Getting your new Thai BF to the US

[kokopelli]

I did check Facebook and there are a number of persons with the last name Schuft. In addition there is a recent profile of Schuft with his photo on Gaythailand.

 

So maybe a rush to judgement?

 

Fact is, haven't so many of us fallen in love with some Thai boy we hardly know?  I know some farangs who are in love with, and correspond with,  a number of boys from Thailand, Russia, Philippines, etc yet never met them in person.

 

After all don't we all want to dream the impossible dream?

[denny59]

Off point...forget about taking your BOY to USA...silly idea...even after you meet him for 2 weeks or a month..Silly..you need a year at least to know this guy....also...everyone is NOW off subject and it is boring.

[Schuft]

So here it is almost 3 years later, I'm still in love with the Boy, I travel to Thailand every 6 months for two weeks to be with him. On my last trip I asked him to marry me, he said yes.  I have started the K1 visa app, i hope it goes thru as I want him here with me, everytime I visit I dont want to leave.  I have 5 years till retirement so I cant "stay".  I will meet the parents in April when we all goto Pattaya.  There is exactly a 30 year difference, that may be a problem with the US Immigration tho.

[DivineMadman]

4 minutes ago, Schuft said:

So here it is almost 3 years later, I'm still in love with the Boy, I travel to Thailand every 6 months for two weeks to be with him. On my last trip I asked him to marry me, he said yes.  I have started the K1 visa app, i hope it goes thru as I want him here with me, everytime I visit I dont want to leave.  I have 5 years till retirement so I cant "stay".  I will meet the parents in April when we all goto Pattaya.  There is exactly a 30 year difference, that may be a problem with the US Immigration tho.

Congratulations!  It may take a while with US Immigration, and I know of at least one situations where it took a couple of tries, so don't get discouraged.  All the best wishes!

[williewillie]

Even if successful in getting him a visa to USA, many Thai boys are miserable, lonely, and depressed to be away from home, family, their own culture, language, etc.

Friends are very important for a Thai guy, Thai peer friends.

Many older farangs only think about their own happiness and things unravel quickly.  So many of us have had the same dream and so few

find success.

Each of us think this boy is special.  We think how can I feel so strongly and he not.  This must be real must be true.

Alas, most of us only learn from experience and some never learn and keep repeating over and over.  No body heeds advice, we ask but

don't follow because we know this boy is different and how can I feel so strongly and it not be real, not be mutual .

I know 75 y.o+ men who believe their 20 y.o. boyfriend prefer old men in bed.. 

[Schuft]

37 minutes ago, williewillie said:

Even if successful in getting him a visa to USA, many Thai boys are miserable, lonely, and depressed to be away from home, family, their own culture, language, etc.

Friends are very important for a Thai guy, Thai peer friends.

I think about this everyday when we chat, I wonder if he will adapt to life in the US, will he like it here etc.  If after all this he can't adapt he goes back and we switch off visiting each other. I certainly wouldnt want to keep him miserable.  I've been looking into thai community groups, a Temple for him to goto.  All I can do is offer suggestions after all is said and done.

 

[reader]

One question you might want to explore: is there a Thai community anywhere in your vicinity?

Sometimes they can be found around large universities or in major cities.

Being able to talk Thai with those who share his cultural heritage would be a big help in adjusting to a strange environment.

Best of luck to both of you.

[khaolakguy]

Hi Schuft, Congratulations and good luck. If you didn't try to achieve this you would always wonder. I went into a similar situation after a long distance relationship. Like you I was aware that he might not adapt to local conditions(which in my case were unfortunately without any thai infrastructure), I was at work every day for long hours etc. But it was fine and we are still together twenty years later, and the large age gap remains a large age gap! So happy I took that risk, and what a fight we had for the early visas. All worth it a hundredfold.

[hank75]

I read this thread with interest and thank you for coming back to update us all. Delighted to hear that things worked out for you. I feel that you need to be brutally honest with yourself and your read of the situation. Take off those rose tinted glasses and assess if he is really with you for the long haul. If he is, as khaolakguy says, then nothing ventured nothing gained. This could possibly be something worth fighting for. Just don’t set yourself up for more than you have to lose.

a few things to consider

1. Are you very sure he has never been a money boy or in any type of rental situation? This could very well be the defining factor that sets your relationship up for success. 

2. A little caution about the Thai university setting. It’s a good suggestion but keep in mind many thai students abroad (even if they don’t appear so) are from hi-so and upper middle class families, they may very well look down on him if he is not as well educated / from a similar background / especially being in a relationship with a much older farang. Thai society is a complicated beast. It would be depressing for him to arrive in a foreign country and still be discriminated against by his fellow countrymen. 

3. suggestion to locate Thai temple is a good one as I assume their community would be more inclusive. Also the Thais who arrive to work in service industries and run restaurants are far less discriminatory than millennials from good families. 
 

4. When he first arrives, buy him a plane ticket for a home visit in two or three months. If he does not settle in immediately, it will help him to know that he will go home for a visit during a visible future date and he will focus instead on acquiring new skills and interests that he can show off to his family. 
 

5. do you plan to have him work or enroll him in some courses to start off?

[DivineMadman]

I find the reactions and comments to this post as interesting as the topic itself.

After three years and repeat visits and time together, I assumed that the OP had sufficient mental capacity to think about whether his guy is right for the long haul before asking him to marry.  

There are good points about finding some cultural support groups.  Certainly in the U.S. there are in many places significant Laos and Thai communities.  I have a home in the middle of nowhere in a town with 9,000 people and there's a Thai wat with three monks 12 minutes drive away.  His guy - who is likely not an entirely passive participant in this process - may also know, or be Facebook friends with, people who have gone to the U.S.  Pretty much all over Thailand and adjoining countries there are people from the village who have moved to the States or Europe.  Sources for shared experiences and advice.  If his guy wants to give the U.S. a shot - I say go for it.  I happen to know and staying regular contact with several guys right now from Laos and Vietnam who are in the States, going to school and adapting (plus of course occasional bouts of homesickness).  For some it's like going to the "show" from minor league baseball.  

But nice to see so much of the sort of condescension and pedantry I usually think of as my bailiwick.   

[Boy69]

Very interesting topic. I don't want to be a dream shatter but from what I know most of Thai's who came to leave abroad with there spouse felt miserable .The culture, climate and food is so different in the west that most of them couldn't adapt so most of the relationships between westerns to Thai's collapsed.

I think you better tell your Thai partner the difficulties of this situation and ask him to take it as temporary experience to check if he can adapt to his new life in the states and if he can't he can always go back to his country as an option .

[Schuft]

4 hours ago, hank75 said:

do you plan to have him work or enroll him in some courses to start off?

I have no plans for him, if he wants to work its up to him.  He isnt really a boy, hes 27 turning 28 in April so he is mature enough to make his own decisions.  The only thing I told him he can't do is keep livestock in the back yard (he was born and raised in a villige outside Chaing Rai, a Farm boy).

21 minutes ago, Boy69 said:

I think you better tell your Thai partner the difficulties of this situation and ask him to take it as temporary experience to check if he can adapt to his new life in the states and if he can't he can always go back to his country as an option .

 We spoke at length and in depth about this last night. I made it clear to him that if he can't adapt he is free to go back and we will keep meeting up every 6 months until I retire.  We only have 3 months to get married with the K1 visa, Once we marry I told him he can not leave the US until he gets a green card or advance parole, if he does he can't re-enter the States.  I made it clear that if he wants to go back I will not be mad at him and will of course fly him home and then restart the 6 month visit schedule.  I have a strong feeling he will adapt to western life, his step dad is english and he and his mom are in the UK 4 or 5 months a year. He knows that he will be around 50-55 when I pass, but be a rich man and go back to Thailand.  We have tried to cover everything.  I did find 2 Wats and a very large Thai Community group in my area which was surprising to me.  Hes excited to come to the US, he's excited about getting married, he's excited about taking care of me tho it will be me taking care of him. In short, Im doing everything I can to make this as painless as I can for his comfort and well being.

[Boy69]

I assume you know what you are doing and took all the difficulties into consideration . Sadly my personal experience and others with Thai boys was a disaster  and I am so happy for your successful love, that proves that true love can be stronger than big age gap and culture difference .

[vinapu]

6 minutes ago, Boy69 said:

 I am so happy for your successful love, that proves that true love can be stronger than big age gap and culture difference .

+1

[ggobkk]

Great good wishes...it’s your life, live it in your way!

[Will7272]

17 hours ago, Schuft said:

I have no plans for him, if he wants to work its up to him.  He isnt really a boy, hes 27 turning 28 in April so he is mature enough to make his own decisions.  The only thing I told him he can't do is keep livestock in the back yard (he was born and raised in a villige outside Chaing Rai, a Farm boy).

 We spoke at length and in depth about this last night. I made it clear to him that if he can't adapt he is free to go back and we will keep meeting up every 6 months until I retire.  We only have 3 months to get married with the K1 visa, Once we marry I told him he can not leave the US until he gets a green card or advance parole, if he does he can't re-enter the States.  I made it clear that if he wants to go back I will not be mad at him and will of course fly him home and then restart the 6 month visit schedule.  I have a strong feeling he will adapt to western life, his step dad is english and he and his mom are in the UK 4 or 5 months a year. He knows that he will be around 50-55 when I pass, but be a rich man and go back to Thailand.  We have tried to cover everything.  I did find 2 Wats and a very large Thai Community group in my area which was surprising to me.  Hes excited to come to the US, he's excited about getting married, he's excited about taking care of me tho it will be me taking care of him. In short, Im doing everything I can to make this as painless as I can for his comfort and well being.

Sounds wonderful. Hope it all works out. 

[traveller123]

I would just like to include my and my Thai partners (now Civil Partner) personal experience of him coming to live with me for two years in the UK prior to me retiring in Thailand.

I took him to the nearest Thai temple which was about 30 miles from my home and we talked to a Thai lady who was there at the time, she said she knew some ladies married to farangs living in my town, she took and passed on his phone number.

The result was he met a group of about 20 Thais (all ladies) who got together a least once a week to talk, eat etc and he made good friends and enjoyed himself.

At the time he was 25 (I was 63), he is a village lad but he's not shy and a great cook of Thai food which I'm sure helped.

I was also lucky in that my UK neighbours took to him and made him welcome, most of them were retired and looked after him while I was at work.

Another tip was, if it's easy for him to attend, get him a gym membership. My guy is not really into the gym, but he did enjoying going almost every day to pass some time.

Good luck and if you are successful with his visa enjoy your house being spotless, your washing and ironing done, good Thai food and a great smiling welcome when you arrive home from work.

[KhorTose]

On 2/22/2020 at 4:16 PM, Schuft said:

So here it is almost 3 years later, I'm still in love with the Boy, I travel to Thailand every 6 months for two weeks to be with him. On my last trip I asked him to marry me, he said yes.  I have started the K1 visa app, i hope it goes thru as I want him here with me, everytime I visit I dont want to leave.  I have 5 years till retirement so I cant "stay".  I will meet the parents in April when we all goto Pattaya.  There is exactly a 30 year difference, that may be a problem with the US Immigration tho.

So after 3 years you have spent a total of 3 months with him--tops, and you want to marry him.  No information about supporting him during that time and many other things left out, like  Letters, mail messages, his job, his education, where in country he is, pictures, and a lot of other things.   BS then and now.   Now you get to come back on and troll away, and produce all kinds of things as "proof", and I am positive enough idiots of this site will defend you and damn me for calling a fake a fake.  You are definitely on the right board.  Troll away and good luck.  KT out.

[reader]

Khor Tose
 

• Gender:Male
• Location:Seattle/Chiang Mai
• Interests:Married to a Thai-together for 10+_ years as of 09/2019
   
• So your decade long marriage to a Thai has worked out well for you. By your reasoning, however, this guy Schuft (who desires the same thing) has to be a fraud of the first order?

You’ve had a hard on for this guy going on three years. What’s up with that?

 

[DivineMadman]

7 hours ago, KhorTose said:

So after 3 years you have spent a total of 3 months with him--tops, and you want to marry him.  No information about supporting him during that time and many other things left out, like  Letters, mail messages, his job, his education, where in country he is, pictures, and a lot of other things.   BS then and now.   Now you get to come back on and troll away, and produce all kinds of things as "proof", and I am positive enough idiots of this site will defend you and damn me for calling a fake a fake.  You are definitely on the right board.  Troll away and good luck.  KT out.

Well somebody is a grumpy-puss today!

The absence of the info about letters, mails, etc., doesn't necessarily mean the whole thing is a fake.  No one asked for all that sort of information (thank goodness).  No need to submit audited financials to submit a post.  In fact, I think an excess of details is often an indication of falsehood.  It is of course possible that the OP is trolling, but it is also possible that the OP simply decided not to share the info about whether he's providing a monthly allowance or anything like that.  Fine with me.  And who really cares, anyway.

There are different kinds (species) of trolls.  Most are harmless.  Personally, I think the "I'm a virgin" posts have a whiff of troll-ery about them.  But so what? I usually ignore them.  A little collective fantasy -  and often useful info gets collected into a convenient single thread.  No harm done and if you (or I) don't like it, you (or I) don't have to read it and you (or I) don't have to comment on it.  

I think trolls who spread false information, violate privacy, spew racism, offensive derogatory over-generalizations, etc., can and should be called out, as they should be in real life

Personally, and this is just me, I think just popping up to spew a bit of unnecessary venom is trolling in its own way.  The forum doesn't check IDs and - although I've been fortunate to meet many active Forum members - the members I have not met I always assume are a bit of created "persona."  And that's fine.  No need to sit in the corner and shout "Troll! Troll!"

 

[PeterRS]

Like it or not KhorTose has made a valid point. Can anyone really know another person enough to marry and spend his life with him when this man has never once been to their own country? When one party has never lived in Thailand for more than a few weeks at a time? Some posters here have given out details of their meetings with other posters. So let me add that I met KhorTose. I hope he will forgive me giving out a small bit of personal information in his defence in the face of the "offensive derogatory over-generalizations" he is being accused of.

Before he proposed to his Thai partner he returned and actually lived in Thailand for several years during which time they lived together. He also took his partner on a visit to his home in the USA so the young man could get used to the living environment. Only after all that did he feel confident enough that his Thai partner would be happy to settle in a totally alien country.

We are all different. What works for one may not for another. Some use stronger language and inferences than others. I do not believe Schuft is a troll and I wish him every success with the relationship.

[vinapu]

4 minutes ago, PeterRS said:

. Can anyone really know another person enough to marry.......

I don't know that stuff but what I know is that my own parents saw each other grand total of 4 times before they walked down the aisle and produced me wedding night or perhaps next one.

It was good enough for marriage to survive  54 years until death them parted.

[DivineMadman]

24 minutes ago, vinapu said:

I don't know that stuff but what I know is that my own parents saw each other grand total of 4 times before they walked down the aisle and produced me wedding night or perhaps next one.

It was good enough for marriage to survive  54 years until death them parted.

I love that story.  

I don't think anyone was forecasting the guaranteed success of the OP's (and his partner's) adventures in love.  But they are grownups and entitled to try.  

[PeterRS]

27 minutes ago, vinapu said:

I don't know that stuff but what I know is that my own parents saw each other grand total of 4 times before they walked down the aisle and produced me wedding night or perhaps next one.

It was good enough for marriage to survive  54 years until death them parted.

Many belated congratulations to your parents. As DivineMadman points out, a lovely story. My own parents knew each other considerably longer before their marriage that would have reached well into its sixth decade had not my father succumbed to cancer. I do think our respective parents were probably far from unique. Six decades or so ago saw very different times when society in general worked in much simpler ways. But I wonder if your parents came from very different cultures and actually lived on opposite sides of the planet before those first happy meetings?

Perhaps my comments on the OP are a result of a failed attempt to live with a lovely Thai young man in his late 20s who had earlier lived with a boyfriend in Australia. I assumed he would be accustomed to a different western culture and did not take the trouble to introduce him to it before he moved. I was stupid. Despite his promises of undying love and after a lengthy long distance relationship, he just could not settle down. Purely for info, he was not a money boy and had never been in any gay bar in Thailand.

[reader]

46 minutes ago, PeterRS said:

I hope he will forgive me giving out a small bit of personal information in his defence in the face of the "offensive derogatory over-generalizations" he is being accused of.

Here’s what Khor Tose said above:

“BS then and now.   Now you get to come back on and troll away, and produce all kinds of things as "proof", and I am positive enough idiots of this site will defend you and damn me for calling a fake a fake.  You are definitely on the right board.  Troll away and good luck.  KT out.“
 

That surely qualifies as offensive and derogatory over-generalizations on Khor Tose’s part. You seem to be advocating for one standard to be applied to OP’s posts and a different one to Khor Tose posts.