Please help me

[bucknaway]

PLEASE HELP ME...  No, I am not looking for help.  I seem to be hearing that phrase from a lot of my Thailand one night stands.  I am not helping, I don't even ask why they need my help.  When I first started receiving the requests I replied explaining that I only knew them for 1 hour and they are almost strangers.  I suggest they talk to their friends or family for help.  

 

One guy in Bangkok asked for just 1500 baht.  I reminded him that he is handsome with a big cock and could easily get 1500 baht.  He told me he does not want sex money, he wants help money.  I reminded him that we don't even know each others name...

 

Now I don't even reply to the request.  I wait a day and then reply as if the request was never made.

 

Another friend now living in Udon Thani tells me he needs money for food.  Now he is special.  I first saw him at Krazy Dragon, and I was sitting with him when a guy entered the bar.  Turns out the guy offed him and came back for him.  Once he left with his guy, I left also and as I was making my way up the street, the gogo guy ran up to me, gave me a single rose with a kiss on the cheek and ran back to his "John."

 

Years later the gogo guy from KD found me on Planet Romeo and we moved our chat to Line.  That is our background.  We never spent more than 10 min together but that does not stop him from loving me, missing me, thinking of me always and begging me for money for food.  

 

Do you guys give in and send a few bucks?  

 

I have to say that I have an former boyfriend that once lived in Philadelphia that now lives in Bali.  I only hear from him when he needs money.  I read him the riot act and tell him NO MORE MONEY and sometimes I think I mean it.  But I make damn sure he has to wait a good week before I send it to him!

[Guest]

What, send money to someone I have never met ?       No.    This is easy.    There are about 7 billion people on the planet & asking for it doesn't make this stranger any more deserving than the rest of them.

 

Of the people I have met in Thailand, I cannot think of one who has asked for money after I have come home.  They are good characters.

The best of them were even diligent enough to pay 1000 baht of their tip straight into the bank & keep the rest back for living.  Admittedly this is rare.

 

On the other hand, there was one Filipino.   I met him twice, tipped him both times & he kept in touch for a while.  Usually a short dialogue, with no substance and some big hint about money at the end, although at least he was imaginative enough to come up with a different reason each time.  Without success. 

Since the  sole purpose of the dialogue was to ask me for money, I just turned off the Skype pop ups which made it much easier to ignore all this.  

 

To be honest, it's better if they learn that money is something you get in return for work, or entrepreneurial activity & not as a reward for begging.

 

However, I've yet to encounter the more difficult test when someone I have met many times comes up with a plausible request for some help with medical expenses, or something similar. 

[vinapu]

My life is easy, I don't generally exchange contact information with bar and massage guys I meet in Thailand and  don't keep in touch with them when I'm home . Few times I did, I rather regretted it but at least no no financial cost to me.

 

On another hand when I engage their services in Thailand I make  sure I pay them well and treat them even better but when it's over , it's over till next time if any. Any additional request i.e. taxi money  is joy kill and kiss of death with very few exception and I'm not shy to tell them that I think they were compensated very well .

 

In reality very few problems as they are decent enough to see a bit premium over going rate and seem to be content with that.

[witty]

My primary concern is their daily sustenance (nourishment) to last another day.

[abidismaili]

I must say I easy feel sorry for the boys.  When I first started going to Thailand (4 years ago) I gave in easily if the story sounded believable to me (I not looked just at story but at body language, etc, and if it made me believe them and feel sorry for them I tended to give in).

 

But I have become wiser now that I have more experience.

 

Because if you give in to a boy you will get more and more requests from him.  And from others also! First it becomes once every 3 months you get a request for help from him, then slowly once every 2 months you get a message if you can send some money via Western Union and before you know it he needs help once every month.

 

So now I am in a phase to mostly say "No" even if I believe them and it breaks my hearth sometimes. But if I give in to every boy who needs help I will be broke soon. That is a lesson I learned.

 

I can not help everyone. And the lesson I learned is that when I pick only a few boys for help their requests multiply soon if you give in to each of them. So they tend to make abuse of your generosity by over-asking. So only in rare cases now I tend to give in and I make clear it is one time only.

 

But I pay them good price and tips for services rendered. I treat them with respect. But I have thus reduced the help money.

[a447a]

I'm not a charity.

 

If guys ask for money - something that rarely happens in my experience - they have to do something to earn it.

 

My two regular guys have never made such a request, nor have they ever asked me to buy them anything. Any shopping we do is my idea.

 

But if either if them found themselves needing money, I'd help them out in a heartbeat.

[paborn]

I have never been asked for anything, not even taxi money. Now, Santo Domingo is another thing. If you go there be prepared to be tormented..

[Terry4]

Its hard to work out who is genuine and who isnt .

 

Im like a447 and believe they have to do something for it, doesn’t mean anything sexual though it can be helping me with my bags to the next hotel or taking my clothes to the laundromat etc .

 

There are a lot of professional beggars. Eg they not only ask you

 

Unfortunately sometimes i have a soft heart and then find out i was scammed

[TotallyOz]

If I have known someone for a while and they need help, I'll help them.  I get asked very rarely for help but when I do, I'll normally help and that does not mean they ask again or ask quickly. But, lets face it, we are wealthy compared to these guys and if 50 USD will make a difference in their life, I'm happy to give that to someone I know and have spent time with if I believe they need it. 

 

The truth is, you take care of those that take care of you. Not knowing someone, I'd never send money. However, otherwise, if I believe they actually need help and they never or rarely ask, I'll make some arrangement. 

[Guest]

If I have known someone for a while and they need help, I'll help them. 

 

Now that is a good point.

 

We just need to consider how many years we have known them without opportunistic financial requests vs what we can afford.

 

No one I have met many times over 5 or more years has asked for money beyond what they received when leaving my room.

Every single one of those is happy to  meet me on the next trip.

 

Where I have had people pushing for money, it's with those I have met 1 or 2 times.   Why should I even waste my time thinking about it ?

 

I need to keep some money back to look after myself.    I'm solvent, but am not Bill Gates.

[Alizizou]

Did u all ever know the word "SCAM"?...LOL

[ceejay]

Did u all ever know the word "SCAM"?...LOL

That's harsh. These guys are self employed entrepreneurs and they are going to go for the after sales revenue if they think it is there - as any businessman would. They are even continuing to provide a service - giving their customers another opportunity to feel good about themselves after they have left Thailand.

If you don't want to pay he solution is simple. Don't pay.

[Shonen]

 

I recently sent $300 to a guy I spend most of my time with when I’m in Thailand. He asked for $1,000. It’s only the 2nd time I’ve sent money. I don’t blame him for asking and I had the money.

 

He is getting old though, he’s 30 now, but still looks like a twenty something twink. I’m going to cut back my time with him and turn our long times into short times. Not going to be easy.

[a447a]

These guys are self employed entrepreneurs and they are going to go for the after sales revenue if they think it is there - as any businessman would.

As we are "rich" and they aren't, I can understand why they might ask us for money. If I were in their position I'd probably try my luck, too.

 

If only 1 in 10 farang agreed, I'd be ahead.

 

Most guys know they will probably never see us again, so it's worth a try.

 

I spend most off my money on the guys at Golden Cock when I'm in Bangkok. I'm always pleasantly surprised when none off the guys ask for money, even though they are aware off how much I spend there day after day on drinks, tips and offs.

[Londoner]

I find it extraordinary that these guys don't harass us for more money after a 1000 bht encounter. Even if they have neither our email addresses, nor our phone numbers, they could still pursue us via hornet or Romeo. It would be annoying for us, and some may be tempted to give in. Yet, in twenty years, this has happened to me only once. Amazing Thailand, amazing Thais. 

And yes, I did give in on that occasion and was paid back royally on my next visit. Not in baht, you understand......

[kokopelli]

I find it extraordinary that these guys don't harass us for more money after a 1000 bht encounter.

 

In my case, they do indeed! 

[paborn]

You embarrass me Kokopelli. You must have the kindest demeanor and sweetest attitude. I guarantee you they never ask this old Farang for anything.  Once, there was this Vietnamese beauty who asked for lunch money - so, I took him to lunch. But, then I had been in bed with him 4 times so maybe not the same thing LOL.

[bobsaigon]

There's an ex-bf in Thailand who, long after we parted company, contracted HIV and subsequently TB to go along with that, plus several ensuing complications.     And there's a fellow I very much like in Manila who really needs an operation on his heart in order to continue breathing.    And there's a fellow from Africa.  I have known him and his family (all now in the US) for more than 50 years.  His brother is facing foreclosure on his business unless he gets some help.

 

Should I help these people?  That's rhetorical.  I am definitely NOT asking for the opinions or advice of anyone on an internet forum.    To help any of the guys I mentioned, or not to help them, or to help someone in a go go bar who says he needs rent money, the decision is certainly mine alone.   If I have the money and I want to help, then I help.    If I don't have the money or think I'm being scammed, then I don't help.  

 

C'est tout.  Up to you, na.

[Guest]

 I am definitely NOT asking for the opinions or advice of anyone on an internet forum.    To help any of the guys I mentioned, or not to help them, or to help someone in a go go bar who says he needs rent money, the decision is certainly mine alone. 

 

The fact that everyone is free to make their own decision is a given.  

 

However, those who want to give opinions when invited to do so are welcome to do so and no one is obliged to act upon the  advice.  This is not the DPRK and I'm not Kim Jong Un.  

 

Although, there was another thread recently where someone seemed to forget that.

[Terry4]

There's an ex-bf in Thailand who, long after we parted company, contracted HIV and subsequently TB to go along with that, plus several ensuing complications. And there's a fellow I very much like in Manila who really needs an operation on his heart in order to continue breathing. And there's a fellow from Africa. I have known him and his family (all now in the US) for more than 50 years. His brother is facing foreclosure on his business unless he gets some help.

 

Should I help these people? That's rhetorical. I am definitely NOT asking for the opinions or advice of anyone on an internet forum. To help any of the guys I mentioned, or not to help them, or to help someone in a go go bar who says he needs rent money, the decision is certainly mine alone. If I have the money and I want to help, then I help. If I don't have the money or think I'm being scammed, then I don't help.

 

C'est tout. Up to you, na.

[Terry4]

Great post BobSaigon

 

Only the one being asked can decide if its genuine or not, its a very persobal decision.

[vinapu]

Some  rationales may be there  but I still find it very audacious when guy I spent  only few days and nights with, even if these were most fabulous days and nights in history of humanity finds it fitting to ask me for financial help for whatever reason.

[bobsaigon]

The fact that everyone is free to make their own decision is a given.  

 

However, those who want to give opinions when invited to do so are welcome to do so and no one is obliged to act upon the  advice.  This is not the DPRK and I'm not Kim Jong Un.  

 

Although, there was another thread recently where someone seemed to forget that.

 

My point was that since it is a very personal decision, who go to a forum to ask advice from people who are not aware of your personal circumstances?

 

"This is not the DPRK and I'm not Kim Jong Un."    This appears to indicate that you are a moderator or administrator of the forum.  I was not aware of that.

[Londoner]

If we choose to visit a country like Thailand, where most people are much poorer than us, and to benefit from the cheap hotel and restaurant prices, not to mention the sexual opportunities offered,  we should accept that some people will try their luck. There are circumstances in which such attempts are not only understandable but laudable. A son/daughter trying to help impoverished parents for example.

 

I'm not one of those who claim that we are exploiters; we often give more than we take. Nevertheless, we are in the privileged position of having a choice- to go or not to go, to buy or not to buy- while some of the people whom we meet are living from day to day and often have responsibilities at home which are exacting and even distressing. I maintain  -as I said earlier-   that for the most part, their response to us is remarkably graceful. If sometimes they push the boundaries, I for one am prepared to grin and bear it. And to choose (there's that word again) whether to acquiesce.

[spoon]

I have yet to get any request for help yet both from thailand or from other mbs in other places. It could be because im asian, or youngish or i dont show that i have a lot of money to spare? But i do tip accordingly to their quality of services on top of the agreed tips, especially if i want a repeat. Ive only share with one guy about what car i drive, how much money i make etc, simply because he asked, and i rather fond of him. But again, no money request or tales of sick buffalo. But then again, he has a degree, day work, a car, a bike, etc. so he isnt poor by thai standard.