Where is LURKERspeaks?

[axiom2001]

For over a month, I have missed the postings, the threads, the visuals, and the contributions from Lurkerspeaks. Does anyone know what has happened? Is he on a leave of absence at his own volition, a wonderful holiday, or what? This ardent contributor and reader would like to have his curiosity solved! Many thanks, men!!!!

[Guest FourAces]

There is another thread ... no one seems to know. However according to his profile he was signed in today:

Last Active Today, 07:15 PM

Maybe he is not in the mood to post lately.

[Guest lurkerspeaks]

Ok.. i will break my silence to let everyone know what is going on.. First of all, thank you to everyone who has expressed concern. I am perfectly ok..

A couple of months ago, this board seemed to turn into an uncontrolled playground, with one or two bullies running rampant. They were rude, they were antagonistic, and they were, seemingly, trying to pick fights with everyone. I stood up to one of these bullies, and I was threatened in private message. I do not associate with bullies in my personal life, and I most certainly won't do it in my online life. So I chose to simply stop posting for awhile, to see if the bullies would go away. Meanwhile, I watched some of the same people and few others turn into "pissy bitches" who decided to think they needed to deride, belittle and make fun of other peoples posts.

I know for a fact that one of the boards favorite posters (Tomcal) deleted some pics from his posts because of the negative comments made by a few people. I get it that we don't all have the same tastes, but does that give anyone the right to talk bad about someone's likes simply because they are not your own? Tomcal emailed me the other day that he deleted his profile here, because he was tired of the petty comments and the cattiness that was around lately.

I used to think of this message board as my online home.. I felt comfortable here.. I enjoyed my time here. I tried to make posts that I felt others would enjoy. But I would rather sit in my own little room and look out the window at the playground, than go out and associate with "the bullies and the mean girls"..

Growing up, I was always taught, if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. It is a shame that some of the "grown men" here can't say or do the same.

I will not publicly post the name of the person who threatened me.. I am not trying to start a war.. but here is a copy of the pvt message.. just so everyone can see..

"I really dont think its in your Best interest to get into a verbal smack-down with me on the Boards ????
Lets just agree to ignore each other. But on the other hand, if you wanna pursue some verbal Hunger Games, I'm down with it !"

[citylaw1]

Ignore the private chat Lurker. Some people are just nuts.

[TotallyOz]

I know for a fact that one of the boards favorite posters (Tomcal) deleted some pics from his posts because of the negative comments made by a few people.

Well, that is good to know. I had a few members email me about the photos and I thought it was a board malfunction and have had my programmers, the hosting company and the Invision staff trying to figure out what happened. After over 500 USD spent, we decided that someone had deleted photos but I didn't know who, now I do. Thanks for the heads up.

A couple of months ago, this board seemed to turn into an uncontrolled playground, with one or two bullies running rampant. They were rude, they were antagonistic, and they were, seemingly, trying to pick fights with everyone.

After I first heard you were upset I went back and read and reread tons of posts to try to determine where the nastiness was but I could not. We live in an online world where some people are more sensitive than others. I am not the most sensitive I know but I also have a pretty thick skin. That said, when I saw the posts in question, I did not see them the way you did and I read them multiple times. Do you think that possible history plays a role in your decision or was it so blatant that the board rules were violated and I didn't see it? I am seriously asking as we hate to loose members but to this date, I have not see posts which violate our rules. And, if they do not violate the rules, should we then just start banning others when a member complains?

Growing up, I was always taught, if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. It is a shame that some of the "grown men" here can't say or do the same.

My Mom told me the same thing and I try my best to live that way but when you are dealing with an adult community of men, they will often speak their minds even if it is hard for others to hear or not the nice thing to say. IMHO, that encourages debate and as long as the debate is done is a gentlemanly manner, that should be good for the community. I don't learn very much from someone who agrees with me all the time. I learn from someone disagreeing with me.

Likewise, we are not all going to like the same type of guy. I love Asian guys but I know others don't. To me, that is a preference and I have created threads where people said some unkind things about the guys I post about. I chalk it up to a difference in tastes. But, I also can find some good things about any group of sexy men in a thread. I may not be into muscle guys, but I do love looking at them.

As I have said in the past, we do value each and everyone of our members and we do appreciate them all. As adults, do we really need an admin or moderator to step in when someone says they don't like a guy that someone else likes or when someone disagrees. Again, perhaps I missed those threads but if it has caused you and Tomcal to be that upset, please post links to those threads here so we can view them.

I grew up with a large family and we fought often but we never held grudges for too long. I hope that is true here and that everyone who is upset with speak up and let us know how we can achieve the kind of board where all feel comfortable.

[firecat691614502759]

Lurker I see nothing in the PM message you posted that could be construed as a threat. Just someone saying he is happy to compete in a war of words with you if you want to continue the conversation.

Of course I know who the poster is anybody that reads the board knows and if they didn't it would take them 2 minutes to discover by reading your last posts before you withdrew.

Boards for the most parts are anonymous so some people feel it is their right to take a strong stand. Does not mean you have to engage and most of the time it is better to ignore and move on.

I have to say it is ridiculous for someone to give up conversations with many people because of 1 poster he doesn't get along with.

Just ignore that poster and understand that although you may not get along with him there are people here who value his posts.

As far as Tomcal his withdrawal if true is even more ridiculous. I can't think of anyone who has gotten more positive thanks for his posts. He lets a few catty posts drive him off ?????

After all this is a Gay site catty comments are to be expected. LOL

I think both of you need a little armor plating and it should not have to be that thick . IMHO

[Guest hitoallusa]

Lurker please come back... Misunderstandings always happen and sometimes we tend to expect more from others when we get to know them more.

[ihpguy]

At least not in immigration limbo with Edward Snowden and Carmen San Diego.

[BiBottomBoy]

Jesus fucking christ on a stick. Someone deletes all their photos because some dude doesn't like them? Other people are talking weird private messages on the Internet seriously? Holy Shitkabab Batman! Is this everyone's first day on the fucking Internet. Here are some fairly basic ground rules for dealing with shit online.

1. No matter what kind of photo you post someone is going to think it's ugly. I could post a picture of a 23 year old naked Brad Pitt and some dude would be like "ewww, look at all that chest hair!" I could post a picture of Jake Gyllenhaal and somebody would be like "gross, he looks like a girl, does he smell like tuna?" That is the way the fucking Internet works. We each have different shit that gets our dicks hard. And if what gets your dick hard doesn't make someone else's dick hard, who gives a flying mother of fuck!

2. People on the Internet sometimes send shitty private messages. This is called "being on the Internet after drinking or doing cocaine." It always means jack shit. And, fuck, we've all been guilty of sending a nasty message.

3. The number one rule of the Internet is "don't feed the troll." The troll just wants attention. You remove pictures - the troll is happy and will troll again. You respond to the troll and act upset - the troll is happy and will troll again. When someone says something shitty to you on the Internet, just fucking ignore them.

4. God, this is all like a bunch of teenage girls fighting over which one will get their pussy on the star quarterback's dick. Let's be fucking men and not tuna casseroles.

5. Can everyone just apologize to everyone else and get this site the fuck back on track? You know, like grown ups who have some balls?

[TownsendPLocke]

I also find some of the posters here to be complete Assholes (strangely two of them are the ones which have caused TomCal to leave this site and LurkerSpeaks to limit his posting) I just put them on ignore and thus I do not have to see their posts/responses.

Since the fellas on my ignore list add nothing of value to this site I am pretty sure I will not miss anything important. I do hope others will utilize this wonderful tool!

If any of you feel the same way about me please add me to your ignore list-I will not lose any sleep over this!

[BiBottomBoy]

I'd never ignore you TPL.

[Guest FourAces]

Wow I must be living in a parallel forum because i have not read anything that would send me packing. People make rude comments and for the most part I just move on. But I am not gonna let one or two people bully me from something I enjoy doing. That means the bully won

The note you posted was at best a little taunting however far from a threat. Why that would drive you, in part, to stop contributing is beyond me.

To be honest not sure why you even brought tomcal into this conversation about you. But you guys have to do what is best in your opinion.

I wish you well.

[axiom2001]

Ignore the private chat Lurker. Some people are just nuts.

I concur with citylaw1's suggestion. At another site an escort thought it was his right to correct me. He did it more than once, but when I ignored and did not respond to what he'd written, his ridicule and sarcasm and pseudo-repartee ceased.

This morning {7.3.13} on my Facebook page a very handsome and quite hung escort wrote that a poster on his page had commented that he, escort, looked fat in a photo. This bothered the escort; I wrote that he should ignore those comments that bothered him and not dignify them in anyway by responding to the idiotic remark, for the escort is far from being fat; in fact, he's muscled and has a taut bod and is strikingly goodlooking!

But, Lurker, I do appreciate your chiming in and relaying the prime reason for your sudden disappearance. And I now know why I have not heard from TomCal, here, too! This is a loss as well! Would appreciate that both of you reconsider and do what you enjoy doing in spite of some who perhaps are here to keep "shit" stirring.

[AdamSmith]

lurker, I think citylaw and axiom may be onto something.

There is a delicious Japanese word and concept for it: mokusatsu. It means to "treat (someone) with silent contempt."

I confess this is all quite selfish -- I want to be reading and ogling your posts again.

[firecat691614502759]

To Lurker and Tomcal if you are reading. Hopefully you are beginning to get the picture. Your posts are valued here by the over whelming majority.

When you elect to disappear because of one or two posters or posts , you are depriving the many of your posts and making the few happy.

Put the few on ignore and resume your activity and understand that there will be occasions that you will not like what someone says. That is life and it happens every day at work , at social engagements and yes on Forums.

[BigK]

I really miss both you guys as well. I like the ability to ignore certain posters.

I was also taught not to say anything at all if you don't have anything nice to say. When reading some posts I often think of the religious parable that he who is without sin should cast the first stone. Most of the time I choose not to preach and move on. I generally agree about ignoring the trolls. Some people are just rude and wear it like a badge of honor.

There are so many more nice and decent posters here that I hope you consider visiting with us again and just ignore the few bad apples. You wouldn't be the only ones ignoring them.

Thanks for satisfying our concerns as to why you haven't been around. I am just one of many that appreciate your presence here.

[Guest Seg]

I find the deletion of photos in threads which many people contributed insulting and childish. While tomcal has the right to do this, it is a slap in the face for everyone else that contributed to his threads. I lost all respect for him as a poster with this 13 year old teen act. Grow up.

[firecat691614502759]

Pretty sharp words from a first time poster although I kind of feel the same way!

[Guest lurkerspeaks]

I find the deletion of photos in threads which many people contributed insulting and childish. While tomcal has the right to do this, it is a slap in the face for everyone else that contributed to his threads. I lost all respect for him as a poster with this 13 year old teen act. Grow up.

And personally, I find a first time poster making such statements rude and insulting. When you have "put in your time" and shared as much as some of the rest of us, then I might put some weight on your opinion.

I think I speak for Tomcal, and probably others when i say we post pics, journals, reports, etc, because we enjoy something and we want to share our likes with others. When you take the time and energy to share things, then have others just be nasty, derogatory, etc, it makes you say, "Why the fuck did I bother? If they don't appreciate what I do, then I just won't share anymore"

And just like so often in the real world, one or two people ruin it for the rest.

As far as I am concerned, (since this thread was about me), I think this thread can now be closed/locked/etc. I see no reason to continue it..

[firecat691614502759]

Luckily Lurker you don't have the power to lock threads or ban posters. You are just one of many here. And like many here I found your contributions worthwhile and enjoyable.

I would prefer you grow up and begin posting again and recognize it is not a place to have such a thin skin. I see nobody here that has supported you in saying you were threatened in a private message.

No one who reads that would consider it a threat and for you to take it as one is just ridiculous.

By the way Seg may have never posted before but he has been a member as long as you have and if you knew anything about forums , there are way more members then there are posters. And both are valuable!!!

And by the way if you speak for Tomcal , he should know better then to let someone else put words in his mouth .

Believe me this Board will go on and be successful without you but it would be better with you!!

[TampaYankee]

Jesus fucking christ on a stick. Someone deletes all their photos because some dude doesn't like them? Other people are talking weird private messages on the Internet seriously? Holy Shitkabab Batman! Is this everyone's first day on the fucking Internet. Here are some fairly basic ground rules for dealing with shit online.

1. No matter what kind of photo you post someone is going to think it's ugly. I could post a picture of a 23 year old naked Brad Pitt and some dude would be like "ewww, look at all that chest hair!" I could post a picture of Jake Gyllenhaal and somebody would be like "gross, he looks like a girl, does he smell like tuna?" That is the way the fucking Internet works. We each have different shit that gets our dicks hard. And if what gets your dick hard doesn't make someone else's dick hard, who gives a flying mother of fuck!

2. People on the Internet sometimes send shitty private messages. This is called "being on the Internet after drinking or doing cocaine." It always means jack shit. And, fuck, we've all been guilty of sending a nasty message.

3. The number one rule of the Internet is "don't feed the troll." The troll just wants attention. You remove pictures - the troll is happy and will troll again. You respond to the troll and act upset - the troll is happy and will troll again. When someone says something shitty to you on the Internet, just fucking ignore them.

4. God, this is all like a bunch of teenage girls fighting over which one will get their pussy on the star quarterback's dick. Let's be fucking men and not tuna casseroles.

5. Can everyone just apologize to everyone else and get this site the fuck back on track? You know, like grown ups who have some balls?

I like this post. It deserves more than just a 'Like This' button click.

IMO it is the best, most relevant post BBB ever has made to a topic, not to slight any of his other contributions but he is right on here in spades. Apologies or not, this is an adult view of how to manage one's presence on the internet and in forums.

[TampaYankee]

I also find some of the posters here to be complete Assholes (strangely two of them are the ones which have caused TomCal to leave this site and LurkerSpeaks to limit his posting) I just put them on ignore and thus I do not have to see their posts/responses.

Since the fellas on my ignore list add nothing of value to this site I am pretty sure I will not miss anything important. I do hope others will utilize this wonderful tool!

If any of you feel the same way about me please add me to your ignore list-I will not lose any sleep over this!

Townie, I wish everyone who has issues with a particular poster would do what you do. It is just so logical to do and so satisfying for you to do it. As I have said on other occasions, the internet is so full of people that complain of wet feet but are so unwilling to step around or over a small puddle when they encounter one.

What grieves me more is that these sensitive individuals are so willing to give up the whole community which is full of great people and contributors than click a little button. What does that say about how they are appreciated?

Know that I and many others appreciate your contributions when you come by.

[TampaYankee]

I think the community on the whole is full of good personalities and great contributors. I certainly would not let someone push me out so easily. I'm really disappointed that two great contributors value this community of posters so little that they abandon it because of one or two abrasive posts or posters. Do they really feel it is better to punish themselves and their friends in the community by withdrawing, especially when their nemesis is so easy to ignore?

[BiBottomBoy]

Thank you Tampa Yankee. The thing for me is, I had to be off the board for the past six weeks or so because I tore the C7 and C8 nerves in my back by writing too much in a shitty chair for work so my doctor limited me to two hours a day typing anything online.

So, yesterday when I was finally medically allowed to do my normal online shit I was really looking forward to coming back here and walking into this shitcanoodle just rubbed me the wrong way.

[RA1]

Thank you Tampa Yankee. The thing for me is, I had to be off the board for the past six weeks or so because I tore the C7 and C8 nerves in my back by writing too much in a shitty chair for work so my doctor limited me to two hours a day typing anything online.

So, yesterday when I was finally medically allowed to do my normal online shit I was really looking forward to coming back here and walking into this shitcanoodle just rubbed me the wrong way.

I have heard of carpal tunnel syndrome but this is ridiculous. Get well soon.

This thread has struck a responsive chord in me. Even though we are theoretically anonymous, in actuality we are not. Many other posters know each other and, in addition, people who are sincere in their postings and really share any of their personal and private life experiences have opened themselves up to being possibly hurt. Whether they should or not is a personal decision but I think many do. Gay folks have feelings, do they not? If not, then I am pleased that your rhino personality is protecting you.

I suppose what I am suggesting is that anyone wear their hearts on their sleeves at a "little" peril but others beware because even a possum will protect its' own territory or family.

Best regards,

RA1