When happy days become sad days..

[Guest lurkerspeaks]

Birthdays are supposed to be happy days. .We are taught from an early age that birthdays are a time for parties, presents, cake, and celebrations..

I was born on my mother's birthday. It made it super easy to never forget her birthday. As I grew up and moved out on my own, it was almost like a race each year, to see which of us would call the other first every November 15 to say Happy birthday..

But sadly, my mom passed away in 2005. Now, my "happy day" has turned into a sad time. Each year, it seems to get harder and harder as November approaches. I know all about "think of the good times", etc etc. .but it really doesn't help.. It is just a very grey, sad month for me.. I miss my mother.

So, my words to all of you is enjoy the time you are given with your loved ones.. They won't be around forever..

[Guest gcursor]

Im so sorry for your loss Lurker. My mom passed in August of last year. A few years back, I made a conscious decision (after the loss of my grandma who had bee in a rest home the last 3 years of my life) to spend more time with my parents while they were here. At that time, I moved back to home and live with my dad at the moment. I still live my life but right now...being with my dad and spending this time with him (although we rarely talk ) being here is what's important. Once somebody is gone then that's it. There are no do-overs. Hug that person now and tell them that you really care no matter what kind of problems you are having with them! Because you never know what is going to happen tomorrow and then it might be too late.

[Guest hitoallusa]

Lurker

I'm sorry about your loss. But try to think in this way: Part of your mother lives in you now and she wants you to be happy. You are the continuation of her life and she is enjoying her life through you. Happy birthday and many more to come.

[Guest EXPAT]

I know how you feel. Today, Nov. 3 would have been my mother's 88th birthday. But she passed away at the age of 66. So some days like this one is a sad day for me. But I'm enjoying looking at old pictures of us from years ago.

[Guest hitoallusa]

Lurker you are so sweet. I want to have a child like you.

As I grew up and moved out on my own, it was almost like a race each year, to see which of us would call the other first every November 15 to say Happy birthday..

[Guest CharliePS]

Anniversaries often evoke mixed emotions. My partner and I met on his birthday, which we celebrate as our anniversary. By a strange coincidence, it was also my parents' wedding anniversary, so I too have mixed memories on that day. If I go first, he will have the same divided feelings that you do, or if he goes first, it will be a triply sad date for me.

On a related note, Sept. 11 and Nov. 22 are traumatic dates in American history, but they also happen to be the anniversaries of two of my most important personal losses. It's hard for me to ignore those dates when they are always reinforced in the news that day.

All we can do is accept that there are times when we can't avoid those emotions.

[Guest epigonos]

My mother was something of an Auntie Mame type person. She died the night of December 22/23 1995 in her sleep at the age of 91. Two nights prior to her death a group of four of us went out to a lovely prime rib dinner to celebrate the approaching holiday. She absolutely adored Christmas and used to fill her apartment, in the retirement home where she lived, with all sorts of crazy Christmas decorations and stuffed animals. In her memory I spend three weeks decorating my condo and to this day use many of her crazy Christmas decorations and stuffed animals. In my case the memories are good because I know how much she would have enjoyed all the parties and dinners I host during December.

[Lucky]

I hope that lurkerspeaks is benefiting from this information- he has not said. I wrote him privately, then afterward thought how easy it is to advise someone else, but when it is me it is not so easy. As was posted, my mom died earlier this year, but she had lived a full life and was ready to go. Still a loss for me, but perhaps not so hard as losing your mother at a younger age.

[Guest lurkerspeaks]

Ok.. since I already opened up and spilled my guts.. guess I might as well open up a little more to the big, mostly anonymous internet..

Thank you everyone for your kind words and well wishes.. As most of you probably know..the secret to getting thru tough times is to stay busy and keep yourself pre-occupied so you don't dwell on the sad things..

For awhile, I tried to schedule my vacation during this month, so it gave me something to think about and do.. I made my first two fabulous trips to Rio de Janeiro in November of '08 and '09...Nothing better to take your mind off sadness than a bunch of near naked sauna boys...

This year, I had hoped to take a trek to Thailand for my birthday.. Unfortunately, I, like so many others, lost my job in September. And as of yet, I have not found another job. So, I sit at home most of the time, looking thru online job sites and sending off resumes. I don't want to go out and spend much money until I have another source of income coming back in.

All of that "downtime" gives the mind much time to dwell on sad things.. I am basically an optimistic person, always seeing the glass half full. I usually do a good job on being upbeat and optimistic about the future, but some days it just gets really hard to maintain a positive outlook.

So.. that is my story...I do still miss my mother... I know she is still there, watching over me.. But I know that the future still holds many great things.. I just have to be patient.. be persistant, and most of all, never settle to just lurk in the background--get out there and JUST DO IT.

[Guest hitoallusa]

Thank you for sharing your life here Lurker and good luck with your job searching.