Worcestershire sauce

[AdamSmith]

Worcestershire sauce

A bottle as bought on a street corner. Most addicts take it
intravenously, but the entire bottle can be used as a rectal suppository

Worcestershire sauce (symbol W, number 74) is a rare
transition metal first isolated by the British chemists J. Lea and W.
Perrins in 1837. It is most commonly found as an oxide ore in the
highest peaks of the mountain ranges of Norfolk. Renowned for its
extreme toxicity and acidity, it is twice as corrosive as sulphuric acid
and significantly more poisonous than your typical plutonium/cyanide
mixture. Because of this, it has found high popularity amongst many Englishmen as an invaluable addition to cookery.

History

From antiquity, the people of Norfolk have wondered why nothing could survive within 7 miles of certain deposits of a dark brown sediment. Humans too were perplexed, and many alchemists met their demise attempting to work on the problem. The explosive nature of the compound, along with
its high reactivity, led them to believe it could turn lead into gold
(the conclusion they usually came to on finding a new substance). It
wasn’t considered a new element however, and once all the alchemists had
given up or been killed it lay forgotten for many years.

In 1694, the first English explorers ventured east of Ely and,
after some minor scuffles with the natives, took possession of the land
for the crown. In less than two years, the survivors wouldn’t be able to
bear life in Norwich anymore, and would leave, but before going a young lieutenant would dig
up a couple of ounces of the rock and take it back to London in a
lead-lined chest. The greatest minds of the Royal Society investigated,
but no answers were forthcoming. Not wanting to admit their failure boast, they left it untouched in a loft for years.

Lea and Perrins were lab partners studying at Porterhouse
College, Cambridge at the time, and Perrins came across the chest in a
corner of the loft where all the books and boxes within 10 feet had
dissolved. He performed some basic experiments and, despite losing two
fingers, an eye and both ears, he correctly concluded he had found a new
element. Lea (regarded by many historians as “a bit of a posh twat”)
bullied Perrins into giving him half the credit and all his dinner
money. Lea was made a fellow of the Royal Society and given a
knighthood, and Perrins died penniless. Still, Perrins got the last
laugh by giving the element a particularly rude name (Woustairesher
Soce, meaning “you little sodding f*ck, you bloody well stole my c*nting
idea you twatting w*nker”), which the Victorians invented an innuendo
for, giving it the current name.

Chemistry

For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Worcestershire sauce.

Worcestershire Sauce has an unusual chemistry, reacting with almost everything to produce a foul-tasting orange slime, except with Shepherd’s Pie (symbol Xsq, number 45), which improves the
flavour immeasurably. It is a brown, viscous liquid at room temperature,
and although it is predicted to have a bright pink colour as a gas,
heating is not recommended due to its tendency to explode above 37.8°C.
It can be obtained from its ore by reaction with dilute ammonia and a
bit of luck (again, will probably explode). It is less dense than water,
so would, theoretically, be one of the few metals to float on water,
but certain practical difficulties might arise (explodes on contact with
air, water and clotted cream). Safety goggles are recommended when
handling the substance, as is employing an underling to do the work for
you whilst you watch from at least 40 yards away.

Applications

First World War era chemical weapons made by the arms conglomerate Walker's
contained the substance. These were designed for use as hand grenades,
and were later banned by the Geneva Convention

Most of the global production goes towards making various industrial
kettle descalers and oven cleaners, but can have the unwanted side
effect of removing the kettle/oven as well. Other uses, such as in
chemical weapons, recreational drugs and Special Brew, have been
reported. Most countries have banned it, but in some parts of England it
can still be obtained for a street price nearing 5 shillings and
ninepence a bottle.

Some people have been known to ingest it. Usually by accident. Usually
resulting in a severe case of flatulence and a mild case of death.

Health consequences

The effects of an overdose include, but are not limited to, death, eternal torment in the ninth circle of Hell, and possibly dizziness. An overdose is any more than nil grams per
litre in the bloodstream. Inhalation of fumes can be treated with air
freshener/alcohol, but all other forms of poisoning are always lethal.

Common misconceptions

It is often confused with Tungsten. No-one really knows why.

Like most other elements (and 26.63% of the English language) it is completely unpronounceable for Americans. This, however, doesn’t pose too much of a problem, as very few
Americans are aware of the presence of more than four elements, and even
fewer could even read a word of more than five letters.

Curiously, in Worcestershire, Worcestershire Sauce is sold as Berkshire Sauce. This unusual policy was implemented after the Sauce Riots in 1932, when men from different towns in Worcestershire fought over the right to 'their' sauce. Ramsey McDonald, British Prime Minister at
the time, said: "It's all Evesham this and Kidderminster that. Forget
Worcestershire, you're all acting like a bunch of Berkshire Hunts."

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Worcestershire_sauce

[Guest jimboivyo]

yeah, well it makes a damn fine bloody mary, so be it

[Guest CharliePS]

I always have a bottle of Worcestershire sauce handy for Bloody Marys and occasionally to spice up other things. I even use it on steak and hamburgers.

[RA1]

This "ingredient" is used in a variety of ways, not only on or in beef and Bloody Marys, but also in many other concoctions. I certainly use it in my "home made" BBQ sauce + several other recipes. It is a staple in my home.

Best regards,

RA1

[AdamSmith]

It is a staple in my home.

Mine too.

The sentiments in the article above actually are closer to my views on A1 Sauce.

[RA1]

I have done all the "family" cooking for many years now because my mother was willing but not necessarily able to do the cooking during holidays, etc. I was willing. Therefore I have cooked the holiday turkey or ham or whatever for at least the last 20+ years. I enjoy cooking and do it almost every day that I am at home and also if I am at a city for more than one day. I then choose a hotel with a kitchen. This makes my stay more healthful, cheaper and gives me happiness in doing so.

I am SURE there are a LOT of recipes and friendly meals to be discussed and shared herein.

Let the breadcrumbs fly.

Best regards,

RA1

[TampaYankee]

I always have a bottle of Worcestershire sauce handy for Bloody Marys and occasionally to spice up other things. I even use it on steak and hamburgers.

Count me in on the steaks and burgers. Bloody Marys too on the rarest of occasions when I have one -- maybe a dozen times in my life.

I know Lea & Perrins is the 'standard of excellence' but I find it a bit too sweet. I got programmed on French's when I was young and cannot shake it.

[Guest josephga]

I like A1 Sauce more. I mostly only use it when making hamburgers

[BigK]

Lea & Perrins (easier to type then Worcestershire) is great with just about anything. Try it with chicken too. I got programed on the Lea & Perrins and as such don't care much for French's.

[TampaYankee]

Lea & Perrins (easier to type then Worcestershire) is great with just about anything. Try it with chicken too. I got programed on the Lea & Perrins and as such don't care much for French's.

I agree that they definitely have distinct flavors.