Living in Thailand ,do you get lonely?

[Guest abang1961]

Well, I actually had toyed with the idea of "retiring" in Thailand but I do have my reservation about loneliness and what-the-hell to do with so-much time? 

 

My only wish is to ...

Invest in a backpackers inn.. and I will advertise that it should be solely for gay men -singles or couples or even, tres bien ensemble...I'm sure it will attract lots of gay travellers to mingle.

[ChristianPFC]

If you live alone what do you do during the day to keep occupied?

 

Traveling (and time to prepare before and process data afterwards), participating in forums and writing a blog, walking around in Bangkok (everything under 5 km is walking distance for me) and ogling at cute boys, meeting friends, going to saunas, reading on the internet and on paper.

[Guest cdnmatt]

I live up here in Khon Kaen by myself, plus also work from home, and yeah, of course I get lonely.  I'd be a little worried if I didn't ever get lonely.  I'm mid 30s, so still have parents who are alive and healthy, and sibilings, but I'm lucky to see my parents maybe once every 2 years.

 

I have my two dogs, who I love like my own kids, which of course helps.  I'm a pretty solitary person, and have no problem enjoying my own company, but sure, I get lonely at times.  I've been in two long-term serious relationships, but ended up quite hurt during both, so these days trusting someone is a little easier said than done.

 

There is one somewhat potential right now.  He lived here for a few weeks, left a few days ago, but will be back tomorrow.  I don't know, while he was here it was this really weird, quasi sort of relationship that I can't really explain in words.  I can't really see an actual relationship forming between us, but who knows, and just take it as it comes.  At the very least, we're good friends who care about each other and like hugs, so good enough for me.

[Guest Qualityonly]

I guess my question is aimed more at someone similar to Gaybutton.

 

Someone who doesnt want or have a BF,for whatever reason.

 

I forget the Maslows theory now but having companionship is one of them I recall.

 

Im not sure of Gaybuttons situation,maybe he has his parents to talk to everyday on the phone which provides a support network.

 

Its very difficult I believe for a single farang to live here by himself without a support network.

[kokopelli]

 

Someone who doesnt want or have a BF,for whatever reason.

 

 

 

There are many farang who have had the experience of a BF and lived to regret it. 

[Guest ryanasia]

If you don't learn the language and require stimulating conversation, you could become lonely. I speak Thai at a level that most can't and the more you learn actually can make it more difficult. If you spend everything you have to stay with boys you have no chance of talking to you might at some point find it an empty existence.

 

If you move over here just for the boys you are likely to find it a difficult time. The boys are great but if you change from just having a holiday to living here full time you are probably going to become lonely.

[gerefan]

Ryanair

 

Don't be put out by Gaybutton. He just doesn't come over very well. I don't think he can help it.

 

To me, he creates the impression he can dish it out (criticism, banter, you name it) but has a real problem taking it.

 

A similar temperament to another, past, board owner (Neal).....?!

 

Standing by.....

[a447a]

I tend to pay attention to what gaybutton says, as unlike me, he's been there and done that. He's also had a lot of experience of life in Thailand so I guess he knows what he talking about.

 

BTW gerefan, I would never compare anyone to Neal! And certainly not GB. I've met both and believe me, they are chalk and cheese.

[Guest Qualityonly]

Ryan,you make a lot of interesting comments.

 

In reality having boys everyday would be very costly unless you are on a good income,its just not pratical.

 

I do admire people such as Gaybutton who prefer to be alone and can look after themselves.

 

I dont believe that no one doesnt get lonely however.

 

Theres always things you like to tell your pattner that you wouldnt tell other people.

Things you'd like to talk about etc.

 

I do admire loners however, especially in a foreign Country,they seem to be able to care for themselves and able to think for themselves unlike some people who need a BF to do everything for them.

 

I guess it comes down to Psychology, or how you've been brought up,do you need to depend and rely on others compared to loners who dont rely on others and can think for themselves.

[Guest cdnmatt]

To add to this, I can say I feel less lonely and isolated in Thailand than I did in Canada, even though I'm the only white person around where I live.  I used to live in downtown Vancouver, which is an amazing city filled with people, and an almost unlimited number of things to do all in walking distance.

 

In Canada, it's more of an enclosed and isolated society, which I guess is somewhat out of necessity due to the winters.  Plus majority of people seem to be more in a rush, and on a mission to get from point A to B so they can take care of business, without ever looking up at what's happening around them.  Plus there's more of a sense of stranger danger, fear and paranoia there.  I think during the entire year I lived in that condo building I said hi to a couple neighbors twice, and both times it was that really awkward "hello", simply because he ended up getting off the elevator at the same time.

 

Whereas in Thailand, life very much happens more on the streets.  There's markets and stalls all around, open air stores and restaurants, etc.  Many / most times, at least where I am, the store doubles as the family home, so when you go there everyone is hanging out, their friends are visiting, kids are running around or doing homework, the big screen TV is all setup, they're cooking food, etc.

 

You live in the same area for a while, and you end up becoming at least acquantancies with loads of people around, which is quite nice.  Then when you're out walking to the market or wherever, you always hear, "hey, how are you?  where you going?  what are you buying?  come sit down and have a beer with us", etc.  Just pointless, cordial conversation, but nonetheless, nice to have.

 

Whereas in Canada, you never really get that type of cordial conversation.  When you go into an establishment, it's more along the lines of, "what can I get you?  ok, that will be $4.86.  From $10?  Ok, here's your $5.14 change.  Thanks", and that's it.  In that respect, I find it harder to feel lonely and isolated here.

[Guest 2guys]

To add to this, I can say I feel less lonely and isolated in Thailand than I did in Canada, even though I'm the only white person around where I live. I used to live in downtown Vancouver, which is an amazing city filled with people, and an almost unlimited number of things to do all in walking distance.

 

In Canada, it's more of an enclosed and isolated society, which I guess is somewhat out of necessity due to the winters. Plus majority of people seem to be more in a rush, and on a mission to get from point A to B so they can take care of business, without ever looking up at what's happening around them. Plus there's more of a sense of stranger danger, fear and paranoia there. I think during the entire year I lived in that condo building I said hi to a couple neighbors twice, and both times it was that really awkward "hello", simply because he ended up getting off the elevator at the same time.

 

Whereas in Thailand, life very much happens more on the streets. There's markets and stalls all around, open air stores and restaurants, etc. Many / most times, at least where I am, the store doubles as the family home, so when you go there everyone is hanging out, their friends are visiting, kids are running around or doing homework, the big screen TV is all setup, they're cooking food, etc.

 

You live in the same area for a while, and you end up becoming at least acquantancies with loads of people around, which is quite nice. Then when you're out walking to the market or wherever, you always hear, "hey, how are you? where you going? what are you buying? come sit down and have a beer with us", etc. Just pointless, cordial conversation, but nonetheless, nice to have.

 

Whereas in Canada, you never really get that type of cordial conversation. When you go into an establishment, it's more along the lines of, "what can I get you? ok, that will be $4.86. From $10? Ok, here's your $5.14 change. Thanks", and that's it. In that respect, I find it harder to feel lonely and isolated here.

This is exactly how I always tell it to friends and family back home in the west and also my local friends in Asia.

In the west we are somehow forced to stay inside most of the year due to the weather, while in Asia you live outside. It's a completely different live and I feel much better and less lonely being outside most of the day.

Hard to explain to Asian friends until they went on holiday to the west. Most are amazed and feel somehow lost there.

[vinapu]

 

I guess it comes down to....... how you've been brought up,do you need to depend and rely on others compared to loners who don';t rely on others and can think for themselves.

looking around and in the mirror I believe you are correct. Those trained from childhood not to ask for help if they can  perform task for themselves seem to cope with  being alone  either by choice or circumstances much better than those who could count on somebody to open door for them for most of their lives.  

[abidismaili]

 It's a completely different live and I feel much better and less lonely being outside most of the day.

Hard to explain to Asian friends until they went on holiday to the west. Most are amazed and feel somehow lost there.

 

I understand and it is true they live on the street (also because most homes are very small, at least the boys rooms I have seen) and of course also because the weather allows it.

 

But what do you do then all the time outside? For me the big problem when I am in Pattaya is to kill the time till it finally is evening, so I can go to the bars, shows. If I were to live there I would stay inside I think in my condo (read books, watch tv, be on Internet) because what to do outside all day? The occasional chat I understand but isn't it boring? Then better be inside and use the Internet, watch some tv shows you downloaded, read books and then in the night go to the bars.

[kokopelli]

 

I do admire loners however, especially in a foreign Country,they seem to be able to care for themselves and able to think for themselves unlike some people who need a BF to do everything for them.

 

I guess it comes down to Psychology, or how you've been brought up,do you need to depend and rely on others compared to loners who dont rely on others and can think for themselves.

 

No doubt there are loners who are well adjusted however many of these loners are alone because no one wants to be with them?

I know of several loners who do need attention and get it by calling "friends" on a daily basis to get some human contact or post often on forums. In person they are more loony than lonely. 

[Guest Qualityonly]

Kokopelli ,Yes you maybe right in some circumstances.

[Gaybutton]

[Guest 2guys]

I understand and it is true they live on the street (also because most homes are very small, at least the boys rooms I have seen) and of course also because the weather allows it.

 

But what do you do then all the time outside? For me the big problem when I am in Pattaya is to kill the time till it finally is evening, so I can go to the bars, shows. If I were to live there I would stay inside I think in my condo (read books, watch tv, be on Internet) because what to do outside all day? The occasional chat I understand but isn't it boring? Then better be inside and use the Internet, watch some tv shows you downloaded, read books and then in the night go to the bars.

Go to the beach, enjoy lunch there, go for a beachwalk, meet people there, go to the mall, have my coffee and Gelato at my favorite place, meet friends, tour around on my motorbike, enjoy a massage, browse a bit on the internet, help friends with stuff, sometimes the hubby needs help in his job, ...

Always things to do and so far haven't been bored. But of course I do travel and don't stay there all year round, but I think I won't get bored any time soon.

[williewillie]

No doubt there are loners who are well adjusted however many of these loners are alone because no one wants to be with them?

I know of several loners who do need attention and get it by calling "friends" on a daily basis to get some human contact or post often on forums. In person they are more loony than lonely.

 

sometimes the loonies find other loonies, just like barflies find other barflies.