The bar boy

[Guest noy9000]

I'm wondering what are the considerations that you may have - when you get a bar boy 'out' from the bar scene to stay with you long-term.

 

My friend, suggest a monthly allowance of 20-30,000THB, and the mamasan (my better friend) suggested the same -- and I'm inclined to agree with the rates on the forum here. (10,000THB - I think it's good enough too).

 

What are the other considerations?

[Guest buaseng]

What are the other considerations?

Play the field - you will probably save a deal of money in the process. I would imagine that well over 95% of these arrangements end in disaster or tears or both.

[Guest Geezer]

If by long term you mean forever/indefinitely, thirty thousand is way over the top. Unless he is a star, 20,000 is also. I think most people would consider 10,000 reasonable, 15,000 generous.

[TotallyOz]

I think it is dependant of how badly you don't want him working again. If you really want him to stay away from the bars, you make it worth his while. I think 20-30k a month is very generous and is enough to keep them away from the bars. But, only you know the boy and what you are looking for.

 

You also have to consider how much family he has, what his obligations to them are, how much he drinks, is he in school, does he have a job, etc.

 

When you factor everything in only you can decide what amount is OK to give. IMHO

 

[khaolakguy]

I'm wondering what are the considerations that you may have - when you get a bar boy 'out' from the bar scene to stay with you long-term.

 

My friend, suggest a monthly allowance of 20-30,000THB, and the mamasan (my better friend) suggested the same -- and I'm inclined to agree with the rates on the forum here. (10,000THB - I think it's good enough too).

 

What are the other considerations?

 

I think that the first consideration when deciding what to pay, is what are you looking to buy, and from whom?

Since this transaction seems to be viewed in purely financial terms. The earning ability of your chosen long term off might also be a factor.

 

However so will their attitude to their future. Are you looking to buy 24 hour companionship or guaranteed sex at the end of a phone, when you require it? Is he "exclusively" yours? Does he have to sleep with you every night? Does he get unpaid holidays or paid leave?

 

Is he for decoration or might he be for real?

 

Whatever the answers, the bottom line is always the same, each of these guys is a person with individual needs. For some, however much money you give will be never be enough, they want more from life, others will be grateful for your genuine assistance. But if you treat someone as a commodity, that is what they will always remain.

[Gaybutton]

I agree with khaolakguy on this one, especially the part about "however much money you give will be never be enough." In most cases with which I'm familiar, that's the way it usually works out. To my mind, it doesn't matter whether the boy was taken "off" from a bar or not. In my opinion, no matter where the boy was working, Geezer comes closest to reasonable if a finite amount is to be set.

 

Noy9000 originally asked:

 

I'm wondering what are the considerations that you may have - when you get a bar boy 'out' from the bar scene to stay with you long-term.

 

I think it needs to be clarified as to just how long "long-term" means. Are we talking about a matter of days, weeks, months? In my opinion, if it is a matter of days or weeks, a finite amount ought to work quite well, provided that you first make sure the boy understands what he will be getting and he agrees to it. When you start getting into months, then I believe that's when it starts becoming a different story and changes need to be made, depending on the circumstances.

[Guest laurence]

Noy; 10,000 Baht/month will just not do it!

Your friends suggesting 20,000 to 30,000 Baht are on target.

When in Thailand try living on 333 Baht/day (10,000/month) and see how well you do. Of course the boys are Thais and they don't deserve same-same as farang?

What is important is the boy should have a job regardless of what you give him.

One idea would be to give him a fixed amount plus a matching amount for every Baht he earns.

Also would suggest that your allowance be broken down in weekly amounts rather than a monthly lump sum.

 

[Guest kenrfc]

ooof !

20,000 is a LOT of money in Thailand. Its not a bad chunk of change in the West either-about $600 US at current rates.

I tried that first with first BF. She (ladyboy) was always short of cash and asking for more. And I found out she was still on the game anyway.

2nd boyfriend was from a dirt poor farm family and I started him at 10,000. After he passed probation I raised him to 12,000. Occasionally I send him an extra "present" and he's also gotten a motorbike, mobile etc out of me.

For some reference: a poor uneducated laborer will make about 3,000-5,000 a month.

An office worker with education and some computer skills will still be lucky to make 10,000 -12,000 a month.

A bar boy? Well that's all over the map depending on if they are a "superstar" or not. I've heard figures of 6,000 to over 100,000.

 

I suggest you consider the numbers you were given as an opening bid. You must consider if the boy is worth it to you and if it's really important for you to take him out of the bar scene. Believe it or not he might actually like the action!

Whatever you decide I would STRONGLY suggest you get him out of Pattaya and away from his bar friends as soon as possible. Send him home to Mama where the temptations are a lot less.

BTW, you can safely assume at least 50% of what you send him will go to Mama.

[Guest pete1969]

Wow, there are as many answers to this question as there are boys in LOS.

 

You have to understand why the boy is working in the bar, how much he makes, how much he really wants to leave the bar, and what type of future he wants.

 

If all you offer is 10k baht per month while he lives at home in his very boring village and not much chance of anything else, then he may not be happy with that. Many boys are in the bar trying to build a future for themselves. Many are there for the fun and the excitement. They are all there to maximize their earnings, get gifts, travel, and the like.

 

What are the boy's goals? Is he trying to finance an education, open a business, save the family farm, snag a rich farang to take him overseas or an expat to live with in LOS? You might be surprised how many boys are there in the bar just to land a big fish and get himself set up for as long as possible (hopefully life). Many boys aso have no real goals and are just having fun with life (the Thai way).

 

How much does he make? Can you verify this? If he gets 15 or more offs a month (and many good boys in busy bars do), then he is making 20k-30k baht easy. He may also have special customers and a number of repeat customers that not only tip him well, but buy him gifts, take him on trips, and send him money from time to time (even monthly). Or he may be lucky to get 5 offs per month or hate what he is doing.

 

It also helps to know if he is gay or straight and if he has a GF or wife back home. If gay, does he have a Thai BF? Another important question is does he gamble or do drugs (many bar boys do one or both and it really eats up the money).

 

You really have to talk this over with the boy over a length of time and really get to know the boy. You have to understand all these factors. Moreover, you and the boy must agree not only about an allowance, but about where he is going to live and what he is going to do. You also have to be very honest with yourself and the boy about your goals and needs. Why do you want to send him an allowance and what do you expect for it? It is amazing how many farang never really figure that out.

 

Last, be very clear about how the money will be sent, when it will be sent, and what happens if the boy needs money above and beyond what you send him (never, only an emergency, case-by-case circumstance) and exactly how that exchange will work.

 

So, there is no one good answer to this question. I will say that for many boys, 20k to 30k is more on the mark than 10K. After all, one must consider their current salary as a go-go dancer, not their salary if the did any other job. If someone wanted to pay me to stop my current job, but wanted to pay me based on the salaries of other professions that earned less than me, then I would not be happy.

 

Pete

[Guest pete1969]

A second reply to give a little info to the OP about my current BF. A long reply in case the information is useful to any other readers.

 

My BF was working as a go-go boy to finance his heavy debt (mortage on his home and an expensive car payment) and to find some way to continue his education (he has a Bachelors). He needed 18k baht per month just to pay for his home/car. He was a superstar that went off every single night he worked, and his lowest month that I saw in his bank passbook was 43k baht. Most months he made 50k at least.

 

I was very interested in him pursuing his MBA and helping me with some LOS business ventures in the future. We also just clicked on a lot of different levels in ways I never did and never could have with my former Thai BF. We spent a lot of time talking about making a future together and about our individual goals in life and how we could help one another reach them (and have them become joint goals).

 

My BF moved back home while I was in LOS, and I spent a month in his home, and I went to his University with him and much more. I agreed to pay for his MBA program.

 

I also agreed to give his mother money to help her open a small restaurant in their front yard. I made it very clear it was a one time gift and that I would not support the business in the future. They have since moved the restaurant twice, and have just built a new building near the center of town. His mother, father, and sister live there and the business nets over 20,000 baht per month. Not bad for just six months.

 

After great discussion and debate, I convinced the BF to give up both his car and his home. Both had huge yearly balloon payments attached to them (equaling 250,000 baht every Dec). His finance company really socked it to him on the monthly notes and the huge balloon payments. It was a nightmare of debt that he needed out from under. There was some concern over future credit ratings, but in LOS, bank statements and pay stubs still rule over any credit reports.

 

I then rented him a four floor building in the middle of his town at 4,500 baht per month. I pay the rent on that. He used his allowance, some money from his mother, credit on some large items, and 20,000 baht from me to open a nice flower shop on the bottom floor. I also let him know that this company was 100% his, and I was not going to finance it any more than that. His shop has done very well, and he has actually taken some additional money of mine and invested it in some very big jobs that has yielded a nice return for me to help pay for his school expenses and for a new car. Right now, most of the money he makes, he puts back into his shop, but I never have to worry about him having pocket money. In time, once he pays off his large refrigerators and furniture, he should be able to net over 20,000 per month, plus have some big jobs 4-6 times per year that will net him over 50k baht each time.

 

As mentioned, we also recently bought him/us a new car. I say we bought it because he helped pay the 160k baht down payment, and he used some money I invested in a couple of his big jobs to make even more money for the down payment. I make the 5,700 baht monthly payments right now. I don't mind as when I move to LOS in the next 18 months or so, I will have a car to ride in which is important for me.

 

So, I pay for his school, his rent, his car payment, a motorbike payment he had when I met him, and I send him $100 US each week (and he takes the hit on the exchange rate) for an allowance or salary. This allowance helps him pay all the small expenses for school and gives him peace of mind that even if he needs to close his shop for a few days to concentrate on school, that he still has money to live. He also pays for all utilities, Internet, cable TV, his small sister's school expenses (she is sent to an English language preschool), gas for the car, his father's health insurance, tutoring, and his own meals and daily expenses from this. So, for 25,000 or so per month my BF has a nice shop, a new car, a nice motorbike, helps support his family, and goes to University for his MBA. For me it is $750 USD each month very well spent.

 

Also, he has never asked me for a dime above what we agreed on. He does share business opportunities when they arise where I can invest money in a big job and make a return to help pay for bigger bills (like University tuition). For example, I invested 10,000 baht in a job and made back 30,000, so that was 20,000 less I had to send him for his Uni. He also gives me the password for his Uni account, so I can see the payments and the grades. He also really enjoys sending me digital photos of upgrades he makes to his shop, all the big jobs he does, some of his Uni projects, his mom's new shop, and more.

 

In two months, I am opening my first company in LOS, and as an American can own all of it. The company will be an 80-20 split with my BF, and he will run it for now. The net proceeds will go into an account to help us open other business ventures. With his 20% and a commision based salary, it is our hope that I will no longer have to send any money to him except for Uni tuition. We shall see. We have long range plans to open other businesses that we hope are very lucrative for both of us and that will take our combined skills to make a real success.

 

This BF, unlike my last one, is totally my equal in many ways. We are 12 years apart in age, but we are of equal intellect, education level, future earning ability (when adjusted for the median incomes and real wages in each country), and much more. Presently, I am the biggest wage earner, but in time, our joint ventures should allow us a healthy joint income. This is the hope and the plan.

 

So, a very long answer to show that each person and their BF really do have different needs and long term goals in regards to an allowance and monthly living expenses. With my last Thai BF, I knew in my heart there were far too many obstacles for us ever to be together LT. With this one, I feel very confident about our LT future. If it doesn't work out, no worries as he is a great guy, and I will be happy to have helped him secure a better future for himself, and more importantly, I can afford what I give to him each month, even if the LT relationship does not work out.

 

I hope this detailed info helps!

 

Pete

[Guest noy9000]

I'm surprised by the number of replies too (55555).

 

I suppose that I'm willing to go up a-lot more (with $$$$$) once I know a-lot more about him; but I don't want to give the impression that I've the money in the beginning.

 

I want to give the impression that I'm doing 'okay', and I can do fine helping just 'one' person (and not his entire branch of family & friends).

 

laurence: I get by in Bangkok with 4,000THB per month. 3,000THB in my strictest budget.

 

1 day:

 

Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner - 25THB p/ meal (75THB)

3 litres of water - 3THB

 

Daily spending: 78THB

 

78 x 30 = 2,340THB

 

If you go down on living environment, the rent can be 2,500 - 3,500THB.

 

2,340 + 3,000THB = 5,340THB,

 

In fact, I do get by less than 5,000THB per month. I got myself an expensive apartment, because I'm too delicate for another environment - 10,000THB is perfectly managable for anymore. In fact, 6,500THB should suffice for my basic essentials.

 

Many thais share a single room (3,500THB) rent with another friend, where they have additional money for the transport.. but no chance to have a decent saving.

 

Cheerios. How do you think everybody else manage to survive on their 25THB p/ hr 7/11 type of job?

[Guest laurence]

Noy; Since you manage on a budget of 4,000 TB per month then I think you should use that as the base for an allowance for a Thai bf. Why would you even consider giving him 10,000 Baht when you are living on such a strict budget?

In fact if you are so frugal why would you even consider a bf no matter how little you would give him?

What water do you get for 1Baht/liter?

 

[Guest wowpow]

noy9000 - You have surprised everyone with your statement that you get by in Bangkok on 3 to 4000 baht a month. Am I understanding you correctly that you actually do that. or is 6500 baht your budget? Is this what you actually spend per month including all expenditure - drinks, bars, offing boys?

 

I do have friends that most consider to live very frugally but they spend an awful lot more than that a month. Some average more than that a day.

 

The right amount must be an amount that you are happy to give and that he finds agreeable to receive.

[Guest noy9000]

No. 6,500THB p/ month is for my basic essentials; I'm living far beyond that.

 

The point is 10,000THB is more than enough, and my reply is to Laurence (who asked me to live in bangkok for 333baht p/ day).

 

When in Thailand try living on 333 Baht/day (10,000/month) and see how well you do. Of course the boys are Thais and they don't deserve same-same as farang?

 

What water do you get for 1Baht/liter? If you're living in thailand, you'll know how to get drinking water at 1THB per litre.

[Guest laurence]

]What water do you get for 1Baht/liter?[/b] If you're living in thailand, you'll know how to get drinking water at 1THB per litre.

 

Well, I asked Noy what water do you get for 1Baht/liter. Guess if you ask a stupid question you get a stupid answer.

 

Somehow I think Noy is putting us on. Hope not since so many responded with serious answers to his initial question.

[Guest noy9000]

Well, I asked Noy what water do you get for 1Baht/liter. Guess if you ask a stupid question you get a stupid answer.

 

Somehow I think Noy is putting us on. Hope not since so many responded with serious answers to his initial question.

Or you're plain stupid?

 

 

[Gaybutton]

Regarding drinking water at 1 baht per liter, the only way I can think of to do that is to have a water filter installed. There are all kinds of makes and models available, but I don't trust them. I prefer to buy bottled drinking water. I buy mine from a local bottling outlet. It works out to about 2.4 baht per liter. Of course, they probably use the same kinds of water filters that I don't trust . . .

 

[Guest pete1969]

Well, if Noy is putting us on or not, I still hope some people got some use from this thread. One of the biggest problems I had with my first Thai BF and allowance is how very little I knew of Thailand, bar boys, expenses in LOS, and what was fair.

 

The two pieces of information that always keep popping up in reference to allowance or support was that 10,000 baht was enough and that the boy would almost always try to cheat you and lie to you to get more money. It was very difficult to get information from any old hands on what type of allowance they gave their BFs and how the BF spent that money (basically what his expenses were like). It took me many trips to LOS and lots of talks with farang and boys to understand that one size does not fit all and that the axiom that all boys were not to be trusted was just not true.

 

Pete

[Guest xiandarkthorne]

I would calculate things based on my personal expenses in Malaysia where things cost nearly the same or at worst, about 20% more than in Thailand unless you happen to be one of those hi-maintenance types. After all, why should I pay a BF to spend more than me in his home country? My calculations would go something like this -

 

RM3.00 per day for tea or coffee at a coffeeshop (I don't drink alcohol in any form...why should I encourage him to do so?)

RM10.00 per day for 1 person x 3 meals

 

For ONE month it would be RM13.00 x 30 or RM390.00 - make it RM400 for convenience's sake

 

RM400.00 for Rent (I live in a 3-bedroom flat)

 

RM150.00 for utilities like electricity, water and telephone.

 

RM150.00 for other incidental expenses like the occasional dinner out with friends, a new shirt, etc.

 

RM200.00 as allowance for my father (it's my duty)

 

Grand Total of RM1,300.00 per month or RM1,300.00 x exchange rate of about Baht10 to the Ringgit for a total of Baht13,000.00 per month. If he asked me for anything more than that without a very, very good reason, I'd tell him what he could do with his own appendage.

 

 

[Guest bkkbob]

All I can say is I'd rather go on a date with pete1969.

[Guest noy9000]

It took me many trips to LOS and lots of talks with farang and boys to understand that one size does not fit all and that the axiom that all boys were not to be trusted was just not true.

You're the authentic wise one.

 

[Guest laurence]

Or you're plain stupid?

 

 

Relax Noy, there is no need for name calling. I did say "I" asked a stupid question regarding the price of water and your answer, if not stupid, was at least evasive.

 

Nonetheless I spoke with my Thai bf and he explained how to get water for 1Baht/liter and where to buy meals for 25 Baht/ each and what type of lodging was available for 2500 Baht/month.

 

Unfortunately when I am in residence in Thailand the bf's taste in food and drink and the finer things in life increases by a quantum leap, but that is the cross of gold one must bear to have a Thai bf.

 

[Guest noy9000]

Unfortunately when I am in residence in Thailand the bf's taste in food and drink and the finer things in life increases by a quantum leap, but that is the cross of gold one must bear to have a Thai bf.

 

If you've the 'Variety' Vol. 6, issue 49 - you can take a look at the Plernpiss section.

 

The only thing that sets my opinion apart (from most people), is that I'm in my early twenties - I'm interested in something long-term; the problem with myself, is that I like control. So it feels more 'managable'. (Don't go into this, there's never an explaination - and it never really did make sense to myself). All the guys interested in me are always brown, I'm not into brown sugar - so I'm considering getting someone out.

 

I guess there's 2 type of folks who'll take someout out from the bar scene.

 

1. Standard suga-daddy, no emotional strings.

2. Hoping to find something serious (that's why people term 'BF' instead of bar-boy, ain't it?).

 

I suspect that anyone (including you) will get sick of a long-term suga-boy; if you're going to flower him with gifts right from the beginning - it'll never last. Once you trigger the boy's 'greed' button, he'll go nuts if you go thrifty.

 

Starting with basic amount of money may allow certain 'doubts/ feelings' to explore. It also allows you to observe the 'reaction', although non-rational - but the initial reaction to your 10,000THB offer elucidates alot .... IF he is worth your time.

 

If he is intelligent, you can probably observe (I won't ask you to look for my older postings) but you're a foreigner (and probably older, wiser) - you can give him a chance to develop alot more. Mentally, Financially or etc.

[Guest laurence]

Hi Noy, I have read your response and really must spend more time digesting it. I am not sure, at all, about some of your references as to Variety Vol 6, issue 49. However if you are in your early twenties we are worlds or rather ages apart. I cannot argue with your reference to a "greed button" and I do agree he will go nuts if I am thrifty.

But seriously. Noy, do you really, want to get involved with some young guy as young as yourself?

Honestly I have done everything possible to encourage my bf/bb to make changes in his life. I am doing my very best to make a better life for him.

Am I right? I do not know.

 

 

[Guest xiandarkthorne]

Honestly I have done everything possible to encourage my bf/bb to make changes in his life. I am doing my very best to make a better life for him.

Am I right? I do not know.

 

Many of the other members here would say that you're definitely right. And I would certainly agree with them. However, the more important question is whether your BF thinks so, too.

 

I have discovered that not all of them are interested in making a better life for themselves through higher education and their own honest efforts. Most of them just want a better life NOW...preferably one which includes lots and lots of spending money to put up with the occasional service-the-bankroll session and lots and lots of financial support for their grandparents, parents, siblings, neighbours, and buffaloes when they need it. In addition to that, you can also add the latest handphones, gold chains and enough alcohol to float the QE2.

 

I am speaking from experience. I have yet to find a suitable partner for a little venture into the food industry in Penang - and anyone who knows Penang can tell you that good Thai food is almost a guaranteed gold mine here.