[9][10]

Modern usage

By the early twentieth century, the word "fart" had come to be considered rather vulgar in most English-speaking cultures. While not one of George Carlin's original seven dirty words, he noted in a later routine that the word fart, ought to be added to "the list" of words that were not acceptable (for broadcast) in any context (which have non-offensive meanings), and described television as (then) a "fart-free zone".^[11]Thomas Wolfe had the phrase 'a fizzing and sulphuric fart' cut out of his 1929 work Look Homeward, Angel by his publisher. Ernest Hemingway, who had the same publisher, accepted the principle that fart could be cut, on the grounds that no one should use words only to shock.^[12] The hippie movement in the 1970s saw a new definition develop, with the use of fart as a personal noun, to describe a 'detestable person, or someone of small stature or limited mental capacity', gaining wider and more open usage as a result.^[13]

Rhyming slang developed the alternative form 'Raspberry Tart', later shortened to 'Raspberry', and occasionally 'Razz'. This was associated with the phrase 'blowing a raspberry'.^[14] The word has become more prevalent, and now features in children's literature, such as the Walter the Farting Dog series of children's books, Robert Munsch's Good Families Don't and The Gas We Pass by Shinta Cho.

According to The Alphabet of Manliness, the assigning of blame for farting is part of a ritual of behaviour. This may involve deception and a back and forth rhyming game.^[15] Derived terms include fanny fart (queef), brain fart (slang for a special kind of abnormal brain activity which results in human error while performing a repetitive task, or more generally denoting a degree of mental laxity or any task-related forgetfulness, such as forgetting how to hold a fork) and old fart.

See also

• Flatulence humor
• Le Pétomane

References

1. Jump up ^ "Dictionary.com". Dictionary.reference.com. Retrieved 2010-11-12.
2. Jump up ^ The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (4th edition, 2000)
3. Jump up ^ Dictionnaire Hachette de la Langue Française, (Hachette, 1995) ISBN 0-317-45629-6
4. Jump up ^ T. G. Tucker, Etymological Dictionary of Latin, (Halle, 1931, repr. Ares Publishers, 1985) ISBN 0-89005-172-0
5. Jump up ^ Liberman, Anatoly (July 25, 2012). "Puzzling heritage: The verb 'fart'". OUPBlog. Retrieved July 25, 2012.
6. Jump up ^ Hughes, Geoffrey (2000). A History of English Words. Blackwell Publishing. p. 130. ISBN 0-631-18855-X.
7. Jump up ^ Evans, Ron (2002). Coming Home: Saskatchewan Remembered. Dundurn Press Ltd. p. 95. ISBN 1-55002-379-9.
8. Jump up ^ "An ill wind. Some fascinating facts about farting". Davyking.com. c. 1985. Retrieved 2010-11-12.
9. Jump up ^ Marotti, Arthur (1995). Manuscript, print, and the English renaissance lyric. Cornell University Press. p. 113. ISBN 0-8014-8238-0.
10. Jump up ^ Curtis, Polly (2005-06-23). "Ode to fart gets airing at last". London: Guardian. Retrieved 2010-11-12.
11. Jump up ^ "http://www.georgecarlin.com/dirty/dirty3.html". George Carlin. Retrieved 2009-10-07.
12. Jump up ^ Leff, Arthur (1997). Hemingway and His Conspirators: Hollywood, Scribners, and the Making of American Celebrity Culture. Rowman & Littlefield. p. 105. ISBN 0-8476-8545-4.
13. Jump up ^ McCleary (2004). The Hippie Dictionary: A Cultural Encyclopedia of the 1960s and 1970s. Ten Speed Press. p. 174. ISBN 1-58008-547-4.
14. Jump up ^ Burridge, Kate (2005). Weeds in the Garden of Words: Further Observations on the Tangled History of the English Language. Cambridge University Press. p. 28. ISBN 0-521-85313-3.
15. Jump up ^ Maddox, Angelo Vildasol. Alphabet of Manliness. p. 64.

Further reading

Dawson, Jim (2010). Did somebody step on a duck?: a natural history of the fart. Berkeley, Calif: Ten Speed Press. ISBN 1-58008-133-9.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fart

[AdamSmith]

And of course...

Fart Proudly

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Franklin punned that compared to his ruminations on flatulence, other scientific investigations were "scarcely worth a FART-HING"

"Fart Proudly" (also called "A Letter To A Royal Academy", and "To the Royal Academy of Farting") is the popular name of a "notorious essay" about flatulence written by Benjamin Franklin circa 1781 while he was living abroad as United States Ambassador to France.^[1][2]

Description

"A Letter To A Royal Academy" was composed in response to a call for scientific papers from the Royal Academy of Brussels. Franklin believed that the various academic societies in Europe were increasingly pretentious and concerned with the impractical. Revealing his "bawdy, scurrilous side," ^[3] Franklin responded with an essay suggesting that research and practical reasoning be undertaken into methods of improving the odor of human flatulence. ^[1]

The essay was never submitted but was sent as a letter to Richard Price,^[4] a Welsh philosopher in England with whom Franklin had an ongoing correspondence. The text of the essay's introduction reads in part:

I have perused your late

mathematical

Prize Question, proposed in lieu of one in

Natural Philosophy

, for the ensuing year...Permit me then humbly to propose one of that sort for your consideration, and through you, if you approve it, for the serious Enquiry of learned

Physicians

, Chemists, &c. of this

enlightened Age

. It is universally well known, that in digesting our common food, there is created or produced in the

bowels

of human creatures, a great quantity of wind. That the permitting this air to escape and mix with the atmosphere, is usually offensive to the company, from the fetid smell that accompanies it. That all well-bred people therefore, to avoid giving such offence, forcibly restrain the efforts of nature to discharge that wind.

The essay goes on to discuss the way different foods affect the odor of flatulence and to propose scientific testing of farting. Franklin also suggests that scientists work to develop a drug, "holesome and not disagreeable", which can be mixed with "common Food or Sauces" with the effect of rendering flatulence "not only inoffensive, but agreeable as Perfumes". The essay ends with a pun saying that compared to the practical applications of this discussion, other sciences are "scarcely worth a FART-HING."

Copies of the essay were privately printed by Franklin at his printing press in Passy. Franklin distributed the essay to friends including Joseph Priestley (a chemist famous for his work on gases). After Franklin's death, the essay was long excluded from published collections of Franklin's writing but it was included in Fart Proudly: Writings of Benjamin Franklin You Never Read in School, a 1990 collection of Franklin's humorous and satirical writings.^[5]

See also

• Advice to a Friend on Choosing a Mistress
• Flatulence humor

References

1. ^ Jump up to: ^{a b} Before Beavis and Butthead, there was Ben Franklin - Carl Japikse - Fart Proudly: Writings of Benjamin Franklin You Never Read in School - Epinions.com
2. Jump up ^ To the Royal Academy of Farting ***** by Benjamin Franklin, c. 1781
3. Jump up ^ Amazon.com: Fart Proudly: Writings of Benjamin Franklin You Never Read in School (9780898048018): Benjamin Franklin, Carl Japikse: Books
4. Jump up ^ FART PROUDLY Writings of Benjamin Franklin You Never Read in School - AuthenticForum
5. Jump up ^ Fart Proudly: Writings of Benjamin Franklin You Never Read in School by Benjamin Franklin, Carl Japikse (Editor) - New, Rare & Used Books Online at Alibris Marketplace

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fart_Proudly

[AdamSmith]

To wit...

The Royal Academy of Farting *****

Benjamin Franklin

to The Royal Academy of Brussels

1781

GENTLEMEN,

I have perused your late mathematical Prize Question, proposed in lieu of one in Natural Philosophy, for the ensuing year, viz. “Une figure quelconque donnee, on demande d’y inscrire le plus grand nombre de fois possible une autre figure plus-petite quelconque, qui est aussi donnee”. I was glad to find by these following Words, “l’Acadeemie a jugee que cette deecouverte, en eetendant les bornes de nos connoissances, ne seroit pas sans UTILITE”, that you esteem Utility an essential Point in your Enquiries, which has not always been the case with all Academies; and I conclude therefore that you have given this Question instead of a philosophical, or as the Learned express it, a physical one, because you could not at the time think of a physical one that promis’d greater Utility.

Permit me then humbly to propose one of that sort for your consideration, and through you, if you approve it, for the serious Enquiry of learned Physicians, Chemists, &c. of this enlightened Age.

It is universally well known, That in digesting our common Food, there is created or produced in the Bowels of human Creatures, a great Quantity of Wind.

That the permitting this Air to escape and mix with the Atmosphere, is usually offensive to the Company, from the fetid Smell that accompanies it.

That all well-bred People therefore, to avoid giving such Offence, forcibly restrain the Efforts of Nature to discharge that Wind.

That so retain’d contrary to Nature, it not only gives frequently great present Pain, but occasions future Diseases, such as habitual Cholics, Ruptures, Tympanies, &c. often destructive of the Constitution, & sometimes of Life itself.

Were it not for the odiously offensive Smell accompanying such Escapes, polite People would probably be under no more Restraint in discharging such Wind in Company, than they are in spitting, or in blowing their Noses.

My Prize Question therefore should be, To discover some Drug wholesome & not disagreable, to be mix’d with our common Food, or Sauces, that shall render the natural Discharges of Wind from our Bodies, not only inoffensive, but agreable as Perfumes.

That this is not a chimerical Project, and altogether impossible, may appear from these Considerations. That we already have some Knowledge of Means capable of Varying that Smell. He that dines on stale Flesh, especially with much Addition of Onions, shall be able to afford a Stink that no Company can tolerate; while he that has lived for some Time on Vegetables only, shall have that Breath so pure as to be insensible to the most delicate Noses; and if he can manage so as to avoid the Report, he may any where give Vent to his Griefs, unnoticed. But as there are many to whom an entire Vegetable Diet would be inconvenient, and as a little Quick-Lime thrown into a Jakes will correct the amazing Quantity of fetid Air arising from the vast Mass of putrid Matter contain’d in such Places, and render it rather pleasing to the Smell, who knows but that a little Powder of Lime (or some other thing equivalent) taken in our Food, or perhaps a Glass of Limewater drank at Dinner, may have the same Effect on the Air produc’d in and issuing from our Bowels? This is worth the Experiment. Certain it is also that we have the Power of changing by slight Means the Smell of another Discharge, that of our Water. A few Stems of Asparagus eaten, shall give our Urine a disagreable Odour; and a Pill of Turpentine no bigger than a Pea, shall bestow on it the pleasing Smell of Violets. And why should it be thought more impossible in Nature, to find Means of making a Perfume of our Wind than of our Water?

For the Encouragement of this Enquiry, (from the immortal Honour to be reasonably expected by the Inventor) let it be considered of how small Importance to Mankind, or to how small a Part of Mankind have been useful those Discoveries in Science that have heretofore made Philosophers famous. Are there twenty Men in Europe at this Day, the happier, or even the easier, for any Knowledge they have pick’d out of Aristotle? What Comfort can the Vortices of Descartes give to a Man who has Whirlwinds in his Bowels! The Knowledge of Newton’s mutual Attraction of the Particles of Matter, can it afford Ease to him who is rack’d by their mutual Repulsion, and the cruel Distensions it occasions? The Pleasure arising to a few Philosophers, from seeing, a few Times in their Life, the Threads of Light untwisted, and separated by the Newtonian Prism into seven Colours, can it be compared with the Ease and Comfort every Man living might feel seven times a Day, by discharging freely the Wind from his Bowels? Especially if it be converted into a Perfume: For the Pleasures of one Sense being little inferior to those of another, instead of pleasing the Sight he might delight the Smell of those about him, & make Numbers happy, which to a benevolent Mind must afford infinite Satisfaction. The generous Soul, who now endeavours to find out whether the Friends he entertains like best Claret or Burgundy, Champagne or Madeira, would then enquire also whether they chose Musk or Lilly, Rose or Bergamot, and provide accordingly. And surely such a Liberty of Expressing one’s Scent-iments, and pleasing one another, is of infinitely more Importance to human Happiness than that Liberty of the Press, or of abusing one another, which the English are so ready to fight & die for. — In short, this Invention, if compleated, would be, as Bacon expresses it, bringing Philosophy home to Mens Business and Bosoms. And I cannot but conclude, that in Comparison therewith, for universal and continual UTILITY, the Science of the Philosophers above-mentioned, even with the Addition, Gentlemen, of your “Figure quelconque” and the Figures inscrib’d in it, are, all together, scarcely worth a

FART-HING.

http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/to-the-royal-academy-of-farting/

[AdamSmith]

And would you believe...!

Le Pétomane

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Jump to: navigation, search

Le Pétomane

Le Pétomane (/ləˈpɛtəmeɪn/, French pronunciation: ​[ləpetɔˈman]) was the stage name of the French flatulist (professional farter) and entertainer Joseph Pujol (June 1, 1857 – 1945). He was famous for his remarkable control of the abdominal muscles, which enabled him to seemingly fart at will. His stage name combines the French verb péter, "to fart" with the -mane, "-maniac" suffix, which translates to "fartomaniac". The profession is also referred to as "flatulist", "farteur", or "fartiste".^[1]

It is a common misconception that Joseph Pujol actually passed intestinal gas as part of his stage performance. Rather, Pujol was able to "inhale" or move air into his rectum and then control the release of that air with his anal sphincter muscles. Evidence of his ability to control those muscles was seen in the early accounts of demonstrations of his abilities to fellow soldiers.

Contents

• 1 Biography
• 2 Legacy
• 3 See also
• 4 Notes and references
• 5 Further reading
• 6 External links

Biography

Le Pétomane ca 1890

Joseph Pujol was born in Marseilles, one of 5 children stonemason/sculptor François Pujol and his wife Rose. Soon after Pujol left school, he had a strange experience while swimming in the sea. He put his head under the water and held his breath, whereupon he felt an icy cold penetrating his rear. He ran ashore in fright and was amazed to sense water pouring from his anus. A doctor assured him that there was nothing to worry about.

When he served in the army. he told his fellow soldiers about his special ability, and repeated it for their amusement, sucking up water from a pan into his rectum and then projecting it up to several yards. He found that he could suck in air as well. A baker, Pujol would sometimes entertain his customers by imitating musical instruments, and claim to be playing them behind the counter. Pujol decided to try the stage, and debuted in Marseilles in 1887. When his act was well received, he moved to Paris, where he appeared at the Moulin Rouge in 1892.

Some of the highlights of his stage act involved sound effects of cannon fire and thunderstorms, as well as playing "'O Sole Mio" and "La Marseillaise" on an ocarina through a rubber tube in his anus.^[2] He could also blow out a candle from several yards away.^[1] His audience included Edward, Prince of Wales; King Leopold II of the Belgians; and Sigmund Freud.^[3]

In 1894, the managers of the Moulin Rouge sued Pujol for an impromptu exhibition he gave to aid a friend struggling with economic difficulties. Pujol was fined 3,000 francs, and the Moulin Rouge lost their star attraction as the disagreement led him to set up his own travelling show called the Theatre Pompadour.

In the following decade Pujol tried to 'refine' and make his acts 'gentler'; one of his favourite numbers became a rhyme about a farm which he himself composed, and which he punctuated with the usual anal renditions of the animals' sounds.

With the outbreak of World War I, Pujol, horrified by the inhumanity of the conflict, retired from the stage and returned to his bakery in Marseilles. Later he opened a biscuit factory in Toulon. He died in 1945,^[4] aged 88, and was buried in the cemetery of La Valette-du-Var, where his grave can still be seen today. The Sorbonne offered his family a large sum of money to study his body after his death, but they refused the offer.

Legacy

Le Pétomane left an enduring legacy and has inspired a number of artistic works. These include several musicals based on his life, such as The Fartiste (awarded Best Musical at the 2006 New York International Fringe Festival) and Seth Rozin's A Passing Wind which was premiered at the Philadelphia International Festival of the Arts in 2011. In addition, Le Pétomane was added to David Lee's 2007 reworked revival of the 1953 Broadway play Can-Can, which had originally been written by Abe Burroughs and Cole Porter. The updated play, staged at the Pasadena Playhouse, featured musical theatre actor Robert Yacko as the fartiste, with sound effects provided by the band's trombone and piccolo players. More recently, the re-released works of English toilet humour specialist Ivor Biggun include "Southern Breeze", a song about a "Famous French Farteur" who describes in rhyme a stroll through a farmyard, accompanied by appropriate farting noises.

Los Angeles-based Sherbourne Press published Jean Nohain and F. Caradec's Le Pétomane as a small hardcover English language edition in 1967. Due to its ‘sensitive’ nature, the usual national publicity venues shied away, some claiming that an author was needed for interviews (both elderly writers lived in France). However, ‘behind the curtain’ acceptance created a buzz within the national radio/TV promotional circuit and word-of-mouth discussion kept the book in stores for several years. Dorset Press, a division of Barnes & Noble, reissued the book in 1993.

The character has been portrayed several times in film. In 1979 Ian MacNaughton made a short humorous film, written by Galton and Simpson called Le Pétomane, based on Pujol's story and starring veteran comic actor Leonard Rossiter.^[5] The 1983 Italian movie Il Petomane, directed by Pasquale Festa Campanile and starring Ugo Tognazzi, gives a poetic rendition of the character, contrasting his deep longing for normalcy with the condition of 'freak' to which his act relegated him. The 1998 documentary Le Pétomane by Igor Vamos examines Joseph Pujol's place in history through archival films (none of which actually include him), historical documents, photographs, recreations and fake or tongue-in-cheek interviews.^[6]

Le Petomane is also referenced in Blazing Saddles, a 1974 satirical Western comedy film directed by Mel Brooks. Brooks appears in multiple supporting roles, including the dim-witted Governor William J. Le Petomane, whose name suggests he is full of hot air.

See also

• Toilet humour
• Roland the Farter
• Mr. Methane
• Flatulence humor

Notes and references

1. ^ Jump up to: ^{a b} Le Pétomane: The Strange Life of a "Fartiste" Accessed 2012-02-02
2. Jump up ^ Did a French vaudeville star once specialize in trained flatulence? Accessed 2008-12-02
3. Jump up ^ Begone With the Wind Accessed 2008-09-01
4. Jump up ^ One source says his death occurred "shortly after the Allied landing", presumably a reference to D-Day, 6 June, but that was in 1944.
5. Jump up ^ "Le Petomane (1979)". British movies. Britmovie.co.uk. Retrieved 2009-01-05.
6. Jump up ^ White, Mike. "Le Petomane: Fin de Siècle Fartiste (Igor Vamos, 2000)". Cahiers du Cinemart. Retrieved 2009-10-19.

Further reading

• Le Pétomane 1857-1945 by Jean Nohain and F. Caradec; translated by Warren Tute. Sherbourne Press (1967); republished Dorset Press (1993)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_P%C3%A9tomane

[AdamSmith]

[Suckrates]

Who needs Poppers when you can just FART ? Fart loud and proud, and NOT into a pair of Fart stffling panties......

[RA1]

No one ever heard of Beano? Or, is that beside the point?

Best regards,

RA1

[AdamSmith]

Beano?

Patent medicine!

Got half a bottle in me kitchen cabinet as we speak. One mouthful of butterbeans is enough to overwhelm it. To say nothing of a whole baked potato.

And yes, of course that is beside the point.

[MsGuy]

Monsieur Le Petomane has long occupied a very special place in my imagination. Sadly, the reality as presented on this scratchy record in no way matches the concert I had pictured from verbal descriptions.

Once again, AS, you succeed in popping my balloon:

Not cool, AS, not cool at all.

[lookin]

Sadly, the reality as presented on this scratchy record in no way matches the concert I had pictured from verbal descriptions.

I think he did some more orchestral stuff but can't say whether or not it was recorded. He was at one point the highest-paid entertainer in France.

Not sure if your interest lies more in arrangements or in technique, but the latter is examined more fully in The Crepitation Contest in which Paul Boomer takes on Lord Windesmear. The business end doesn't get started until almost six minutes in.

[AdamSmith]

Not cool, AS, not cool at all.

Pardonnez-mois!

I ought to have made clear the recording is of a Petomane imitator, if such can be imagined: one Mr [sic] Lefires.

Ze full link: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tixKopGjn5s&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DtixKopGjn5s

[RA1]

Some patent medicine were good, if they had enough laudanum and alcohol in them.

I have never used Beano but I am glad for the user report. I always figured if you ate enough BBQ with your beans, the effect would be lessened and, of course, with enough beer, you don't care anyway.

Best regards,

RA1

[RA1]

BTW- I don't recommend this but you can get rid of all your internal gas at once during an explosive decompression. A kind of explosive fart. You other choice during is to have a LOT of pain from trapped gas which needs to equalize with the reduced atmospheric pressure you now "enjoy".

Practicing or experiencing a sudden and rapid decompression is something military pilots and other pilots do in an altitude chamber. The two basic goals are to let you experience the debilitating effects of even relatively low altitudes (like 25,000 feet) and also experience the release or not of internal gas.

Usually when an airliner has a pressurization problem, there is not a sudden and rapid loss of pressure. Blowing out a window will not suck people through the resulting hole. If you think it might, be sure and sit next to a fat guy who will tend to plug up the hole, rescuing everyone from the "movie-type" fate. Also firing handguns with ordinary rounds in them will not cause a pressurization problem and may not even piece the skin of the aircraft, depending.

However, do not plan on landing on the ocean and settling to the bottom with lots of time to be there ala one of the Airport movies. Landing a jet on the ocean usually causes damage to the aircraft, the Miracle on the Hudson notwithstanding.

Best regards,

RA1

[AdamSmith]

Pardonnez-mois!

P.S. Why you should trouble yourself to pardon the month is left as an exercise for the reader.

[lookin]

P.S. Why you should trouble yourself to pardon the month is left as an exercise for the reader.

Mai oui, bien sûr.

[lookin]

Not that I'm particularly proud of this, but several years ago I ran into a guy at a local fairgrounds who invited me back to his place and let me know that his biggest turn on was having someone hunker down over his face and fart on him. "I don't care if it smells.", he said shyly, blending reassurance with encouragement.

He was sort of young, I thought, to have developed such a refined fetish but I'm a pretty chacun-ȧ-son-goût kinda guy, so I gave it my best shot.

Nada. And I tried. More than once. Hovering, hunching, and heaving till my hamstrings started seizing up. But nothing.

Weird, because my challenge up until that day centered more around how not to break wind during a casual encounter. And here, when they were wanted most, the nether breezes had died down so completely that I wondered if somebody had buttoned my bunghole when I wasn't looking.

I've been pee-shy before but never fart-shy. Since it's the weekend, and since we're sharing, has anyone else ever had this phenomenon manifest itself in their personal or professional lives?

PS: Tossed his number a few years ago and never ran into him again, though I did subsequently develop a hankering for fair food, especially chili cheese dogs.

[AdamSmith]

Weird, because my challenge up until that day centered more around how not to break wind during a casual encounter. And here, when they were wanted most, the nether breezes had died down so completely that I wondered if somebody had buttoned my bunghole when I wasn't looking.

I've been pee-shy before but never fart-shy. Since it's the weekend, and since we're sharing, has anyone else ever had this phenomenon manifest itself in their personal or professional lives?

Never, but then never been asked. (Alas!)

My issue like yours is normally to prevent the toot, or at least delay it. But from trying to be on the giving end of watersports, my experience is that any bodily effluent is ready to hand -- until someone else requests it. Then, be it air, water or the Lord knows what (Suckrates forgive me ), of a sudden the valves lock shut.

...Tangentially reminded that in his brilliant parody of T.S. Eliot, poet Henry Reed at one point actually has the Almighty Himself let loose:

CHARD WHITLOW

(Mr. Eliot's Sunday Evening Postscript)

As we get older we do not get any younger.

Seasons return, and today I am fifty-five,

And this time last year I was fifty-four,

And this time next year I shall be sixty-two.

And I cannot say I should like (to speak for myself)

To see my time over again—if you can call it time:

Fidgeting uneasily under a draughty stair,

Or counting sleepless nights in the crowded Tube.

There are certain precautions—though none of them very reliable—

Against the blast from bombs and the flying splinter,

But not against the blast from heaven, vento dei venti,

The wind within a wind unable to speak for wind;

And the frigid burnings of purgatory will not be touched

By any emollient.

I think you will find this put,

Better than I could ever hope to express it,

In the words of Kharma: "It is, we believe,

Idle to hope that the simple stirrup-pump

Will extinguish hell."

Oh, listeners,

And you especially who have turned off the wireless,

And sit in Stoke or Basingstoke listening appreciatively to the silence,

(Which is also the silence of hell) pray not for your selves but your souls.

And pray for me also under the draughty stair.

As we get older we do not get any younger.

And pray for Kharma under the holy mountain.

-- Reed, Henry. "Chard Whitlow (Mr. Eliot's Sunday Evening Postscript)." New Statesman and Nation 21, no. 533 (10 May 1941): 494 (.pdf)

P.S. Have posted this here before, but worth repeating -- Dylan Thomas's uproarious reading-aloud of this piece, doing Eliot's faux-Brit accent to perfection:

[MsGuy]

Pardonnez-mois!

I ought to have made clear the recording is of a Petomane imitator, if such can be imagined: one Mr [sic] Lefires.

Thank you, AS. My faith in the descriptive power of our languege is reflated.

[AdamSmith]

Thank you, AS. My faith in the descriptive power of our languege is reflated.

Thank heaven!

This giant inflatable colon is a mobile exhibit, demonstrating the various diseases that can be avoiding by maintaining a healthy digestive system.

[MsGuy]

Ewww...

I'm starting to believe that your fixation on all things scatological is not just a pose of of the AS persona you created for BoyToy.

LOL, that said, I have absolutely no doubt that those grade school boys were fascinated by the notion of playing around in a giant asshole. Perfectly age appropriate.

[AdamSmith]

Persona?

…some junior-high jottings (which I managed to slip into the April Fool’s issue of the student rag, transcribing therefrom now):

THE RAVEN (with apologies)

Once upon an evening fated, while I tinkered, fascinated,

With a quaint and curious flush ball from a toilet that was shot—

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping

As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber pot.

“’Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber pot—

For what reason, I know not.”

Ah, distinctly I recall it happened in the early fall

As each separate rattling flush ball sent its echo down the hall

And the silken sad uncertain swishing of each flushing toilet

Filled me with fantastic terrors heretofore unfelt at all;

So I scarcely thought how strange that it would be for some oddball

To come tapping at my chamber pot.

[Here omitted several stanzas so odious, even I cannot bear to type them out again.]

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting

On that map of Lippincott just above my chamber pot

And the Raven still is going, and the pot still overflowing,

And his countenance is livid as a demon’s in the privy

And my soul from out that pot beneath the map of Lippincott

Shall be lifted—ne’er a jot!

Persona, indeed.

[Guest hitoallusa]

Aww those kids are adorable.. I want to take my kids there too.. I think it would be a good educational trip..

Thank heaven!

This giant inflatable colon is a mobile exhibit, demonstrating the various diseases that can be avoiding by maintaining a healthy digestive system.

[AdamSmith]

You know, if they set up that exhibit at a water park, on a slope, the kids could enjoy a new ride: the High Colonic.

[RA1]

I prefer my high colonic to be served with alcohol, thank you very much.

Best regards,

RA1