I'd Rather Raw-Dog A Beehive

[ihpguy]

I'm sitting here laughing so hard I've got tears streaming down my cheeks. Puck's speech to Quinn is priceless. I had to go to urban sayings to know what he was even saying. So funny. I've watched the speech three times in a row. Funny.

"You’re higher maintenance than Berry and pretty much the most selfish person I’ve ever met in my life, so thanks for the offer, but I’d rather raw-dog a bee hive."

Funny Critique - For example, I have a particularly violent response to all things Sue, Will and Shelby and I usually really like Santana, Blaine and…there must be someone…um…well, Kurt’s clothes are usually fantastic (I’m pretending that tonight’s leather studded neckerchief fuckery didn’t happen). And you wouldn’t want to hear me bitch about how much Sue sucks week in and week out, right? What I’m saying is, it’s best if we provide a cornucopia of Glee bitchery, so that you, the reader, don’t get bored.

ANYWAY, on to the show!

This was Santana’s episode, where she claimed her G status proudly and came out to her family (we didn’t see the supportive parents because I guess Burt Hummell already has that area covered? Yes, it’s important to show the struggles faced by teens in this situation, but it would probably also be nice to also remind people that sometimes people are good to their children). Unlike Santana’s abuelita, who went from World’s Nicest Grandma to Bitch From Hell in under ten seconds. The scene reminded me of Mike Chang’s father’s dance aversion in that both characters seem almost cartoonishly villainous and close-minded, but maybe I’m just naive.

Rachel is mad at everyone for being so self-centered that they don’t even realize that they should all be worried about Kurt’s chances in the election. And Rachel is so selflessly concerned about Kurt, because she needs him to get into NYADA (she’s obviously getting in, so don’t even worry about that) so that he can give her makeovers and soufflés while she studies her craft. I’d like to hear your dads’ thoughts on that totally not offensive plan, biotch. Brittany’s on a path to victory paved with pixie stix dust, so Rachel goes full Tracy Flick and rigs the election. God, I wish that Rachel was more like Tracy all the time – I might actually love to hate her instead of just plain hate her if she was. If you don’t know who Tracy Flick is, I’m assigning you homework: go watch Election, get acquainted with the best Type A High School Bitch ever, and thank me on Twitter later.

Finn apologized to Santana for outing her, but also blackmailed her into re-joining Nude Erections (will anyone even be shocked by this? They might as well re-name the group the Dramatic Entrances & Exits Club at this point) just in time for sectionals. Somehow this smoothly translates into both clubs just casually fusing, with all of the past hatred and in-fighting forgotten, like a million other plots on this show. Don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll all be at war again next week. Especially now that Quinn has the deets on Shelby’s pedo ways.

That’s basically the set up for the episode, and it pretty much plays out as a musical journey to Santana’s acceptance of herself, even in the face of unsupportive family members. I’m going to break the rest down using our favorite standby, BULLET POINTS:

I don’t know how I feel about Finn’s reference to Jamey Rodemeyer’s suicide while talking with Santana. The stakes of the scene just didn’t seem to warrant bringing up such a recent tragedy, so it felt kind of jarring and a little cheap.

Coach Beiste is kind of a big lady, so she spends her days stuffing poultry into her face, obviously. Stay classy, Ryan Murphy!

The John Travolta Institute for Head Thickening and Facial Weight Gain. Sue made me laugh! I just wish it wasn’t yet ANOTHER ugly joke directed at Coach, because she is awesome, and it’s not like she’s wearing a mask – it’s her real face, for god’s sake.

Good grrl power message to have a grown-ass woman like Shelby need a dumbshit high school kid to swoop in and handle business when her kid needs stitches. Ew all around to that ‘loving family, dad to the rescue’ scene.

I’m calling it now, because I feel that confident in my understanding of Ryan Murphy’s M.O.: Santana’s abuelita is a closet gay (I mean, you saw her haircut, right?). In Murphy’s mind, every homophobe has a glitter bomb inside just waiting to go off.

Quinn has realized that the reason she’s so unhappy is because she doesn’t have a baby, so she tries to get preggo again. Did she huff paint during her Summer of Rebellion? Bitch has been acting dumber than Brittany this year.

Rachel sucks at rigging elections and is now banned from sectionals! Awesome! Her cry-singing face is the worst!

Oh, also, Sue and Bieste are now fighting over that guy who farted a lot in Can’t Buy Me Love. He came off like a complete tool in this episode, so good luck ladies!

Will was pretty much background noise, which is exactly how I like him.

The actress playing the new chick must be really excited that she’s on this show, huh? Has she even had a line since her first episode?

Puck says that he knocked Quinn up three years ago – um, excuse me? Wasn’t that supposed to be last year in Glee time? I’m pretty sure that they weren’t freshman when the show started.

Songs:

In honor of Santana’s rug-munching ways, we were treated to a veritable Lilith Fair of a lineup. All of the songs in the episode were written by womyn, for womyn. So light some incense, snuggle up to your cat and admire your newest henna tattoo while I go through the List of Musical Empowerment:

Fuckin’ Perfect (Kurt and Blaine’s squeaky-clean Pink cover)

Um, despite Kurt trying to make me look like an idiot for praising his wardrobe with his asymmetrical turtleneck half-shawl, I thought that the actual song was well done. I mean, if you don’t enjoy a little Blaine lite-rapping action, you obviously just hate joy. You know that SB’s going to be re-enacting that in her kitchen for the next month. For the most part, I’m kind of clueless when it comes to contemporary pop music, but I like Pink and I like Blaine and I don’t hate Kurt most of the time, so I was happy with it.

I’m The Only One (Puck fucks his guitar from behind while singin’ Melissa Etheridge)

I’m split on this one – on the one hand, he sang it fairly well and looked hot as hell doing it. On the other hand…Shelby. GAH – I seriously cannot believe the myriad of times that I’ve been compelled to go off on a student/teacher relationship rant this year. TV just needs to stop it. It’s not titillating – it’s gross. Also gross? Puck’s weird pelt-like mohawk. He either needs to trim that bitch or grow it all out, because it’s very upsetting in its current state.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (Finn tries to make me cry with Cyndi Lauper’s 80′s party anthem)

WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS? When it first started I was like, ‘bitch, please’, but then as it went on and I gave it a chance, my thoughts turned into, ‘bitch, please STOP!’. But then Santana cried, and that girl cries SO WELL, and I’ve been a little emotional lately, so I don’t know. I got a tad misty – sue me. I will also admit to being a Cory Monteith fan (Finn not as much) because he’s a proud Canadian boy and seems cool IRL. A lot cooler than Finn, anyway (yeah, I know – not hard). I hated the arrangement, but it worked well for his (limited) vocal range, so at least he sounded okay. What dance song will they ballad-ize next? My vote is for I’m Too Sexy.

Jolene (Coach Bieste does Dolly Parton and I Liked It!)

If I’m being honest, the instant I realized Coach was about to sing, I went into full cringe-mode. I like Coach a lot, but I’ve been burned by this show before – I was not a fan of the Coach/Will kiss, and don’t even get me started on what they did to her in that episode when everyone used her image as a mental boner-killer. How the actress handles them calling her fug all the time, I will never understand. But I really liked this song! I LOVE Jolene (I’m partial to the White Stripes version, but the original is great too), and Coach rocked it. I’m almost okay with the fact that they clearly set up the Sue/Bieste manfight just so that they could do this song. Gold stars for everyone.

I Kissed a Girl (Santana and the Girls put out another Katy Perry cover that’s better than the original)

Does Katy Perry hate or love Glee? They give her a lot of exposure but they also consistently kick her ass with her own songs. I thought that this was great, and Santana killed it, per usual. I even liked Rachel for once. A fun, catchy song (shut up, it is!), Santana looking hot and sounding fantastic – what’s not to like?

Constant Craving (Santana et al sing KD Lang’s L-Word anthem)

It started out great, and then Shelby joined in, turning Santana’s moment of triumph into a teacher’s rumination on her desire for off-limits peen. Also, Bieste was weight training for some reason, and Kurt was wearing Shawl #2 and okay, I get it. He wants me to turn on him, and he’s succeeded. His clothes are ridiculous. Forget everything I said earlier.

[MsGuy]

Ihpguy, that's one hell of an impressive rant.

Wow!!

[Guest hitoallusa]

Thanks! You saved my time so I don't have to watch the episode online. I love reading what other people thought about the show rather than watching it myself. Many thanks.. Now I no one should come between Blaine and Kurt..

[ihpguy]

Thanks! You saved my time so I don't have to watch the episode online. I love reading what other people thought about the show rather than watching it myself. Many thanks.. Now I no one should come between Blaine and Kurt..

Not me. The rant is a cut-and-paste. The intro I didn't like and did not include. But thought the body of the post was good. Nice commentary on the songs. The Bieste doing Jolene was quite "memorable", kind of like a whale's mating call. Or mine.

But come on. Who can think up such lines as "I'd Rather Raw-Dog A Beehive?"

The whole Santana coming-out episode was interesting as it was handled in such a innovative manner. And her abuelita kicking her to the side of the road was such a shocker. You always see Grandmas portrayed as the all-knowing, all-seeing, all-forgiving. NOT!

[ihpguy]

Not me. The rant is a cut-and-paste. The intro I didn't like and did not include. But thought the body of the post was good. Nice commentary on the songs. The Bieste doing Jolene was quite "memorable", kind of like a whale's mating call. Or mine.

But come on. Who can think up such lines as "I'd Rather Raw-Dog A Beehive?"

The whole Santana coming-out episode was interesting as it was handled in such a innovative manner. And her abuelita kicking her to the side of the road was such a shocker. You always see Grandmas portrayed as the all-knowing, all-seeing, all-forgiving. NOT!

And I just have to say that in this episode, Puck's mohawk looks like a vagina trim that I think is referred to as a "Hitler" or "Raccoon?" Anyone can help me out on this? Just the thought of looking on the internet for furry vag shots gives me the willies!

Of note: This episode was directed by Tate(Sandy Bullock's ex-man candy)Donovan. Big difference from Adam Shankman.