Chances of this guy being a LIAR

[Guest Kregger]

OK, I met this young man of about 20 years.

He says the night I met him was his FIRST night working in a bar and also that his mother has serious case of cancer and big hospital bills.

 

Now, I have been around the block a few times, and find both of these assertions suspicious, but I have no way of knowing either way. The mother is in Isaan, so can't visit the hospital.

 

Now, I like this guy, but this level of lying is too much for me, if it is lying.

In your estimation, what are the chances he is lying or not?

[Guest buaseng]

In your estimation, what are the chances he is lying or not?

99.99999999999%

 

[Guest Kregger]

99.99999999999%

Yes, I know.

But there are indeed first nights for go go dancing (which is not really an issue, who cares really, but the lying does matter).

The cancer story is obviously about getting big money. Sometimes mothers do get cancer.

So both stories could possibly be true.

How can one ever tell?

[Guest buaseng]

So both stories could possibly be true.

How can one ever tell?

Yes, that's the other .000000000001 %

 

You can never tell unless you see the situation re the mother for yourself first hand.

 

If you have found a first time virgin in a gogo bar (an extremely rare commodity indeed!!) you are extremely lucky. However it could also result in a disastrous 'off' if the guy is a total novice in bed. .

[Guest Kregger]

He isn't very good in bed, but that can be learned.

Does that mean there is a better chance he is for real?

[Guest buaseng]

Does that mean there is a better chance he is for real?

NO

 

[Guest Kregger]

I guess I'm fucked then.

Just wired the money to Isaan for the operations.

 

Just kidding.

 

Not even sure I will call him. It just makes me feel bad that we can't trust these guys, and with good reason.

[Guest luvthai]

If he likes you he will continue to see you even without you spending the big money on him. Just tell him you need time to get to know him. Being around him and his friends you'll be able to pick up on things that will confirm or disprove him. If he moves on then its all about the money.

[Guest Steve1903]

Continue to f*** him on a regular basis. He can then send his big earnings to mama.

[Guest BKKvisitor]

I've run into two young Thai men claiming that this was their "first time with man."

 

One was a 23-year-old university student who had amazing skills for a newbie but claimed not to know where Patpong was located.

 

The other was a 25-year-old student attending an American University who, surprisingly enough, also possessed wonderful skills in bed. When he asked later if I had ever been to Thailand, I replied several times. He warned me (without the slightest trace of irony) "never believe anything that a Thai boy tells you."

 

 

[Guest noy9000]

The lies are not getting creative, but you can ask about the hospital (and call the hospital to check if the patient exist). I believe the locals get very affordable healthcare starting from 30THB (and heavily subsidised by the government).

 

When you take a gogo boy (or any type of boys) off the bar, do the following (before listening to their story):

 

1. Look at their shoes (most poor boys have dirrty shoes, and mostly shoes that are very plain).

 

2. In-accurate: Look at their attire (when they 'check out' their bar to be with you), are they well-groomed (and in what way? colored hair, fancy clothes?). I've took out many boys who are just in a plain T-shirt, & jeans - take a look at the bars in Saphan Kwai for a better idea.

 

3. In-accurate: See if they have a fancy mobile phone. I was with a particular bar boy for 2 dates, he has a 6610 on the first day - a week later, he traded-down to a cheap model (less than 2,000THB).

 

It is never right, but with some 'screening' - you can minimise damage if you've a extra big heart. To me - regardless of the story, I'll tell myself that it's not my problem. If there're any - they'll be able to solve it themselves; it's the same in every country. Better yet, a simple 100THB for a reputable charity in the country is your best bet.

[Guest buaseng]

See if they have a fancy mobile phone. I was with a particular bar boy for 2 dates, he has a 6610 on the first day - a week later, he traded-down to a cheap model (less than 2,000THB).

Bar boys use their mobile phones as bargaining chips to borrow money from their friends or money-lenders when they are short of cash (particularly for their room rent). One thing is nearly for sure, if he has an expensive up-to-date mobile phone you can almost guarantee that he has been a hooker for some time and either had it bought for him by his latest farang or earned some good money from a long-term 'off'.

[Gaybutton]

In my opinion, if a boy starts telling you all about the problems his family is having, and all of them are having problems or the boy probably wouldn't be working as a go-go boy in the first place, then I would tell him you're sorry to hear it and then change the subject. If he persists in trying to gain your sympathy, meaning gaining your money, then I would say something like, "And this is my problem because . . . ." and let him finish the sentence.

 

You're probably better off simply moving on to the next boy and his set of problems.

 

[Guest Kregger]

I was interested in this boy for a relationship. So his problems would be my problems. I agree, for a casual off, I would just let it slide and ignore it. In this case, if he is a big liar, then I would be getting involved with a big liar. If he isn't lying, then I would have to decide whether to get involved with a very expensive boy, because I don't really think you can usually stay in a relationship with a Thai and not help with the family if there is a legitimate crisis. Nothing new about these issues. Same old same old. Oh well.

 

I did mention the 30 baht program and was told for serious problems like this, the free care just doesn't cut it. That kind of sounds believable, at least that part.

[Guest MikeGeorg]

99.99999999999%

 

only my private opinion!!!!!!!!

i am not a native english speaker, sorry for that, but i hope you can understand what i mean.

 

that's means only the farangs tell us the true story?????

what's with the story of allen, is it true????

what's with all of the charity storys, are there true???

 

ask yourself, why you come to thailand?

only for the sun, for the crime, for the good air????

 

i (45 y/o) stay here with my bf over 7 months, yes i love him(thats true)

i meet his family in isaan, i stay there many times.

i have a 5 years younger brother who lifes also here in pattaya and he has cancer (thats true)

i see the bills for his medicine every month ( 1 mio baht) from europe (thats true)

 

and 3 months ago the father of my bf has levercancer, the dr. sais he has only 6 months to life.

i meet him in the hospital, i talk with the drs. what can i do? answer: nothing it's to delate.

the medicine and the stay in the hospital was to expensive for the family.

 

is it my problem? NO, i come to thailand only for the sun, the crime and the good air (thats lying)

 

i would like to send my bf to a highshool in bkk( very expensive school, 600000 baht for 1 semester)

my bf ask me, what can we do mike, i love my father, i will do everything for him, please don't send me to the school, safe the money and help my father if you want.

 

can we organize a charity for the father of my bf??? just kidding

 

 

i read the topic of the quality of the farangs who stay here in pattaya... and yes the story ist true

i see so many resident farangs in the gogo bars, who sit 2-3 hours with 1 beer and 2 boys and give no tip to the boys... it's a shame for this farangs.

 

it's better this farangs go home to there homecountry, coz there are also sometimes sun, sometimes crime and sometimes good air.

 

and the rest of the stories are only gay gossip.

 

end of my private opinion

 

mike

 

 

 

[Guest Kregger]

Mike, I really liked reading your item, but for me it was mostly a mood piece.

I love your joke about coming for the air and the crime. I don't really know what your point is exactly, but pretty nice mood piece for a non-native writer.

[Gaybutton]

I was interested in this boy for a relationship. So his problems would be my problems.

 

Perhaps his problems, yes. I can't speak for others, but I didn't work my butt off all my life to end up coming to Thailand to start supporting an entire family. The problem is that once you let it get started, there is no end to it. There is always something else, someone else sick, or some other emergency, whether real or contrived, and the first place the family looks for help is the inside of your wallet. It can get awfully difficult to refuse and the real problems start once you've had enough of it and won't do any more. If you are willing and have the financial resources to take care of the boy's family problems, fine. Personally, I can't afford it

 

It's a tough decision, especially if it's a genuine life or death decision, but if you make the decision to pay for any family problems, then you better be prepared to continue doing the same thing for the rest of your life, until your relationship ends, or until your money runs out, whichever comes first.

 

If you prefer not to be a living ATM for the boy's family, then you need to make that crystal clear from the outset of your relationship. If you don't, then sooner or later those kinds of problems are going to start and then, at best, it will put a strain on your relationship if you refuse. More likely it will cause enough of a rift in your relationship to inevitably end it.

[Guest Kregger]

Thanks, GB. I also can't afford it. I can afford to take care of one boy and his problems. Thats it. However, lets face it, Thais are VERY family oriented, and his family is always going to be more important than his farang.

[Guest noy9000]

Thanks, GB. I also can't afford it. I can afford to take care of one boy and his problems. Thats it. However, lets face it, Thais are VERY family oriented, and his family is always going to be more important than his farang.

 

Do what you have to do, learn what you have to learn. 1 day, you'll join others discouraging this.

 

I really doubt how a relationship will work that way, it's a way to lie to yourself that it even exist; soon enough, you'll know what I mean - if it happens.

[Gaybutton]

Thais are VERY family oriented, and his family is always going to be more important than his farang.

 

There's a very simple solution to that: Find an orphan who is also an only child.

[Guest pete1969]

Kregger, if you are not willing to help take care of mama, then the boy will not be with you. Nor IMO, is it fair to ask him to be with you. According to him, he has come to work as a go-go boy to take care of his family. If you are not willing to help him do that, then let him find someone who is, or let him work the field to build up a customer base that will allow him to help mama himself.

 

However, it seems you don't know yet what sort of help the boy needs. Maybe he needs to send 5,000 bt per month to cover meds, and he can easily do this with the money you give to him each month (if you end up together). Maybe he will need an extra 20,000 bt a couple of times a year to pay for hospital. Who knows? It is something you need to find out and to be comfortable doing.

 

One thing a farang always need to look at when considering a Thai BF is what the boy expects for his family and what you will do to meet them need to be spelled out up front. Sometimes, it is easy for a boy to cover family money out of the allowance you give to him. Often, a farang needs to be firm with how much he can help or under what circumstances he can help. It may even be that the boy's family is financially stable enough to take care of themselves, and you can justify saying no to almost all pleas for help.

 

In my case, with my current BF, I gave him 20,000 bt so he could open a noodle shop for his mother. It did so well, they relocated it to a better building and a better location, and now his mom makes about 12K-15K baht profit each month and has just bought a new motorbike. Any other family needs (like paying for his sister's preschool), the BF pays for himself out of his allowance or his own business profits.

 

In almost a year, I've never been asked for another dime for his family. I made it very clear to him upfront that he would have to help his family to find a way to help themselves. I am happy to sponsor small business opportunities, and the BF and I will engage in other business ventures in the future, and I fully expect him to use his share of profits to continue to better the life of his family. But unlike with my last BF, I made it clear to this BF I was not adopting nor taking on the financial burdens of his entire family. He has respected that.

 

Not sure if any of my thoughts help you in your situation, but I would caution you and anyone to realize the implications of the immediate family and have a very long and hard discussion with a new BF about what you can and cannot do. Also, as you have noted, the family is number 1, so don't be an a****** about it, and if you are financially able, then offer some help when needed.

 

Pete

[Guest Kregger]

I did ask him how much money is needed. He refused to answer. I interpreted that as a way not to place a high end limit on what I might give. I don't exactly know what "big money" means to him, so I thought it fair to ask. He thought it fair to not answer. I have not called him. Now he is sending me bizarre text messages about how I lied to him and how I don't love him anymore. Yes, I know, trouble. I am not a newbie with these things. This can happen to anyone if your heart is open to feelings. Still not sure whether I will see him again. I kind of want some closure, at least a meeting to explain to him that I have feelings for him but just probably not able to help him in the way that he says he needs to be helped. That if it is really true that he needs this, he will have to go on the hunt for someone richer.

 

Why watch soap operas in Pattaya? You can live a soap opera here!

[Gaybutton]

I did ask him how much money is needed. He refused to answer.

 

To me, that says it all right there. Now he is calling you a liar too. Sounds like a true ingrate to me.

 

Ask him if thinks he's going to get a better offer today. I would tell him you don't care much whether he thinks you're a liar or not. He's the one coming to you for money and you want to know how much it will cost. I would tell him you're not about to simply take his word for it. Tell him you're willing to get a neutral party to contact the hospital and ask. If that's not good enough for him, too bad.

 

It's your money, not his, and you have every right in the world to decide how it is to be spent and every right in the world to check it out. If that bothers him, the I suggest telling him it's been nice knowing him, but he'll have to go elsewhere for cash.