Trip Report with a bunch of other stuff thrown in.

[faranglaw]

So I've been lurking around the forum for awhile but have never done a trip report. I'm in Bangkok for three months, so that seems a bit more than a "trip," having arrived here with Dear Husband on December 1st and planning to stay through the end of February.

 

I don't think I would recommend arriving at Swampy on December 1st. For much of this year, there were unbelivable sales to Asia from the North American west coast, with some round trip fares as low as $490, and that's Canadian dollars! DH and I got tickets on Korean Airlines (our favorite) round trip from Vancouver for $790.

 

The catch is that all the prices went up, doubled in fact, on December 1st. This means that two thirds of all the farang in the known universe traveled, as we did, right at the end of November, and with the dateline, every single one us arrived at Swampy at exactly midday on December 1st. There was a spherical cluster of at least 500 people waiting to get into the two hour snake line for "Visa on Arrival." Well, said DH and I, that's not OUR line, it couldn't be, he is Thai and I already have a two month visa, and besides, we are Princesses and just don't WANT to get in that line.

 

So we kept going past the globular cluster and on to another entry point. This one, it turns out, was for the airline crew. "No" said the smiling round faced young Thai man, "not here, but you can go to the next point" farther still down the hallway.

 

Now, many of you already know this, but it was news to me that way way way down the end of the line is an entry point for Priority Entry. Although the criteria for Priority Entry didn't specifically mention You Already Have a Visa, I said to myself that surely was an oversight, and this line with the fifteen minute wait must be exactly where I belong, because a) maybe already having a visa really DOES qualify me to be in this line and b) (much more likey) that girl behind the glass looks bored to tears and likely won't give a shit if I qualify or not. Just come into our damn country and let me get on to the next cheater.

 

And so it was. I Slipped through with people who flew business class and had nice little Priority tickets given them by airline staff, and with the pregnant women and the toddlers and the seventy year olds. Well, I'm almost seventy, 2 1/2 more years, so I should qualify for age too. Stamp stamp stamp, you've arrived -- the bored girl was probably dying for her next break. And no, she didn't give a shit.

[faranglaw]

Boys

 

The Professional

 

So I went to Zy Massage, formerly Lomchoei. I have history there. As I've mentioned before, but do not want to dwell on it, a boy I liked who worked there left their employ and was murdered by a free lance customer. The mamasan at Zy is a strange probably female person who was very kind to my now deceased friend. She called his brother and sister, who lived in town, and arranged a memorial service for him. At least that was her story. So I'm grateful to Zy massage.

 

Even though...

 

The place is a dump. Mamasan has done zilch to renovate or make the rooms nice. They are simple, old, cheap black painted plywood. Mattress on the floor, clean sheets and towels, adjustable lighting, and not much else. No mood misic. Cold showers only.

 

But I have found some boys I have liked there over the years. They don't seem to stay. Dear Husband, who has accompanied me on a couple of trips there, informs me that some of the boys have told him that Mamasan has a temper and can be quite mean to them. On the surface she is always sweet to "my boys," in front of the customers at least. But I have never seen her exert herself in any way, except to collect the customers' money. She sits all day as "her boys" massage her feet and bring her food, which she seems to eat constantly. She is fatter every year.

 

So this year I found M, an Issan boy with a cute smile and that golden brown skin. His massage is good, but the real find is his service mind. Everything is about the customer's pleasure and comfort. He removes my clothes for me. Shower together both before and after (sigh, the COLD shower). Good strong back massage. Then roll over and start with an affectionate full kiss which leads to a passionate Happy Ending, but in the Middle. Then he finishes the massage, giving me the full hour and a half, with some cuddling thrown in. His smile is professional with, I like to think, some genuine warmth as well. I think he is gay but it's not 100%.

 

M is not quite a prisoner there, the way some of the Lao boys seem to be given their precarious immigration status and Mamasan's manipulations. He takes time off and goes to take care of a food business he has going in Chiang Rai. He is more mature on his outlook than the other boys there, and says he has been with Mamasan long enough to have known my friend. That means at least four years, an eternity for these massage boys. And M actually thinks Mamasan, despite her jai rohn outbursts, is basically a decent person.

 

So overall, M at Zy is to be recommended! Zy itself, maybe not so much.

 

Oh, and Zy is definitely twinks only!

[Alexx]

I don't know how old you are, but maybe you qualified for the priority lane just because of your age? If you are (or looked, after the long flight) 70 or older.

[faranglaw]

I don't know how old you are, but maybe you qualified for the priority lane just because of your age? If you are (or looked, after the long flight) 70 or older.

Well! I don't think I've ever actually LOOKED seventy! (But you might have to ask DH)

[vinapu]

Oh, and Zy is definitely twinks only!

thanks for a warning but now we know why ChristianPFC likes the place.They used to have hunkier boys in the past though.

 

we are counting on steady diet of your reports while you are in Thailand.

[ggobkk]

Thanks for your report...feel free to update at your convenience (or whim)

[faranglaw]

thanks for a warning but now we know why ChristianPFC likes the place.They used to have hunkier boys in the past though.

 

we are counting on steady diet of your reports while you are in Thailand.

Well I'm relieved to know Zy got rid of those big fat hunky ones. They probably even had body hair--eww!!

[faranglaw]

And now for some "other stuff:"

 

So how was I, a middle class boy from suburban Boston, to know that, if

male, one DOES NOT wear shorts to play bridge at the Polo Club in Bangkok,

even when the temperature is a brisk 92F? I was informed of this halfway

through the game by one of the two dozen or so fifty-ish ladies who run the

club. All two dozen of them are impeccably and expensively dressed. And

very very nice, in that way people who can afford to be nice are very very

nice. They were friendly, and quite welcoming (except about the shorts).

Charming young men served as caddies for a bridge movement I had never seen

before. There were twelve and a half tables, a skip round, and at

unpredictable times my partner and I were East West or North South. They had

Bridge Mates, but no one was quite able to explain to me where I could get

access to the scores.

 

My partner was a pleasant laid back British bloke. I imagine all people

named Leo overbid, but fortunately this Leo kept it reasonable. The level of

play is quite high. I thought we were doing OK, but we only managed to come

in 14th out of 23 pairs, with a modest 47.9%. It was fun. I especially liked

the little diagonal sandwiches with the crusts cut off. On Sunday I have a

partner, one of the Thai ladies, to play at the British Club. I will arrive,

legs covered, expecting high tea.

 

The Polo club is quite an oasis in humid smoggy Bangkok, with deep, dark

brown wood and trees everywhere, birds chirping, and of course, the charming

young men and the diagonal sandwiches. I am certain beyond doubt that I was

the only one of the 46 players who arrived at the club on the back of a

motorcycle taxi. Well, maybe Leo did.

 

But it seems I have walked into a time warp, where bridge is very high

society and run by the nicest women you could ever meet. I think I'm going

to like it.

[faranglaw]

And back to you know what:

 

Boys

 

The Sad and Lonely

 

Dear Husband and I are staying at our Palace way out in darkest On Nut, seventy sois from civilization, or at least, from a BTS station. The songtaew takes me to Big C On Nut, and then it's a five minute walk to the BTS station, down a street full of food vendors and massage parlors. Most of the massage parlors have young women outside. For some unfathomable reason, one day last year I went into one of them for a good old non-sexual massage. I asked if they had male masseurs. Yes they did. A friendly little guy named A. He looked pretty gay to me, so I thought maybe there's more here than I expected.

 

There was. It turns out that A loves cock! Quite a lot. So I got another Happy Ending in the Middle and a chance to caress his tight little body. Unfortunately, the rooms are not fully private, as the walls don't quite go up to the ceiling, so our passion had to be done quietly. Not that the straight guy in the next cubicle felt any need for restraint, ecstatically sighing, "That was great!" I guess his masseuse had helped him "release a trigger point," as they say. But A and I are gay and more refined, when we need to be, so we kept a tasteful silence.A was grateful for my courtesy, and filled out the complete hour with some nice shoulder, neck and face work. Much appreciated.

 

He told me he lives on one of the sois out on On Nut. He is 32, he says, but I look into his face and think, "hmm, maybe older." Poor guy seems to want a farang boyfriend but doesn't seem to have a clue how to find one. He thinks he's too old now, and he may be right. His gentle face has a definite melancholy to it. So many Thai people seem trapped in their work lives, putting in 60 hour weeks with little hope of advancement, meaning also little hope of having time to pursue a quality relationship.

 

But I've had several massages with A now, and I've always come away happy. So if you like a good massage from a gentle but strong little guy who is slightly fem, check out We Care Massage on Sukhumvit Soi 77/1 just up from On Nut Station.

[DivineMadman]

I imagine all people named Leo overbid,  

Quite possibly my favorite line of the year.

[steveboy]

 So many Thai people seem trapped in their work lives, putting in 60 hour weeks with little hope of advancement, meaning also little hope of having time to pursue a quality relationship.

 

This is not exclusive to Thai people.

We should count our blessings.

[sglad]

Well! I don't think I've ever actually LOOKED seventy! (But you might have to ask DH)

 

I'm sure DH is too polite to answer truthfully.

[pong]

This BigC is a former Carrefour. There is also a large and often overcrowded TescoLotus other side of main rd and connected to BTS.

This small soi with many massageshops (well remember when it was 100 bt/hr for Thai) is among local Thai well known as also catering for special needs, esp. the ''Takray Howm'' chain.

For more discreet pleasure, ask for oil massage, then you usually get private room and shower in corridor.

Oh, and yes, short pants are for schoolboys and the like. Sit in a bus around 15/16.00 and admire them. This is THailand!

[faranglaw]

I'm sure DH is too polite to answer truthfully.

No, he isn't.

[faranglaw]

Boys

 

The Melodramatic -- And A Story Which May Actually be True

 

I found P on Hornet. Handsome face, nice spiky hair style serious look. So we chatted and bargained for a 1000 baht free lance massage in my favorite part of town, Suan Phlu/Ngam Duphli. We met in front of the vile Malaysia Hotel, because everyone knows where that is. We hopped on a mocy taxi, cozy for three, and sped off to a love hotel on a street I had never seen. I wondered what I had gotten into. Was I going to be mugged? Well, not much loss there if so, as I only brought his fee and the fee he quoted for the love hotel. So we did the quickie two hour love hotel thing, 400 baht plus a 200 baht refundable deposit, which I added as a tip. A room. Not much else.

 

His massage skills were OK, but needed smoother transitions. His body is not quite firm, but fine for me. I am most attracted to a nice face, handsome or cute. He fit the bill there. Plenty of kissing and good oral skills. Happy Middle, then more massage, Tiger balm smoothed off with aloe vera cream, completing the promised two hours, almost. I was quite happy with P.

 

We started conversing on LINE. The day after the massage, he told me his grandmother died that very day and he had to go to Nakon Nayok for the funeral. OMG, the oldest line in the book! He said he wasn't sure he had the money to go. Well, honey, the bus to Nakon Nayok costs 65 baht and I just gave you 1200 yesterday, so I wasn't taking that hint. But he did go off somewhere, it seems, and sent photos of a funeral pyre loaded with flowers and photos of a woman who looked the right age. Then he confided that both his parents had died when he was three. This grandmother who died, assuming she actually existed outside his imagination, brought him up. She told him his parents were on their way to the disco (with a three year old at home?) and died in an accident. I hope this is an invented story but I think it's likely true. If so, this is a level of childhood trauma I wouldn't want to contemplate.

 

And he does seem quite needy. His LINE messages are full of bears hugging and comforting cutesy rabbits, hearts and stars and I Love You. Way to chase this farang away! I keep telling him I'm married. Down boy, I'm a cat person. Cool wins with me, not all that sloppy eager doggy stuff.

 

I don't know if I will see P again, but he is quite a handsome young man and very kissable, so maybe. But I don't much like the idea of getting drawn into his unresolved drama. There are so many fish in the LOS sea.

[steveboy]

I don't know if I will see P again, but he is quite a handsome young man and very kissable, so maybe. But I don't much like the idea of getting drawn into his unresolved drama. There are so many fish in the LOS sea.

 

In my first trip to Thailand my tour guide on the last day gave me a moving story of him suffering from diabetes and having to inject insulin, and my bleeding hart didn't hesitate to give him a 1000 baht tip. Since then my heart has calmed down and if I am drawn to compassion by some guy I pray for him instead of giving money, unless the reason for compassion is very clear.

[vinapu]

that's our problem , after hearing so many sob stories we tend to become jaded and dismiss them as fake all the time but in fact boys,  like everybody else have their dramas.

 

Year ago BBB boy I always off long time told me he can stay past 1 a.m because he need to drive his bar friend to his mother funeral in Buriram. I thought it was just an excuse for not staying till morning but next evening mamasan actually confirmed that was a case.  

[faranglaw]

Boys

 

The Playful

 

Another trip to Zy. M wasn't there. But I had chatted a bit with N on Hornet. I recognized him as a part time boy at Zy, and asked on line if I could get a massage from him. No problem.

 

So I went last week. Mamasan was in her usual place, collecting money, this time from what appeared to be a straight couple that had wandered in. They looked slightly bewildered. What must they be thinking? And N was right there in the lobby, listlessly giving a training massage to a Thai girl. So I asked Mamasan for an hour and a half oil massage with N. No problem. And since I am close to achieving status as Honorary Thai after nearly thirty visits to the LOS, I did what any self-respecting Thai national would do; I bargained. I reminded Mamasan that I was a frequent flyer, so how about a discount? (Having wisely checked my dictionary for the Thai word for discount). Fifty baht off the regular price. No problem. When I gave my report to him later, even DH was impressed.

 

And as for N, well, he delivered! He looked reserved and polite in the lobby, but once we got to the room, with me naked and he in his tight little underpants, his massage technique turned out to be playful. In the midst of the calf work, I would get a little tickle, in the armpit, in the crack, caressing the balls. The a little giggle from N. Not very professional, massage-wise, but endearing, at least to me.

 

N is a classically smooth small tight-bodied skinny twink. Very affectionate, enjoys a cuddle, a kiss, and a long hug. I can see why so many forum members enjoy Long Time. I could easily have held him and enjoyed every inch of his perfect smooth compact body all night and into the next day. But we made the most of our hour and a half. He even tried to make me climax twice, although that is (sigh) nearly impossible these days. How I miss those Babylon Four Cum Days of decades past!

 

So, that's N. Playful, smooth, affectionate, accommodating. The perfect twink massage. I will lust after him again soon.

[faranglaw]

Bang Saen

 

Bang Saen, the beach town everyone passes by on the way to Pattaya. The beach is not bad but nothing to send post cards to Mom about. Bang Saen is the beach town for lower and middle class Thais who rush down from Bangkok for the weekend. It's about an hour and a half drive from the City of Angels. It is definitely considered low class. DH's family wouldn't think of spending time here, even though DH graduated from the local university, Burapha.

 

But DH and I love this town. It is funky and largely undiscoverd by farang, or, if they do discover it, they run as fast as they can to Pattaya or Rayong or points South. This is especially true if they come on a weekend, when the beach chairs are all taken and the ocean itself is wall to wall, oh! the humanity. But on weekdays, it is quiet and delightful. DH and I rented a condo here for the month of January for a modest 9,000 baht. DH says this was my idea, so I'd damn well better be here at least ten nights this month after he went to the trouble of arranging this, all for me, you understand, even though he is accompanying me and appears to be enjoying himself.

 

So we are staying in a room in large fifty year old, very run down buildng of 350 units, 330 of which appear to be empty. No kitchen, an adequate shower, a toilet that leaks, and a big metal outer door with slats to allow ventilation. The door is off centre, like most things in this ancient building, and scrapes horribly on the tile floor when we try to open of close it. The Walls are orange, and I do mean Orange, as in Presidential Hair Orange. The air conditioner freezes exactly half the room, leaving the other half untouched. So they gave us a fan and, being industrious citizens, we cleaned it, probably the first time it had been cleaned in a decade or so. The woman at the front desk is missing several teeth and is very friendly. The staff looks depressed but they suddenly start loudly and enthusiastically joking and arguing with each other, with many a tooth-gapped smile. There is free instant coffee. In keeping with the atmosphere of the place, I hung my towel over the railing to dry in the blazing sun, only to return to the room hours later and see it had fallen onto a ledge eight stories below. So one of the staff, a nice young man with all his teeth, kindly leapt onto the ledge to return the towel to the fluttering Damsel in Distress (me).

 

But, but, but, there's a view. And what a magnificent view it is. From here on the twelfth floor we can see Pattaya on one side, and the hills outside of town on the other. And directly in front of us, across the mostly quiet (on weekdays) street, the ocean in all its splendor. Greens and grays and blues and rocks and brown sand and waves. DH and I could sit on this balcony for hours, and we will. We paid 9,000 baht for it.

 

And finally, there's the food. Food is the real hidden gem of Bang Saen, especially if one is lucky enough to be here with someone who knows the town. DH takes me for crab fried rice and a side dish of heavenly little spherical crisp crab cakes with a sweet spicy sauce. The other night we went to dinner around the corner, at a restaurant called dii phronm ดีพรอม, and I had one of my best meals ever in Thailand. Sour spicy coconut soup with chicken and mushrooms, with the wonderful flavors of lemon grass and galanga. DH says most farang wouldn't like this dish, since the cook leaves hunks of galanga and lemon grass in the soup to enhance the flavors. He tells me that recenly a farang ate some of the crunchy stuff that any fool would know to leave in the bowl, and it pierced his stomach, so now he's suing the restaurant. Another Stupid Farang joke in the making. But I digress--the dinner: shrimp balls loaded with shrimp and just barely enough flour to hold them together; and a salad of wing beans with generous amount of peanuts and cashews in a sweet vinegar sauce. And beer. DH prefers Leo brand, says it's lighter. Not bad for 530 baht. We're going back tonight.

 

Later: the Boys of Bang Saen, or the Hornets that Buzz but Never Land.

 

Cheers,

Faranglaw

[steveboy]

Bang Saen

 

Bang Saen, the beach town everyone passes by on the way to Pattaya. The beach is not bad but nothing to send post cards to Mom about. Bang Saen is the beach town for lower and middle class Thais who rush down from Bangkok for the weekend. It's about an hour and a half drive from the City of Angels. It is definitely considered low class. DH's family wouldn't think of spending time here, even though DH graduated from the local university, Burapha.

 

I would not care for the "lower and middle class", for the lack of teeth, the scraping of the door, the leaky toilet. But the idea of the ocean itself being wall-to-wall filled with Asian humanity is exciting.  If only 1% of this humanity is likable, this means a lot of nice bodies. What worries is your description of boys as hornets that buzz but never land.  Let's see what you write about that.

[ChristianPFC]

Great reports, looking forward for more!

 

Zy (former Lomchoey) is indeed a bit (very?) run-down, and rather expensive at 500 THB for 1 hour oil massage, when you can get the same, but with hot water for shower (the luxury!) in Silom for the same price or even cheaper.

 

I have spent a bit of time in Bang Saen, and estimate then number of beach chairs to 20,000 (from multiplying number of rows and columns and blocks). Around 2012 when I was active on camfrog, there were a lot of boys from Burapha university. There must be some potential, from university or visitors!

[faranglaw]

Bang Saen Boys--The Hornets Buzz but Do Not Land

 

So here in lovely low class Bang Saen where the factory workers from Bangkok buzz down for a quick weekend of drinking Thai whiskey on the beach, there are others buzzing around as well. Here are a few from Hornet:

 

The Manipulator

 

This boy looks about 17 but swears he is of age. Cute face, big sprawling tattoo of his name across his chest, and one of those cute little fuzzy moustaches. He asks 1000. But first... He says he has to go buy a fan for his room the next day--do I want to join him in this exciting project? Not so much. He lives with his parents. Do I want to go there while they are away and drink beer? No, that wasn't quite the point. He says he is very poor and needs money. Now it's 10:30pm, do I want to meet? No, dear husband is sleeping in the room, let's just postpone, or... Whatever.

 

The Naive

 

19 years old with a huge smile, round face, broad features, dancing eyes. Wants 1000, bargains to 800. But... He wants a 500 "deposit." He helpfully sends me a scan of his bank information so I can make the deposit, of course before ever meeting him. (Do people actually do this?) So, a bit of an explanation from me on how life works, or at least how I think it works. You provide the service, and THEN you get paid.

 

The Postponed

 

Sweet guy, looks a bit homely but in an attractive and friendly way. Approaches me first, massage 500. Sex massage? Yes, with detailed negotiation. DH has kindly volunteered to be away from our room, and the young man works 300m from where we are staying, so it would be most convenient for him to come to our room after work. But he knows I am with DH and seems uncomfortable about it, so suggests we go across town to some short time rooms he know of for 300. OK, sure. Wait until he finishes work at 5pm. Then at 4:55 he lets me know he has to get a haircut, including a fresh photo of himself, definitely needing a haircut. So...maybe tomorrow.

 

The Impatient/Angry

 

Nearby, advertising massage. He looks good in his little gym shorts. A bit of chat, where you from, how much, etc. His photo looks nice but he hasn't listed height and weight, so I'm curious and ask. Reasonable question, I thought, just a bit of foreplay conversation. Suddenly, in Thai: "I'm not interested, you ask too many questions, Bye!" Well. Did we fail our Business Management Course at Burapha? Did our last customer hurt our delicate ass? Hmmm.

 

So that was Day 1-2. The hornets buzzed but did not land. Maybe it's me. Did I say the wrong thing? Wouldn't be the first time...

[vinapu]

reading  your Hornet adventure I understand evem better why I like to go to a massage or bar, see what I'm buying without asking any questions other that " how much you want ?"

[faranglaw]

reading  your Hornet adventure I understand evem better why I like to go to a massage or bar, see what I'm buying without asking any questions other that " how much you want ?"

Yes. And DH has reached the same conclusion. I have too really, but I find this little study fascinating. Plus I haven't posted yet about the next day!

[ChristianPFC]

It's getting better and better! Keep it coming!

 

"The hornets buzzed but did not land. Maybe it's me. Did I say the wrong thing?"

It's not you, it's them. You didn't say anything wrong.

 

Mirrors my experiences elsewhere; I have been through too much of this crap and would have labelled them differently: the time waster, the scammer, the retard, and the idiot.