Joke for the Day: Add more if you want

[RA1]

My urologist told me that 50% of all impotent men are not, except with their wives.

Best regards,

RA1

[mvan1]

Yet, another -

Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

[mvan1]

Too many?

Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $150.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

[mvan1]

And, finally (again)

Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.

[mvan1]

Really, the last one -

Dear Abby, I've suspected that my son is a homosexual, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

[AdamSmith]

[MsAnn]

[mvan1]

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.

By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

He very quickly concluded the cause:

When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", “Cah” “Cah” not a single one could shout "Truck."

[MsAnn]

If the type is too hard to read. Zoom to +120

[mvan1]

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.

The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?

[mvan1]

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.

However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

[mvan1]

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"
she asks
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top,too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"
Then he toddles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says -

"Where's my toast ?"

[mvan1]

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a handsome young man on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'"

[mvan1]

A very elderly gentleman, (mid eighties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after-shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is a handsome young escort.

The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of him, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to him and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

[mvan1]

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations.

I've changed my will three times!"

[mvan1]

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"

Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer ."

[mvan1]

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid.

It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

[mvan1]

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "Arthritis."

[mvan1]

c

Confucius Say -

Man with broken condom

Often called Daddy

[mvan1]

Confucius Say....

Kiss is merely shopping upstairs,

For merchandise downstairs.

[mvan1]

Confucius Say.

Sex is same as bank account.

You put it in, you take it out....you lose interest.

[AdamSmith]

[AdamSmith]

[MsAnn]

[AdamSmith]