The Aristrocats

[BiBottomBoy]

So, this guy goes up to a talent agent and says "I got a great new act for you."

The talent agent says "What kind of act?"

The dude says "It's a family act."

The talent agent says "Nobody likes family acts. They are all cutesy and shit."

The dude says "But this is different."

The talent agent says "OK, how is it different?"

The dude says "Ok, my wife and I come out and I order her to lie on the floor, then I unzip and piss in her mouth. Meanwhile, my little boy, Matrix comes out and starts fingering my ass.

That's when we start projecting movies behind us dedicated to the great and powerful Oz. On the film you see A-Rod and several other Yankee players sitting on the toilet getting blumkins from rent boys - but here's what makes it really cool, the escorts are dead!

Next up my wife gets up covered in my piss - and you should know I feed her a lot of laxatives about an hour before the show - and starts taking this massive shit across the stage. Like more shit than could fill a Sand Box.

At this point my zipper zone is getting a little into everything, if you know what I mean so I stick one finger up in the air and my grandma comes out and starts sucking my cock - while I puke into the giant river of shit.

That's when my other two boys Lookin and Lurker come out and start swimming in the vomit and shit.

Finally my nephew comes on stage and and I cut out his eyeball with a fish knife, use the eye ball as lube and start fucking his eye socket while screaming "Look who's cock eyed now!"

Then, we all take a bow."

"Wow," the talent agent says. "That's a hell of an act. What do you call yourselves?"

"The Aristocrats," the man replies.

[Guest jguckert]

I'd pay top dollar to see that act.

[TotallyOz]

I'd pay top dollar to see that act.

Not a penny from me. No Lady GaGa in it.

[BiBottomBoy]

My efforts to join Matrix in the Sandbox so he feels less lonely are all in vain.

Sigh.

[Guest jguckert]

My efforts to join Matrix in the Sandbox so he feels less lonely are all in vain.

Sigh.

Oh, in that case....Ignore my previous post. I am appalled at what BiBottomBoy posted and I submit that it should be banished to the Shit Can, sorry I mean Sandbox.

[Guest zipperzone]

Some people have WAY too much spare time.........

[BiBottomBoy]

The next day another guy comes up and says "Hey, I've got an act for you."

The talent agent says "What do you do?"

The guy says, "My wife comes out and sings opera. My kids come out and juggle. Then I play bach on the piano."

"Thank god," the talent agent said. "I was starting to get a little scared of family acts. What do you call your group?"

"The cock sucking grandma raping motherfuckers," the man responds.

[TotallyOz]

"The cock sucking grandma raping motherfuckers," the man responds.

Dude, you are sick!

[BiBottomBoy]

But it's a family act!

[Guest jimboivyo]

Bob Saget has the best version of this joke. Hands down.

I suggest a hobby of any kind. Unplug and live in the real world awhile.

[BiBottomBoy]

But it's raining and I just washed my hair!