Guest straycat Posted July 6, 2006 Posted July 6, 2006 As I become older I wonder what will happen to me as a gay man who most likely will be alone. I should stress, hopefully, I have about 35 years before this time however it is a concern. Will I end up in a nursing home? Living with family? Will I have any joy in life? As some of the posters here reach this era I'm curious what plans you have for yourself? It just seems there has to be more than ending up drooling in some straight nursing home. Quote
Guest jessedane Posted July 6, 2006 Posted July 6, 2006 My goal is to have a sexy little houseboy to wipe the drool from my chin. ;-) Quote
Members marcanthony Posted July 7, 2006 Members Posted July 7, 2006 Like you, I have about 30+ years to go before this becomes a concern. I chuckled when I read your comment about being in a nursing home just before I read Jesse's comment about a sexy houseboy.... because one the sexiest boys I know is putting himself through college by working at an assisted living home in Ohio. Since I spend all day chasing after boys who look like that, it sure would make life grand if one of them was right there in front of me all the time! But seriously, 30+ years is a long time. Society will evolve in some way to fit need. More and more people are choosing not to be in a sham heterosexual marriage if they are gay, and so the need for care for an aging gay population will become more important... both in that it will be lucrative (gay people tend to be richer) and also that it will meet a societal need. In that amount of time, gay marriage could be a reality as well, further changing the dynamics of the aging gay population. Just as relevant a question to ponder as what will I do when I am old, is what will society be offering me at that time. Imagination is the limit. Quote
Members KYTOP Posted July 7, 2006 Members Posted July 7, 2006 Growing old is something I guess we all dread and it seems gay men dread it the most. I think that is why gay marriage and the talk of adopting children have become such big issues for many. I got married at a young age and thought that would make me "not gay", didn't work. When I was young I mentioned I gave my youth away trying to not be gay. But that marriage gave me 2 great kids and now a grandchild. As I get older I seem to appreciate my relationship with them even more and we have grown closer as they have grown older. Many gay men want children and I am lucky to have mine. My daughter has jokingly told me she will take care of me as I get old and says she'll have her mom put in a nursing home. As far as facing old age, I just plan on running at it straight on with as much strength and FUN as I can muster until I can't run any longer. Quote
Members TampaYankee Posted July 7, 2006 Members Posted July 7, 2006 >As I become older I wonder what will happen to me as a gay >man who most likely will be alone. I should stress, hopefully, >I have about 35 years before this time however it is a >concern. > This presumes that you...ummm, I mean that 'we' survive the great asteroid encounter of '29. Sorry to be such a bundle of sunshine. Seriously, it is a question that most gay men face. Mark poses a good point regarding how society and its cultrual institutions will have changed by then. And yes, there is a great encounter scheduled for '29 predicted to miss us by an astronomical hair. Quote
Members TampaYankee Posted July 7, 2006 Members Posted July 7, 2006 >As far as facing old age, I just plan on running at it >straight on with as much strength and FUN as I can muster >until I can't run any longer. I think you have it exactly right. I certainly hope to go out on my own terms. Quote
Guest eastburbguy Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 Very interesting topic, and equally interesting comments. I'll add a little different dimension with my situation which is, by any definition, beyond my wildest dreams. I approach a milestone birthday this year, divorced, with two great kids and one beautiful grandchild, so I can relate to the other posters here, some of which I know. About two years ago I "happened upon" (it's a REALLY long story) a guy who I introduced to escorting and a relationship ensued. He's half my age and swears that age is not an issue for him. He's bi and has a very active hetero sex life (in addition to our own private play time), and we each have our own lives (sexually and otherwise), but we live together and have grown to rely and depend on each other. We spend a lot of time together exploring and learning from each other. With that background, here's where I'm at: I have a soulmate who keeps me young. I listen to music that I wouldn't if he didn't play it for me. I go places and do things that I wouldn't if he didn't entice me. I have amazing experiences that he provides me. His younger circle of friends enjoys being at our house. Now, how this would all play out if I were to become a vegetable, I'll not speculate at this point. All I know is, I feel like the luckiest "older" guy in the world right now. Best of luck to all of you! :-) :-) Oops. Just re-read this and it sounds like I'm bragging or something. Seriously, that's not the case. I guess my better message is, find ways to stay young. I have an "old" circle of friends who I literally cannot stand to be around nowadays because too much of their conversation is about aches and pains and doctors and hospitals and death and dying. Drives me fuckin nuts. x( Also, I've long had a goal of being an OUTRAGEOUS octegenarian. }( With any luck, my buddy will help me get there intact. :9 Quote
Members marcanthony Posted July 8, 2006 Members Posted July 8, 2006 I agree... as Geroge Burns so often reminded us... there's nothing better than being "young at heart." It's my goal for sure. Quote
Guest eastburbguy Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 George Burns may have taught us that, but Charlie Chaplin, after years of being trashed by this country's obsession with sex and politics, still sang (here's the entire lyrics): Of course, he'd just fathered his last child at age 78, so he had bragging rights. }( Give me half of his stamina and I'll be VERY happy. :+ Fairy tales can come true, It can happen to you, If you're young at heart! ( Young at heart! ) For it's hard you will find To be narrow of mind, If you're young at heart! ( Young at heart! ) You can go to extremes, With impossible schemes, You can laugh when your dreams Fall apart at the seams . . . And life gets more exciting, With each passing day, An' love is either in your heart, Or, on the way! Don't you know that it's worth, Every treasure on earth, To be young at heart! ( Young at heart! ) For as rich as you are, It's much better by far, To be young at heart! ( Young at heart! ) And if you should survive, To a hundred an' five, Look at all you'll derive Outta bein' alive! And here is the best part, You have a head start . . . If you are among, The very young at heart! ( Don't you know that it's worth, Every treasure on earth, To be young at heart! For as rich as you are, It's much better by far, To be young at heart! ) And if you should survive, To a hundred an' five, Look at all you'll derive Outta bein' alive! And here is the best part, You have a head start . . . If you are among, The very young . . . at heart! Quote
Members TampaYankee Posted July 8, 2006 Members Posted July 8, 2006 Funny thing... when I hear that sung I hear a Maurice Chevalier accent. Quote
Guest straycat Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 >I agree... as Geroge Burns so often reminded us... there's >nothing better than being "young at heart." > >It's my goal for sure. I agree but with all due respect Marc you do look a little out of place with your baggy shorts and tilted baseball cap :7 Quote
Guest straycat Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 >>As I become older I wonder what will happen to me as a >gay >>man who most likely will be alone. I should stress, >hopefully, >>I have about 35 years before this time however it is a >>concern. >> > >This presumes that you...ummm, I mean that 'we' survive the >great asteroid encounter of '29. Sorry to be such a bundle of >sunshine. Oh I won't die I'm just going to age for eternity, that is why I'm so concerned :7 Quote
Guest straycat Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 I do feel you're right about the times changing as we approach those golden years. But as history has shown us progress can also be placed in reverse I agree that as Gay people become more visible the financial aspect of servicing them in their old age (pun intended) will generate huge revenue for business savvy people. As the powerful OZ wrote at this message center, it's all about the money. But now here is a little twist to my original delima. Lets say I survive that disaster of '26 and a few decades on I'm ready for the nursing home. In fact, there is a brand new one that opened in my town, it's called The Stock Home for Old Gay Men The staff are all twinks and work in the nude, now that is progress! BUT I'm not out of the closet So how can I enter a home that caters to Gays when family, friends and associates think I'm straight :( ? Quote
Guest eastburbguy Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 Well, google says it was Sinatra. I have zero recollection of him singing it.x( Quote
Members marcanthony Posted July 8, 2006 Members Posted July 8, 2006 >BUT I'm not out of the closet So how can I enter a home >that caters to Gays when family, friends and associates think >I'm straight :( ? Out live them? Quote
Guest Johnnybrk25 Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 There are some gay nursing homes that have opened up but I honestly find this conversation bizarre. I find gay mens fear of growing old insane considering how many don't live to see old age. My greatest hope is that I will live to grow old. Some of my older clients have amazing lives full of life experiences, souvenirs, great memories, and are still vigorous men who take great care of themselves. I have also lost people half their age to aids. I think gay mens fear of growing older is quite frankly insane considering that many of us have seen the alternative and know first hand what it holds. Quote
Members marcanthony Posted July 8, 2006 Members Posted July 8, 2006 I think gay mens fear of growing older >is quite frankly insane considering that many of us have seen >the alternative and know first hand what it holds. This is an interesting perspective, Johnny. It's certainly one way to look at it. I think that what people worry about almost as much, if not moreso, than death are things like suffering, isolation, helplessness. It's why most people now execute living wills, so that their lives are not prolonged unnecessarily when they are incapable of experiencing any quality. These are things that concern all people, not just gay people. But gay people have the additional problem (at least in our current society) that most do not have spouses or children. So the prospect of isolation is more acute. I think that's why you find people discussing this issue. Maybe when I was 25, I could think of few things more worrisome than death. But now that I have lived longer and seen more things, it's my own value system that there are many many things that are worse than that. Quote
Guest eastburbguy Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Burns, Chaplin, Chevalier, Sinatra. Today I hear Durante singing it. Do I just have my Mrs. Calabashes mixed up x( , or are we all right? }( OMG, does that remark date me. x( x( x( Quote
Guest eastburbguy Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Okay I was right. Durante did sing it. Here's the only free online audio version I could find - by Sinatra. http://www.mp3000.net/download/mp3/152093/...t-heart-mp3.php End of obsession. Quote
Guest eastburbguy Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 However, if you're like me AND my much younger buddy, and Creedence gets your heart racing ... http://www.rhapsody.com/creedenceclearwaterrevival Enjoy. }( Quote
