Come one Come All

[TotallyOz]

I think I have made clear my stance on personal choices and that does include smoking weed, drug use, assisted suicide, and barebacking. I have never really steered far from this.

I recently met a guy who is HIV and has anal warts. He is having unsafe sex with others and does not disclose either to them. He asserts that anyone having sex should be aware of these things and the risks involved. I do agree with him. However, there is no way I would even intentionally make someone else sick. I do draw a line and I do think that as a HIV negative individual I need to have full knowledge of the things I do and the risks involved in those decisions. I don’t expect someone to tell me the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. However, I would also not expect to be lied to when important decisions are made.

My friend says he talks about his status as being HIV negative and STD free. I was just floored when I heard this. I know it happens and I know it happens often but I can’t understand why.

I had a boyfriend who was HIV positive for 5 years while we were living together. He never had unsafe sex with anyone. He was at the West Side Club in NYC often and loved sex but his attitude was that he would never want someone to suffer the things he suffered. For me, he was also safe and our 5 years together and I was still negative when the relationship ended.

Why would someone knowingly pass on a sickness or disease to someone else? Is there something in the makeup or mind that I am missing? Is there so little compassion left for humanity that one not only wants other to suffer but makes sure that it happens?

I have met many escorts who work even if they have the flu or a contageous disease. I never see an escort if I am not up to par with my health as I would not want to give the flue or a cough to someone else.

I know that as the owner of a bareback site, that the issues always come up about me promoting barebacking. I promote knowledge and the more people are aimed with knowledge the better the decisions they make. It may sound like a cop out for making money but I started bareback.com because of all my friends on other dating sites who wanted to bareback and wanted others to do it with that were knowledgeable of the risks.

I could go on and on but I ask the questions above. What am I missing? Also, please feel free to take shots at my stance on any issues above. Just because I am a moderator on the boards does not limit others from a lively debate. I do not get angry or upset that someone disagrees with me. Otherwise, I would be angry day and night. Those who have met me know I am pretty fucking mellow. And, that is even when I am not in Amsterdam.

Oz

[RA1]

I think as lot of younger Americans have been allowed to grow up without valuing much of any thing. If they leave a coat at school, no problem, mom or dad will buy a new one. They all have phones, cars, etc. etc. without doing any thing to get them except be alive and an overly protected member of some family or other.

To jump to a larger conclusion, in impoverished parts of the world, some times there is little regard for life itself, either their own or another's. The USA led the way to encourage everyone to regard others as equals, worthwhile, etc. Now, to draw the Roman Empire parallel, we seem to be on the way down and perhaps, out.

I realize that I used very broad generalizations and skipped a whole bunch of intermediary details but anyone who wants to get it, will.

Thanks,

RA1

[caeron]

I think (I hope) it is partially an age thing.

I'm 44. When I was coming out, condoms were just coming in. If I had come out in NYC, I"d probably be dead now. But we learned that the deadly killer virus HIV could be stopped, and we learned to suit up. We mourned all the people we knew who died.

Now HIV is a 'manageable' disease. We who grew up in the days of the worst holocaust can't stop thinking of it as a killer, while today's kids think, "ah, couple a pills a day and you're good." I think this attitude is insane, but so it is.

I wish more folks would understand the very weak barrier that a drug is. If it fails, you die. AIDS is a horrific killer.

I miss condomless sex, but the thought of doing it today terrifies me. It brings back the memory of all those people who rotted away under the awful, awful curse of AIDS.

I just can't.

[RA1]

I think you are right about taking a pill and all is well. That cannot be all there is to it or any thing else. I call this the DuPont age, "better life through chemistry", which was an ad slogan of theirs some time back. A pill for every ill.

Not to be contentuous but I hope you realize how thin a barrier condoms are also.

Thanks,

RA1

[Guest epigonos]

Oz I certainly agree with your point regarding disclosure of information. I personally find it difficult to reconcile your feelings about disclosure and the fact that you operate a bareback site, HOWEVER, we all do things that others find difficult to understand or reconcile. The bottom line is that if you CAN reconcile those two concepts that is all that is really important.

A couple of posters have mentioned that young people today believe that medication can solve the HIV problem. The young are not unique in this. I have friends and acquaintances in their fifties, sixties and seventies who are constantly seeking medication and surgery solutions to their problems. They are overweight -- they don't want to change eating habits -- they want a pill or surgery. They have high blood pressure --they don't want to loose weigh, change their diet, and exercise -- they want a pill. They have bad knees -- they don't want to loose weight -- they want an injection or replacement. They have high cholesterol they don't want to change their diet and exercise -- they want a pill. The thing that frightens me to death about this attitude is the almost total disregard these people show regarding the side effects of the pills the happily take and the surgeries they are willing to undergo. Of course I certainly understand that medication and surgery solutions can be necessary BUT I sincerely believe that these should be looked upon as a last option NOT A FIRST

We live in a society today where more and more people want simple solutions to many problems of their own making. People simply don't want to accept responsibility for their own lives. In the Los Angeles Times today an article appeared indicating that the L.A. City Council is considering a law limiting the number of fast food restaurants in certain parts of the city were obesity is considered a problem. One city counselor went so far as to state that people if given a choice would choose healthier food. That is sheer bull shit the vast majority of people will choose food with which they are accustomed and which tastes good to them and that is generally food high in fats and sugar. Schools in California have eliminated sugary foods and drinks as well as foods considered to be too high in fats. Do the kids now buy the fruit and healthy drinks --NO they bring what they like from home.

[TotallyOz]

We live in a society today where more and more people want simple solutions to many problems of their own making. People simply don’t want to accept responsibility for their own lives.

I agree with you there. When I started to loose weight, most of my friends were giving me advice on drugs to take or surgeries to do. I decided to do it the natural way. Work hard and eat right. It was not the easy way out. Although I do think it was the best way for me to do this.

I have heard many say that HIV is not so bad as there are medications that will help you live a full life. That simply isn't true in every case. It is true in some that if you eat well, exercise and take your meds that the virus may go undetected for many many years. I am friends with long term survivors who have been HIV for 20 years. I am also friends with guys who get it and did within a few.

A lot of our woes in this country over life and living long lives does really have to do with what we put into our bodies both in the mouth and in exercise. The healthier we live, the longer we live. Naturally, that is not true in all cases but it is in most.

Thanks for a very well thought out post.