Where is LURKERspeaks?

[Guest lurkerspeaks]

Can someone please post here (or elsewhere on the board) how to find and activate the ignore feature. I have been unable to find it. Thank you.

[RA1]

Can someone please post here (or elsewhere on the board) how to find and activate the ignore feature. I have been unable to find it. Thank you.

I hope this is not in regard to anything that I posted.

Best regards,

RA1

[BiBottomBoy]

Me too! I like Lurker!

[Guest CharliePS]

Can someone please post here (or elsewhere on the board) how to find and activate the ignore feature. I have been unable to find it. Thank you.

I have never bothered to "ignore" a poster, but your question sent me looking, and I can't find this feature anywhere.

[TotallyOz]

To ignore someone:

Click on your name at the top of this screen. A pop down will appear with many choices. One of them is Manage Ignore Preference. Click that and then follow the directions to add someone to your ignore list.

[Guest lurkerspeaks]

Thank you Oz. Ignore list updated.. let's see about resuming business as usual.

[Guest CharliePS]

Although I pretty much agree with the attitude toward message board posters that several posters in this thread have expressed, there is sometimes a bullying tone in this "tough love" advice which makes me uncomfortable. In some ways it sounds close to "Sissy! be a man!" Not everyone can armor-plate his feelings all the time, and I think members deserve a little sympathy when they reveal their sensitivities, even as hard-boiled a character as Tomcal.

One of the things I find ironic about the assimilation of gays and lesbians into American society is that their acceptance has increased as they are perceived to be more like the stereotypical gender roles they were thought to threaten (muscular, aggresive, ruthless males and "feminine", loving, nurturing females). At the same time, heterosexual ideals are moving towards softer, more sensitive and caring men and strong, dominant, career-driven women. We live in interesting times, indeed.

[Lucky]

(deleted)

Oops, sorry. I am retired and did not mean to speak up!

[AdamSmith]

Manage Ignore Preference.

Love it! I Ignore Preference every chance I get.

Just ask my lesbo Latina hooker gf.

[wayout]

I suppose what I am suggesting is that anyone wear their hearts on their sleeves at a "little" peril but others beware because even a possum will protect its' own territory or family.

Although I pretty much agree with the attitude toward message board posters that several posters in this thread have expressed, there is sometimes a bullying tone in this "tough love" advice which makes me uncomfortable. In some ways it sounds close to "Sissy! be a man!" Not everyone can armor-plate his feelings all the time, and I think members deserve a little sympathy when they reveal their sensitivities, even as hard-boiled a character as Tomcal.

RA1 and CharliePS raise some important considerations that I share but haven't been able to come up with the right way to articulate it as well as they have. We pretty much all come to the forum with our own expectations and vulnerabilities that likely vary significantly from person to person. So there may be times when things happen where participating isn't as fulfilling to ones own needs or enjoyable, and a time may come to make a decision. This can happen when there are perceived or real personal attacks, when the general atmosphere just isn't what one feels suits them, or any of a number of other reasons. It is completely valid to say life is short and it's not worth the hassle any longer.

That decision can vary from person to person and I don't think it is necessarily childish or immature to walk away or take a break to gain perspective and/or adjust expectations. In many ways, it is a mature approach to take such an approach. I can relate somewhat to the process of making a decision as I decided to take a break from the other site because I didn't like the tone/environment any longer, as it was negatively impacted by a relatively small number of people there. Some may see that as a sign of weakness or being childish, but ultimately it led me to a place that I find much more to my liking and a better return on my time to be there.

[axiom2001]

To Lurker and Tomcal if you are reading. Hopefully you are beginning to get the picture. Your posts are valued here by the over whelming majority.

When you elect to disappear because of one or two posters or posts , you are depriving the many of your posts and making the few happy.

Put the few on ignore and resume your activity and understand that there will be occasions that you will not like what someone says. That is life and it happens every day at work , at social engagements and yes on Forums.

Precisely, Firecat! Both men have contributed a lot here, especially when it came to travel to Brasil and beyond. In fact, not only did they contribute photographs of note and sagas of their experiences, but they gave restaurants to experience, areas of Rio and Porto Allegre, and I think, Sao Paulo and other places to venture.

I've known TomCal for a while and had the good fortune of meeting him while in Rio de janeiro at that long-remembered FESTA which was held at The Atlantico Copacabana Hotel in 2003. From that time onward, he and I have kept in touch via emails as well as from this site. I truly would like for both him and Lurker to reconsider and return!!! Both have been missed tremendously! That was the initial reason why I thought it best to post this thread!

[Guest NCBored]

RA1 and CharliePS raise some important considerations that I share but haven't been able to come up with the right way to articulate it as well as they have. We pretty much all come to the forum with our own expectations and vulnerabilities that likely vary significantly from person to person. So there may be times when things happen where participating isn't as fulfilling to ones own needs or enjoyable, and a time may come to make a decision. This can happen when there are perceived or real personal attacks, when the general atmosphere just isn't what one feels suits them, or any of a number of other reasons. It is completely valid to say life is short and it's not worth the hassle any longer.

That decision can vary from person to person and I don't think it is necessarily childish or immature to walk away or take a break to gain perspective and/or adjust expectations. In many ways, it is a mature approach to take such an approach. I can relate somewhat to the process of making a decision as I decided to take a break from the other site because I didn't like the tone/environment any longer, as it was negatively impacted by a relatively small number of people there. Some may see that as a sign of weakness or being childish, but ultimately it led me to a place that I find much more to my liking and a better return on my time to be there.

Well said.

I think most of us come here to experience some type of positive effect - entertainment, education, self-expression, etc. When the experience is more negative than positive, then it's time to take a break or leave. And, to be honest, I don't think anyone's obligation to this board is greater than their obligation to their own sense of self-worth or well-being .

As for the 'tough love', 'man up' advice... in some cases, that's telling people to change who they ARE.

[TampaYankee]

Life is full of choices. If one finds a site to be an experience more negative than positive then it would not be surprising to choose to move on. I did that over seven years ago.

If one lets one or two posters turn his view of a site mostly negative then that is a choice too. If the positive contributions of everyone else do not outweigh the few negative, who can be ignored, then the positive contributions were not all that meaningful in any sense, so nothing of value is lost. It's all about choices.

[TotallyOz]

I have thought about commenting once more on this thread or stopping it or just letting it go. I still have mixed feelings but I have also met both lurker and Tom and like them both a great deal.

No one should ever participate in a forum if they feel unsafe or in fear. We all have different triggers that cause us to think a particular way. I did not agree with lurker's assessment of a threat being sent to him. If I had agreed with him I would have banned the other member immediately. In hindsight I should have spent more time with lurker and try to understand the issue more. For that, I do apologize. I am happy he is still here and seems to have decided to participate. I have always enjoyed his posts and have missed them in the past few months. I feel just horrible that I did not make him feel more comfortable on the site. I failed in my job as an Admin and my sincere apologies for this.

As for Tom I did not know an issue existed. As for the threads being altered by means of him deleting the images, well that was very destructive. I, for one, would not have been so active with the photo threads had I known my posts would be rendered irrelevant. Like a few others here, I think that removal was extremely inconsiderate of all who did participate on those threads. For me, it was a PITA as I didn't know what happened to them and I spent a great deal of time and money trying to fix the issue. And, for years to come if someone reads those threads they will make no sense. I may just delete all those threads as they now make no sense (I can't tell you how much time that will take). That is a conversation TY and I will have to have and any input from the members is appreciated. While Tom was well in his right to do this, it really does mean his legacy of promoting Brazil and the boys he knew there over the last 10 years is now mute. I always saw Tom's postings as art. I just can't imagine an artist destroying all their art but I know it happens. Sadly, for those future visitors to Brazil that would have benefited from his marvelous contribution to that forum, they now will read post after post and say, "WTF".

I do think firecat summed it up nicely. The site will go on but it is much better with both of these guys on the site. Both add such great content and wonderful conversation to the site and both are valued here. Both are welcome and appreciated as seen by this thread. My sincere apologies to both if I have said anything offensive in this post but I did feel I had to express my opinion after having a day to think about this, cry just a bit and then get drunk (now sober). Please no one tell me to "man up" or tears are "for sissies". I am as much a man today as I was yesterday wearing my high hills and boa.

[Guest FourAces]

Wow OZ way too many words to read then have to understand, I am not Evelyn Wood here

[Lucky]

Well, okay then, since I am invited to speak on this: The ignore button is fine if you don't like a particular poster. But, as a means of keeping order and decorum, it is of no use. That is the job of the moderator. Rather than let someone drive away valued posters like tomcal and lurkerspeaks, the management needs to let the offender(s) know that that kind of conduct is unacceptable.

[lookin]

As this is an all-volunteer site, I don't think anyone is obliged to put up with behavior they don't enjoy. Nor do I think it's an act of 'manliness' to endure rude and unpleasant behavior from folks one has never met. Who needs it? There are plenty of manly men around who are just as pleasant and affable as the day is long.

Not that this site is overrun with unpleasant behavior. Far from it. Not only have OZ and TY done a great job of setting acceptable boundaries, but I think most posters here are pretty good at moderating themselves. But that's not always the case on all sites, and a little vigilance can't hurt. As we are reminded whenever a favorite poster disappears.

I'll also add that I think the responsibility for site health and longevity lies with the person who writes something unpleasant, rather than the person who reads it. Sometimes a reader is already creeped out by the time he realizes he's reading a snarky post or PM. Whereas someone who writes a creepy post or PM always has the opportunity to refrain from hitting the 'send' button. I think most of us can overlook an error in judgement from time to time but, if it becomes the norm, then the site can go off the rails pretty quick.

I remember a site called 'EscortSpeak' where the members all had skin as thick as a water buffalo but, even then, folks began to drift away until there was no one left to pay the bills. I also remember my own experience being creeped out at Daddy's a few years ago not by just one poster, who was obnoxious as could be, but by a couple of others who stood on the sidelines and cheered him on. I figured if that's the kind of site they want, more power to them, but I myself had other places I'd rather be.

My hope is that this site remains a supportive one where folks keep looking for ways to keep everyone under the tent. Even if someone is having a bad day and feeling crabby, it might be better just to say so before lashing out at someone else. I think most everyone here has a good heart and can be counted on to help soothe another poster's jangled nerves.

[Guest hitoallusa]

Lookin I love your posts.. I wonder what it would like listening to you in person..

[lookin]

Lookin I love your posts.. I wonder what it would like listening to you in person..

[Guest hitoallusa]

Oh my Lookin, where did you get my pic????

[firecat691614502759]

Well, okay then, since I am invited to speak on this: The ignore button is fine if you don't like a particular poster. But, as a means of keeping order and decorum, it is of no use. That is the job of the moderator. Rather than let someone drive away valued posters like tomcal and lurkerspeaks, the management needs to let the offender(s) know that that kind of conduct is unacceptable.

And that is just what the Moderators have always done here. And because 1 or 2 individuals are unhappy with a post or two does not give them the right to criticize the overall Moderation of the Board.

In fact if you can find a Board that that has as many discussions and as much information with as little Vitriol then anyone is free to go there.

I find it interesting that someone who supposedly has disappeared from the Board is viewing the Board almost every day and surfaces to say he is not posting. If things are really so bad here then why would an individual be viewing the Board every day.

It would seem he could find a much better place to go.

I also find it interesting that the recent unhappy members here have no response to the heartfelt post by OZ on the situation.

Me thinks some people can never be made Happy!!!!!

[Lucky]

I agree, firecat, that I should just shut up, but then, someone disagreed and said I shouldn't. I am just twixt and between. And I agree further with you that management has done a good job at keeping this a hospitable place. The unfortunate fact though is that two prominent posters felt the need to leave the site. Then they were told that the burden rested on them to avoid the negative poster by using the ignore button. All I said was that management played a role too. When you think about it, we all play a role. When someone goes negative, the community should show no tolerance.

I am glad that you ind it interesting that I post, even though I want to stay retired. Life is not always black and white.

But, I have a solution for you if you don't like it when I post: the ignore button!

.

[firecat691614502759]

Lucky I have no intention of ignoring you and in fact I always found your posts fun and informative. And if you read my post a little more closely you would understand I was saying nothing about your posting.

My comment was that when you had decided not to post you were still on the Board almost every day. And if it was such a bad place where you no longer wanted to post the question was why are you viewing the Board every day rather then never coming to the Board??

As far as the 2 posters who left the Board , I find almost nobody here that thinks they had any valid complaint.

And one of them failed to even make a complaint, he just removed all his photos with no discussion. Maybe the Moderators should be mind readers as well as baby sitters???

Anyone who can't handle some repartee on a message board has no business posting in the first place.