10 things to never put in an online dating profile

[Guest EXPAT]

It's rough out there. Believe me. I know ... But when you are looking for love online, there are certain things you can do to make it easier on yourself. I am here to offer the men of the world some very simple, no-brainer DONT'S for their online profile pictures. Men: Take a moment to make sure you are not guilty of any these offenses:

1. Pictures of yourself with a dolphin: I don't really get it. Is it to show a "sense of adventure?" A love of fish?

2. Listing your job as "professional": Professional WHAT?

3. Post only one picture -- of a group: I get it! You want us to know 'I'm a cool guy,' I have friends! And that's okay, it gives us an indication of what you like to do, but come on -- you need to indicate which one you are. Guess which one is trying to land a date? I DON'T KNOW!

4. One very distant picture: "Hellllooooooo out there there the th...." I can't SEE you. Not helpful when I am superficially sussing out people that I could potentially be attracted to!

5. Blurry: Come on. You can do better, can't you?

6. Pictures of yourself with several go go boys or strippers: So that's what you like? Pass.

7. Shirt off, no face: While it's good to let a guy imagine, we'd rather not have to imagine your face -- put your shirt back on (or not) and stop hiding behind your (real or imagined) abdominals.

8. Only posting self-portraits of the bathroom mirror variety: Get someone to take your freaking picture! Come on, man! If I wanted to date a serial killer, I would get a prison pen pal.

9. Posting arty imagery: I get it. You're cool. I don't want to look at what you like to look at. I want to see you. Spare me your awesome sense of aesthetics.

10. No photo: This is of course the worst photo offense one can commit in their online dating profile. Even the least shallow among us, when looking for "the one" online and sifting through thousands of profiles, have at best a four-second window in which we decide whether or not we want to learn more about this person. And the picture is largely what we base it on. No pic/no dice. *see number 4.