Are you Out at work?

[TotallyOz]

I was talking with a guy today from Australia and he was on holiday. We were talking about his work and he said no one knew he was gay at work and he does not date when he is home. He is in his 50's and travels often.

I didn't come out till I was 27 and when I did, I was working in law firms in New York. Everyone at the firm knew I was gay and I never had any problems or issues with it. Although, New York is very open in most areas and easy to be gay.

It got me to thinking about how far we have come and yet still there is a stereotype that many have against guys. Laws are currently being passed that are anti-gay in many states. Some states still have laws on the books that forbid homosexual sex.

When I hung out at the Gaiety in NYC many years ago, many of my friends that were clients were not out to anyone. I am not sure how easy or hard things have become and the decision is very personal for everyone. I don't think anyone I know doesn't know I am gay. Perhaps it is my rainbow bracelet or my sparkling glasses. But, I don't have a typical work environment. I guess my workplace would be the hotels I stay at and I know for a fact that every cute bellman knows I am gay.

Are you out at work?

[caeron]

I used to be, but I'm not any more.

As I've gotten older and switched jobs, I just stopped announcing it to everyone. I'd rather they knew, but I don't want to put in the effort, and I'm not really close to any of them.

The fact that I married my best friend has complicated matters, because then I'd have to explain that our relationship is amazing and wonderful, but that it isn't a traditional marriage. That would probably lead to questions about open marriages that just seem like unprofessional conversations to have.

That said, I've come out to a few people at work who I've gotten closer to, and if someone outed me, I wouldn't care much.

[OneFinger]

As I've gotten older and switched jobs, I just stopped announcing it to everyone.

I kind of follow that same approach. I have NEVER showed up at work and announced that I'm gay. Just not my style. But, I've never hidden the fact that I am.

Back in the '70s when I in the Navy and aboard a submarine, most of the crew knew I was gay. My lover went on "dependent's cruises" and interacted with other military spouses. He would often fly into ports and meet the ship so we could go site-seeing together. BTW, I was one of 3 gay sailors on that submarine and we all had high security clearances.

After the military I followed a similar pattern. I never made my personal life a topic of discussion at work. Personally, I think my employers would prefer not to know. I've worked in the defense industry and in heavy construction for 30 years. Both are groups that are not known for being gay-friendly. So, I don't push the issue and focus on my job.

It's worked well for me and I've never felt any discrimination or been treated differently.

[Guest LeoWalker]

There are two scenarios. One in which you are in a smaller work force and could be friends with your employer...this is rare. Otherwise, the majority of the time you're working for a more faceless entity. In this case, I've generally maintained a very low level of interaction with my co-workers. I rarely even spoke to any of them and generally declined any attempt for socialization outside of work. I wasn't mean. Just wasn't available. Any time I did mix work with personal the result was negative. People would ask me or make accusations about being gay...and again...just as they weren't welcomed into my life socially I "was not available" and did not pay any attention to their comments.

I love my new occupation. It amazingly gives me more of an opportunity to be...me.

[Guest Conway]

From my perspective, I never mention it unless someone asks. If they do, i tell them. If they don't it never gets brought up. I'm sure most folks in my office have iot figured out. I'm 44 years old, relatively attractive, unmarried and uninterested in the office pussy talk.

On the other hand, we just had a guy join the team that I manage whose obviously gay, appears to have come out fairly late in life (gauging by the picture of his young sons on his desk) and seems terrified that people in the office are going to find out. My initial inclination is to reach out to him privately. But, my concern is that if he thinks it is obvious enough to everyone that I picked it up, it may terrify him even more. I'm not sure that it wouldn't make his discomfort even worse.

So, I just make the effort to build him up with regularity, praise him for his good work, and let him know how happy we are to have him on board without making an issue of his preference. When he gets comfortable enough, he'll let the world know.

[Guest AntonNedvedev]

Luckily I finally have a job where being gay is a plus LOL I've been fired from 2 jobs for being gay, and even at the others where it was accepted, being the "gay" chef instead of just the chef was pretty annoying.

It was also annoying to be constantly talking about. There are so many more things that I consider myself ahead of being gay that I would rather talk about, but it seemed like when I had a job that I was out at that's all anyone wanted to talk about. And no offense intended to anyone, but I have more masculine tendencies, and don't really get into the "girl" talk and gossip, but everyone just seemed to assume that I did. I'd much rather be talking football then do these shoes go with this skirt, you know? But no one could seem to understand that. So for the past few years, and when eventually I have to get a "conventional" job again, I keep my sexuality to myself. When co-workers would/will ask about a gf, i told/tell them I'm a widower, will never be in a relationship again, and it's too painful to talk about so I would rather them not bring it up again.