Members wayout Posted July 4, 2013 Members Posted July 4, 2013 Have a safe and fun 4th!!!!! AdamSmith 1 Quote
Members RA1 Posted July 4, 2013 Members Posted July 4, 2013 Please don't start me on GM. He has so many memorable quotes. Two of my favorites are: When a country club refused him membership because he was Jewish he replied that his daughter is only half Jewish so could she join and only go into the swimming pool up to her navel. I don't wish to belong to a club that would allow me to be a member. Best regards, RA1 AdamSmith 1 Quote
Guest hitoallusa Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 My future husband won't need such a place to relax. Our home will be more inviting and relaxing than a cheap bar with outdoor seatings. And I'm personally against drinking too much. Why would he want to drink when he has me right next to him? Quote
AdamSmith Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 My future husband won't need such a place to relax. Our home will be more inviting and relaxing than a cheap bar with outdoor seatings. And I'm personally against drinking too much. Why would he want to drink when he has me right next to him? wayout 1 Quote
Members RA1 Posted July 5, 2013 Members Posted July 5, 2013 Surely the Highlander Pub is in the UK, if not Scotland, so what better way to exercise your pet dog than going to the pub and having a few? A British tradition. Best regards, RA1 wayout and AdamSmith 2 Quote
AdamSmith Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Further to the Nagging Wife meme... wayout and TotallyOz 2 Quote
Guest hitoallusa Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Well deep down I know AS you love have this on your heart Quote
AdamSmith Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I refer the right honourable gentleman to the remarks I made some moments ago. Quote
Members firecat691614502759 Posted July 6, 2013 Members Posted July 6, 2013 Not sure how this will translate or maybe you have to be there but here goes. I am in Thailand now and the word pronounced smaoke is the word for giving a Blow Job I finished a session withe this very cute 19 year old and we are on the balcony looking at the Boats and the Sea. He takes out a pack of cigarettes and takes one out and I grab him and say " Smoke Cock is good. Smoke those Bad. Without hesitation he replies. "Yes but I don't always have a Cock" TotallyOz, AdamSmith, MsGuy and 1 other 4 Quote
AdamSmith Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish: The most highbrow jokes in the world Ultra-highbrow humour has become the hottest thing on the internet Andrew Johnson The Independent Friday 05 July 2013 Have you heard the one about the internet forum thread which took the world by storm? Scientists are not generally recognised for their sense of humour, but those disparagingly referred to as “geeks” by the more intellectually challenged of us have responded in their thousands to a question posed on the Reddit website: “What’s the most intellectual joke you know?” The huge number of gags – and yes, many of them are funny – cover all disciplines from physics to philosophy. They range from the accessible, such as: “A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: ‘Five beers, please’,” to those that require a working knowledge of Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle to understand. The joke about Benoit B Mandelbrot, for example, relies on a knowledge of the scientist’s work on fractals. For all their highbrow intellectualism, however, the jokes follow traditional forms. They include puns: “Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s OK now” – as well as someone-walks-into-a-bar jokes and light-bulb-changing jokes (“How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None: the lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution”). There are also plenty of jokes of the Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman format, where the usual protagonists are replaced by physicists, engineers and economists. It is rather unfair to assume that there is anything improbable about science overlapping with humour. Popular TV and radio shows such as The Big Bang Theory, Infinite Monkey Cage, Museum of Curiosity and Dara O’Briain’s School Of Hard Sums happily marry science with jokes. And, as Brian Cox, the scientist and presenter of Wonders of the Universe, points out, comedians such as O’Briain and Ben Miller are physics graduates. “There is a strange nexus between physics and comedy that I seem to be a part of,” Cox told the Daily Telegraph. “It’s a powerful if strange alliance. Dara O’Briain did mathematics and physics, and is passionate about it. Ben Miller did a PhD in physics. Robin Ince [his co-presenter on Infinite Monkey Cage] is a very good friend of mine.” Too clever by half: 25 highbrow jokes 1. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.” 2. “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?” 3. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog. 4. A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d like a beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,” replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.” 5. An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says: “Sir, do you realise you were travelling at 130km per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost.” 6. Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up and shouts: “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!” 7. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish. 8. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don’t. 9. When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg. 10. The barman says: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.” A tachyon enters a bar. 11. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: “Make me one with everything”. 12. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder. 13. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are so many people that the four men can’t see the juggler. So the juggler goes on top of a platform and asks: “Can you see me now?” The four men answer: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Si.” “Ja.” 14. Never trust an atom. They make up everything. 15. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s a hardware problem. 16. A student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited, he asks: “Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?” 17. Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality. 18. Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says: “Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it’s funny or not?” Gödel replies: “We can’t know that because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says: “Of course it’s funny. You’re just telling it wrong.” 19. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: “Five beers, please.” 20. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now. 21. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender says: “What’ll it be, boys?” The first mathematician: “I’ll have one half of a beer.” The second mathematician: “I’ll have one quarter of a beer.” The third mathematician: “I’ll have one eight of a beer.” The fourth mathematician: “I’ll have one sixteenth of a…” The bartender interrupts: “Know your limits, boys” as he pours out a single beer. 22. What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Answer: Benoit B Mandelbrot. 23. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies: “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?” 24. A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?” 25. A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread. http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/how-many-surrealists-does-it-take-to-screw-in-a-light-bulb-a-fish-the-most-highbrow-jokes-in-the-world-8691191.html wayout and RA1 2 Quote
Guest hitoallusa Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Aww Married with Children.. He doesn't mean it. What he meant was he missed her with every kiss bullet he sent out thinking of her.. Quote
Guest hitoallusa Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 It won't be better.. Most people will be hospitalized, if not dead. Especially poor husbands Scenario #1 Wife: "Honey do I look good in this dress?" Husband: "Oh,. honey you look fabulous in that dre..." Wife: "Somebody please call 911, my husband is on fire!!!!!!" Scenario #2 Wife: "Honey do I look good in this dress?" Husband: "Oh,. honey you should lose some weight" Never ending nagging starts Scenario #3 Wife: "Honey do I look good in this dress?" Husband: (says nothing and approaches his wife and deeply kisses her and makes out) Wife: "Oh my honey, do I look that se.......x....i... (husband prevents her from finishing the questing with deep kisses) oh ah ohh, " Husband: (again keeps his silence and ferociously kisses her mouth as if there were not tomorrow" Wife: Oh honey.. I didn't know I look that good in that dress. Thank you.. Quote
