How I learned to club dance

[Guest gcursor]

Somebody today said "post something..post anything" and so that I thought I would post about my harrowing experience when I tried to learn club dancing at a "dance school". Keep in mind that I'm a middle-aged overweight guy when you're reading this....

So I tried to take a dance class because I thought it would help me "dance better" at night clubs. Oh my god! I went for 4 classes and that was enough for me! It was one of those modern dance classes where they teach you routines like the current pop stars do (I learned a routine that Britney Spears learned from the choreographer who used to teach the BACKSTREET BOYS!)

Now this was an ADULT dance class and was marketed as such. I did it because I thought it would be nice to learn with other adults! so I was okay with taking it but still very nervous! I arrived at the class on the first day and found out that there were 15 girls in their teens and ME! I talked to the instructor and she said, "One other guy signed up along with you and he cancelled..so you're the only one and we've combined your class with another class!" I looked up at the sky and fell to my knees screaming, "WHY GOD?! WHY ME?! HOW HAVE I DISAPPOINTED THEE?!" Recluctantly I got up and took my place in the class *sigh*

I didn't feel TOO bad until we started to warm up. I am pretty sure that the warm-ups we were led through by the instructor are only supposed to be done within the confines of one's own home!! The instructor would say, "Okay..now bend your head down to your legs" and I was like, "OH FOR GOD'S SAKE! I couldn't even do that when I was IN SCHOOL!"

and I swear the some of the things in that class were just for the instructor's amusement. During warm up, she would tell me, "Okay..I want you to take your left leg and extend it horizontally, then do the same thing with the right leg and then lift your hands HIGH over your head." I looked at her in disbelief and shook my head saying, "DO I LOOK DUMB? I will fall down!" She said, "No you won't, not if YOU BELIEVE! I said, "Okay, time to come home Peter Pan!"

and then there was the time when we had to line up and go across the room in groups of 3 to show the instructor if we had learned the moves properly! Of course, all the girls would go across in groups of 3 or 4. THEN there was me left on the side. I would go across *THUMP* *OW* *THUMP* *OW* *THUMP* I would get half-way across and stop saying to the instructor, "Okay..you've had your fun!" It was SERIOUSLY like watching an elephant trying to line dance! SERIOUSLY!

and they ALWAYS tried to teach us new routines. Before we were even through with one routine, we were on to the next routine. Then the FOLLOWING week, we'd pick back up and learn some more. No books to follow along or anything. The following week when we came in, the instructor would want to see the routine from the following week. I AM GETTING OLDER and if you CAN'T write something down on paper for me or I have nothing to read then HOW can I be expected to remember the entire routine?? PLUS she would keep adding and dropping new steps to the routine and I kept thinking, HEY! CUT IT OUT! Britney won't be doing these advanced routines in 30 years or so! Why should I?

The crowning blow to me during the class though was when I got a bill in the mail. I got a bill in the mail for a costume. It said 150 dollars...and it said *gulp* RECITAL COSTUME! I panicked! I called the dance studio and said, "HI...I just got a bill for a costume for a recital!? I was never told of a recital!" They said, "Oh yes, you'll be in a recital competing with all the other local dance companies. The costume that you'll wear is a white tutu and white tights!" Immediately my mind shut down with that image burned into it!

Then I looked over next to the costume and there was no size listed. I said, "Uh..what size costume is this?" She politely replied, "One size fits all sir!" I laughed and screamed, "HAVE YOU SEEN ME? Your one size fits all theory only works on anorexic people who have the metabolism of a DEAD HUMMINGBIRD!" The lady said, "Well we all have to make sacrifices to dance, don't we?" and I said, "Lady, the only sacrifice I made was coming to the dance classes all those times and passing A DAIRY QUEEN each and every night that was OPEN! BUT I WILL GUARANTEE that WILL NOT HAPPEN EVER AGAIN!"

and that was the glorious short dance career that I had...

Gcursor

[msclelovr]

I think you were a trooper to keep going to the class as you did

If you still wish to improve your ability to dance in clubs, perhaps you could do what a young friend of mine did. He hired an instructor from a local dance-club to give him private lessons one-on-one; he only needed two lessons and found it a great help

[MsGuy]

Dance like no one is watching!

[TotallyOz]

loved the story, gcursor.

I am a horrible dancer and have tried on many occasions to dance with little success. My major accomplishment is to always get a get boy dancing with me and that way my friends don't notice how bad I suck!

[Guest gcursor]

Thanks TotallyOz..I hoped some people would laugh at it and enjoy it. Sorry it was so long.

Interesting thing is that some time BEFORE the dance class, I was dating somebody who wanted to teach me to dance. I told them I couldn't dance. It was a small club and we were the only 2 on the dance floor. He came out and stood behind me and said "Close your eyes. Listen to the music" and I did. Then he said, "Relax your body and just let it move." and I did. Shortly after that I would end up going to a particular club I knew once a week and people "early" to the club would always see this one guy standing out on the dance floor (I usually went out alone..I even remember when I was at DisneyWorld one time real early standing all alone dancing on the rotating dance floor at MANNEQUINS and hardly a soul in the place) always with my eyes closed and feeling the music.

The "dance class" period of mine was my way to try to bump up my game in the club dancing scene. But then with what I went through, I realized that I don't need to bump up my game because I had it all along.

Gcursor

loved the story, gcursor.

I am a horrible dancer and have tried on many occasions to dance with little success. My major accomplishment is to always get a get boy dancing with me and that way my friends don't notice how bad I suck!