Realigning My Calendar With Reality

[CurtisD]

This post is a bit of a self-indulgence, reflecting the fact that I am missing travel to Thailand.

It has no current information, which will be obvious from ".. I am missing travel to Thailand"

You have been warned. 

 

Somehow, when I book a trip it gets put on the calendar but cancelation of the trip does not remove it.

Recently my calendar has been greeting me each morning with announcements to check-in to flights I will not be taking and hotels that no longer expect my arrival.

It’s rubbing salt into the wound of not seeing Bangkok Guy for a very long time.

Although Covid has closed his market he remains cheerful as he shows me his current stock, dark blue sports shorts with a gold Thai-style design. As always, very smart. He has good taste.

I recently went through about eight years-worth of photos in my camera and iphone to find shots to put into frames to remind me of good times. An exercise in creating good cheer among the frustration.

I wanted one of Bangkok Guy and I found I had fewer shots of him than I expected. Then the penny dropped. At the end of each trip Bangkok Guy goes through all the photos I have taken and edits out the ones of him that he does not like. Occasionally if I plead to keep one he relents, but often not. Image management is a serious business.

After watching him I think what he is doing, apart from removing the obvious duds with shut eyes, is deleting those which do not comport to his self-image. Messy hair and untidy clothing are a no. The biggest no is if he thinks his skin looks dark. As long as his hair is in place, cloths tidy and skin fair, he passes over shots in which he looks kind of dorky. If it were me managing my image, those are the ones I would remove, although in his case I think the dorky ones are sweet.

After you know someone for a while you come to recognize certain characteristic expressions. The photos caught two of Bangkok Guys characteristic expressions very well, omitted one and caught one I should have known existed but somehow it hadn’t registered.

Some people suffer from resting bitch face. Not Bangkok Guy. The natural resting position of his face is a thoughtful, calm, into-the-distance expression, as though he is in quiet reflection. A photo from our Luang Prebang trip captured this perfectly. Attired in well-fitted cream and white linen and at ease in a wicker chair against a backdrop of jungle with a glimpse of the Mekong, his chin resting lightly on the tips of his long dancers' fingers, Bangkok Guy is a study in calm reflection. It’s almost a fashion catalogue shot.

Bangkok Guy does not have a poker face. Some part of whatever is passing thorough his mind, probably the major part, shows on his face. Given our mutual language issue, this is very useful and face-reading is a big part of communication. To his frustration this makes it difficult for him to spring surprises on me as his sense of humor veers strongly towards a sense of mischief and his mischievous intent always shines out brightly. One photo perfectly captures this look of impending devilment. It is the one looking at me now from a silver frame on my desk. I showed it to Bangkok Guy during a Line call and the strength of his smile almost crashed the network. Very Happy that he is with me.  

The missing expression is Irritated. Bangkok Guy never looks cross or angry in the way I look cross and angry. When I am irritated it is obvious. When I am truly angry my expression could strip paint off a wall.

With Bangkok Guy you need to know him to recognize the expression which conveys irritation. He looks constipated. My guess is that it comes out this way as he is experiencing an emotion which he feels the need to suppress. As soon as I see the constipated look I seek out its cause. It is important to prevent constipation lingering and turning into impacted bowel syndrome. It might be monkey pee and poop on the steps at Mt Popa or a family member on his iphone but if he is not on the phone and there are no monkeys nearby, it will be me. More specifically, it will be my farang-ness crossing some unseen-to-me line in his Thai-ness.

The important thing is to recognize the expression as, once I have done this, it is easy to surface and solve. A questioning elevation of an eyebrow or a simple “What think?” is all it takes to indicate I have seen there is an issue and to open the door for him to tell me what is on his mind. He is not going to come straight out with some piece of criticism, I need to open the door, then he is responding to my question, not criticizing. At least I think that is the logic?

My most frequent transgression is being tied to the hands of my watch. Bangkok Guy sees no point in rushing to be on time. Being more-or-less on time, yes ok. But rushing if you are running late, no. If you rush you are guaranteed to arrive sweating and bedraggled and that is a major no-no. Better to arrive late looking good. He is slowly breaking me in as I think he has a point, at least in Thailand.

We had tried to fit too much into the day and I was running about 10-15 minutes late to a fitting, so once out of the BTS station I set off at a brisk trot to cover the long block or so to the tailor. Bangkok Guy gave me a constipated look and continued to stroll as I moved away with ‘sorry, late’. When he caught me up in the air-conditioned shop constipation turned to mischief and he asked ever-so-innocently ‘you not see tailor?’  Well, no, I was sweating and had to go and towel off and dry down before the fitting. Better to arrive late looking good.

When traveling we are more in sync about being on time. Bangkok Guy approves of my habit of arriving ninety minutes to two hours in advance of a flight as he sees the point in ensuring there is no need to rush. He knows that planes unlike tailors will not wait.

The expression that had not registered with me before was Seductive. Deeply, seriously, a finger dipped in an ice-cold martini and traced slowly over warm skin seductive. On the Mekong cruise Bangkok Guy in loose black cotton pants and a black short sleeved linen shirt is sitting, leaning back against the railing, both arms spread languidly along the top of the rail, his head very slightly down, looking straight at me from under his brow.

Lauren Bacall has competition and from a very unexpected quarter.

However, when I think about it, it is only unexpected because Bacall’s writers wrote in long pauses freighted with meaning to enable the stare to linger and burn into the soul while Bangkok Guy and I crack each other up too much for the whole slow-burn seductive thing to last more than a few seconds. Maybe we need a second set of writers?