What is your public excuse to visit Thailand so often?

[Alexx]

I don't need any public excuses now, because I work in Bangkok. I didn't need any excuses back when I was a frequent visitor either. While people asked me what I liked about Thailand, which are my favorite places or foods here and similar questions, I don't recall anyone being over the top nosy.

[Guest ryanasia]

Interesting to see how many people tell lies in order to justify leading two lifes.

[abidismaili]

Interesting to see how many people tell lies in order to justify leading two lifes.

Can you please tell me when you told your parents and colleagues at work you are a sex tourist? How did they respond when you told them the main reason for your frequent Thailand visits was to fuck boys?

[NIrishGuy]

I am surprised by the angry tone of your post.

 

Why would you find "saddening" that some people (and not only gays) don't open up all their private stuff with others (allegedly to be "at ease"?) when asked questions?  You have a problem with privacy? 

 

I am perfectly at ease preserving my privacy even when there is no gain in that.  You have not presented any argument, any reason why one should reveal everything to anybody who cares to ask, except "to be at ease", and I don't buy that argument.

Similarly, I don't buy this guilt trip that if one is RESERVED one is LYING.  There are many ways to not give some information that are not outright lies.  And this thread has prompted some good responses from posters.

 

If you like to be completely open, unencumbered, out of the closet, good for you. 

But I can see some lack of consideration to others in this,  and I also find it kind of dumb and unnecessary.

 

Not angry  - saddened was the word I used - if angry that would be at society making people feel like they have to hide part of their lives  - and yes that's hide not keep private, two different things and if you weren't doing something you thought at some level you thought you shouldn't you wouldn't give a shit whether it was private or not I'm guessing. 

 

However preserving your privacy is your choice and your right and I already said that I fully understand that some people who are not out etc may wish to do that, so fair enough, up to them.

 

And as for dumb and unnecessary - are ANY of our opinions on here "necessary" and dumb, no, "I" dont think so, that's why I posted it, you of course may not agree and that is perfectly fine, but you haven't swayed my opinion, nor I I doubt yours - and THAT'S perfectly fine by me too.

 

If you want to go about being private in life that's up to you, me  personally, as I said I generally can't be bothered much to anyone that matters to me as "the truth will usually out in the end anyway I find"  - but of course as you're only being private and not lying to people in any way that thankfully wouldn't be an issue of you anyway so no worries there then thankfully. 

[NIrishGuy]

Most are out of the closet I am sure............. It is maybe sad this is needed, but it is a big taboo. I don't know any sex tourist who is open to family and collegues about this part of his live. It is pretty standard to keep it a secret. 

 

I agree with you that it's sad that people feel that it's a taboo, but I think a lot of that is something that they've allowed to build up in their own minds or lives perhaps and re your 'I don't know any sex tourist who is open etc"  - well, you do now.....me ( and I'm sure plenty of others ?

 

 

"I find it hard to believe you tell your collegues and father, mother, brother, sister that you go to Thailand as a sex tourist. I think even you lie about that when they ask you. Your father and mother know you are a sex tourist? Your boss knows? Really?"

 

You think wrong I can assure you, I have no reason to lie to anyone about anything in my life, well more than did you eat one cake or two with that cup of coffee yesterday perhaps :-) - I don't want to come across as it sounding like I intend it to be something like bravado or something but I simply "don't" ( have) to lie about such things to anyone - mother, work co-workers, friends etc etc, it's just not an issue.  If I mention Im going to Thailand they'll just KNOW why I'm going, to enjoy a good holiday and have a good few fucks while I'm there, it's not a big deal or anything out of the ordinary ( well aside from I can manage to GET the fucks in the first place perhaps but that's a whole different  story perhaps :-) - and yes, before you ask they know I fuck money boys sometimes if the mood takes me.

 

​it's only becomes an issue and something to hide if "I" feel that I'm doing something that I shouldn't and I don't, it's my life, if someone else doesn't like it.....well I don't know what to say about that other than I guess that that would be their problem not mine ?

 

It reminds me of the old Irish joke of the 80 year old catholic man who goes into confession and tells the priest "father, I've been having sex with this young beautiful hot 25 year old girl who lives in the next village" and the Priest replies " well, it's not illegal Seamus so why are you telling me this?"  - and the man replies - "Why am I telling YOU this Father hell I'm 80- year old, I'm telling bloody EVERYONE !"  :-)

[numazu]

Question for Numazu: so you tell your casual friends you go for the food, weather etc.

You need to tell that a few times every year. That is what I did. But after a few visits I receive looks from colleagues that they don't believe it. They make remarks like "ah, boys and ladyboys".

 

Why is it with you after all these years they believe you go for beach and stuff and with me after going only a few times I start getting looks that they don't buy it. Why do they believe you? And not me? You are lucky.

 

And why not disclose it at TSA. What we do is not illegal.

 

I would think that with colleagues and some casual friends, I see it like this - telling them about Thailand is like telling them you needed to go to the bathroom. I tell them "Will you excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom." I don't say "Will you excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom to take a shit." I think telling them you are going to Thailand is good enough, you don't have to tell them you are going there to pay for boy sex. 

 

Some will probably think "Oh he is going to the bathroom to take a shit." That's fine. Do I care? No I don't. If they think "Oh he is going to Thailand to hire some prostitutes", that's fine. Do I care? No I don't. The ones who know me more will ask more questions. I tell them what is appropriate information for professional work colleagues. There is definitely enough happening in my trips to fill office small talk.

 

My close friends (and boyfriend) know that I like having casual sex in general. They know I have Grindr. They know I pick up guys in bars. If I go to Thailand, chances are they know that I will be having a lot of sex there. Some ask if I pay, I say yes, sometimes. Some ask for more details, I tell them. 

 

Having said that, there is so much more to Thailand than the commercial sex scene. With me, if I tell them I go for the food, the shopping, the beaches, I will not be lying. Its the whole package (so to speak) that is Thailand that matters to me. If it was only about sex I'd probably just stay home.

[Guest DThump]

This whole subject is pathetic as if one really needs to say anything.

[Alexx]

This whole subject is pathetic as if one really needs to say anything.

I cannot really find fault in that argument. Assuming that all the posters are grown-ups, it's difficult to see how they could be bullied into providing answers they are not prepared to give.

[abidismaili]

I cannot really find fault in that argument. Assuming that all the posters are grown-ups, it's difficult to see how they could be bullied into providing answers they are not prepared to give.

 

I think you mis-understand the topic.  Most people on the planet will not out of their own free will initiate telling family and collegues they are a sex tourist. When they tell it is mostly when asked. Most however - when asked - will not tell the truth. Because of the taboo.

 

Since Thailand is a popular sex tourist destination it is not strange frequent visitors get questions like "why you go so many times?".  This topic is about: who then tells the real truth why they go so many times? Not many I conclude from the answers above. Only apparently a very few will then reply to their mother when she asks that question: "to have sex, to pay some boys for sex". And these very few apparently can not understand why the majority will in that case make up a story for her like "for the food, the nice people, it is cheap". While that certainly plays a role it is not the main reason for their very frequent visits. 

 

For me the mystery is in these 2 people here (or are it 3?) who tell then the truth to their mother and who at the same time can not understand others make up a story. I find it hard to believe these 2 people.

[Guest DThump]

abidsismaili, I believe you are what is commonly referred to as a sad case.

[abidismaili]

abidsismaili, I believe you are what is commonly referred to as a sad case.

 

Oh. 

[NIrishGuy]

Abidismali - by your own admission you say you find it hard to believe the few people ( including me I'll presume) who have said they have no issue telling everyone, anyone or no one as we see fit how we choose to live our lives, perhaps you should simply accept that others ARE different from you and are not it seems bound up in the same "taboo's" that you believe exist.

 

I am aware that culturally things are different in different places but for me namazu's post sums things up perfectly.  One tell's who one wants to have a discussion with, ignores the rest, gives levels of information, not based on shame but just people requirement to know me ( whether professionally or otherwise) - if ANYONE point blank asked "DO you fuck guys when you go to Thailand and do you sometimes pay them" well they'd either be told to fuck off and mind their own business ( if I didn't like them and they were just being a prick) but from a "shame" point of view "No, never would I lie about that, I've no need to, I'm not doing anything wrong' ( as far as MY values are concerned, others might have different values but ai could care less about that and that as I said about is THEIR problem not mine.

 

The going for a shit methaphore and whether you tell people about that etc whilst graphic is a perfect example of this topic in practice certainly in my life and so my question to you would to look at why you're perhaps SO far back in feeling the need to either explain yourself to others or to make up wee stories to "put them off the track" that you should maybe look more about how you're viewing your own life and stop giving a shit so much what others think of you - as really short of gossiping  most people are WAY to busy worrying what everyone else is thinking of THEM to REALLY give a shit about you or your life, don't waste your energy on such trivial matters maybe ? Just a thought.

[NIrishGuy]

Sorry and what I meant to add to the above but the edit time beat me was that people, when standing around in the work canteen etc come out with the  ( totally fake) "OHHHH so, you go to thailand a lot then eh, ohhhh I wonder what takes you THERE then so much eh ? Is it the temples or is it something ELSE perhaps eh EHH ??, oh do tell us all then ?"  is all just pure power play and a way to TRY and make you feel small and embarrassed and beneath them and your peers all based on their OWN insecurities in life!

 

A simple answer of yeah "I love Thailand for the temples and the food there and the weather is always lovely too and boy are the guys there hot, wall to wall sex for as long as I can handle it and as much as I want and all REALLY cheap too , yeah it's GREAT there" - just INSTANTLY blows them and their wee game right out of the water and instantly takes away the power that they perceived they held over you right up to that point.

 

Then you can be sure that either a) they'll never fuck with you again or b) others will either all huddle together in (fake) disgust talking about you OR c) no one will give a real fuck anyway and life goes on and most people will probably having a grudging respect for you that you didn't fall for the shame tactics and that you didn't try to lie or hide who and what you are to anyone and all just be thankful that the office bully picked on you and not them ( and that you stood up to them and their bullying tactics).

 

Maybe try it sometime, you might be pleasantly surprised by the outcome - or I guess you could end up fired, lose your job, your house and all your friends lol - I have no idea, that part is up to you -  but my guess is it'll be the first outcome ( well, hopefully anyway ! :-)

[NIrishGuy]

Oh and one POSITIVE that I think is worth mentioning out of being open with people and something that had never occurred to me until it happened.......several years after having the above type of open conversation with a few friends and after my singing the praises of some hot random guy I'd met / fucked and after I'd showing my friends his pics on Facebook, at least two of them came back to me and said "oh thank god, we all just assumed that anyone who went to Thailand was up to no good there and was just going there to fuck young boys - and they meant YOUNG boys so thank god you're not one of THOSE guys eh !"

 

So, ( aside from my shock and disgust they would even THINK that about me) they were actually relieved to be shown that "no, the sex tourists they had read about weren't all deranged evil paedophiles going to Thailand just to prey on "young" boys and that 99% of us are just normal everyday citizens who just happen to like a good fuck - lots  - and with of course guys ABOVE any legal age limits !!  

 

Whilst It was shocking and a bit annoying even to have to HAVE that type of conversation with ( not so close to be fair) friends, but we all know homophobia runs deep in even the seemingly nicest person and straight people's general "fears" and misunderstandings about gay people in general can if let run riot know no bounds it seems, so my quick discussion instantly dispelled all this myths for them ( well probably 75% of them anyway as I wouldn't be surprised it they STILL thought that anyway there after ! )

 

But, my point was that my friends were HAPPY that I shared my life with them and I now post various pics of guys I've met in Thailand and other Countries as I travel on Facebook etc and my friends quite happily reply and comment and post and chat away to the guys happy in knowing that there's nothing untoward going on.  

 

So it seems that sometimes being open and honest DOES  have an UP side and one that we rarely might even think we need to consider or think about but for our straight friends perhaps less so!

[kokopelli]

I never discuss my gay life with my straight friends but do share with the gay ones. If anyone does ask I say I am retired, have an active social life in Thailand with other expats and frequent flyers and little to do in USA.

 

But the worse thing you can do is tell a bunch of gay guys that you are going to Thailand to have sex with boys.  Forever on you are branded a pedophile no matter how much you try to explain the use of the words boy.   Although you can say you have a boyfriend but better to say a partner.

 

Then, of course, the question arises, "do you pay for sex?" and if you tell the truth you are then disdained as if paying for sex is a fault. Or they ask/say "oh, a sex tourist) as they stick this nose up in the air and sneer at you.

 

So, all in all, remain silent.  Speech is silver, silence is golden.

[vinapu]

Is one more factor leading to "stay quiet" direction we seem to overlook in this discussion and it has nothing to do with gay, boys , sex etc.

 

It's simply jealousy  - as for most people Thailand is very exotic destination and by implication those who don't travel that much think it's very costly to get to.

 

So you will get comments how rich you are and how you can afford to send your money so wastefully etc.

 

Speaking from personal experience and I need to add quite painful one as years ago upon return from the region I run into serious problems at my former workplace over the issue.

Ever since I stay quiet as about where I go for vacation ie. I blatantly lie that I'm visiting my sister living in another country or will be painting my kitchen and fence around the house which I don't even have / fence , house I have thanks God/

[Guest ryanasia]

For North Americans Thailand is costly to travel to and takes a considerable amount of time to get to. The funny thing is when people hear the excuses and knowingly wink they aren't exactly wrong. Call it judgmental if you want to but the average person knows the allure. It isn't a bad thing but who are we kidding? 

 

Say you play golf but nobody has ever scene you play and you don't own clubs. Temples? You don't even go to churches back home. Stand up be a man and just say why you really go. 

[steveboy]

This whole subject is pathetic as if one really needs to say anything.

 

We may not need to say anything.

But it is good to be prepared, just in case.

[steveboy]

So, all in all, remain silent.  Speech is silver, silence is golden.

 

Agree!  Very wise.

 

There is a saying in Spanish:  "El pez por la boca muere"  (the fish dies because of his mouth)

[Guest ryanasia]

lol really?

[Guest Verso]

Thailand has great health-retreats especially on Koh Samui and I normally combine my trips to Thailand with some days at such a retreat, detoxing and then a few days retoxing in BKK; this is genuine cover and is something I highly recommend other forum users.

[Guest ronnie4you]

I don't explain, and I assume that the family knows. For the record, though, I haven't made a trip to Thailand that was exclusively for sex in years. I enjoy being there, being exposed to a different culture, and having my time zone so screwed up that I know I actually went somewhere.

I did have my brother make a video of my photos and videos, including one gorgeous Tawan boy doing a muscle routine in his bikini, right in my bedroom. Surely they knew what he was there for, but not a word was said.

On one trip I went to Dreamboys and simply fell asleep. They handled it nicely, with one of the mamasans coming over and gently putting his arm around me and waking me up a bit. I left soon after though.

[fedssocr]

Get Global Entry and you never have to talk to US Immigration.

 

No one really ever asks me. Sometimes my mother will ask if I haven't already seen everything there. But she has never been interested in travel herself so I think the fact that I love to travel is odd to her. I typically combine Thailand with at least one other destination. But I don't go more than once a year or every other year. It's a big world with lots of places to see.

[fedssocr]

For North Americans Thailand is costly to travel to and takes a considerable amount of time to get to. The funny thing is when people hear the excuses and knowingly wink they aren't exactly wrong. Call it judgmental if you want to but the average person knows the allure. It isn't a bad thing but who are we kidding? 

 

 

 

Not necessarily expensive. I use miles for my flights. Hotels can be cheap or expensive depending on what you need.

[Guest abang1961]

Earlier on,I mentioned my REAL reason is food..well last night at a street stall in Central Pattaya, my prayers were answered. I had the tastiest KA moo ..