Do you expect fidelity from your Thai guy?

[Guest pete1969]

I know many farang who have the Western sense that sexual fidelity in a relationship is very important, and I've yet to meet a Thai guy who shares this view.

 

My current BF and I are very much in an open relationship, and this is the only type of relationship that works for either of us. We greatly enjoy taking guys off together, and we have each other's blessing to have sex with others. Our firm spoken rule is that all sex must be safe sex, and the understood rule is that we do not become emotionally involved (this is more important to him than to me--imagine that!).

 

My BF and I will both inquire about our sex lives apart from each other in an attempt to make sure the other person is happy and well (much as we inquire about one another's eating habits, work schedules, and amount of sleep). We both see sex as more of an itch to scratch and a physical release and as something not necessarily bound up in only a romantic relationship.

 

I realize that relationship models work differently for everyone, and I certainly respect that. I just wonder how many Thai-farang relationships don't last because of fidelity issues and how important this issue is to most farangs.

 

Pete

[payless]

I know many farang who have the Western sense that sexual fidelity in a relationship is very important, and I've yet to meet a Thai guy who shares this view.

 

I realize that relationship models work differently for everyone, and I certainly respect that. I just wonder how many Thai-farang relationships don't last because of fidelity issues and how important this issue is to most farangs.

 

Pete

 

Me and my partner who is Asian but not Thai are in a 5 year relationship and fidelity is vital. We are in our 30s and don't have the same x-age pressures as others but we do wonder how open relationships can work but it is always tempting to try.

 

I overherd someone '' that in their open arrangement neither partner coiuld sleep with somebody else more than 3 times as that would constitute a relationship''.They could have many one night stands as they wanted.

 

I also wonder why some farang say that theirThai partner can date others but not other farang. Do the Thai boys confine the farang to only dating other farang?

[Gaybutton]

I know many farang who have the Western sense that sexual fidelity in a relationship is very important

 

I believe it depends on the individuals involved in the relationship. If an open relationship is acceptable to both parties, that's fine. If it isn't, then the relationship won't be a happy one if one wants absolute fidelity and the other does not. Sometimes both parties want fidelity.

 

I do believe it is unrealistic to expect someone in his late teens and early twenties to confine his fidelity to someone two to three times his age, especially if the "farang" is only in Thailand for short durations throughout the year. If the boy wants sex with others or if you want sex with others, and you are both willing to do that in a way in which both parties are comfortable, then the relationship has a much better chance of working in the long run.

 

Regarding why some people don't mind the boy having sex with others as long as it does not involve another "farang," I see no reason why anyone should have to justify that feeling. If it makes the "farang" unhappy, it's going to make him unhappy whether he justifies it on a message board or not. If the boy having sex with other "farang" is something you cannot tolerate, then you're in the wrong relationship if that's what the boy wants to do.

 

Whatever it is that makes both parties happy should be discussed, established, and agreed upon before entering into the relationship. Once you've done that, if you're lucky the boy might even adhere to what he has agreed to do.

[Guest BKKvisitor]

Expecting fidelity from a partner a you live with may be a reasonable requirement for a relationship but let's face it: men (regardless of nationality) are dogs. Most people cheat. Peter must understand that because the agreement he has with his bf makes it fair play in their relationship.

 

Expecting fidelity from a young man living half-way around he globe is an exercise in futility and self-deception.

 

 

 

 

[Gaybutton]

Expecting fidelity from a young man living half-way around he globe is an exercise in futility and self-deception.

 

Absolutely right. I think it is not only unreasonable to expect it, but it is unreasonable to even want him to do that. I can't think of any reason in the world why a young Thai man should be expected to deny himself a sex life, especially during the best years of his life and even more especially if the "farang" demanding it of him isn't even in Thailand.

[Guest kenrfc]

Fidelity in a GAY RELATIONSHIP????

You gotta be out of your minds!

[Guest noy9000]

I'm wondering if my thought make sense, if your BF is accepting financial support from you (especially he is not working); it will be out of respect to maintain fidelity... at least don't let the other party know.

 

If it's a normal BF (working class person), this depends on his personality & if you liked him for that reason. There'll be no reason for you to go out with a person who doesn't enjoy nightlife at all, when you're a party animal. Similarly, if you know your BF frequent bathhouse, or cruises in gay bar - you shouldn't expect much.

 

[Guest xiandarkthorne]

Funny but the only real sign I've ever had that I was genuinely in love was becoming impotent with other people. Sadly, the minute I found that I could do it on the sly again was the first and surest sign that I was no longer in love...

[Dick]

"Do you expect fidelity from your Thai guy"

 

Well he certainly expected it of me! Watched me like a hawk, and went into serious indignant mode if he suspected (wrongly of course) any lapse of judgement.

 

 

[Gaybutton]

I'm wondering if my thought make sense, if your BF is accepting financial support from you (especially he is not working); it will be out of respect to maintain fidelity.

 

In my opinion, no, that wouldn't make sense. I would not agree that financial support should mean fidelity. The exception to that would be if he is living with you on a permanent basis. If you are his source of support and he is also living with you (which means that you are a permanent resident in Thailand), then yes, I think it would be reasonable to expect fidelity if, and only if, that was something both of you agreed to before he moved in.

 

I also feel it is wrong to expect or even want absolute fidelity. If he wants sex once in a while with someone his own age, I see no reason to object to it as long as there are two stipulations. One is that he uses safe sex methods so that you don't wind up with a disease you don't want. The other is that I wouldn't want him to make a point of telling me about it.