Gingrich Vows To Empty US Prisons

[Lucky]

Citing his new found belief that God is a forgiving god, potential presidential candidate Newt Gingrich, his third wife, and his 4th mistress, all gathered today to announce that Newt will release all inmates in US prisons if elected.

"How can I expect to accept God's forgiveness if I cannot pass it on to others who have sinned?" Gingrich stated. "My God is a forgiving god, and I will be a forgiving president."

When asked how this forgiveness would extend to extremist Islam, Gingrich qualified his remarks to state that his God only forgives Christians, and it would remain his policy to wipe Muslims off the face of the earth. Jews, however, having now been forgiven by the Pope for killing Christ, could still hope for forgiveness should they convert to Christianity.

Gingrich recently expressed his beliefs that God would forgive him his numerous sins, including seeking the impeachment of President Clinton in the Monica Lewinsky affair while he himself was cheating on his wife the whole time:

"I found that I felt compelled to seek God's forgiveness. Not God's understanding, but God's forgiveness. I do believe in a forgiving God. And I think most people, deep down in their hearts hope there's a forgiving God."

Gingrich's standing with evangelical Christians immediately rose two points,with many saying that it could rise further if he divorced his third wife to marry his fourth mistress.

[Guest zipperzone]

Lucky: Although you did not cite a source for this report, I have no doubt but that it is factual.

If the American public actually fall for this crap, they deserve all they will get.

Fortunately, I'm sure the majority will see it for what it is.

[Lucky]

Zip, there was a reason I didn't cite a source. Top secret CIA wiretap.

[Guest zipperzone]

Zip, there was a reason I didn't cite a source. Top secret CIA wiretap.

Holy Crap - You're on their payroll too? :frantics:

[Lucky]

Sorry, but I can neither confirm nor deny !