How To Be A Great Client

[TotallyOz]

In our new site to come soon, we have a section on escorts and escorting. Here is a good guide on how to be a good client. Any suggestions from escorts or clients on things I have left out or need to include, please let me know!

Oz

Do The Right Thing – How To Be A Great Escort Client Even If You Are A Bad Boy

Welcome back my happy homos, tasty twinks and burly bears, to the latest edition of the Male Escort Review guide to exciting erotic escort experiences. At Male Escort Review, we know that many of you have tripped the dick fantastic with lots of pay for gays, raunchy rent boys and horny hustlers – but everybody has their first time.

So, today we are going to look back to a time before we first opened our wallet to open his button-flies. We didn't know what to expect, how to act or how to play with our boy toy. It was like opening up a new game on Christmas Day – only to discover they'd forgotten to include the rules.

We also hear from time to time from escorts who report that they've dealt with clueless clients, uncouth cads and downright bad motherfuckers. Now, we know we can't help you if you are truly a dick, but we do think that perhaps some of these bad sexperiences come from simple, innocent ignorance.

Therefore, we are going to tell you exactly how to behave when you misbehave. Think of it as Escort Hiring 101 – brought to you straight from the source at the Male Escort Review.

Rule #1: Be The Real Deal

Most professional escorts are cool cats who lead busy, interesting lives. Being an escort is only a small part of how they fill up their days and nights. Often it's a job they love, but at the end of the day it's still all about the money, honey.

One of their biggest complaints is dealing with “time wasters.” These are dud studs who don't really plan on ever hiring an escort. They just like choking their chicken while talking to escorts online or on the phone, and fantasizing about gay for pay.

Their M.O. (that's Modus Operandi to you, detective) is to keep contacting the escort and acting like they plan to make a date – which always seems to fall through at the last minute.

Talk about being a cock tease!

Until an escort picks up on what's going on, he can end up wasting hours of his valuable time – and never getting paid for it. So, the number one rule is never contact an escort unless you are serious about hiring one.

If you have a fetish about escorts but don't have the time, money or inclination to actually go to one, why not get out your frustration by writing an erotic story about your fantasies? Who knows – if it's good, we might publish it here!

Don’t be a dick – keep it real.

Rule #2: Make A Connection

It would be nice to think that we are the only men in our escort's lives. But we all know the turgid truth - that these boys are ass with class and very much in demand.

What bugs butt boys almost as much as time wasters is guys who don't keep in touch about appointments, make it unclear if a date is settled on or change up plans at the last minute.

That's why it's so important that you make sure they know you are serious and due for a screw. When you decide that you do want to see the escort and are fine with his rates, set up a date and time and then stick to it.

Beyond that, the day before it’s good to call, text or email the escort to confirm your appointment. Many guys expect the escort to call them to confirm, but most won't for one very simple reason: They are afraid they'll try to contact you when you are out with your wife, boyfriend, boss or children and they don't want to embarrass you.

But, if you don't confirm, they'll be worried that you were not serious. That's why you have to stay connected when you crave cockalicious carnality. It will let them know you are sexually serious and also let them be much more relaxed when they are on their way to give you a great lay!

It only takes a few seconds to send a text – and if you do, the boys will think you are the best!

Rule #3: No Means No

Many escorts will tell you that this is the most important rule of all: they are human beings, not objects. A lot of serious shitheads look at escorts as simply paid-for tail that they can do anything they want with.

They are wrong.

An escort is someone's son, brother, lover and friend. They have a soul. Most importantly, they have free will and the right to say “no” at any time before or during a sexual encounter.

There are many reasons why they might suddenly feel uncomfortable with a given situation or act. There are also some things they won't do because it's not in their comfort zone. If they tell you to stop, you need to stop. Otherwise, you are a rapist.

Just because you are paying them doesn't give you the right to do whatever you want with their beautiful bodies. Learn this. Know this. Live this.

Rule #4: Be A Clean Fucking Machine

Soap is your friend – and learning how to use it will lead you to much better escort encounters and make gays want to dick you again and again.

Yes, I know that in some parts of the bear and leather community, smelling bad is considered a turn on. But, for all but a very small selection of escorts, it isn't. You would think this would be obvious. Didn't your mother tell you to wash behind your ears? Don't your sisters take a shower before a date? Then why do you think you have a right to be Pigpen living in Stinktown, U.S.A.?

Before any appointment with an escort, take a long, hot shower. Use soap. Don't just wash your balls! Pay attention to your ass, so that you don't get nicknamed “Dingleberry.” Shampoo is your friend!

Most escorts get very turned off by guys who smell like a stink machine. And, they've most likely made an effort to be as pristinely presentable to your penis as possible. The least you can do is return the favor!

Rule #4: No Surprises

An evening, morning or afternoon delight with an escort should be a well planned out event. Surprises are not your friend. We know that it can be embarrassing to talk about what you want in bed with a man you've yet to meet in person, but you've got to suck it up and give him a good sexplanation before your horny hookup.

There is nothing worse for either an escort or a client than having some special kink or move come up after the date has already started. The dude may not be willing to doing the dirty deed. Or, he may suck at it, but know someone who would be happy to piss on you, karate chop your nuts or give you a tasty teabag.

It doesn't matter what daring-do makes you want to screw; there is an escort out there who will want to fill your nasty needs. But, it may not be the escort you've scheduled to meet up with. So, if you have any unusual sexpectations you need to be clear, because they are not clairvoyant.

Rule #5: Stay Sane And Sober

Whenever an escort goes to meet a new client, he's going to be a little bit nervous. After all, he has no way of knowing if you are a psycho hose beast or a gorgeous gentleman. Any intimate setting, including your hotel room or apartment, is a situation in which you could be Mr. Nutsy McCrazycock.

This is why they are very, very careful when they first get to your place about anything that could indicate that you might get out of control. The number one red flag for these fabulous fags is if you reek of booze, are deliriously drunk or tweaking on Tina.

Every sexperienced escort in the world has had a notorious nightmare with a client who seemed fine at first but then became a serious shitheel once he was drunk, high or both.

In fact, many will simply walk out the door. The rule of thumb is that you can get wasted with your friends, but an escort should be able to do things to your body that will make you forget champagne and meth exist.

You should also avoid hiring an escort if you are in some sort of emotional crisis or just starting new medication. The intense experience of being with an escort could cause you to freak out and/or otherwise terrify the guy if he doesn't know you very well.

The best thing to do is hire an escort only when you are sober, sane and seriously sexual. Otherwise, you'll waste his time and yours.

Rule #6: Be Prepared To Play Safe

No glove, no love - no fucking excuses. If there's one request escorts get terrifyingly tired of hearing it's, “Do I really have to wear one?”

Yes, you do. In fact, not only should you be willing to wear a johnny on the cock; you should make sure they wrap their pack as well. The best thing possible is to bring your own condoms and lube with you to the ass-pointment. That way, you can use your preferred brand and the escort will know that you are not going to try to give them a hard time – except in safe, government-approved ways.

You should also know that if you try to do the pullout-fakeout - where you put on a condom, start fucking them doggy style and then take it off without them knowing - you are evil. That kid will have to undergo STD testing, put off clients until his results come back and be terrified the entire time.

Pretending to wear a rubber when you really aren't is a form of rape – no matter what the circumstances - so just don't do it.

Rule # 7: Leave A Tip

Any bartender will tell you: If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to be in a bar. The same goes for escorts. The price they quote you online or over the phone is just the basic price. While they should not expect a tip, they do greatly appreciate one and it is when they are good at their job that they deserve one.

Unless the date goes horribly wrong, a gentleman usually tips his escorts. This is especially true if you are using an agency as the agency normally takes 1/3 of the cut from the guys and a little extra will be much appreciated.

There are some exceptions. If your escort only does the minimum needed, then no tip is needed. You can tell if an escort is simply going through the motions and does little to make you happy. However, if they go above and beyond to please you, a tip is a great way to show them they did great at their job and you were very happy with their service.

If handing over extra cash bothers you and you'd rather give him a gift, make sure you also give him the gift receipt so that he can return it. Remember, he's not your wife or husband, and he has the right to his own personal taste.

You are with him because you are a cockaholic, and a tip will go a long way to ensuring you have a great roll in the hay.

Now You Are The Man With The Plan!

Ok. You now have a degree in not being a dick! All you have to do is follow these few simple rules and you'll be the cream of the crop, the top top or the best bottom your escort has seen that day!

It's not really that hard to be a good client – which is why it sucks that so many clients suck!

Keep these rules in mind and you'll do fine – and we'll be reading your reviews about awesome ass in no time flat!

cc MaleEscotReview.com 2009

[Guest Rian]

Thanks Oz!!

[Guest epigonos]

Very interesting Oz!!! I must say, however, that there is one of your rules with which I totally disagree.

I NEVER see escorts for one hour. I ALWAYS get together with guys for lunch or dinner (usually his choice) and a couple of hours of play time. Now if you consider the money I spend on their meals a tip then I tip. If you don't then I NEVER tip. When I ask an escort his fee I accept that fee and set up an appointment or if I believe the fee to be too high I don't set up an appointment. I NEVER bargain. I don't bargain with my doctor and I don't tip my doctor. I don't bargain with my auto mechanic and I don’t tip my auto mechanic etc, etc.

I have been hiring escorts now for nearly ten years and I have found that every guy with whom I wanted to do a repeat appointment was willing to do so. I see three or four escorts on a semi regular basis and I consider them professional friends. NOT one of them has ever complained about my lack of tipping. Now if I were hiring from an agency here in the U.S. or Europe or in a third world country I might feel differently.

In conclusion I don’t tip free lance escorts here or in Europe and certainly do NOT intend to start NOW!!!

[Guest FourAces]

How about an article for escorts ... how to be a great escort? why is the responsibility placed on the paying party on many of your points?

[Guest mineallmine]

crave cockalicious carnality

That sounds so divinely delicous...where can I get some!

I think the to tip not to tip debate is an interesting one. I am also a person who seeks longer appointments from over night to a weekend and so I usually end up paying for all the meals and entertainment but that is also the cost of doing business. I also tend to not bargain either and usually accept whatever price im quoted and make my decision from there.

I think it might be useful to put in a section on when an escort travels, ie. long distance, to you. Or what to expect on an incall versus an out call. Kind of a who brings what or provides necessary equipment and other assorted goodies.

Also might want to add a section on inital contact questions to ask, information to provide about yourself, and so on.

[BiBottomBoy]

I'm curious if most guys tip.

I always do, but perhaps I'm a weirdo.

[TotallyOz]

Thanks Oz!!

You are most welcome. Glad you enjoyed it. Hopefully you and I will get to play with these rules one day.

Very interesting Oz!!! I must say, however, that there is one of your rules with which I totally disagree.

Yes, I do understand that. It is really to each his own. I have found I tip a percentage for one hour appointments, etc. When it is a long term thing, I don't tip cash but usually with presents, etc. But, I find out what the guy wants to make sure I get it. My boy in Sao Paulo, I always tip well but on this trip, he asked me to get him some PSP games in USA and I did that. It was almost 400 USD worth of games so I'll let that be his tip for a few evenings.

I also tip my mechanic. But, he has been my mechanic since I was 15 years old. I will always get him an Xmas present and when I travel overseas, I will often get him a hat as he wears a hat 24/7. Not a lot but just a little to say thanks for taking care of me for so long.

How about an article for escorts ... how to be a great escort? why is the responsibility placed on the paying party on many of your points?

Hey FourAces. I have written lots of articles on how to be a good escort. They will all be on the site. This was really my first one geared totally for clients. But, the others will be there for the boys as well. I put the responsibility on both parties to make the evening successful. It is really up to both to make sure things go smooth and a Happy Ending is had by all.

crave cockalicious carnality

That sounds so divinely delicous...where can I get some!

It is yummy isn't it?

Thanks for the other suggestions as well. I will work on them either in this article on another few I am working on before the new site goes live.

I'm curious if most guys tip.

I will be curious as to other responses. I always tip if the service is good. If it is not, I do not.

I stay in Thailand quite a bit and am known for being very generous with the guys I go with. One night I met this guy who was adorable and new to the area. I took him home and he was an absolute dud. It was the worst hour I had had in ages. He said everything was possible and yet when it came down to it, he was not capable of anything. I gave him 500 Thai Baht and sent him away. When he got back to the area he was in, he talked to the other boys I know and they found out I gave him 500 baht and they told him that he must have really sucked (not in a good way) as I never give a guy so little money. He was pleased with the 500 until he found out my normal rates. The next night, he walked over to me, handed me the 500 baht and said he did not want it and instead wanted a second chance for a short time. I took the money and agreed. That night he was amazing. Naturally, I tipped accordingly.

That said, some tip and some do not. It really is up to each person. I always do if good service is given. But, I also tip doormen, housekeepers, etc. In hotels, there are only 2 groups that you need to be friends with. The doormen and housekeepers can get you anything you want and make sure your stay is beyond expectations.

Sorry for the rambling. I'll be curious to see what others say on the tips.

[Guest TNTTed]

Generally I’m opposed to the idea of tipping independent contractors. They set their rates and to me that means they’re satisfied with that amount. And I am among the group that does not want to bargain with price.

That being said, I sometimes will tip if I’m especially well-served. I say sometimes because, more often than not, when I go out to meet an escort I don’t carry extra cash with me. Usually just enough to get me home. I’ve never yet felt that I had to tip, or that the escort was disappointed that I didn’t.

[TownsendPLocke]

Very good article Totally Oz.

I agree with most of your points.

The main thing is to be upfront about yourself and what you are looking for.I am totally honest about my age and appearence and what I am looking for,what I am willing to pay.I always am thouroughly clean with special attention to breath and teeth when having any visitor.I do my best to be polite and understanding to my guest.

Unfortunately what I think I have covered in my contract often escapes the memory of the working fella.

And sometimes a working fella will agree to terms that he really is not pleased with.

And these lapses lead to less than memorable situations.

I do not tip for these-and thus come off looking like a cheapskate.I only tip when the working fella exceeds my expectations with his skill or with his generousity.I feel that any service worker looking to get tipped for doing the basic work for which they are hired has set his/her expectations wrongly.It has nothing to do about being/not being a gentleman.A gentleman settles his accounts fairly.Equating overpayment for services with gentility is wrong IMO.Berating those who set contracts,abide by the terms of the contractsand pay the price agreed in the contracts could possibly be seen as less than polite behaviour.A Gentleman always strives to make others feel comfortable.

A tip is not a necessery part of any service arangement IMO.If the service exceeds expectations then providing one is always a nice thing.

Working fellas are making far more per hour than any other unskilled trade in most cases.For the most part when they set their fee for a session they should take any "extras"into consideration and not expect a tip to cover any expected expenses/services.

This topic always opens dialougue.Often one that veers into disagreement.I hope my fellow MERmen will keep this conversation going-at the same time keep it civil.

[BiBottomBoy]

I'm not sure I'd call escorting an "unskilled trade."

[TownsendPLocke]

I do realise your post was made(partially)in jest however until there are college degrees or trade association standard certifications handed out for the work being discussed it should be considered unskilled labor IMO.

[BiBottomBoy]

I knew some girls in college who were essentially majoring in blowjobs.

[AdamSmith]

I do realise your post was made(partially)in jest however until there are college degrees or trade association standard certifications handed out for the work being discussed it should be considered unskilled labor IMO.

I think I will never again see P.E. after someone's name and not think "Professional Escort."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Professional_Engineer

And I agree with you that if the guy makes no effort but the basic 101 performance, he gets no tip from me. On the other hand I will tip outrageously for anything above and beyond, and find that usually helps cement a great working LTR with the guy.

[AdamSmith]

That is to say, if there is anything in his performance that makes me want to see him again, he gets a tip.

[TotallyOz]

That is to say, if there is anything in his performance that makes me want to see him again, he gets a tip.

Same for me Adam.

I have also made some changes to the article in the tip section. See if this is more accurate of the readerships beliefs.

[TownsendPLocke]

"I have also made some changes to the article in the tip section"

welllllllllllll-kinda/sorta but not really.

I agree that when hiring through an agency a tip should be added for even a satisfactory encounter.

But I still think the article is a little too heavy handed in this aspect.

While I can appriciate that this reflects your beliefs-it does not reflect what most of the responders to this thread hold to be true.

Hiring a fella in a developing country is a different kettle of cock than hiring a fella here in the states or in the EU.

And as one tips after the deed is done-in what way would it improve the session?I might improve future sessions(or not)but it does nothing to improve services already performed.

If I am at a bar or restuarant and it is reallllllly important for me and my party to be treated well then I give a generous bribe upfront to the waiter/bartender.While it is a sorry state of affairs that such a thing is necessary-well that is just the way of the world.

But I would never consider giving a bribe to a service provider upfront in most other circumstances.