Mother - son relationship

[musgrave]

I was interested in anddy's comment on numazu'zs post

 

Mothers are very important to Thai (and Cambodian and Lao, and...) boys, so it was a valid excuse for appearing "rude"

 

This relationship has intrigued me for a while - any financial gift I give my man is quickly passed to his mother with whom he shares a room - in fact she he is step mother - the father still lives in Isaan village.  My man keeps very little of the money himself for his own personal saving. The mother seems to be the money manager.

 

Another aspect of the relationship is that before he travels with me within Thailand he has to ask for permission from his mother - she said that he could not come to my home country for a holiday even though I was prepared to pay his expenses.

 

At first I used to be a bit irate about this but my understanding is slowly developing - we have had conversations about preparing for the future and how he should money manage himself.

 

This situation is not specific to my man as I have noted this type of relationship with other Thai, Vietnamese friends and their parent. I guess its a bit foreign to me as although my family is close, we are all independent but not reliant.

 

would be interested to hear other views - cheers

[musgrave]

I forgot to mention my man is in his late 20s and has 3 younger siblings

[witty]

Maybe this is an extreme case.

On my last trip to Vietnam, our guide(a man) shared some cultural infos.

In his family the mother controlled the purse strings. Salaries brought home by the father & children would be handed over to the mother. She would give out stipends daily to husband & children. Major items purchase would require her permission. By her actions she would ensure that the family always have a roof above their heads & food for nourishment.

But the men are otherwise spoiled at home, hardly lifting a finger. Womenfolks rise at dawn to buy food & prepare breakfast, lunch & dinner for the men, wash & clean after their men, and will be last to retire after taking care of the household needs.

[pong]

be glad youre gay-for girls/Thai ladies its much worse in this respect. Children are brainwashed in this-just think of it as a culture-thing. Or take an utter capitalistic look at it-as so many seemingly weird things are best explained by that money: parents (read mam) pay for the process of growing up, and expect to be paid back in full for that.

[pong]

be glad youre gay-for girls/Thai ladies its much worse in this respect. Children are brainwashed in this-just think of it as a culture-thing. Or take an utter capitalistic look at it-as so many seemingly weird things are best explained by that money: parents (read mam) pay for the process of growing up, and expect to be paid back in full for that.

[pong]

be glad youre gay-for girls/Thai ladies its much worse in this respect. Children are brainwashed in this-just think of it as a culture-thing. Or take an utter capitalistic look at it-as so many seemingly weird things are best explained by that money: parents (read mam) pay for the process of growing up, and expect to be paid back in full for that.

[TotallyOz]

I have lost several BF's over their constant giving to mama. Some allowed their son to live on the streets his entire life until he met me and then all the sudden, she was back in his life and wanted money.  I got upset over the stupidity of this.  I have learned that it is not in my control and I just let it be.

 

A few years back, the BF had saved up enough money to buy a car (downpayment) and I was giving half.  When mama found out, she wanted his money and he gave to her.  He lost a great chance for a new car and she never felt any regret as she wanted what she wanted.  That is the way it goes!

[Alexx]

The immense gratitude that Thais (and apparently other Asians as well) have for their parents to bring them to life is hard to grasp by Western standards. Even those who are mistreated by their parents later on in life and who realize that seem to believe that this act of giving birth alone is without equal, never to be matched by any good deeds they can offer in return. It's a very interesting concept, and so different from spoiling one's children wishing that they will have a better life so often seen in the West.

[Brummbaer]

Gratitude not only to parents but grandparents as well. My boyfriend works in a bank. After he has paid for his rent half of what is left gets sent home every month to his grandmother, who will then use a part of that to pay for his sister to be able to go to a good school. To enable his sister to get to the school, he drove his motorbike, which he had just paid off, all the way to a small village near Korat and left it there for his sister to use. His mother operates a streetfood stall and makes more money than him at the bank, so he doesn't have to support her. But apparently the family farm, where father, siblings an grandparents live, does not generate enough income through growing rice, raising cattle, fish and poultry to support the 5 people.living there. Grandmother by the way gets additional support from one of her daughters, who is married in the Netherlands and pays for grandma's medical bills.

 

I on the other hand, have to tell my parents all the time, that no, they don't have to pay for my travel expenses when I visit them, or otherwise send me money, as at 50 years old I do earn my own salary and can pay for myself quite easily.  

[calluna15]

A thai guy I know has no siblings

No living parents and has a 3yo boy.

He is in a constant money crisis. He

Told his relatives he had farang friend.

I.E. boyfriend on a visit to issaan.

Well his former stepmother came out of the

Woodwork demanding money.By his own

Admission he hates her and vice a versa.

Long story.He had what he said a boxing match with her.she pressed charges

He negotiated at police station money

Paid to her.guess who forked out the

Baht.I have become exasperated with all this. I have been to thailand many times

With no problems regarding this type of

Thing. But sadly let this guy cross

The line. Lesson learned. Do not let

Any sob stories however real or imagined

Get to you. All this happened in pattaya

By the way.

[Guest]

Sponging mothers should sod off and work for living.    

 

How nice it is to be a tourist doing short time or long time and never having to deal with parasitic parents.

[kokopelli]

My bf is an orphan so no mom and dad involvement. However with the death of his sister and grandparents he is a bit of a lost soul. Family is what he misses most and I am not family.

[Guest abang1961]

In Asian customs, we are very family-oriented.

Regardless of my age, my late mother still treated me as a "kid",

 

I took care of her during the last few years of her life, more emotional than financial.

She had the dough so she never needed me to pay anything.

 

Note:

It is very filial of Thai guys to send money whatever pittance they earned.

[ChristianPFC]

A Thai friend occasionally borrows money from me (and returns most of it, but it can take long), so I told him to write down how he spends his money. About 1/3 of his income goes to his mother. In the West, we pay a similar fraction as social insurances, so it's not that different.

 

From what I understand, the order of importance is:

mother >> other familiy > friends > pet >> farang customer/boyfriend

After some years of boyfriendship, farang might get a status above pet.

[Alexx]

That's why it's beneficial to be on good terms with your boyfriend's mother. That has always been quite easy for me, even the girls' mothers in highschool had always liked me (more than the girls, anyway).

[Guest Prakanong]

 

This relationship has intrigued me for a while - any financial gift I give my man is quickly passed to his mother with whom he shares a room - in fact she he is step mother