Can you be Bisexual(or Gay) if you have not actually had same sex sex?

[TownsendPLocke]

A very close young friend of mine has let it slip that he considers himself Bisexual. I was a bit suprised by this and asked if he had experienced any sexual encounters with guys-to which he answerd no,

Now he did say he has/does masturbated while looking at gay porn sometimes and listed a number of fellas he found attractive(I shocked him by telling him I had met almost all the guys he listed-now he wants to go to some of the :industry parties I attend) and it all pretty much centered around his finding these fellas reaching climax as the big turn on

I told him I did not know if he was actually Bi or was just a horny little pervert (he knew I was not serious) but if he did want to talk about it more I would be there fore him.

He also said he had shared this info with his mother(who is emotionally blackmailing him with it IMO) and his wife.

I am not sure where to go with this so I am tossing it out there for discussion.

[Guest FourAces]

The short answer is absolutely.

If one is to believe we are born gay that it is not a learned behavior then one has to acknowledge sexual preference even without ever having sex.

I knew I was gay long before I knew there was a name for it.

[Guest hitoallusa]

I agree. I didn't have sex with guys till I was 30 years old and I knew I was gay before that..

[AdamSmith]

30 years old

Absolutely! (Channeling 4A )

I knew it when I was 11 (jacking off to Chad Everett in "Medical Center"!) but one waited a discreet interval to go out & chase dick directly.

[Guest hitoallusa]

I'm so surprised! When I was 11 years old, I would feel weird looking at Superman, Batman and another cartoon character's name I don't remember. I felt tightness in my pants so I think that's why I get excited by guys in tight outfits. AS, I think we are meant to be twins... You and I have so much in common..

Absolutely! (Channeling 4A )

I knew it when I was 11 (jacking off to Chad Everett in "Medical Center"!) but one waited a discreet interval to go out & chase dick directly.

[lookin]

Seems to be getting better understood that folks can have a pretty wide range of sexual attractions, especially if those folks are young males. Labels may be desired but not necessarily required, accurate, or constant.

As far as where to go with this, my suggestion would be to let your friend decide where to go with this. He'll probably be better off exploring his sexuality in his own way, at his own pace. If you can be there for him as a resource, if he requests it, and as you have already offered, rather than as a guide, it might be more comfortable for both of you. It sounds like he has a number of people with a stake in his journey, and he is the only one who has a chance of keeping himself and his relationships in balance.

[caeron]

Why feel you have to do anything at all with this 'information'? If he is, so what? Do you want to jump his bones?

If not, why not just listen? He can figure out if he wants to do something with the information himself, and how that will play in his marriage.

[Lucky]

Well, I am officially a diagnosed heterosexual. When I was young and feeling conflicted about my attractions, I went to a psychiatrist, aptly named Dr. Miracle. He said that if I was gay, I would have acted on it by then, which meant I would have had gay sex, and I had not. So I felt better for about ten minutes, until my gay lust started popping up again.

[Guest hitoallusa]

Well doctors make mistakes...

[Guest CharliePS]

This is the old question of whether one is identified by what one feels or what one does. Like other posters, I masturbated to photos of men from the age of ten, although when I finally had sex with a man for the first time at 17, I had no idea what I was supposed to do physically other than kiss (luckily, he was prepared to teach me). When I had been a card-carrying gay man for years, in my 40s I found myself inexplicably sexually aroused by a woman dentist whenever she worked on me, although nothing came of it. Did that mean I was really bisexual? Many men who identify as straight have sex with men as well as women, but are they actually bisexual or gay? It's a puzzlement.

Many people are turned on by individuals, types, or sexual situations that they have never experienced and may never experience. The prevalence of prison and rape porn doesn't mean that those who watch it really want to be imprisoned or raped. The fact that your friend likes to watch attractive guys cum doesn't mean that he would be equally turned on if they came on him in real life. Until he has had some actual sexual experience with an attractive man one-on-one, he cannot figure out whether he is truly bisexual.

[AdamSmith]

Let me propose (as I and others have before) that orientation is less what gives us a stiffie than whom we fall into romance and love with.

I one time had (this is not realy Germaine to what follows) to calm down my frantic hubby who came home from a weekend helping one of his college girlfriends' (yes, sexual; I met most of then, and regretted he and they were not wide-minded enough for 3-ways!) seek a condo to buy, and one night she came onto him with manual stim; so he responded like. When he 'condessed' to me, about one eve when I was not in town, he was horrified when I asked him why he did not follow thru.

[lookin]

. . . in my 40s I found myself inexplicably sexually aroused by a woman dentist whenever she worked on me, although nothing came of it. Did that mean I was really bisexual?

Maybe it was just the uniform?

[TotallyOz]

I do believe that most people are bisexual. I don't think most are 100 percent of anything. I am about 96 percent gay but that 4 percent occasionally wags its ugly head.

I also do know many men who love women and sex with them but occasionally need gay sex to fully enjoy their life and vice versa.

[Guest hitoallusa]

I am not attracted to woman at all... I think I can manage a straight marriage if no sex is involved because I think I can be a good friend..

I do believe that most people are bisexual. I don't think most are 100 percent of anything. I am about 96 percent gay but that 4 percent occasionally wags its ugly head.

I also do know many men who love women and sex with them but occasionally need gay sex to fully enjoy their life and vice versa.