Money boy doesn't want money

[Boy69]

2 hours ago, JimmyJoe said:

This I have found an essential policy. If I organize a rotation and never the same boy on two consecutive nights, things go more smoothly. They don't start taking me for granted and they can't gain the upper hand they often seek.

 

Yes this are the main 2 problems with LT : the boys trying to gain the upper hand on you the purpose of that is to extract as more money as they can and the second one is taking you for granted and then they can be very selfish, arrogant and rude especially with the star boys whom have a big demand .

Sometimes LT can be very fun and enjoyable others it's a nightmare it really depands on the boy character and the quality of chemistry between you two.

[Londoner]

LTRs can also be problematic for the Thai partner. I know of cases where a relationship of many years or so is precipitously severed by a falang who has found a younger and cuter partner, causing not only emotional distress but also leading to financial problems for not just the guy but his family. In one case, the the thirty-year-old Thai, in a relationship with a falang for ten years, went out for  few hours and, returning home,  found his partner with all his belongings gone; no forwarding address, no explanation.

When we take on a guy and make certain promises or raise certain expectations, we owe our partner honesty. Sometimes relationships fail but when they do, the falang probably has more options open to him than the Thai, particularly if he is now  ageing and less attractive. I've no doubt that there are Thais who have acted badly towards loving and generous falangs but sometimes it's the falang who has failed his partner and failed to adapt to a relationship which is no longer as sexually stimulating as when it started. 

  

[JimmyJoe]

9 minutes ago, Londoner said:

particularly if he is now  ageing and less attractive.

I often think their window of opportunity is so brief.

Your post is so true, we must also consider their situation.

[vinapu]

13 hours ago, Boy69 said:

Long term can be a very difficult situation : the boy like to sleep till noon but you get up early, you like the beach but the boy is into indoor activities,You like to go to see movies but he prefers to watch on TV Thai channels only , You into Western food but he eats only Thai dishes and so on...

It's not as easy as many thinks to be with the same boy all day every day.

not that difficult, you yield a little, boys yields a little and it's manageable easily ,

leave beach and movies to time when you will be alone, wake him up with you but let him watch his TV ,  in meantime you can have fun enjoying his naked presence.

Most places serving western food will serve Thai one as well so you can still enjoy a meal together 

[Archchan]

On 7/15/2019 at 10:01 AM, JimmyJoe said:

Thanks for all the insightful and very helpful input, guys.

In the past I’ve sometimes received money requests from boys after returning home. I never sent money. I don't intend to this time either.

I get the impression he’s desperate to find a boyfriend to take care of him. He seems equally desperate to avoid having to work as a money boy in a bar. He tells me he started work in the bar (he’s a recent recruit) because his friend from home said that was how he could find a girlfriend, sic Google. I said “So?” He said, I found many men, but no one loved me.

Anyway, I guess I’ll make him a lump sum payment on last day rather than each day. This does seriously jeopardize my inveterate butterfly ways. But, in addition to being my ideal in outward appearance, he syncs perfectly with my needs/desires. The first I've met who does.

And yes, Reader,  your points are well taken. Carpe Diem it will be.

If he is all that to you keep him. You may have found already what many others are looking for. Hope it is a win win for both of you. 

[Boy69]

2 hours ago, vinapu said:

not that difficult, you yield a little, boys yields a little and it's manageable easily ,

leave beach and movies to time when you will be alone, wake him up with you but let him watch his TV ,  in meantime you can have fun enjoying his naked presence.

Most places serving western food will serve Thai one as well so you can still enjoy a meal together 

Yes I did what you are describing but it not always works it's really depands on the boy behaviour and the chemistry between us .some boys were great others terrible.

[Londoner]

Let me be clear....LTRs, particularly when you are separated by 5000 miles, are not easy. At least mine isn't.  And I'm lucky that, for me, the cost is the least of the worries. I don't recommend it. And, come to think of it, I never wanted a boyfriend. I visited Thailand happily for nine years, about forty trips, and enjoyed every minute . Bars, offs, massages... interesting encounters; I had it all.

And then one night,  I met someone different; or so it seemed. When we finished that first encounter and I'd paid , he waited by the door as though there was something more that should be said or perhaps done.. How long? I'm not sure but it seemed a long, long time. 

Fifteen years ago and it seems like yesterday. Fifteen years of tribulation and worry. And, I'm not too proud to say it, tears. But I love him and, when troubles come-and they certainly have to us- you have two choices; either say, that's it. The end. Or you love him all the more. And I do. 

[joshhb]

Well said, Londoner. My experience is more compressed than yours, but same same. I met my BF 18 months ago, and so far we have been together every 6 or 7 weeks. Either in Thailand or he travels to be with me somewhere in the world. 10k km is a long way, but it can work if you find someone special. And like you, I have!

[abidismaili]

For those of you with a Thai boyfriend I have the following question:

When you are in Thailand you still off other boys, or it's only him that holiday ? 

If the last - and the relationship is serious - why not take him to your country for living together there? And you can save your multiple trips to Thailand every year, because now you visit only for him. If he lives with you back home it's way cheaper. No need to travel so many times to Thailand. 

[colmx]

3 hours ago, abidismaili said:

 If he lives with you back home it's way cheaper. No need to travel so many times to Thailand. 

It certainly is not. Have you seen the prices in those Asian import supermarkets that we have in Europe?

When BF is in Ireland he easily spends €20+ per day on produce that he then has to bring home, prepare, cook and clean up after (3 times a day!)

Similarly he can spent €10-15 on fast food/pub grub and then want to cook again when he gets home as that food was "just a snack"

You washing machine will be running at least 3 times as much as normal, as will your dishwasher and oven. Giving you a much higher electrical and water bill.

Then there is the cost of a night out. Drinks, shots, night club entry, fast food after club, taxi home. We easily spend €200 a night (and remember he will want at least 2 nights out a week, with you or his newly found Thai friends). Plus a night or 2 in cinema, another €50 per trip

Finally return flights from Europe to Thailand are much cheaper than Thailand to Europe. Travel insurance is much cheaper for a European and there is no need for expensive trips to the embassy to get visas processed

BF used to come here for a month every Aug/Sept, till we realized that it was cheaper for me to go there for 2 weeks and party every night!

[Guest]

1 hour ago, colmx said:

It certainly is not. Have you seen the prices in those Asian import supermarkets that we have in Europe?  When BF is in Ireland he easily spends €20+ per day on produce that he then has to bring home, prepare, cook and clean up after (3 times a day!)

Similarly he can spent €10-15 on fast food/pub grub and then want to cook again when he gets home as that food was "just a snack"

You washing machine will be running at least 3 times as much as normal, as will your dishwasher and oven. Giving you a much higher electrical and water bill.

Then there is the cost of a night out. Drinks, shots, night club entry, fast food after club, taxi home. We easily spend €200 a night (and remember he will want at least 2 nights out a week, with you or his newly found Thai friends). Plus a night or 2 in cinema, another €50 per trip

 

As a butterfly, I've never had an Asian boyfriend living in.    However, I've shared the residence with plenty of other young Asians in their 20s (they pay to be here).   As far as I can see, their grocery bill is similar to mine & none of them run the washing machine more than twice a week either.   

[Jasper]

Thais can only travel visa free to Albania and Russia in Europe and it’s not easy to get Schengen Visa either.

 

 

https://www.henleypassportindex.com/passport

[Guest]

11 hours ago, Jasper said:

Thais can only travel visa free to Albania and Russia in Europe and it’s not easy to get Schengen Visa either.

https://www.henleypassportindex.com/passport

Thanks for the link.

1  Thailand ranks below China, yet vast numbers of Chinese tourists seem to make it to Europe (fine with me).

2  I don't entirely understand why (for example) Venezuela ranks so much further up the list than Thailand.   One would think typical considerations are (i) probability of visa holder going home when they are supposed to and (ii) probability of visa holder not causing trouble.      So places like Afghanistan are going to rank low on both counts.      Considering the mess Venezuela is in, I don't see why it is ranking ahead of Thailand.    Unless, of course, the ranking is achieved via some reciprocal deals in South America.

In an ideal world, they would monitor the performance of visitors from each country.   Then adjust the visa application process according to the track record, if there is no other obvious risk.

[Londoner]

Venezuela is a beautiful country- wonderful rain forests, waterfalls and gay-friendly beaches. However, the fact that the the US covets its oil and is itching to invade, even if Trump is happy for his proxies to act in the meantime, means that I won't be visiting anytime soon!

By the way, I'd love to hear the Simon Bolivar Orchestra live again....I was at the London concert  a few years ago and it remains one of the exciting experiences for me in sixty years of concert-going.

[JimmyJoe]

Now the boy has begun buying me gifts. I go off gallivanting to massage places and whatnot in the afternoon. When we meet up in the evening he's bringing gifts now. Clothing. I suspect this speaks volumes about the dire state of my wardrobe. I start to overthink and wonder; but then I stop and remember what Reader said: carpe diem. So I'll just go with the flow and hope I don't end up like some beached whale or something. I sure am a long way from Kansas. I love it.

[vinapu]

3 hours ago, JimmyJoe said:

Now the boy has begun buying me gifts. I go off gallivanting to massage places and whatnot in the afternoon. When we meet up in the evening he's bringing gifts now. Clothing. 

have your checkbook ready and handy.

Few years ago I was there on the day of my  birthday, guy I was with for a few days ( and nights) bought me a gift - wallet. About 400 baht.

Few days later when it was time  to part our ways as I was going home he suggested parting gift- big jar of some muscle building formula for 2400. Of course he got it., well deserved. When we were wandering about the store I mused that he looks so great I want to kiss him, response was immediate 'let go to the toilet and kiss", hard to be stingy with  quick witted people.

[Londoner]

JimmyJoe identifies a Thai characteristic that many of us have experienced. Our partners prefer us to look smart....not expensively so but well-cared for. It shows respect  just as he does his best for us. In my case , this means in an evening ritual lasting an hour while he showers and dresses for dinner.  I invariably sneak out for a beer out of sheer boredom!

In the case of a relatively new friend who is testing the waters, he wants to be seen with a falang but not just "any" falang;  he prefers a touch of class. It's a status thing. Indulge him!

[traveller123]

2 hours ago, Londoner said:

JimmyJoe identifies a Thai characteristic that many of us have experienced. Our partners prefer us to look smart....not expensively so but well-cared for. It shows respect  just as he does his best for us. In my case , this means in an evening ritual lasting an hour while he showers and dresses for dinner.  I invariably sneak out for a beer out of sheer boredom!

 

Agreed

I really enjoy my partner giving me the once over.

Hair trim, toe and finger nail cutting, eye brows trimmed and the thing he really doesn't like to see removing any hairs protruding from my ears.

He always notices if he sees any Farangs with Thais who he feels haven't been groomed.

[vinapu]

while I agree with both posters above , word of warning  as it seems their advice comes from semi-permanent boyfriend situation.

If one has just  short vacation term quasi boyfriend experience I'd be careful  not to create sense of false bond and attachment as in a week or two on departure my lead to drama, disappointment and one more Thai boy's broken heart when invariably he will be told it's all over because holidays are.

  

[JimmyJoe]

Yes. I am very aware of this. Certainly I do nothing overt to lead him on. I don't tell him I love him or that there are any future plans for us. Nothing. But of course I can see how hard he is trying to ensnare me and how happily he is constantly on Facebook with his EIGHT siblings and mother, proudly showing them what we are doing...

I suppose I have a natural tendency to unwittingly encourage the boys I really like. As a previous semi LT squeeze once sized me up: you're the type of farang who is kind to the boys, you're sweet to us. My friend from my bar already told me and that's why I wanted you.

 

[Londoner]

Correct.Don't lead him on. Don't let him think that a few offs means than a ltr is a possibility. In my case, I was meeting my partner for offs from his bar for a year ( I was visiting three or four times annually) before it became apparent that this relationship was different.  To both of us.

It was another two years or so before  I used the word "love". I recall exactly the circumstances because I emailed an old friend that he (my partner) hadn't been well and that I was worried about him. It was then that I said  to my  old friend, "I think I love him." 

What I didn't realise then was that my partner was beginning to suffer the early symptoms of TB which, a few months later, would put him in hospital  and begin a difficult chapter in our relationship.

[Boy69]

I am not sure if the boy likes you or not it's very difficult to know what Thai boy really feels neither to predict their behaviour but I am almost sure that he is desperate to leave the bar scene and sees you as opportunity to fulfill this, You have no choice but to he very careful here.

[JimmyJoe]

7 hours ago, Boy69 said:

it's very difficult to know what Thai boy really feels neither to predict their behaviour

That's for sure!

 

7 hours ago, Boy69 said:

You have no choice but to he very careful here.

Yes.

[ChristianPFC]

On 7/17/2019 at 12:32 AM, DivineMadman said:

I have a friend who is a great guy, sends all his money home, lives in a shared apartment with no A/C.  Doesn't really get to travel very much.  A customer took him to a nice destination, but they never left the resort.  His customer didn't like the hot weather.  And his customer told him he didn't want to go to the gym or the beach at the resort.  I felt so bad for the guy.  A little sightseeing would have been such a nice simple gesture and made him so happy.

My experience is opposite. I took a few boys for sightseeing, and it usually after less than one kilometer of walking, I get "I'm tired/my legs hurt/it's so hot/sunny..." and two years ago I gave the room key to the boy so he could go back to my hotel room.

[Guest]

7 hours ago, ChristianPFC said:

My experience is opposite. I took a few boys for sightseeing, and it usually after less than one kilometer of walking, I get "I'm tired/my legs hurt/it's so hot/sunny..." and two years ago I gave the room key to the boy so he could go back to my hotel room.

That's exactly what I would expect based on observing bar boy behaviour.   

Walking 850m from Soi Twilight to Baan Silom Soi 3 seems to be about the limit for most of them, even when it's cool in December.   

I would typically walk between 5 and 15 miles a day in Thailand.