“Up to you”, “Take Care” and other Newbie tips

[hank75]

I mentioned in a previous post that I was having a good time reading the archive of Bangkokbois’ blog. I was not active on these forums when the author was still alive but am one of those who benefited from the kind souls over at Sawatdee Gay who continue to host the site.

 

Apart from the advice on this forum, I recall being edified by his various instructional posts for newbies to Bangkok’s gogo bar scene. Given the number of recent threads here asking about tipping, long time, etc I thought I would post a few of my favourites here - to help those who don’t have as much time to sift through the backlog.

 

Although written between 2011-2015 or thereabouts, much of the information is still incredibly relevant. Having a long term boyfriend from the bars (Noom- anyone know what ever happened to him?) he has a unique insight into some of the quirks and mental assumptions that Thai barboys have. Given that I particularly enjoy forming friendships with barboys that I have a certain amount of chemistry with, as do a couple of my friends, I have found some of these posts enlightening, humorous and outright “LOL so this really isn’t an urban myth!” after experiencing some amusing boy peccadillo first hand.

 

A couple of things to note are that his cited prices (actual baht value) are slightly out of date, though tips have inflated less over 5 years than you would expect. And quoting a tip outright is no longer a sign of bad behaviour but almost standard practice now amongst boys if you ask. I notice it is mainly the older ones who have been working the scene for many years who still say “up to you” as they were taught as rookies - the rest state their expectations outright now.

[hank75]

On my first off, I was still unsure if I planned to bring the boy back to my hotel room so instead invited him out for a drink. He was a young lad who had recently moved to Bangkok from a smaller city with a less established scene. I did not off him a second time but what I recall most clearly was his innocent earnestness- he had obviously been instructed by older boys how to behave with customers and was trying to follow this to the letter. I was slightly taken aback at how he fussed over me relentlessly, wrapping napkins around my drink, that I wasn’t cheated of my change by the bartender. When I tried to demur, he turned to me with an angelic smile and said “You my customer, I take care you”

 

The take care phenomenon is very real among the boys I’ve interacted with. My friend recently found out the same when he invited his regular off and his other bar friends out for three nights in a row to entertain visitors. The main boy felt it was his responsibility to plan each night at a different club, to make sure his friends who worked at the venue held a table for them, and that the other boys were on form and ready to provide a good time. He would alternately stay sober to make sure no one was pickpocketed or drink himself into a stupor doing shots with everyone. After the third day Main Boy was a walking zombie- we felt so guilty everyone chipped in for a hefty tip.

 

Also this concise paragraph on tipping is mentioned in this particular blog post, which answers many questions that have been asked here in recent days.

 

“How much you tip will also depend on whether it is for short time or long time. Short time can be as little as an hour (or however quickly you can finish up) to several hours, but not over night. Short time bar boys sum it up with, “you cum, I go.” Long time usually means over night. Not all guys want to spend the night. Could be you, could be they have friends waiting, could be they have to get home to their wife. Longtime usually finishes with or at breakfast. Though if it also covers spending the day together, well, that’s really a different proposition and you then have to take into account whether you are offing him for another night. If not, he still needs time to go home, take a nap, clean up, eat his type of food, and get back to work.”

 

Click to keep reading:

“How Much Is That Puppy In The Window: The Cost of A Night With A Gogo Boy In Thailand”

 

https://bangkokbois.sawatdeenetwork.com/2011/02/25/how-much-is-that-puppy-in-the-window-the-cost-of-a-night-with-a-gogo-boy-in-thailand/

[Londoner]

Thanks for that, hank75. "Taking-care" is a very important aspect of the Thai bar-worker culture. Like you, I found it rather touching in my early visits to Thailand. And even now, my partner of fifteen years whom I met in a Pattaya bar, lives by it whenever I'm with him. Sadly, it now includes ensuring that I cross Second Road safely by holding my arm. Completely unnecessary- I cross more dangerous roads in London every day and I'm very fit- but I accept it with a smile for his sake.

[vinapu]

 "Taking-care" is a very important aspect of the Thai bar-worker culture.

Very good point and we need to remember we are dealing with people of different culture so sometimes we nee to be more sensitive than normal in order not to offend anybody.

 

I was raised  not to ask for help if I can do something by myself so among other things , when travelling I carry my own luggage. 

 

Few trips  ago I was leaving hotel to fly to Luang Prabang and my night companion was leaving with me to catch his bus on Silom and offered to roll my suitcase to Sala Daeng BTS , whole 8 kg of her which I declined  for the reason above.

To my surprise guy seemed to be taken aback to a point of teary eyes. It turned out he thought I declined because I did not trust him, presumably that he will run with it and he just wanted to 'take care me". Surreal but true so I learned lesson .

 

Now even when showering together I let guys to take  soap from my hand and place it in the soap dish

[hank75]

“First Timers Guide To Bangkok Gay Gogo Bars”

https://bangkokbois.sawatdeenetwork.com/2011/02/26/first-timers-guide-to-bangkok-gay-gogo-bars/

 

An excellent tongue in cheek instructional that takes a newbie step by step through offing from a gogo bar, long time vs short time, butterflying, tipping and other quirks . This guide has a total of 11 instalments so there is plenty of reading fodder for the chronically airport bound, like myself!

 

Sample from Part IV:

 

“You Can Run, But You Can Not Hide: If you chickened out and told a bar boy you’d come to his bar again and off him for another night – meaning you lied – trying to avoid him by hitting a different bar will not work. Bar boys are all in tune with each other and he’ll be alerted to your presence in a bar even if it is one further down the soi. He will find you. Your sex life in Bangkok will be screwed. And not in a good way.”

[hank75]

“Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Theory and Thai Bar Boys”

https://bangkokbois.sawatdeenetwork.com/2011/09/16/maslows-hierarchy-of-needs-theory-and-thai-bar-boys/

 

Now this is an entry that never fails to make me laugh and why I enjoy this blog so much. The author’s rendering of Maslow’s pyramid according to “The Thai Bar Boy’s Hierarchy of Needs” is gold.

 

On a side note my friend is feeling somewhat jaded today as he’s just been hit up for his first “help with motorcycle” request - not for a modest scooter either, but for a huge souped up monster that the boy obviously thinks will win him lots of face joyriding around Surawong.

[ceejay]

 "Taking-care" is a very important aspect of the Thai bar-worker culture.

 

Not just bar-workers. It's a very important part of Thai culture full stop. As I understand it, it's partly status and partly adulthood.

 

So, you are born, you are the youngest in the family and everybody has a responsibility to look after you. Then you get older and you acquire responsibilities, including those for people. That's almost a rite of passage. As I understand it, a Thai who hits 30 and has no-one to look after is something like equivalent to a Western man who hits 30 and still has his mother shop for his underwear.

 

That's all overlaid with issues of seniority and familial responsibility. I don't claim to understand all, or even most, of it and doubt I ever will.

[Jasper]

On 12/27/2018 at 12:34 AM, hank75 said:

On a side note my friend is feeling somewhat jaded today as he’s just been hit up for his first “help with motorcycle” request - not for a modest scooter either, but for a huge souped up monster that the boy obviously thinks will win him lots of face joyriding around Surawong.

The next request would be “ help with condo”   555

Joking  aside, I am curious about your friend’s motorcycle decision.

[hank75]

3 hours ago, Jasper said:

The next request would be “ help with condo”   555

Joking  aside, I am curious about your friend’s motorcycle decision.

I believe the decision is in limbo at the moment. My friend is obviously unwilling to pay for the whole motorcycle but wouldn’t mind contributing a reasonable fixed amount to the deposit, so that boy takes on a share of the initial financial responsibility too, and pays the monthly instalments thereafter. However he’s also trying to point out to the boy that a vanity motorcycle is wildly impractical. It costs much more than a nice reliable Honda, and boy will then have a commitment of 12-15k baht monthly instalment for  the next 3-4 years. In fact you hit the nail on the head- the overall price could be a decent down payment on a small unit in a cheaper area of Bangkok or back in boy’s hometown. Is it common for customers to buy motorcycles for boys, and what is the usual price range? This particular request seems higher than usual. 

[jason1975]

I have been helping my regular boy with monthly payments for the house he built for his parents in Ha Tinh, Vietnam, for a year now. He had to take out a bank loan to buy the land as well as pay for construction costs. I do interbank transfer to send money to Vietnam to pay part of the monthly bank loan repayment. It's not a lot to me. Probably what I spend in one night in Bangkok. Sometimes, i wonder if i had been foolish but everytime i go back to Bangkok and I spend a night with him, all is forgotten.

[vinapu]

15 minutes ago, jason1975 said:

I have been helping my regular boy with monthly payments for the house he built for his parents in Ha Tinh, Vietnam, for a year now. He had to take out a bank loan to buy the land as well as pay for construction costs. I do interbank transfer to send money to Vietnam to pay part of the monthly bank loan repayment. It's not a lot to me. Probably what I spend in one night in Bangkok. Sometimes, i wonder if i had been foolish but everytime i go back to Bangkok and I spend a night with him, all is forgotten.

your money , your choice.  Your good deeds are going before you to high heaven

[hank75]

Jason, I do not think you are foolish. I think you are very “good heart”, which I mean in its real sense - minus any sarcasm that this term has picked up along the way! 

I think my friend would much prefer to help the boy in this manner, where the funds are being put toward getting ahead in life, rather than just a momentary thrill and “face” value among his peers. That is his main hesitation apart from the high dollar value. I also want to clarify boy does not *need* a motorcycle, he has other transport options available to him including car access.

[vinapu]

house is at least something of lasting and useful value, motorcycle, specially vanity one is just for show and boy's good feeling. Motorbike is another story but you say , boy has transport options available. 

Hope your friend  has some sense and will decline

 

[hank75]

4 hours ago, vinapu said:

house is at least something of lasting and useful value, motorcycle, specially vanity one is just for show and boy's good feeling. Motorbike is another story but you say , boy has transport options available. 

Hope your friend  has some sense and will decline

 

He’s trying to shelve the issue for the moment, let’s see if boy takes the hint or becomes more persistent. I have to say this boy provides one of the best boyfriend experiences I’ve ever seen - I can understand why my friend is conflicted. 

[hank75]

Here’s an interesting update. Boy - realising motorcycle is unlikely to materialise - is back with a new request...hair transplants. I actually laughed out loud when I heard this. 

[Jasper]

24 minutes ago, hank75 said:

Here’s an interesting update. Boy - realising motorcycle is unlikely to materialise - is back with a new request...hair transplants. I actually laughed out loud when I heard this. 

I heard about gogo boys Botox, nose reshaping and ab liposuction but hair transplants is the first!  LOL   

Thanks for update.  Can’t wait to hear about his next request.  

[vinapu]

1 hour ago, Jasper said:

I heard about gogo boys Botox, nose reshaping and ab liposuction but hair transplants is the first!  LOL   

Thanks for update.  Can’t wait to hear about his next request.  

world hopes is not cock enlargement or pearly mooks inserts

[spoon]

5 hours ago, hank75 said:

Here’s an interesting update. Boy - realising motorcycle is unlikely to materialise - is back with a new request...hair transplants. I actually laughed out loud when I heard this. 

Lol at least hair transplant is to hopefully further enhance his good look and bring more customer, hence worthy investment. And it should cost considerable amount less than a shiny motorcycle 

[jar1999]

Hank, thanks for posting the link to the bangkokbois blog.  It's been a very informative read for a beginner

[ggobkk]

On 12/30/2018 at 10:20 PM, jar1999 said:

Hank, thanks for posting the link to the bangkokbois blog.  It's been a very informative read for a beginner

bangkokbois is worth revisiting even for non-newbies.  I just had a wander through some of the posts and enjoyed the style and the information, mush of which I first learned in the posts.

[paborn]

He was a thoughful and reasonable man. Averse to Pattaya but had his reasons.

[Will7272]

I should have read the posts on bangkokbois before my visit to Tawan in August. Offed one of the guys, and fell asleep after we had spent some time together in my hotel room. When I woke up, my wallet had been emptied of 15000 Bt and he had left. Newbie mistake, but an expensive lesson to secure cash and other valuables. 

[spoon]

35 minutes ago, Will7272 said:

I should have read the posts on bangkokbois before my visit to Tawan in August. Offed one of the guys, and fell asleep after we had spent some time together in my hotel room. When I woke up, my wallet had been emptied of 15000 Bt and he had left. Newbie mistake, but an expensive lesson to secure cash and other valuables. 

 

I am truly sorry for your loss. Other than securing your items in safe, some hotels requires for visitors/boys to leave id at reception, and i believe that also a good measure as hotel will always call you to ensure everything is alright before returning the id to the boy when they leave. I have so far being lucky that i havent had such issues. Only thing ive had this trip was one boy took a drink from minibar, and i dont recall him asking me nor do i recall which boy actually take it. But it is only worth 20 baht lol i only realize the drink wasnt there before i check out haha. Nothing big but it has never happened before either. 

[Guest Travellerdave2]

Will7272

Even Experienced sex tourists like mayself occasionally make mistakes like yours with the 15000 baht. A  a couple of years ago I was staying at the Pattaya Ambiance hotel and had engaged a boy from Planet Romeo for long time overnight. The room had a door between the room entrance and the bathroom and the room safe is situated in this space. After I had topped him in the morning he rushed to leave after being paid from money I had in my pocket without having a shower saying that he had to meet a friend at the bus station. After he left a few minutes later I noticed the room safe door was ajar - I had omitted to lock it before leaving in the evening. On checking a small amount of baht was intact but 200 dollars US was gone. I had previously been to Vietnam. I recalled he had made several visits to the bathroom during the night. I had made a couple but had not looked at the safe. I could not remember his handle on PR but even if I could I’m sure it would not have done any good. Probably the bus station bit was true - but to get to Isaan !

 

[paborn]

I'm shocked abouit Tawan as the bar knows who you were with. The Planet Romeo does not, as a nameless someone requires a great deal of security.