The boyfriend experience

[reader]

The topic comes up from time to time and usually generates comments from both ends of the spectrum from committed butterflies to those in LTR's. Dodger, well known to members of all boards, has posted an impressive account of his first LTR on Gaybutton's site. What distinguishes it IMO is his honesty and openness. Regardless of where individual members fall on the spectrum, I believe that you'll be glad you read it.

"I just returned from my first visit to my deceased boyfriend’s village since his death 7 years ago. I had been prolonging this visit for all these years for no other reason than to avoid sorrow, which, admittedly, is selfish on my behalf.

Thep and I had spent two years building a house with the intentions that the lower level would be for his mother, sister, and two younger brothers to live, and upper level for us. The house is located in a small village 7 klms from the town of Kantharalak which sits on the Thai/Cambodian border. Just days after the house was completed, the monks were summoned to perform the house blessing ceremony, followed, almost immediately, by my departure to the U.S. to continue working. Unfortunately, Thep and I never had the chance to spend a night together in the house."

Continues at

https://gaybuttonthai.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=9887&start=70

[joshhb]

I'm an LTR guy. I'm very fortunate to have found a long time Thai partner and have been to Thailand 8 or 9 times in the past 18 months.  Last September I went out to his family home in Pathum Thani , before the ceremony held 12 months after the death of his father. I totally get the tale of the upstairs being closed off in respect of the deceased person. I went upstairs with my BF and burst into tears. The cabinet displaying a memorial to his Dad was is a terrible state, and the room was covered in bird shit. The actual ceremony was actually a happier event.

[lotus123]

I had a LTR for about 10 years with a handsome guy from Udon Thani who was working at Jupiter when I first met him. We eventually parted ways, amicably. In essence, I think, the problem was that it was also LDR (Long Distance Relationship). I was living in Thailand when we met, and we saw each other regularly for several months before we decided that we were each other's "fan." I left the country about 18 months later. We had never lived together during that time. He said he couldn't because he wasn't out to his family and didn't want to lie about his living arrangements. What if they called and a farang answered the phone? How could he explain that? After that, we carried on long-distance for another 8 years while I was living and working in other countries in the region. I would go to BKK quite often, up to 6 or 8 times per year, and he would come and stay with me at my hotel for the duration. I briefly owned a condo unit in Pattaya, which he renovated for me. One year I took a long leave and we spent a month there together, the longest time we were ever under the same roof. What I got out of the experience overall is that a long distance LTR is possible, but at some point you actually have to be together in the same place permanently, rather than letting it go on indefinitely. Otherwise, the separation leads to growing apart. That was my experience, anyway. 

[Londoner]

 

I suspect that, for a few of us us if f not for many, the long-distance  nature of the relationship is a plus. P is very Thai, rooted in his culture and religion as well as his family, while I am very much the urban Londoner whose interests are very different.  Equally important, P is 36 and I am 72. I have no desire to live permanently in Thailand; I investigated the possibility thirteen years ago and, wisely as it turned out, decided to stay in London.  Nor would  P  be happy here; he'd be friendless and far from his family.

 Three visits a year, each of which is an adventure, travelling in Thailand and Asia together, keeps the relationship fresh.  For the remaining nine months, we have LINE!  And yes, I miss him badly.

 I fear that,one day, the journey may become too much for me.  Until then, carpe diem. 

[lotus123]

On 8/8/2019 at 2:42 AM, Londoner said:

 

I suspect that, for a few of us us if f not for many, the long-distance  nature of the relationship is a plus. P is very Thai, rooted in his culture and religion as well as his family, while I am very much the urban Londoner whose interests are very different.  Equally important, P is 36 and I am 72. I have no desire to live permanently in Thailand; I investigated the possibility thirteen years ago and, wisely as it turned out, decided to stay in London.  Nor would  P  be happy here; he'd be friendless and far from his family.

 Three visits a year, each of which is an adventure, travelling in Thailand and Asia together, keeps the relationship fresh.  For the remaining nine months, we have LINE!  And yes, I miss him badly.

 I fear that,one day, the journey may become too much for me.  Until then, carpe diem. 

The freshness aspect was definitely something I liked about the long-distance phase of the relationship with my Udon guy. We were always very glad to see each other, which certainly helped to keep the romance alive and to fuel the sex drive.  I think our month together in Pattaya, which happened about 8 years in, sapped the excitement of our sex life. There's nothing like domestic routine to quell desire!

[faranglaw]

Good topic.

I am married to a wonderful Thai man I met in 1993. We moved to Canada together, he from Thailand, me from the US, and have made a good life in Vancouver. It has now been almost twenty years, and he wants to move back to Thailand to be with his aging Mom. Having hauled him to  North America for all these years, I can hardly say I won’t live in his country, so it looks like, at age 70, I will move to Thailand next year. I will give up a lot, my community, universal health care, creature comforts and cool weather, but hey—it’s marriage and for better or worse. I am trying to look at it as an opportunity for discovery. I am fortunate in that I have a hobby that allows me to meet new people and develop community. We also have a beautiful home in On Nut. 

So I’ll do it, with moments of fear and sadness mixed with the anticipation. Life does not stand still even when we get old.

[a447a]

Good for you!  We are never too old to accept new challenges, IMHO.

Do you speak Thai? If not, are you planning on learning it once you get there?

[reader]

8 hours ago, faranglaw said:

Life does not stand still even when we get old.

+1

For me, it seems to be accelerating.

Thanks for sharing your situation.

[Boy69]

11 hours ago, faranglaw said:

Good topic.

I am married to a wonderful Thai man I met in 1993. We moved to Canada together, he from Thailand, me from the US, and have made a good life in Vancouver. It has now been almost twenty years, and he wants to move back to Thailand to be with his aging Mom. Having hauled him to  North America for all these years, I can hardly say I won’t live in his country, so it looks like, at age 70, I will move to Thailand next year. I will give up a lot, my community, universal health care, creature comforts and cool weather, but hey—it’s marriage and for better or worse. I am trying to look at it as an opportunity for discovery. I am fortunate in that I have a hobby that allows me to meet new people and develop community. We also have a beautiful home in On Nut. 

So I’ll do it, with moments of fear and sadness mixed with the anticipation. Life does not stand still even when we get old.

The question is when you'll get old and aging will someone  take care of you in Thailand ? Will the Health care system in Thailand take care of you when you need ?

It's crucial questions that you have to ask yourself before taking such a desicion.

You have to he honest with yourself.

Unfortunately I heard so many horror stories about Thailand as long as you can take care of yourself and have money everything is like heaven but once you can't ...

[vinapu]

7 hours ago, Boy69 said:

 

Unfortunately I heard so many horror stories about Thailand as long as you can take care of yourself and have money everything is like heaven but once you can't ...

That's unfortunately case of everywhere, not just Thailand