Is a lie by omission truly a lie?

[TotallyOz]

I have a good friend who I like but I have not been telling him the truth. I don't lie to him but I avoid the questions as much as possible. Is a lie by omission truly a lie? I like the guy but he is also friends with many family members. I feel I own him the truth but learned it is often better to keep my mouth shut.

[Guest hitoallusa]

Well if it's not going to help if you answer the question then maybe you should not lie but can avoid answering for a short period of time but how long do you think you can do that?? Truth gets revealed in the end so if you consider a long term friendship then maybe you should answer the question, I guess.

[TampaYankee]

I have a good friend who I like but I have not been telling him the truth. I don't lie to him but I avoid the questions as much as possible. Is a lie by omission truly a lie? I like the guy but he is also friends with many family members. I feel I own him the truth but learned it is often better to keep my mouth shut.

No. Lying is a proactive action usually committed for deception or to lead one in the wrong direction. Omitting information is a passive action that, at worst, may or may not obscure the right direction. Those are not the same thing. The fact that both do not help you to achieve your objective does not make them the same.

There are occasions in life where not saying something is the best choice. Unfortunately, it isn't always easy to know which occasions those are.

Just my opinion.

[Guest EXPAT]

I think it depends on the context of the omission. Only you can determine how impactful the omission might be.

[Guest FourAces]

As TY mentioned one is active one is passive. Omission is a passive choice not to offer information by avoidance. As another poster noted only you know if that being passive in the context of the situation will cause any hard or not. Sometimes I find it best to be passive ... there is nothing wrong with omitting facts that you feel might cause harm to you or others.

[Guest CharliePS]

An omission is not exactly the truth, but it is a passive lie. I have a friend who thinks she is a very good tennis player, and often tells me so; I bite my tongue and don't say anything, because she is not a very good player and everyone who has ever seen her play knows it, but she would be very offended if I told her that. In fact, an instructor did tell her that last weekend, so she called me, upset, and asked, "Aren't I a 3.0 player?" At that point I wasn't going to actively lie, so I gave her a long and carefully nuanced asnwer in which I told her that she might be considered one in certain ways, but not in others. Whew!

[caeron]

My opinion,yes. Once the person qualifies as a real friend, there is the expectation that your communications are honest. Whether you actively lie, or merely avoid honesty, the effect is the same, the communications are no longer honest.

That said, I think if you're uncomfortable being honest with someone, you have no obligation to be so. But it does have bearing upon what the friendship is if you choose that course.

For instance, I have a number of good friends who know I am gay and married to a woman. They don't ask about how I scratch my itch. If they did ask, I wouldn't be honest. That's not part of my life I want to share with them, and I don't think the lack of sharing impacts the rest of our relationship.

[Lucky]

caeron brings up a subject that is often a source for people to claim that "you are living a lie." At one point I would have agreed, but my years on the forums have changed my mind. There are so many reasons why a person would not choose to tell everyone he knows that he is gay, that I cannot be the judge of their judgments. I only know what works for me.

The same then applies to the original question. There can be reasons why you don't tell everyone everything. Only you can decide who gets to know what.

Picture a guy who is completely out of the closet. Does he then tell everyone, his mama included, if he is a cocaine addict? Is he less honest for keeping his mama/best friend/loving uncle who is a cop unaware? It doesn't, of course, have to be cocaine, it could be any secret that you want.

[Suckrates]

I wouldnt say you are lying, but I will say you are NOT being totally Honest with the person. Lying is intentional and meant to mislead, and while you are not revealing your True and complete self to your friend, I dont believe its meant to harm him in any way, merely its done to protect you.

However, the dynamics of your relationship really is key here. If you want it to move further along, a full disclosure should be considered. Otherwise, if things are OK the way they are, I dont see any harm being done, other thatn you feeling guilty. As in all things in life, go with your "gut" feeling"..

[ihpguy]

Yes.

It happened to me. A lie by omission is definitely a lie.

I ended the very close friendship and all contact when I found out the truth.

[JKane]

I think simple omission is not a lie, for example I don't tell friends/co-workers I'm gay but I also intend to answer truthfully if ever asked.

But the fact that it is weighing heavily on you and you seem to feel guilty about it really speaks volumes. I think in this instance you already know the answer, but haven't yet admitted that you do!

[Guest hitoallusa]

I go through bridal catalogues at work and chat with all the ladies in the building. It's hard for my co-workers to imagine that I'm straight.. One Chinese worker said she wouldn't do anything with a gay guy at first but we became good allies later.

I think simple omission is not a lie, for example I don't tell friends/co-workers I'm gay but I also intend to answer truthfully if ever asked.

But the fact that it is weighing heavily on you and you seem to feel guilty about it really speaks volumes. I think in this instance you already know the answer, but haven't yet admitted that you do!