Making the approach

[Guest noy9000]

I've never been adventurous (unless you mean in the bar, when you know everyone is available), and the good old advise has always been 'wait for the locals to make the approach'.

 

So any advise for me, if I plan to hit on a guy who works at the shopping mall's swensen? I'm not very sure if he's gay... or not.

[Gaybutton]

So any advise for me

 

A close friend of mine has personal cards, just like business cards, with his name and phone number written on them. When he finds himself in such a circumstance, he simply hands the card to the object of his desire and hopes for a call. That avoids embarrassment to both parties if the recipient is not interested. It seems to work pretty well for him.

 

Even a handwritten piece of paper should get the message across. Maybe a little note, preferably written in Thai, that says something like, "Please call me. I would like to invite you for a drink," or whatever message with which you feel comfortable.

 

Personally, I would prefer the handwritten note instead of a card. It seems more personal than handing someone a card. I think handing someone a card indicates that you do this sort of thing all the time with lots of boys. I don't think that would work quite as well, although my friend seems to do just fine that way. If you can get someone to show you how to write a brief message in Thai, so much the better.

 

Another possibility depends on whether circumstances permit trying to flirt and seeing whether he is responsive.

[Guest luvthai]

Just smile. It almost always gets a smile in return and you'll know if he's intersted in you by the body language.

[Guest xiandarkthorne]

I agree. A shy, friendly but flirtatious smile has always worked for me (STOP shuddering!) And then if he seemed interested, I'd take out one of those free cards you can get from a hotel reception desk and write my room number on it before passing it to him.

 

Of course, now that I speak enough Thai to get by, it's a slightly different ball game...

[Guest BKKvisitor]

Both Gaybutton and Luvthai offer great suggestions. Tarntawan Place Hotel even provides guests with a supply of business cards for such purposes.

 

If the guy speaks a little English (or you Thai), you might ask some general questions during service:

 

"Are you university student?"

"Do you work until closing?

 

You can't go too wrong (actually I suppose you can, but ...) by using your gaydar. If a passing lad's smile lingers, turn back to check if he's still looking back or has paused to check out a shop window. If he has, you're halfway home. Of course, there's a good chance he may be a MB but it's a great opening. Don't expect the shy Thai guy to move towards you. Make the first move.

 

Carefully engaging in extended eye contact on the Skytrain or MRT can reap interesting results.

[Guest wowpow]

One of my great delights in living in Thailand is that you can 'flirt / come on to / chat-up almost any man and they will take it as a compliment and smile even if not interested. Tell any guy that he is lubelaw - handsome and strong and he will smile with delight.

 

We foreigners get automatic high status and with that goes respect and politeness. Many don't notice the Thai status but it's all around you when they wai and to what degree. The bar boy is inferior to the waiter who is inferior to the barman who is inferior to the mamasan who defers to the owner who defers to the Police etc.

 

I have friends who have cards with only their name and telephone number on. I have friends who have seperate telephones for boys calls. Personally I give out the usual name card with address and details and have never yet had a problem though I do live in a condominium with reasonable security and occasionally get pestered by unwanted phone calls.

 

Dating a guy who does not speak any English or mutual language tends to be very shortlived, at best a deep meaningful one night stand. The trouble with learning just a few phrases in Thai or writing notes or cards in Thai is that the response is in Thai and you have no idea what it means.

 

I think that BKKvisitor will quickly find out how friendly and delighful Thai guys are and if he visits mainly gay areas he will find he will develop confidence in communicating.

 

One thing that many farangs get annoyed by is that Thai guy never offer to pay for a meal or drink if they are younger. It is not the culture here. The older/richer higher status guy always pays ( unless the Thai guy is very westernised ) Also any guy who is poor or of modest means and goes with a superior status person expects benefits to flow in his direction. Even if not a money boy he would expect some gifts or money, more in a patronage way than a prostitute way.

[Guest mgluyas]

All these are great ideas;this leads to my question.

How do I go about learning enough thai to get by

Michael

[Gaybutton]

All these are great ideas;this leads to my question.

How do I go about learning enough thai to get by

Michael

 

When you are in Thailand, it won't take long to pick up on some basic Thai. You can also take lessons while in Thailand. Even if you are going to be in Thailand only on a short holiday, you might be surprised at what you can learn even if you only have time for one or two lessons. If you let us know which city in Thailand in which you will be spending most of your time, several of us can probably make some recommendations as to a good teacher.

 

You also can probably take lessons in your home country. Many people do that.

 

English is taught as a second language in most Thai schools, so a great many Thai people can at least handle some very basic English.

 

The good news is that even people who come to Thailand for the first time find that communication with Thai people is almost always much less of a problem than they anticipated.

[TotallyOz]

All these are great ideas;this leads to my question.

How do I go about learning enough thai to get by

Michael

 

It is actually very easy. Find a boy that speaks both English and Thai. Marry him. Keep him by your side and you will learn just by enjoying life. That worked for me. Except I didn't really learn Thai. I did learn some words and how to order food.

[Guest luvthai]

You can also buy basic thai language books which are very helpful. But pronouncing the words may prove to be very difficult at first. Thai is a very toneful language so takes much pracirce. Speaking to a thai lady is different than speaking with a thai man as with a lady it is usually softer tones. Their are also CD's available thru language centers that could help. When I was staying in thailand for long periods I picked it up pretty quick but now that I go only once a year I have lost a lot of the words and meanings. My first phrase to learn was "Mai Pen Rai" . One that I use still often.

[Guest MissMarples]

I've never been adventurous (unless you mean in the bar, when you know everyone is available), and the good old advise has always been 'wait for the locals to make the approach'.

 

So any advise for me, if I plan to hit on a guy who works at the shopping mall's swensen? I'm not very sure if he's gay... or not.

 

Its easy. Just say "you wanna fu@k"

 

[Guest jojo777]

Its easy. Just say "you wanna fu@k"

Thank God! Ms Marple, the age of romance is not dead yet!

 

Just smile and say 'Sawatdee Krap' and they will either speak in English or Thai, but as the other members have already said they will smile! Tell them you want them to teach you Thai!

 

All the best, you've nothing to lose!

[Guest noy9000]

Just smile and say 'Sawatdee Krap' and they will either speak in English or Thai, but as the other members have already said they will smile! Tell them you want them to teach you Thai!

Good one. I'll do this on Thursday, I was going to say tomorrow - but I have to go to the borders for a visa-run.

 

[Guest noy9000]

Good one. I'll do this on Thursday, I was going to say tomorrow - but I have to go to the borders for a visa-run.

 

I was suppose to do a visa-run today (and it over-due today, I'll have to pay 500THB tomorrow as fine), I saw the posting about National service and realised something about my past relationship.

 

Anyway, time to move on - I'll do exactly the same as what jojo777 has proposed.

 

We'll see what happens later.

[Guest noy9000]

I did almost everything here, first I asked him to teach me Thai. He blushed, smiled shyly (looking at the other direction) and almost giggled.

 

It wasn't the embarassed type of smile, so I know (he's probably not straight) I can make a 2nd approach.

 

I called my friend (who was with me, but I ask her to 'walk' around the mall... and I may need her help) to write me a note: "Hello, my friend xxxxx will like to know you. we'd like to know what time you start work, and finish work? Maybe we can go hangout sometime... with my phone number."

 

I looked at him again, we exchanged looks.. he starts giggling *shyly* again. I realised that if I stayed there, he may never walk towards this part of the restuarant. So I left, and my friend passed him the note for me. (Okay, blushed+giggling *shyly* again) He said he'll call me.

 

My phone is not ringing yet...

[Guest noy9000]

Today I visit again - apparently he's trying to avoid me (and the 2 waitress working in the ice-cream palor seems to know that I'm interested in him); he was suppose to be in-charge of 'zone A', so I set at the corner of zone 'A'...

 

Once I settled down, he switched to zone 'B'... I'd wanted to drop a 2nd note today, but I chicken out - finished my ice-cream & left.

 

I saw the female waitress making fun of him - to clear the tables in-front of my table (and saw him smiling away, again - I'm really unsure if it's a shy smile or an awkward smile). Now I risk challenging his modesty, or ... he is really shy.

 

I was on a 50/50 that he is gay, now I'm on a 60/40 - he is probably gay. (Perhaps he's from the upcountry, and is taken aback by a foreigner guy hitting on him?).. I don't know. If I'm a farang, my attention could be different.

 

Still... what's the next move? or should I just wait (since he has my number, and he could be discussing with his friend - if he should call me... or perhaps he is not calling me, because he can't speak english?).

[Guest BKKvisitor]

Whatever his orientation, he probably doesn't want to risk being chided by his colleagues. I've observed this behavior before in different settings. You're better off to avoid his place of business. If he has your number and wants to call, he will. Some guys--many guys--enjoy playing hard to get. The more you pursue, the deeper on the hook he has you. I'd back off and look elsewhere.

[Guest luvthai]

I agree back off especially at his work place. Some guys are really shy and will lose face in front of his fellow employees. If he wants to call you he will. Don't take a friendly smile to mean he is interested in you. This is the Land of Smiles.

[Gaybutton]

I agree that it is probably a mistake to try to pursue someone at his place of work. You made it clear that you are interested, but he did not contact you. I think you should have left it at that and moved on.

 

Maybe he's gay and maybe he isn't, but let's suppose he is. That doesn't mean he is interested in an older "farang." Maybe he already has a "farang." Maybe he has a Thai boyfriend. Maybe he doesn't find you attractive. Whatever it is, it seems that he is letting you know that he is not interested as politely as he can and since you say he is now avoiding you, then if you keep showing up you're becoming a nuisance to him and it's ruining any possibilities.

 

If he calls, then he calls. If he doesn't then he doesn't. Either way, I agree with the suggestions to back off now and leave him alone.

 

 

 

[Guest noy9000]

I thought so too. I shouldn't go to his work place anymore, I've been doing alot of traveling to that shopping complex from my apartment for some hi-fattening ice-cream.

 

Time to go on a diet.

[Guest lvdkeyes]

Its easy. Just say "you wanna fu@k"

I remember well in the 70's it was not uncommon to go up to someone in a bar and say"Do you want to F*&k?" Once a guy asked me the question and I replied "Your place or mine?" He said "If we are going to argue about it, just forget it"

 

Happy Easter to all.

 

[Guest noy9000]

Is it really possible to hit on anyone, you're interested in?

 

I seriously have my reservations.

[Gaybutton]

Is it really possible to hit on anyone, you're interested in?

 

There are all kinds of ways to 'hit on' someone. I wouldn't advise just walking up to just any stranger on the streets and inviting him to your bed, but there are all kinds of ways to let someone know you are interested in ways that are subtle enough so that there will be no embarrassment on either side if you are going to be rejected. There is no standard way to do that. Many good suggestions have been offered on this thread. You have to do what works best for you. Even if you just use the broad smile method, if the other person is interested then believe me, he'll let you know it. One thing is certain: If you are too shy to at least do or say something, then nothing will happen at all.

 

If it were me, and I was not in a gay venue where I would be sure, then I would usually try the broad smile and see if if get one back. If I do, then I would try to talk with the person. If he responds, even if you can't speak any Thai and he can't speak any English, but he's friendly and I'm getting the right 'vibes,' then I might invite him for a drink, or hand him a card and ask him to give me a call, or ask to exchange phone numbers, or something similar. Even if the language barrier is total, you'll find ways to get the message across and so will he.

[Guest noy9000]

It's sort of expected.

 

I've problems hitting on guys outside a gay venue, but the chance of meeting a nice decent chap is so much higher.

[Gaybutton]

the chance of meeting a nice decent chap is so much higher.

 

I agree with that. I hope you will be able to overcome your anxiety. I think if you give it a try once or twice, the anxiety about it will disappear.