What does it take to get participation?

[Guest lurkerspeaks]

I have tried to post more than usual over the last few days.. trying to do my share and get some threads going..hopefully to get more people to participate.. But it seems like only a few "regular" posters respond/reply..

It gets really frustrating to take the time to come up with posts, find pics, etc and then have them just sit there..Even one of our most vocal posters, Lucky, seems to have disappeared lately. Is it from lack of participation????

I will make one last effort to get some interaction here. This is a topic I have been mulling over for awhile. Not asking for anything TOO personal, but share with the board a true fact about yourself that very few people know...

I will even start...

I once appeared on the Judge Judy Show.. It was back in the late 1990's. I had loaned money to a stripper boy I met in a bar.. I had him sign a contract to pay me back. He failed to pay me back--kept coming up with excuses.. I finally sued him on Judge Judy...(No, we never had any sexual contact at all)

If anyone reads this and wants more details about my episode with Judge Judy and the stripper, ask away.. And if this thread actually takes off, I do have another fact to share and titilate...

[Guest hitoallusa]

So were you able to get your money back? I've been curious whether Judge Judy is scripted or not. I guess not. Were you comfortable after your trial aired on TV? Did anyone recognize you?

[MsGuy]

I once appeared on the Judge Judy Show.. It was back in the late 1990's. I had loaned money to a stripper boy I met in a bar.. I had him sign a contract to pay me back. He failed to pay me back--kept coming up with excuses.. I finally sued him on Judge Judy...

ahahahahaha...Damned if I don't have a vague memory of seeing that show or something very similar. It's a small world!

If anyone reads this and wants more details about my episode with Judge Judy and the stripper, ask away..

Oh, man, you can't leave us hanging on this one, Lurker! I mean, I've got a thousand questions. How did you get get on Judge Judy in the first place? Did he claim you took it out in trade? Did you ace that exit interview after the trial? Take it off, Lurker, take it all off! Bare it, right down to the naked truth!

Seriously, if this weren't such a great thread topic, I would never admit in public to have been a fan of Judge Judy way back when.

And if this thread actually takes off, I do have another fact to share and titilate...

[Lucky]

When I signed off last night, I was the top poster for the day, so don't know what lurkerspeaks is talking about there. But I do agree that only a few seem to carry the message board, and the lack of reply to threads is discouraging. Beyond that, no offense to anyone, but some of the threads are simply not of interest to me. It seems there is a contest to see who can post the silliest stuff.

[Guest hitoallusa]

I think a lot of still read posts here. They don't necessary post and I don't mind that. It's their preference. Some people are reserved, some want to remain discreet and some people just want to hire escorts and only read reviews.. I guess that leaves a small number of people posting here. I don't think the number really matters as long as our posts contribute to the community. I think we have been doing that quiet well. Like a good bed and breakfast, some guests will never come back but somehow it will be part of journey in their lives. I find satisfaction in that.

[OneFinger]

There's been a lot going on in my life lately and I simply don't have a lot of extra time to respond to threads. I still visit daily and enjoy reading. But, it does take time to post and then hope you don't end up having to explain or justify your quick comments.

...Not asking for anything TOO personal, but share with the board a true fact about yourself that very few people know...

Back in the 1980's I worked as a decoy "john" in prostitution stings. A friend was a local cop and they needed a fresh face that the female street walkers wouldn't recognize. So, I agreed to wear a wire and allow the women to come up and proposition me. Once they were in my car and we were on our way to a dark side street, the cops would pull me over on a "traffic violation" and then arrest the prostitute.

Looking back, I'm not sure why I ever agreed to help out the cops. Sure wouldn't do it again.

[ihpguy]

Hey Lurker.

I'm here. Locked up with a sling on my arm, unable to leave my house for six weeks. So I do read everything here. Lots of posts seem to not need a response but I do enjoy.

Now, as the child of an elderly Judge Judy addict, how much of an actress is our star? Is it all an act that they chuckle about when the cameras are turned off?

[TampaYankee]

Lurker,

Thanks for sharing this interesting experience. It provokes lots of questions of which some are already on the table. I look forward to reading more.

[MsGuy]

Now, as the child of an elderly Judge Judy addict, how much of an actress is our star?

What a pussy! Just man up and admit to watching the damned thing. If I can, you can.

C'mon all you Judge Judy queens, come out of the closet!

[lookin]

I tried watching her a few years ago and couldn't get through five minutes. She had figured out how to make money being rude, and who needed to watch that? Feh! Stumbled across her again last year while channel surfing and she was still rude as ever. Hasn't changed a bit. But I guess I have, and I now enjoy watching her every day!

Can't figure out what gets so many folks to go on her show and put up with her put downs. Some money, of course, and I expect she's quite charming when the cameras are off. I imagine she tells people it's an act for ratings and they should just try to play along. I hope lurkerspeaks will shed some light on the backstage doings, and what motivated him and his erstwhile protégé to appear on the show. Was it only the money, and was it worth doing?

Speaking of money, I was surprised to read somewhere that Byrd, the bailiff, makes only $100,000 a year, compared with Judge Judy's $45,000,000. I do hope he makes a lot more than that. The tsuris alone should be worth at least a quarter mil.

[BiBottomBoy]

I try to comment and post as much as possible but sometimes life gets in the way.

[Guest lurkerspeaks]

OK.. here is my version of the Judge Judy Low down....

First some background on the show in general and my case..

To be on Judge Judy, both parties have to agree to appear. There has to be an actual case filed in local courts (in my case, small claims court). You both sign a contract, agreeing to abide by Judge Judy's ruling. The show then gets the local court case dropped. The show flies the people out to LA (They put me up at the hotel in Weho--Ramada I think, on Santa Monica). The show pays a small amount (around $100 if I remember correctly) to the litigants, and here is the big part, the show pays any and all settlements. This explains why people who are in the wrong agree to go on the show.. They have to put up with Judge Judy calling them idiots, etc, but they are free of the debt from whatever lawsuit..

Now for my case background.. I "met" this stripperboy at one of our bars here in Phoenix. He became my favorite stripper who I went to see several times a month.. I had given him my number in case he wanted to "do lunch" or something.. One day I got a call from him. He had been at a party the night before, and had his wallet stolen. He needed money for rent..(Not a large sum, about $300 or so).. He said he would pay me back over the next few weeks as he got more money from stripping)..I went over to his apartment and brought along a written contract with me, stating that I was loaning him xxx dollars and he would pay me back in full by xxx date.. He signed the contract and I gave him the money.. We did not have any physical contact at all..

The next few weeks went by. I went to see him strip and he gave me little or no money towards the debt.. The deadline for payback passed, and he still owed most of the debt..I tried calling--no response. I tried going by his apartment--no response..Several months went by.. nothing... I stumbled upon a "new" porn-site (long since gone) that published a nude photo shoot of my stripperboy.

I decided to contact Judge Judy to see if I could get my money back. I explained in full to them the details of how we met.. about his nude modeling, etc. I even sent them a link to the website with his nude pics.. The "juicy-ness" of it all is what got them to take the case.. I had no clue as to any explanation he would offer for not paying me back, except for not having any money. I was prepared

to respond with, but you had did a photo shoot for xxx website...I even had printed out a few of the "less revealing" pics and brought them with me.

On the day of taping, you are taken to the green room, where you spend most of your time. They tape a week or so worth of shows on one day.. I was talking to one of the assistants, and mentioned my case.. She (and assumably everyone else) had viewed stripperboy's nude pics...

My actual time with Judge Judy was very limited. When they are ready to tape, they take you to the set, you present your case..and they whisk you away.. No time to talk with Judy, no time to observe other cases..

Back to my case..

Stripperboy presented himself as a waiter, not a stripper.. So I didnt get to bring up anything about stripping. He claimed to have not paid me back because I harrassed him. So no way to bring up the nude photo shoot.. so the case became pretty bland.. The only juicy part is he mentioned that I propositioned him that if he slept with me, I would forgive the money. (I never did this, by the way). She said, so what to that statement. She ended up calling him a mooch, and a user..I was awarded my money. And I never saw Stripperboy again.

[RA1]

I am not an attorney but I would say that Lurkers' experience is fairly typical of what happens in our judicial system. The parties show up with their own viewpoint or agendum of what happened and the court seldom allows both sides to express their points. "Suddenly" some point or other becomes the focus of the proceedings and a verdict is rendered. Notice, I did not say that justice was served.

Huge case in point. Does anyone seriously think that OJ was not guilty?

Best regards,

RA1

PS--Thanks for your post lulrker.

[Guest gcursor]

I got publicly spanked a few times verbally for posting some of the stuff that I did so I've lost my palate for posting on here for now. Ask me again in 20-30 years.

Gcursor

[lookin]

Yes, thank you, lurkerspeaks! Glad the 'mooch' got his and you got yours.

For most 'cases', there's a minute at the end when the two parties comment on the 'trial' and/or each other. Once in a while, a story comes out that puts a very different light on the situation - a side that Judge Judy seemed to have missed altogether. I agree with RA1 that it smacks of sloppy jurisprudence, but I watch her for the entertainment and not because I'm expecting a Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

As for the original "What does it take to get participation?" question, in my case it comes down to (1) time, (2) something I'd like to share with you good folks and/or (3) a subject that tickles my - er - fancy.

This thread has some of each.

As hitoallusa has said, some folks may come here just to browse, rather than post. They may one day decide to post. Or not. It's all good. The only thing that would bother me is that someone may feel uncomfortable about posting because of anything that I/we do that would discourage them. I don't think that this website puts out any negative vibes, unlike some others I've seen; so, until I hear otherwise, my plan is to keep on keepin' on, and hoping for the best.

Who knows when the spirit will move someone to join in?

PS: Just saw your post, gcursor. I guess if we want more posters, we'll just have to work a bit harder at keeping the Welcome mat out. What would it take to lure you back?

[Guest lurkerspeaks]

OK.. then here is another "factoid" from my life that will hopefully titilate some more of you guys into spilling your guts..

About 10 or so years ago, I was the "phoenix orgy host".. I hosted about 4-5 orgies in a year and a half time span... I first experienced an orgy after answering an online ad..At that orgy, there was about 10 or so guys.. unfortunately, only one was what I would consider "my type". So I decided to host my own orgy to see if I could get more guys that were "my types". I posted ads on gay.com and elsewhere.... I ended up partnering up (for hosting purposes) with a guy I met at my of my earlier orgies to host a few together. For our first "big" orgy, we rented a hotel room with a private hot tub. We had a total of 29 guys show up, over the course of several hours...This orgy was even mentioned in a blind gossip section of one of the Phoenix gay papers..

I quickly found out that many hot, young guys expressed interest, but most failed to show up.. It seemed like most of the ones who actually showed up and participated tended to be 30-50something..

My largest and last orgy was held at a local resort hotel. I rented a two story suite..Had over 40 people attend. By this time, I had gotten assistance from a gay computergeek friend of mine who created a website, complete with "application" etc...

The craziest thing I saw at one of my orgies--one guy getting double fucked--two dicks in his ass at the same time..All I could think was OUCH.....

PS...it was a lot of work to organize these events..And to be the "good host", I got a lot less action than most of my attendees.

[Guest gcursor]

Lookin

The topic isnt about me nor should it be. I can say that I'm not a marketing genius so I can't really say what will draw more traffic to the site.

However I've made 2 observations:

1. Be who you are. Don't try to be a big site with lots and lots of traffic. Cater to the small audience and try to see what you can do for them. Do something radically different..think outside of the box. Spotlight a member each day and ask them some general questions. Get to know the viewers and find new ways to engage them by doing things that are different and unique.

2. Find a niche. I think everybody just needs their niche. I think the site just needs to look at things from a different perspective (escorts and members) and look at things differently...something that other sites don't provide or not as much. For example, I've often wondered why we don't hear escorts saying poetry they've written or getting to know the human side of people ...STOP LAUGHING! it's something different!) or discussing how they feel about a particular news topic or how a particular party went and then have the posters respond to that post....I know that they're very busy but it's just a thought....and I've given some ideas for members but you have to be somewhat radical in your thinking. You can't be afraid to break rules and try different things that you're not sure will work or not.

It's hard to find your niche! I've often been told that I haven't found my niche in life yet either but it's something that takes time, effort, and lots of TLC.

gcursor]

p.s. and to the second picture that you posted in your response...YES PLEASE!

Yes, thank you, lurkerspeaks! Glad the 'mooch' got his and you got yours.

For most 'cases', there's a minute at the end when the two parties comment on the 'trial' and/or each other. Once in a while, a story comes out that puts a very different light on the situation - a side that Judge Judy seemed to have missed altogether. I agree with RA1 that it smacks of sloppy jurisprudence, but I watch her for the entertainment and not because I'm expecting a Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

As for the original "What does it take to get participation?" question, in my case it comes down to (1) time, (2) something I'd like to share with you good folks and/or (3) a subject that tickles my - er - fancy.

This thread has some of each.

As hitoallusa has said, some folks may come here just to browse, rather than post. They may one day decide to post. Or not. It's all good. The only thing that would bother me is that someone may feel uncomfortable about posting because of anything that I/we do that would discourage them. I don't think that this website puts out any negative vibes, unlike some others I've seen; so, until I hear otherwise, my plan is to keep on keepin' on, and hoping for the best.

Who knows when the spirit will move someone to join in?

PS: Just saw your post, gcursor. I guess if we want more posters, we'll just have to work a bit harder at keeping the Welcome mat out. What would it take to lure you back?

[Lucky]

Lurkerspeak's question repeats itself here with familiarity. The message center seems to have its ups and downs, and those of us who post regularly probably care more than those who post occasionally. We have mentioned before that posting in reply to topics is just as important as posting a new thread.

People who post something like to know that it is appreciated, in the sense that they feel vindicated or receive approval for bringing up something of interest. We do that by responding to their post with an opinion or reply of some sort. Many threads continue to become conversations, and those are considered to be the most successful threads. Some threads are just meant to give information.

For me, so many topics have already been covered in my almost 12 years of posting that when I see something come up again, I am less likely to respond, but for many it is the first time they have seen the topic. No way around that. I also couldn't care less about most television, so I don't join those threads. I am here mostly for gay content, but not exclusively.

What I like is theater, gay subjects, politics, and cute guys, not that any of those subjects cannot be overdone. I sometimes think that if people put the energy into the Pub that they seem to put into finding pictures, we'd have a more successful forum.

But as I look back to the so-called "glory years" of the message boards, when it was all new to us, there was more of a sense of camaraderie that made coming to the board more rewarding. What the ingredients of that are I cannot quite discern, I just know it when I see it. It's people feeling an affinity for the board, if not each other, but there has to be some interest in what others think and do to keep topics alive. You can post all of the threads you want, but if no one responds, then it's not much fun.

Fun boards for me have always included a certain amount of teasing, poking, and prodding. When it is meant in good fun, then it works, and the board is better for it. Those who are thin-skinned really should look for their fun elsewhere, in my humble opinion. Locker rooms have always included some of the interactions I describe,and men seem to thrive in them.

I know my response didn't come out particularly well, but when we have a good message board, we will know it. No one will need to ask why participation lags. We won't have to encourage people to post more often. There is no shortage of material out there. It's just getting the posters in sync.

[lookin]

Good post, Lucky, from much experience and thoughtfulness. Everything you say makes sense, though I do see things differently in a couple of areas. Maybe the differences arise because I may be more of an 'occasional' poster, rather than a 'regular' so please steer me back on course if needed. Here's where things look different to me:

The message center seems to have its ups and downs, and those of us who post regularly probably care more than those who post occasionally.

Perhaps not. There may be some folks who really like coming here but really don't like posting. TY and OZ can probably figure out if there are members who check in regularly and just don't post. If there are, they must care or they wouldn't keep coming back. If there are such folks, I'm glad they're here and I hope they're enjoying themselves.

But as I look back to the so-called "glory years" of the message boards, when it was all new to us, there was more of a sense of camaraderie that made coming to the board more rewarding. What the ingredients of that are I cannot quite discern, I just know it when I see it. It's people feeling an affinity for the board, if not each other, but there has to be some interest in what others think and do to keep topics alive. You can post all of the threads you want, but if no one responds, then it's not much fun.

I wasn't here in those days, so I know your perspective is fuller than mine. From my more limited viewpoint, I don't identify with the Board as much as with the people. It's nice when people respond but, for me, it's what they say rather than how often they say it. I've tried to be better about responding to those who I know appreciate it, but I don't think I expect a lot of comments on my posts. Good thing too.

Those who are thin-skinned really should look for their fun elsewhere, in my humble opinion. Locker rooms have always included some of the interactions I describe,and men seem to thrive in them.

OK, one more slight difference in viewpoint, and it may be because I've had to battle a thin skin all my life, but I'd like to think that this is a place where thin-skinned folks can feel welcomed. If we like our own little idiosyncracies to be indulged, why shouldn't we indulge those of others? And I also think that thin-skinned people are usually very sensitive people, and good to have around.

Perhaps we can find another opening in the locker room.

I know my response didn't come out particularly well . . .

I think it came out very well. I really appreciate that you care about what happens here as much as you do. If not for your efforts, who knows who might be hanging around the place by now?

[Guest hitoallusa]

Lucky I've always liked your honesty and directness. I come here everyday and I somehow find some comfort in my life. Life is hard and difficult but at the end of the day(well tough I come here through out the day lol), I'm glad to see people's posts here and learn how they are doing. I bet some people never respond but they do read posts here. Anyways, I admire your love and dedication for this forum.

[Guest CharliePS]

Some days I read almost every post, and want to respond to many of them. Other days, I just don't feel like reading anything, and don't have the time or the inclination to reply. That's just the way it goes. Websites are like parties: sometimes they are a blast, but then they go on too long and get boring, and then something happens or someone else arrives, and they perk up again. I don't worry too much about the ebbs and flows.

As for something few people know: When I was 21, I tried out being a street hustler. It had to be the street, because there were no gay rags, and the computer hadn't been invented yet. I wasn't very good at it, so I made very little money, and gave it up as soon as I met an attractive older man who was happy to take me to nice places and give me nice things, since I was socially presentable. After a while, that ended, too, and from then on I just fucked with anyone who turned me on and paid my own way.

[Lucky]

Having the kind permission of Lookin to respond to him here, in lieu of both responding to him here and to his gracious and kind email sent to me personally, I will start out by agreeing with him: Much of what I say does make sense.

Now that we have that out of the way, let me remind you that I was speaking in the context of what made a good board, and expressing my personal opinion, and, in one case, my very humble personal opinion. I was speaking to what I thought constituted a part of a good board.

It's a nice thing about the board that everyone is welcome. Many, if not all, of us were in that position once in grade school where teams were being chosen and the dreaded spot was to be the last one chosen, usually because you threw the ball like a girl. Guys playing sports usually do so because they want to win, and pick their teams accordingly.

But here you can throw like a girl and no one cares. As I said, everyone is welcome. But everyone does not make a good player, and those posting here are not unlike the boys playing the game- they want interesting things to happen, whether in the form of good conversation, interesting topics, or cute pictures. So we tend to cull out those who do not interest us, usually ignoring them, but often are not given that freedom.

Keeping to my sports analogy, if you come to the ballpark to see a baseball game, you know that there is a chance, however slim, that you might get hit by a foul ball. And, if it happens, you could, if you choose, make a big scene out of it, whimpering and threatening to take the ball and go home. Or, you might encounter someone in the stands who is rooting for the other team. You could get mad and go home then too. Or you could start a fight, or you could shut up and try to enjoy the game.

If you are picked for the team, your teammates have a right to expect you to play hard. Do I have to stop, before I throw the ball to you, to remember that you don't like it when I throw the ball hard? If I slide into second base hard, are you going to get upset and cry? Not likely. You'll just tell yourself that is how the game is played. If you don't like it, you can go home. And stay there! Don't keep coming back to the ballpark and expect everyone not to slide hard, or throw the ball hard. Don't keep reminding everyone that you are easily upset when you enter the game and something happens that you don't like. Just play the game, if that is your choice, and play the best you can.

But for those sitting in the stands, when the foul ball comes, try to catch it. And, if you can't, let someone else have a go at it. In a nutshell, what I am saying, is that if I come to play ball, I expect to be able to play it to the best of my ability. I don't want to have to hold my throw because you can't take it. I want to say what I think without having to first consider everyone's sensibilities.

But, and it is a big but, no one likes the bullies that are welcome here too. Maybe, for the sake of shorthand, you could say that no one likes the bullies or the sissies. If you enter the game, play it fairly. Learning how others react is part of being a good player. I am not going to intentionally try to irritate the other guys on the field. For me, Lookin, assuming that you are still with me here, the assumption I make when I come to the forum is that the other guys here have chosen to be here. They have chosen to enter the game, if the sports analogy holds. So they know the score, right? Feelings will occasionally get hurt, just as foul balls will occasionally enter the stands. The guys who can go with the flow and hold their own will be better players than the ones who cry and run to mother.

In a nutshell, don't try to play the game if you aren't able to. The Yankees don't let people play on their team just to be nice to them. So, when I say that thin-skinned people should not participate, that's what I mean. Remember that we are talking about what keeps me interested here. I want to use the forums to have good conversations, and sometimes that means expressing thoughts that others don't agree with, or even like. If I come here and it's turned into a knitting circle, that's okay. I can go play somewhere else. And that's what I expect thin-skinned people to do too.

There was also the subject raised about the regular posters and the occasional posters. I will skip the sports analogy and get to the heart of it. People who post everyday probably have more time on their hands than those who don't. A generality, for sure. But if you are here regularly, not necessarily every day, you begin to see the forum as a place of conversations. You see how they ebb and flow. You can cater your posts to that. Some one who comes in occasionally may not see that. If there are threads going with conversations that have clearly picked up traction, I am not going to ignore them and start posting a host of threads that serve mainly to push the conversation that others were enjoying down to the bottom of the page. And I am not going to start a thread on a topic that was just discussed, or worse, being discussed in another post on the same page. All of which is to say that being here regularly keeps you informed. If you (speaking generically and not to Lookin) come here after a period of absence, then catch up first. Don't just jump in the water and splash everyone around you to get attention.

Finally, two things. The number of posts you make is not as important as the quality. I should know that as well as anyone, since I have a lot of posts. And second, as for the lurkers, who cares about them? They contribute nothing, and if they don't care to contribute, I don't care if my posts offend or entertain them. It simply doesn't matter.

So all of this goes to my discussing what interests me. They are not rules, just my opinions. It can all go out the window anytime. Who knows, I just might learn to like knitting.

[MsGuy]

Who knows, I just might learn to like knitting.

Knitting...I find it's just the thing to keep the mind and fingers nimble.

[Guest lurkerspeaks]

I can see it now..Lucky will be knitting designer G-strings for his favorite strippers.

[Lucky]

At least I can tell who read to the end of that long post! I know I could have said it all in fewer words. But that's for sissies!