Worst Escort Experience

[BiBottomBoy]

Ok.

Most escorts are awesome, I think we all can agree on that. But no system is perfect and I'm sure we've all had our share of experiences that went sour.

What's your worst escort experience?

Mine was about 10 years ago. French guy who didn't have his dick in his pictures - which should have been a giveaway.

When he turned up he had what I can only call "micro penis." And, to make matters worse, he had trouble maintaining a woodie - which would have been fine if I had any desire to top, but I'm a pure bottom, so what the hell am I supposed to do with a tiny limp dick.

It was the first and last time I didn't tip the dude and he bitched at me when he was leaving that because I didn't tip him he'd never see me again.

[Guest restless]

That sucks. I remember years ago, the first time I met a guy online before meeting him in person. Wasn't an escort, it was from a chat site. I remember thinking how weird it was that I had seen his dick BEFORE meeting him. Now I wouldn't have it any other way.

[TotallyOz]

I have had a few. One recent one was in NYC on Craig's List and I was in the mood for a PR. I chatted him up and his pics were amazing. He said he was masculine and versatile. I thought I'd give it a shot so here we go. I set it in motion.

I met him at the train station and there he was, stepping off the train in a multicolored outfit with purse and all. I was stunned. His mouth opened and I could swear it was my sister speaking. As we chatted, he said he was a Butch Queen. LOL A masculine PR does NOT refer to himself as Butch or a Queen. The little MF was a drag queen. I gave him 100 and told him I was sorry but I had to go. He left happy with the money and asked me to call him again.

If I am ever in the mood for a young drag queen who should have been on Rue Paul's show, I'll call him.

However, the absolute worst experience ever was in Amsterdam.

[Guest restless]

I have had a few. One recent one was in NYC on Craig's List and I was in the mood for a PR. I chatted him up and his pics were amazing. He said he was masculine and versatile. I thought I'd give it a shot so here we go. I set it in motion.

I met him at the train station and there he was, stepping off the train in a multicolored outfit with purse and all. I was stunned. His mouth opened and I could swear it was my sister speaking. As we chatted, he said he was a Butch Queen. LOL A masculine PR does NOT refer to himself as Butch or a Queen. The little MF was a drag queen. I gave him 100 and told him I was sorry but I had to go. He left happy with the money and asked me to call him again.

If I am ever in the mood for a young drag queen who should have been on Rue Paul's show, I'll call him.

However, the absolute worst experience ever was in Amsterdam.

A hundred to chat in a train station? Shit, I'd tell you to call me again too.

Re Amsterdam - spill. I've always been interested in the scene there. Never been.

[Guest Klair]

Let's see. One time an escort told me, "Not on the first date."

Another one told me he has a headache.

(duly stolen from Rodney Dangerfield)

He left happy with the money and asked me to call him again.

However, the absolute worst experience ever was in Amsterdam.

Well, did you call him again?

Don't we get to know what happened in Amsterdam?

[lookin]

. . . so what the hell am I supposed to do with a tiny limp dick.

Ingredients:

1 cup sushi rice

1 sheet of nori (dried seaweed), cut in half

1 oz sashimi grade tiny limp dick

Preparation:

Cut tiny limp dick into thin strips. Put a nori sheet on top of a bamboo mat (makisu). Spread the sushi rice on top of the nori sheet. Place tiny limp dick lengthwise on the rice. Roll up the bamboo mat, pressing forward to shape the sushi into a cylinder. Press the bamboo mat firmly and remove it from the sushi. Cut the rolled sushi into bite-sized pieces.

Wash down with several large glasses of saki. Enjoy!

[AdamSmith]

Cut tiny limp dick into thin strips. Put a nori sheet on top of a bamboo mat (makisu). Spread the sushi rice on top of the nori sheet. Place tiny limp dick lengthwise on the rice. Roll up the bamboo mat, pressing forward to shape the sushi into a cylinder. Press the bamboo mat firmly and remove it from the sushi. Cut the rolled sushi into bite-sized pieces.

Anthropophagy!

...Maybe the most committed way to say, 'I love you.'

[BiBottomBoy]

Male Escort Review - now with cannibalism!

Tell me we are not more fun than Daddy's site!

[AdamSmith]

Male Escort Review - now with cannibalism!

Tell me we are not more fun than Daddy's site!

Daddy has his 2257 considerations, you understand.

"In compliance with United States Code, Title 18, Section 2257, all models, actors, actresses and other persons who appear in any visual depiction of actual sexually explicit conduct appearing or otherwise contained in or at this site were over the age of eighteen years at the time of the creation of such depictions.

"And were not deceased."

[BiBottomBoy]

They don't have to be dead before you start eating them.

[AdamSmith]

They don't have to be dead before you start eating them.

I have had live sushi in Japan. But it was fish, not folk.

Maybe the BDSM crowd would not object if you started cutting slices off them.

[BiBottomBoy]

Well,

I don't think most of us here are looking to eat fish - live nor not.

[caeron]

My worst experiences were some losers off men4rentnow who thought lying there limp dicked doing nothing was worth the price of admission. blah.

I've had live sashimi too. It was rather distressing. They pulled the fish out of the tank, filleted it, dropped the now cut up fish flesh back on the side of the fish, garnished the plate, and slid it over to me. The fish is still gasping for breath and its side is cut up and I'm expected to eat it as its gill plate is working a mile a minute. I ended up using the garnish to cover its head. I couldn't look at it.

[BiBottomBoy]

You couldn't pay me to eat that.

[TotallyOz]

Re Amsterdam - spill. I've always been interested in the scene there. Never been.

Well, I was in Amsterdam and tired and went online and found an agency. The Agency had great pics of guys. One of them was just my type. Asian, smooth, sexy with a beautiful face. I thought he was divine. I got really excited to have sex with him and when he showed up at the door, my jaw dropped.

He was indeed beautiful but upon seeing him I recognized him from one of my sites. He was famous for eating shit. Yep, that is right. All his photos were of him eating shit or someone's ass.

When he showed up and I knew this I didn't know what to do. So, being the vanilla guy that I am, I told him that I was a gay virgin and only wanted to chat about what it was like being gay. We spent the hour talking about his life and coming out, etc. and no sex. When the time was up, I gave him the money and he went to kiss me. OMG. I backed up and said: "Oh, sorry, I am trying to take things really slow."

He was not offended. I gave him the money, he left and I went to bed with my five best friends.

[JKane]

I almost had a bad one this weekend, somebody from Craigslist actually tried to hustle me, little shit was so young he probably thought he was the first to think of it! Real rarity for LA CL, especially outside of Hollywood.

So it was a guy in my area, which is unusual, so I kind of automatically want to give him a try and see if I can find a regular who's quick and easy to get together with. I opened his post in a new tab, replied via email, by the time I had (which was very quick after it'd been posted) he'd been flagged and the email bounced (damn you, CL!), luckily (well, not as it turns out I guess) I still had the page open, so I texted him. Young guy (19), good stats, never saw a picture. But he's in my area so...

I ask how much for his time, he says it depends if I want to get sucked, massaged or fuck. I explain that agreeing to exchange sex acts for money is illegal and was only interested in paying for his time. He says $200. I say that's a bit higher than I expected (usually in this situation a guy looking to make a little extra on the side is great with $100-$150), but that I would consider it if we'd have a nice relaxed time and he'd stay for 90 minutes to 2 hours or so. I really would've done well to end it right there, but didn't... Listen to your gut and BIG head is always the moral of these tales!

I give him directions, shower then run to the bank (he'd asked me to call when I was done, said he'd head over then). Before I get back he's already at my gate, texting me, calling from the call box and calling me direct (all at nearly the same time, crashed my POS phone!) but eventually a call got through from the gate--in a woman's voice (or child's) asking if I'd let her in. I say no, then he calls out in the background so I hit the code, figuring somebody else is also standing at or blocking the gate.

I pull up, there's a woman driving the car, he waves from the passenger seat. Gets out to talk to me. Is kinda cute, in the young just out of HS way, acne, probably could've been fun but nothing special. Slim body, can't tell muscle tone.

He asks if we can get the business out of the way up front, so he can leave the cash with 'his associate' who'll wait while we go have fun. It's at least 95 degrees out and their car obviously doesn't have A/C, by the way. So I'm just sure the plan is for her to sit patiently for 2 hours!

I say this is a first for me--a guy has never once shown up with a PIMP and there's no way in hell I'm interested. (Knowing full well his game plan is something like after 20 minutes he needs more money or can't perform and that ends our '90-120 minute relaxed session').

They do leave without incident, he says something about wasting his time, I say I've done this probably a hundred times and nobody's ever brought a pimp AND that nobody who was any good has ever demanded to be paid up front.

Thank god I had the experience to know right away to get the hell out. Also a great reason to not give people my unit number and instead meet them in the parking lot!

[caeron]

EUGH. I'm glad I haven't seen any of those sites. That would seriously gross me out.

[TampaYankee]

He was indeed beautiful but upon seeing him I recognized him from one of my sites. He was famous for eating shit. Yep, that is right. All his photos were of him eating shit or someone's ass.

When he showed up and I knew this I didn't know what to do. So, being the vanilla guy that I am, I told him that I was a gay virgin and only wanted to chat about what it was like being gay. We spent the hour talking about his life and coming out, etc. and no sex. When the time was up, I gave him the money and he went to kiss me. OMG. I backed up and said: "Oh, sorry, I am trying to take things really slow."

Oz, your much to squeamish. You should just should have had him gargle and siwsh with Ti-D-Bol. :lol

[BiBottomBoy]

I'm glad Oz didn't take any shit from him.

[Guest Klair]

I'm glad Oz didn't take any shit from him.

Probably because he doesn't give a shit.

[BiBottomBoy]

I don't give a shit either.

I charge.

[Guest Klair]

I don't give a shit either.

George Carlin said, "Where did take a shit come from? Why do we say that? It's something we never do. I never take a shit. I leave it there."

[AdamSmith]

My worst was some years ago, in Tampa, late at night. In fact so long ago that the Yellow Pages were still a resource for hiring. I called an agency that advertised both women and men. A woman answered, I asked if any guys were available, she said yes, she had one. But in describing him, she tried, as kindly as she could, to wave me off from seeing him. Being horny, of course I brushed her off and said send him over.

When he got there, he was a puffy-bodied, bleached-and-permed-hair mess. But I thought, what the hell, he took the trouble of coming out in the middle of the night, we're both here, nobody else is available, so why not.

Then he launched into the funniest routine I think I've ever seen from an escort. I could halfway understand his checking the room to make sure nobody else was hiding in the closet or behind the shower curtain. But then he looked, quite thoroughly, behind the draperies as well. All 3 layers of them. He even pulled the dresser mirror away from the wall, looking for -- I never knew exactly what. A police 2-way-mirror setup?

After that rigmarole, we undressed and started to make out. He wouldn't kiss, and only halfway let me touch his body or get into any frottage. The one thing he was willing to do was top me, but at that time I hadn't learned how to bottom. Eventually we each jacked ourselves off, and he left.

Apart from hilarious fiascos like that one, in general my biggest disappointment is when the guy gets there, then says, 'No anal on first date.' Or just 'No anal' period. This has happened once or twice even when I was asking to be the bottom. And will likely happen again, as I tend to book without going deeply into the mechanics and hydraulics of exactly what I want. Just 'taste and see,' and if no good, move on next time to someone else.

[Guest restless]

Well, I was in Amsterdam and tired and went online and found an agency. The Agency had great pics of guys. One of them was just my type. Asian, smooth, sexy with a beautiful face. I thought he was divine. I got really excited to have sex with him and when he showed up at the door, my jaw dropped.

He was indeed beautiful but upon seeing him I recognized him from one of my sites. He was famous for eating shit. Yep, that is right. All his photos were of him eating shit or someone's ass.

When he showed up and I knew this I didn't know what to do. So, being the vanilla guy that I am, I told him that I was a gay virgin and only wanted to chat about what it was like being gay. We spent the hour talking about his life and coming out, etc. and no sex. When the time was up, I gave him the money and he went to kiss me. OMG. I backed up and said: "Oh, sorry, I am trying to take things really slow."

He was not offended. I gave him the money, he left and I went to bed with my five best friends.

OMG indeed. Nice way to handle it though. I think I mighta gagged and closed the door.

[BiBottomBoy]

I bet he had a shit eating grin when he took the money.