Delaware Masturbators March Against O’Donnell

[Guest Matrix]

WILMINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – Galvanized by Republican senatorial nominee Christine O'Donnell's anti-masturbation stance, masturbators from across the state converged on Wilmington today in what some are calling the largest pro-wanking protest in American history.

Carrying signs reading, "O'Donnell: Hands Off Our Masturbation," the angry masturbators clogged downtown Wilmington, stopping traffic for blocks.

Harley Farger, a leading Delaware masturbator and planner of the Million Masturbators March, said it was difficult to organize masturbators "because they're used to acting alone."

Mr. Farger, the executive director of the pro-monkey-spanking group MasturNation, said that the "wank and file" of his organization believe that masturbation is an inalienable right guaranteed by the Constitution.

"Our country was founded by rugged individualists," he said. "And you know what individualists like to do."

He said that Ms. O'Donnell's anti-whacking position was "ill-timed," adding, "In this economy, masturbation is one of the few simple pleasures people still can afford."

Tracy Klugian, a homemaker and masturbator from Dover, Delaware, said she is "puzzled" by what she sees as the contradictory nature of candidate O'Donnell's position: "If you're against masturbation, why would you want to serve in Congress?"

A spokesman for the Wilmington Police Department, Crandall Darlington, said that the Million Masturbators March could cost the city tens of thousands of dollars, "especially when you include the cost of cleaning up afterwards."<br style=""> <br style="">

[MsGuy]

sorry, yet another double post.

Damn, Matrix, you really should work on those posting skills bro.

And now you've got to choose between going hat in hand to TY and pleading for his help or letting it stand for all to see!

Delicious!

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Sorry, Matrix, but I couldn't help tweaking our resident software guru. Still...hahahahaha

[Guest Matrix]

And now you've got to choose between going hat in hand to TY and pleading for his help or letting it stand for all to see!

Delicious!

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Still...hahahahaha

I did not realize that such a mis-step or user error by myself, which has been highlighted here now twice in these forums, would be received with such masturbatory delight and celebration such as this.

It has caused me to review how and why I participate and interact here at MER.

It has also caused me to review how I am perceived here and elsewhere by others - as apposed to how and who I really am, based upon my own personal written words and expressions here.

Words and expressions are powerful tools which action perceptions by others of whom you really are as an individual to them.

Since the latter part of that statement is my current personal conflict and struggle, I cannot expect from anyone here, anything less than what they perceive of me based upon my such self expressions.

Attempting to have a healthy ego of whom one might be, or of whom one might want to become; all the while expressing views that fall and exist seemingly conflictively distant from within that area of self expression - is probably not well suited for public forums of discussion such as this.

Difficult times require responsive behavior.

I probably need to further action that truth from somewhere within myself before I can expect it to be accepted and appreciated by others who seemingly appear to demonstrate that on a daily basis through their expressions.

So, until then......

My best to all of you and gratefully yours,

Matrix.

[MsGuy]

Matrix, I probably should leave this well enough alone, but Grandma always said her yard dog had more common sense than I did and I've spent a lifetime living up to her assessment.

I tried out a good 1/2 dozen jokey approaches to this reply but none seemed right in the circumstances.

I worked hard on a serious response to your post, but found I did not have the writing skills to pull it off with any degree of candor w/o ginning up further hard feelings and that is not my aim here.

So the following will have to suffice:

It was not my intent to create hard feelings between us. Some folks like a bit of teasing and take it as an opportunity to top the initiator (see my exchange with the Duchess on the other board). Some are indifferent and others are offended by it. For various reasons I took you for the teasing type. In that I was mistaken. I'll make an effort to keep that in mind in future posts.

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I can't resist pointing out that nearly everybody who posts enough has double hit the Reply button at some point or another. I certainly have (on this board, I think, and not all that long ago). I venture even so august a personage as the Great and Mighty OZ has a double post or two in his past and would look up the evidence to prove it if I weren't so sure that He has already made use of the admin tools to erase the evidence.

[lookin]

Well said, MsGuy, and I'll add my own latest blooper to the list.

Last night, I was struggling with a post, trying to get the formatting right, and I went back in to make one tiny little adjustment - no more than erasing an extra space as I recall. When I hit "Preview", phoot!, the entire post became festooned with formatting characters, ampersands, quote marks, and more brackets than the shelving section at Ikea. Worse, there was nothing I could do to to get rid of them. I tried backspacing over everything so I could try again and, while my gibberish was gone, the machine gibberish remained. I even tried typing "Sorry, need to start over.", but it was unreadable with all the formatting characters hanging off my every word. I finally tripped over some kind of a 'clear all' button that seemed to get rid of the chazerai, and I was able to start all over.

All this to say that, much as I love this new software, it is not as forgiving of minor user errors as one might hope. I have a hunch we're going to be seeing lots more double posts, and probably much worse, until we can eventually wrassle it to the ground.

Of course, now that I realize that letting my errant post stand and enduring the inevitable teasing would have provided me an opportunity to top the initiator, I would have held down the 'Reply' and 'Post Again' buttons all night long. Such welcome topping opportunities do not present themselves every day. Not to me anyway.

Matrix, I hope you will complete your off-site considerations successfully, and return in record time. I'm glad to see the Politics Forum getting more active, and your posts are an important reason why.

Plus, I'd never have found Randy Rainbow without you. Still very much obliged!

[MsGuy]

Last night, I was struggling with a post...

Not to interrupt, but speaking of struggling, there I was trying to answer Lookin's post, but first I had to goggle "chazerai," which was all well and good and interesting but then I had to image google "chazerai" which showed nothing worth a post but led to jewish joke sites (well that's what happened;I'm just reporting here) which were ok especially some funny fake proverbs but I couldn't really appreciate all of those because of the insider Yiddish vocabulary, so then it was on to the yiddish dictionary sites which were a world unto themselves and then back and forth and back and forth and finally 75 minutes later I'm back at MER and still have to finish this post. Feh!

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Now I've forgotten what I was going to say. One of the perils of low blood oxygen, you forget things...

Oh, yeah, look, Lookin, next time you slip in a word like "chazerai," do like those fancy sites do and put it in the form of a link to a dictionary definition so I won't be tempted into wandering off into cyberspace and getting lost for over an hour. Be a mensch about it and make that extra effort.

Of course, now that I realize that letting my errant post stand and enduring the inevitable teasing would have provided me an opportunity to top the initiator, I would have held down the 'Reply' and 'Post Again' buttons all night long. Such welcome topping opportunities do not present themselves every day.

Whoa, slow down there big boy! I've got my rep to consider. The operative word is "opportunity." You've still got to verbally/pictorially wrassle me to the ground and pin me first. That's half the fun. Well, 10% anyway.

Who do I think I'm fooling here? Not even myself! But please promise you won't tell everybody what an easy slut I am.

[lookin]

Oh, yeah, look, Lookin, next time you slip in a word like "chazerai," do like those fancy sites do and put it in the form of a link to a dictionary definition so I won't be tempted into wandering off into cyberspace and getting lost for over an hour. Be a mensch about it and make that extra effort.

Done and done.

Personally, I'd never heard a word of Yiddish before I went off to college all those many years ago, and now I can't imagine how I'd get along without it. Sometimes, as you may also be discovering, nothing else will do.

But, in future, I will try to put in a link whenever appropriate. Anything to stop the kvetching. Oy!

[MsGuy]

Daddy's new software just caught my double post and stopped it from happening. Thank God, otherwise I would never have heard the end of it.

[Lucky]

For the record, I disavow this group:

[Lucky]

This is what I was brought up to believe!

[BiBottomBoy]

She also believes a wife should "graciously consent" to any request her husband makes. Which is why I hope she ends up married to a dude with piss, vomit and necro fetishes.