AdamSmith Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 A majority of the population in my former hometown of Cambridge, Mass. Suburban Mom Wows Family With Most Androgynous Look Yet News • Family • Local • ISSUE 49•44 • Oct 30, 2013 Family members say they are “wowed” by DiPietro’s completely sexless new look. BURKE, VA—Speechless for several seconds after she descended the stairs for breakfast Sunday, the family of local mother Jolene DiPietro were reportedly “floored” by the 49-year-old’s latest look, a gender-neutral mix of loose-fitting clothes and low-maintenance grooming that muted any and all outward feminine characteristics. “Wow, I thought she looked completely genderless before, but now she’s really taken it to a whole new level,” said DiPietro’s daughter Katie, praising her mother’s style combination of formless brown fleece pullover, button-down blue-and-white-checked shirt, and relaxed-fit khakis. “I can’t get over how her short-cropped hair spikes up in front, and how what little makeup she wears only serves to de-emphasize any discernibly feminine facial features.” “Who is this androgynous being, and what has it done with my mom?” she added. “Terrific stuff.” In addition to her clothes, which effusive family members said were “the blandest arrangement of earth tones they’d ever seen,” DiPietro’s new indeterminate-gender look was accessorized with a black unisex watch and a cavernous hunter-green all-purpose day bag that is said to enhance the boxiness of her already distinctly squarish body type. As she walked around the kitchen, sources confirmed, all eyes were fixated on her footwear, a pair of comfortable-looking gray New Balance sneakers that “just scream either woman or man.” Family members were also wowed by DiPietro’s decision to complement her outfit with a beige knit scarf and a clip-on pedometer, both “bold style choices” that they said really perfected the wife and mother’s new “sexless suburbanite” look. “Yep, that’s the human being I married,” boasted DiPietro’s husband, Paul. “Those roomy chinos really show off how her legs are a functional part of her body necessary for locomotion. And those white tube socks sure do hug her unnoticeable curves.” “After 19 years together, I gotta say, this is the most ungendered I’ve ever seen her looking,” he continued. “I’m so impressed.” According to sources, while DiPietro had long been quite the asexual specimen—she reportedly bobbed her hair when she turned 40, and five years ago stopped wearing blouses and skirts completely—in the past she always retained a sliver of gender identification, at least wearing hoop earrings or perhaps a charm bracelet. But now, in the absence of any sort of jewelry, noticeable makeup, feminine hairstyle, or even a single piece of brightly colored clothing that might hint at her gender, DiPietro’s family all agreed that her current look was by far the capper. “Of course, we all know there’s a woman somewhere under all those baggy, billowing clothes,” said Katie, underscoring how impressed she was that her mother had managed to transform herself into such an androgynous fashionista. “But if I didn’t know her, it would take me a while to guess what kind of genitals she had.” “Or, for that matter, whether she had any genitals at all,” she added. After breakfast, DiPietro reportedly left to go power-walking with a similar-looking group of amorphous, middle-aged humans. http://www.theonion.com/articles/suburban-mom-wows-family-with-most-androgynous-loo,34397/ Quote
Members RA1 Posted November 11, 2013 Members Posted November 11, 2013 I thought it was one out of four so if you are playing a four handed card game, one of the players is likely gay. If it is you, then likely more than one is gay. Best regards, RA1 Quote
Members MsGuy Posted November 11, 2013 Members Posted November 11, 2013 How does one put in an ungrammatical comma here: "...punctuation, and sentence structure." but correctly punctuate this parallel construction: "color or gender."? Bitch needs to get her act together. Matthew 7:1-3 KJV 1 Judge not, that ye be not judged. 2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. 3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? AdamSmith 1 Quote
AdamSmith Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Good catch. One could also argue that "people based on" is ungrammatical here, and should instead be "people on the basis of". P.S. I am slow but not dead yet. Your provocation of declaring ungrammatical the beldame's use of the penultimate or serial or Oxford (or even Harvard!) comma in "...punctuation, and sentence structure" -- well, I must protest! You well know the choice of whether to use or omit it is a matter of house style, nothing more or less. AP and other newspaper styles omit it, supposedly to save space and originally also for expediency in setting type; I think also to speed scansion. Whereas style guides for book publishing (Oxford University Press; Harvard as mentioned; even the vile Chicago Manual of Style, forgive me for having to mention that abomination) generally call for its use. There is as usual a Brit-vs-American thing too, in that Brit book style is generally to omit; why the OUP bucks that tradition is a mystery. Quote
Members MsGuy Posted November 11, 2013 Members Posted November 11, 2013 LOL, one could also argue that carping against such a common and popularly accepted usage as "based on" evinces a curmudgeonly academic soul determined to squeeze every last drop of life out of the English language. Not that I would ever be so judgemental, AS. AdamSmith 1 Quote
AdamSmith Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Not that I would ever be so judgemental, AS. I would. You little comma-snatch. (See previous post P.S.) Quote
Members MsGuy Posted November 11, 2013 Members Posted November 11, 2013 You stepped on one of my sore corns, AS. I have a clear memory of being irritated by that last comma even as far back as 9th grade English. It serves no purpose other than to interrupt the flow of the sentence. NONE, I tell you N-O-N-E!! So some dried up academic parroting the dicta of a 19th Oxford don he's spent the last 20 years studying in the most minute detail says that last serial comma is proper? Well I say to that. ----- Seriously, please explain the logic behind the comma. AdamSmith 1 Quote
AdamSmith Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I confess I was baiting you. For a change! I loathe the penultimate comma and have waged holy war against it ever since taking up editorship of the high school rag. In every job since then, my first task has been to seize editorial control and, among other things, nuke that comma. Further enjoying the fruits of benevolent dictatorship, I freely confess to putting it back in whenever I think it makes reading easier, such as when the "and" or "or" is followed by a messy noun clause or the like, or when it helps the rhythm. Quote
