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Guest gcursor

stupid zombies

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Guest gcursor

Today, I want to talk about old people. Not people, exactly but rather zombies!

Come on, you've seen one of those endless zombie shows or movies, right? I have never tried to hide my disdain for them because I feel they are just so boring and unimaginative. Literally every zombie movie is the same thing with a few personal plot details thrown in the mix. (OH NO! Lucy is pregnant! I gotta deliver this kid while fending off these 3 zombies)

It wouldn't be bad if zombies had different speed but it's that same ambling speed. How the heck do they manage to finally catch up anyway? The heroes get in a car and drive 500 miles away and OH LOOK! the zombies are there come nightfall. Did they take some type of zombie bus? ZOMBIE GREYHOUND ?

Plus for the fact that zombies have this stunning IQ which I think is kind of mocking towards zombies in a general way. Sure, they ain't the smartest tool in the box but you don't have to yell, "HEY, you big stupid moron. You wouldn't be able to hold a gun if somebody taped it to your hands!" Come on...it's not their fault that they're like this! Do you go out to the birds every morning and yell, "HEY! Get out of your damned nests and get a job ya bums!" No..because it's not their fault that they are birds. One of these days, the Zombie Anti-Defamation League will be formed and people will start paying attention when the lawsuits start happening.

But the most upsetting thing is old zombies. What happens to the zombies who get bad arthritis? What about the ones with Alzheimer's? They are still ZOMBIES and deserve a modicum of respect. Perhaps it's time to open a zombie rest home for them where they can spend their twilight years enjoying the company of other zombies while they sit down playing Bridge and Bingo.

So when you watch that next zombie film, remember that Zombies were once people too!

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. . . . . . . . gcursor for President!

. . . . . . . . You can't vote.

. . . . . . . .

Hell I can't! My tombstone's been registered in Jefferson County since 1973.

. . . . . . . . Hey, who's stepping on my shroud?

. . . . . . . . Somebody's got their finger in my eye!

. . . . . . . . At least you have an eye.

Anyone try the brains over at the Underground Cafe??

. . . . Too much sauce.

. . . . . . . . I heard they use frozen.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . That's offal!

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