AdamSmith Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Notes toward a glossary for escort ads. Feel free to embrace and extend! Can host: I share a 1-bedroom apartment with 2 other guys. Discrete: Discreet. Discreet: I will write about you on my blog. New to the business: My 4th stage name in as many months. Prefers email contact: I may respond to your inquiry in a month or two. Seeking generous gentlemen: Prepare to be upsold. Selective: Usually meaningless. Occasionally means: I will see you if you send a face pic and I like your looks, or if the rent is due. 29yo: 37yo. Versatile top: I will top you, or I will lie there while you get yourself off, whichever you prefer. Versatile bottom: See Versatile top. The occasional exception – Boyfriend material! Versatile: Marriage material! Disclaimer: The rude & disrespectful entries above in no wise reflect my real feelings toward escorts, most of whom I would marry if they would have me. Still needed: A glossary for client responses... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lookin Posted November 12, 2008 Members Share Posted November 12, 2008 Still needed: A glossary for client responses... All right, here's some that have served me well. HWP: Think Divine. Thick dark hair: Ears and nose mostly. Generous and reliable: I've been paying for it since 1973. Friends consider me handsome: It says so in my yearbook. Successful executive: Have my own desk at work. Laid back: Check pulse every few minutes. Gregarious: Drunk. Looking for long-term arrangement: Rarely get a second chance. Sugar Daddy: Freezer full of Häagen-Dazs. Good physical shape: Oval. Attentive: Stalker. Fun loving: Sometimes forget to pay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest StuCotts Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Notes toward a glossary for escort ads. Feel free to embrace and extend!Versatile: Marriage material! The only annotation I'd presume to suggest is that in the experience of some, e.g. me, Versatile = Inert. That brings up a related question. When an escort gives Vanilla as his talent, fetish, etc., does he mean that he's bland himself, or that he's looking for clients who are? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamSmith Posted November 13, 2008 Author Share Posted November 13, 2008 lookin, you make me almost too self-conscious ever to write another hiring email! Versatile = Inert. LOL! The helium-argon escort -- totally unreactive. One has had a few of those. When an escort gives Vanilla as his talent, fetish, etc. My read: it shows he has wisely elected not to waste time on that part of the listing form, which seldom correlates to reality in any event. A few addenda... Handsome: Plain, but my ego compensates. Model looks: So self-absorbed, you’ll pay me to leave. Not your typical escort: Your typical escort. Open-minded: Willing to listen to your requests before I tell you all the things I won’t do. Very open-minded: Either (1) PNP and/or bareback, or (2) still weirded out by having to touch strangers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest StuCotts Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 All right, here's some that have served me well. HWP: Think Divine. I've never been tempted to place a hiring ad, and this post has guaranteed that I never will be. As usual, I have a question. What does HWP stand for? I assume the reference is to Divine, the gross-out drag queen who ate dog doo for John Waters. What could those initials mean that would convey any of that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamSmith Posted November 13, 2008 Author Share Posted November 13, 2008 HWP = Height/Weight Proportional. In theory: If 6'0"' in height, then perhaps 165 lb. But often, in reality, Mrs. Six by Six. As Julia Child so eloquently put it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lookin Posted November 14, 2008 Members Share Posted November 14, 2008 Gosh, fellas, let’s not shy away from gilding the lily a little. Remember it’s a pas de deux that we both do, and not much fun if it’s done by one. For me, there’s always been a certain symmetry to the dance between escort and client: Boyfriend experience: I only fly first class. I’ll treat you like a prince: Hamlet comes to mind. Cute bubble butt: Think Danny DeVito. Athletic build: Sumo’s a sport. Only one client a day: Unless somebody else calls. Loyal to my special guy: Nobody else returns my messages. Ninety-percent of my clients are repeaters: "I told you kissing's important!" My guys call me: "Don’t you ever contact me again!" Young movie star looks: Mason Reese. Mature movie star looks: Burl Ives. As long as we mirror one another’s steps, won’t we finish pretty even? Even if one of us is doing it backwards, and in high heels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Conway Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 The age thing deserves a post of its own. If an escort claims to be 18, he is likely 15. If he claims to be 19, he is likely 17. If he claims to be 21, he is likely 26. If he claims to be 29, he is likely 35-42. If he claims to be 40 or more, he is likely 60 or more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamSmith Posted November 26, 2008 Author Share Posted November 26, 2008 Gosh, fellas, let’s not shy away from gilding the lily a little. Remember it’s a pas de deux that we both do, and not much fun if it’s done by one. Mea culpa. "It takes two to tango, but only one to squirm." -- S.J. Perelman ...I did get one rejoinder, though, from an escort who thankfully was not offended. He offered: Not your typical escort -- I'm actually good at it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamSmith Posted November 26, 2008 Author Share Posted November 26, 2008 The age thing deserves a post of its own. I will collaborate with Ben/LA, our resident quant, to graph the function you so aptly describe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamSmith Posted December 6, 2008 Author Share Posted December 6, 2008 Great at massage: Forget about getting near my pipe, much less my hole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamSmith Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 When you call me...a HOT guy shows up: I'm using someone else's pics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members manticore Posted March 17, 2009 Members Share Posted March 17, 2009 friendly: plain looking affectionate: expensive shy: insecure energetic: cums fast expensive: expensive Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
