Bangkok/Pattaya June-July 2016 Trip Report: To Butterfly or not to Butterfly

[TomNg]

based on your narrative above  I  need to say one thing - DTG is very decent guy.

 

I totally agreed. What would you do if the boy chose a very expensive item in the store when going shopping with you?

[Jasper]

About a boy DTG..... Is he for real? He seems almost too nice.

A cynic in me would say he tried to sell you a sob story.

If your interpretation of him was as genuine as written on your report, he is a rare gem of a money boy.

I just cannot believe a popular DREAM BOY's handsome hunk would call clothing in H&M expensive. Surely he is used to farang or Asian customers buying him clothes or other gifts.

[Guest ryanasia]

Gifts are always going to be secondary in lieu of money. This isn't really unusual. What does surprise me is he was assertive enough to come out and say it. The boy probably sees buying clothes at H&M which would be expensive in Thailand as a bit of a waste when he can normally get what he likes at a market for a fraction of the cost. I know the quality is different but he isn't likely to look at it like this. 

[firecat69]

Some boys are really good at picking quality at markets or the wholesale clothing malls in BKK.  Lets face it many times the quality is just as good as the over priced international chains.

 

I have bought supposed knock offs for boys with all the same tags and years later still looking good.

 

Who knows where they actually came from, possibly out the back door late at night.

[numazu]

I like your way of thinking  and in fact practice what I like. Vacation for me is not a time for penny pinching,  we have whole year for that.

Of course it doesn't make sense to throw money around senselessly  but I believe one on vacation should splurge on things he likes , whatever it is. It's why if I can't  finance it , I stay home until funds are gathered i.e. debts from previous trip are paid.  

 

Life is too short. Those are the four words that constantly ring in my head whenever I go on vacation, especially when I go to Thailand.

 

Granted I count myself insanely lucky to be able to afford these vacations, it is kind of exhausting to penny pinch and micro manage every baht when you are having a good time. I have a set budget every time I go to Thailand, and 10 trips later, have yet to go over my set budget, so I've been successful in setting expectations for myself and be able to spend money within these expectations. Not every trip is a big money trip. That's when free boys on Grindr, or calling up on friends to hangout, come in.

 

I totally agreed. What would you do if the boy chose a very expensive item in the store when going shopping with you?

 

 

Been lucky that the boys I shop with have not asked for a big ticket expensive item. I imagine if one boy did this to me, I have no problems saying no.

 

Gifts are always going to be secondary in lieu of money. This isn't really unusual. What does surprise me is he was assertive enough to come out and say it. The boy probably sees buying clothes at H&M which would be expensive in Thailand as a bit of a waste when he can normally get what he likes at a market for a fraction of the cost. I know the quality is different but he isn't likely to look at it like this. 

 

 

Some boys are really good at picking quality at markets or the wholesale clothing malls in BKK.  Lets face it many times the quality is just as good as the over priced international chains.

 

I have bought supposed knock offs for boys with all the same tags and years later still looking good.

 

Who knows where they actually came from, possibly out the back door late at night.

 

Boys like CB are fairly brand conscious and implicitly believe the brand name ones are superior, in looks, quality and the way they feel. He told me that people might not know the difference between the brand name and generic ones, but to him, he knows, and it gives him more confidence on how he carries himself because he knows he is wearing the real deal.

 

Boys like DTG are more practical, and could care less about brand names, and feel it is a huge waste of money to buy them. He is aware of some quality differences but this is secondary to more pressing issues in his life.

 

Both boys have given me a good time in Thailand, and they are so different in temperament and attitude. Variety is the spice of life.

 

based on your narrative above  I  need to say one thing - DTG is very decent guy. 

 

 

About a boy DTG..... Is he for real? He seems almost too nice.

A cynic in me would say he tried to sell you a sob story.

If your interpretation of him was as genuine as written on your report, he is a rare gem of a money boy.

I just cannot believe a popular DREAM BOY's handsome hunk would call clothing in H&M expensive. Surely he is used to farang or Asian customers buying him clothes or other gifts.

 

A number of posters have told me that they have met DTG just based on my description, which I admit, is pretty detailed. If I were to do this again, I may pull back some of the details more. While I really don't want the boys to be harassed because of my reports, I did find it validating that most of them more or less had a positive experience with him. If I were to guess, since DTG is a latecomer to the money boy scene, and as an adult has had full life experiences outside of Soi Twilight, including getting a college education, he has a more developed moral compass than most.

 

It's very easy and tempting to be cynical about everything that happens in Thailand. I am probably in the more naive side of things. I have no problem with that.

[Alexx]

Ha! Good point, as I would have assumed that a moral compass is not something that is nurtured at Thai colleges, of all places...

[Guest ryanasia]

I guess my point is they would always just prefer the money. When I was working myself, it isn't that I didn't appreciate going to a very expensive steak dinner in Europe. It is the fact I looked at how much money it cost and thought why can't I have it? The Thai boys are simpply doing this on a smaller scale. It can be frustrating for a boy to see a customer "waste" so much money on things when his rent will be due in a week. 

 

I loved shopping and was clued in enough that the guy wanted to see me in Gucci clothes or tight jeans or whatever. When you buy it and you are thinking about how good it will look on them it is a gift to yourself primarily. I am not saying that is a bad thing but you admitted the guy wanted the money more than the gifts.

 

Can you imagine taking a homeless guy to the Fat Duck and imagine how extremely foolish and decadent that would seem? 

 

My example there is a bit extreme but I think the general gist of it is valid. Thai boys do not necessarily understand that this doesn't decrease their tip. 

 

Relatively well off people are pretty much famous for doing this kind of thing. The reason is it in the truest sense of the word it isn't a gift. 

 

By all means give whatever you want to but don't think that you somehow know what the best thing for that person is. If I am wrong test the theory and ask personally what they want. The rent money or new shoes? 

 

Again theywon't understand if you spend relatively a fair amount on gifts that in comparison to the tip. 

 

They may also feel a bit bad when you tell them they are dressed so poorly you are doing it outof what amounts to charity. Sometimes the road to hell is paved with good intentions and nowhere in the world does this ring more true than Asia. This is why gold without exception is the preferred gift over here.

[firecat69]

I get a kick out of anyone who is brand conscious. I understand it but in many cases it is foolish.  For instance I have an Apple computer on my desk at home and I have an Ipad. It would be foolish for me not to have an iPhone rather  then a Google phone.

 

Some people may buy an iPhone for Brand and many buy a particular brand for other reasons.

 

I love watches but find the ones I like ridiculously expensive. Over the years I have found the Best dealers in MBK with knock off watches.  I have had most brands and have frequently been attacked in Real Watch stores because of the fake I have on my wrist. The people who sell those many thousands of dollars watches can't tell the difference. I have had Hublot salesmen come out of their stores in Istanbul , Brussels etc because they saw a Hublot on my wrist.  The same can be said about Rolex ,Patek Philippe etc.

 

Many of these watches are 5 years old or more and still work perfectly.  They cost me between $50-100 where as the real thing is many thousands. Even with that last year a Big Watch show in BKK I spent too much money for the real thing. The reason was it sets the time according to satellite information and adjusts for time zone changes as well as being powered by daylight or any light.  They just can't knock that off.

 

Clothes have been policed better the last year but I still see stores with name brands that have the tags, stitching etc to perfection.

 

Yet they are being sold for a fraction of the price. There is no Thai boy that could tell it was not original and who knows it may be.

[vinapu]

What would you do if the boy chose a very expensive item in the store when going shopping with you?i

I personally would not have a problem of telling  him it's just too expensive  but I realize it's it not always that easy and some nice people may have problem of saying no.

 

This is where my second solution comes handy - I almost never go shopping with boy or in fact with anybody anywhere. 

In my 13 trips grand total shopping trips with boy is THREE. Even this come with restrictions

 

1. shopping for clothing at MBK - boy was told up front  that my budget for him is 1000 

2. targeted shopping for   some kind of training belt, boy asked if I can buy one for him, I asked how much it may cost , price was approved but belt not found so money went to  buy some muscle building supplements, wasting money if you ask me but promise is promise

3.on Christmas Eve walking with boy through Patpong noticed that he looks longingly for fake watches so i bought him one for 500 to his  and mine delight, worked only 3 months as I learned later.

 

My advice is , if we want spend money on the boy - increase his tip. If we buy him expensive stuff or treat him to  a expensive dinners as somebody above sensible noticed - if fact we are spending this money on ourselves. I don't mean to offend anybody and my apologies if it sounded harsh but  we want him to look good or have a company for a dinner we fancy.

 

If you buying him something instead of paying for it at cash register slip him cash and make him going there to give him this short bust of self esteem. I do this often at restaurants and like their face expression when waiter brings me  a check  and I push it over to a boy.

 

 

I just cannot believe a popular DREAM BOY's handsome hunk would call clothing in H&M expensive. Surely he is used to farang or Asian customers buying him clothes or other gifts.

if he knows value of things expensive is expensive.

 

Actually are really customers lavishing gifts on a boys? Just asking , but definitely I'm not only asshole in a crowd, who as mentioned above almost never buys them anything with substantial price tag i.e more than 100 baht / one hundred /.

 

But I feed them before and after off  and this is for selfish reason - if boy won't be hungry , lesser chance he will rush things to go home / read: to eat something/, in the morning I just like to have dining company , for some reason not  that crucial in the evening or during day.

[vinapu]

Some boys are really good at picking quality at markets or the wholesale clothing malls in BKK.  Lets face it many times the quality is just as good as the over priced international chains.

 

 

People of limited means often realize that poor people can't afford buying cheap things / cheap in sense of workmanship, not necessarily a price / hence their shopping skills.

 

Another point for giving them money instead dragging them for shopping trip although sometimes it may be justified if we see he wears shabby shoes or clothes and we suspect that if we give him money it may be spent on something else or sent to mama.

Even then I'd ask him  how much new shoes will cost on the market and give him money , perhaps 200-300 more and tell him I like to see new shoes when I come for  a massage or off him on Friday.

 

Of course you are correct about chains - we are paying more for a name not quality which may be much better but not necessarily so. 

[vinapu]

1. I have a set budget every time I go to Thailand, and 10 trips later, have yet to go over my set budget, so I've been successful in setting expectations for myself and be able to spend money within these expectations.

 

2.

 That's when free boys on Grindr, or calling up on friends to hangout, come in.

 

3.Boys like CB are fairly brand conscious and implicitly believe the brand name ones are superior, in looks, quality and the way they feel. 

 

4. While I really don't want the boys to be harassed because of my reports, I did find it validating that most of them more or less had a positive experience with him. If I were to guess, since DTG is a latecomer to the money boy scene, and as an adult has had full life experiences outside of Soi Twilight, including getting a college education, he has a more developed moral compass than most.

 

5.It's very easy and tempting to be cynical about everything that happens in Thailand.

1. Congratulations, I always bust my budget, not by much but I do and never regretted it so far

 

2. Some are saying that no sex is more expensive that free sex so watch out. 

 

3. you are bringing valid  point. Those boys mostly don't have many reason  boost their self esteem so perhaps at times we should splurge on them just to get this one more smile.

 

4. Keep in mind that reporting may increase their traffic too. That's my reasoning why I use names and/or  numbers in my reports. And it seem to be working although at times I get PM asking where I had eyes offing this or that boy, LOL

 

5. I find it's easy to smile at every recollection of vacations there and only cynical thing I can think of is fact that we are going back home leaving boys there to their fate sometimes never to see them again. 14 year later I still miss Pom from Aqua spa and hope he is doing well wherever he is and still looking good

[Guest abang1961]

Personally I applauded farangs/clients for your generosity.

It is really generous of you guys of dressing up the boys - if the clothes maketh the man, so be it.

 

Perhaps for my age, I stick to G2000 (a Hong Kong clothes retailer) as I find that H & M and Uniqlo is a tad too fanciful for my old body.  I would splurge more for shoes (they have to be dressy and comfortable) though.  There is another brand, ZARA which sells inexpensive (by Singapore's standard) fashion.  I bought their tote bag several years ago and I am still using it!

 

Unlike most sex workers in Thailand, I surprised my farangs (in Thailand) with paying for dinners at mid-level restaurants.  Most of wait staff were taken aback when I used my credit card to pay for the meal as they assumed that the WHITE guys are the boss.  

 

And yes, DTG seems to be a very sensitive and down-to-earth guy.  He is also very humble. A rare gem in the world of sex workers.

[Alexx]

Buying stuff for guys or treating them to a dinner or trip is even tricky when the guy in question isn't a moneyboy, just happens to be a lot poorer. When visa free travel to Japan was introduced for Thais, I offered a Thai friend to take him along on a trip. He replied that he doesn't want me to spend that amount of money on him because he thinks it's over the top (so far, so good!), but (here it comes!) suggested that if I really wanted to, I should give him the money instead, so that he can spend it on farm supplies for his mom.

 

Ultimately it's the same story. I wanted him to accompany me, so in that sense it was rather a gift for myself than for him, or at least a little bit of both. He couldn't have enjoyed the trip, being under pressure to support his family. It's a lose-lose situation.

[vinapu]

Buying stuff for guys or treating them to a dinner or trip is even tricky when the guy in question isn't a moneyboy, just happens to be a lot poorer. 

I learned that lesson  zillions years ago as a kid . My parents weren't paupers but not affluent either. Quite well off relative from abroad visited us and since she did not bring any gifts with her she lavished on us locally bought goods, God bless her memory all of them were very welcomed and practical.

 

But then I overheard conversation of my parents with my Mom saying 'if she gave me 1/3 of money she spent I'd buy the same and she was saving the rest" . I couldn't comprehend what this was all about as a kid,  but remembered that and still remember that lesson. It's why I always advocate monetary gifts . less glamorous but always useful.

[firecat69]

I have to admit this whole discussion confuses me.

 

When you give a MoneyBoy  money that is payment for a service . Makes no difference how long you have known him or what you have done together. You are paying for a service.

 

A gift is a gift and the giver gets to decide when and what the gift is.  If I give a boy a gift he is free to do with what he likes. A gold chain for sure he will pawn it . An iPhone he will pawn it at some point etc etc .

 

Shoes, Jackets , Shirts are harder to pawn and if the boy picked them out harder to give up once his friends has seen him in those clothes.  

 

I don't think the receiver of the gift has the right to tell you give me money instead.  Too me it reeks of how many stories that the buffalo died.

 

However if you ask a Moneyboy to take a trip with you, you must realize he needs to be paid for his time the same as if you stayed in Thailand.  If you don't make it plain to the boy that you will pay all his expenses plus the same rate you have been paying then naturally he will say he would rather have the money. 

 

His expenses continue whether he is with you in BKK or Tokyo!

[Jasper]

I personally would not have a problem of telling him it's just too expensive but I realize it's it not always that easy and some nice people may have problem of saying no.

I am not nice but I admit I could not say no when a bar boy wanted a pair of jeans -7,000 Bhat at a shop in Siam Paragon.

(sigh) I didn't him to lose face in front of a cute shop assistant.

[vinapu]

I am not nice but I admit I could not say no when a bar boy wanted a pair of jeans -7,000 Bhat at a shop in Siam Paragon.

(sigh) I didn't him to lose face in front of a cute shop assistant.

with such a splurge , if you are not nice who the hell is?

 

Expensive tutorials of lesson "why one should shop at Siam Paragon alone"

 

I can only hope boy was worth of such a expenditure but if it was me I still would say flat 'no", hell with face  and if he was really worth such a gift I'd give him money later on since I believe spending 7000 on a boy is Ok but spending 7000 on a jeans for a boy is way tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. 

[Jasper]

My advice is , if we want spend money on the boy - increase his tip. If we buy him expensive stuff or treat him to a expensive dinners as somebody above sensible noticed - if fact we are spending this money on ourselves. I don't mean to offend anybody and my apologies if it sounded harsh but we want him to look good or have a company for a dinner we fancy.

.

Totally agreed. We buy him clothes / watch / iPhone because WE want him to have those. I think they know it too so they just let us indulge our little self satisfaction. They consider it as Tam bun -ทำบุญ and not as a gift. We think we are doing him a favour but in fact he is offering an opportunity to make us feel better about ourselves by spending money on him.

[Alexx]

That one would be easy for me. I don't buy 7,000 baht jeans for myself and no amount of sweet talking could convince me to spend it on jeans for someone else.

[vinapu]

 They consider it as Tam bun -ทำบุญ and not as a gift. We think we are doing him a favour but in fact he is offering an opportunity to make us feel better about ourselves by spending money on him.

and this was definitely a case of boy I bought that cheap fake watch for, my idea , my pleasure and fact that he was happy too it was just by-product

 

Numazu, we are yaking about all those gifts but we did not forget it is your thread , we are just using time waiting for a next installment

[ct2005]

I am not nice but I admit I could not say no when a bar boy wanted a pair of jeans -7,000 Bhat at a shop in Siam Paragon.

(sigh) I didn't him to lose face in front of a cute shop assistant.

7000BHT for a pair of jeans is just crazy. I wonder if the pair of jeans could later be returned to the shop in exchange for money. That would be a very big tip for the boy.

[Guest ryanasia]

yes this is common. 

[Alexx]

7000BHT for a pair of jeans is just crazy. I wonder if the pair of jeans could later be returned to the shop in exchange for money. That would be a very big tip for the boy.

Good point, in brand name stores you can often do that. If the boy himself has the receipt, it would be somewhat suspicious to ask for it. Well, at least I would find it suspicious.

[Guest ryanasia]

Good point, in brand name stores you can often do that. If the boy himself has the receipt, it would be somewhat suspicious to ask for it. Well, at least I would find it suspicious.

 

Then why bother giving it? Normally the gifts I give don't make me suspicious. This has become a very convoluted and weird discussion.

[numazu]

Day 17.8: The Space Between

 

Dream Boy Thai Guy (DTG) and I head over to the elevator. My time with him this trip has ended. I make a promise to him to see him again next trip. He says he will wait for me. He tells me he will try to make as much money as he can till the end of the year, and then possibly look for a day job. Dream Boy will still be an option for him to make some extra money. I lament that I may not see him again if he decides to quit being a money boy. He tells me that he wishes that our relationship is not of customer and money boy, but as friends. He understands that this is what he does, but he wishes that I do not stress this fact too much. I tell him I won’t use those words to describe our relationship ever again.

 

I get back to the room and see Cambodia Boy (CB), the amazingly complex money boy, on my computer playing music videos. I tell CB to relax for a bit before heading out for dinner. I promised him a good last night alone, tonight, together, without any other boys, threesomes, or awkward sleeping situations. I’ve seen CB in past trips, and this is probably the 4th trip I’ve seen him, and all 4 trips I’ve seen him on multiple days. He is a Jomtien boy, so off fees are never an issue. And since he is a Pattaya boy, he is one-third to a half cheaper than Bangkok boys. But this is not why I off him so often. In fact, just typing it now, it’s the first time I think I realized that I am saving some money by offing him instead of BKK boys.

 

Apart from being gorgeous, having an amazing body, a perfect butt, respectable cock, and eyes that will just melt your heart, I like him because he is brutally honest with me. The first time I was with him, we were both shy and unsure and it was just a normal customer-boy transaction. Once I was sure of my affection for him, I wanted to get to know him more, and got way more than what I bargained for. I’ve shared about his tales of soul-crushing poverty, about his family, and about his experiences with other customers. What I haven’t shared is his (slight) disdain for Thai people, even if they account for probably a third of his customer base. He rarely has any white farang customers (his choice), and gets offed often by Chinese, Japanese or Thais (and sometimes the odd Malaysian or Korean).

 

His disdain is normally towards Thai working boys. I can’t quite put my finger on it. But sometimes out of the blue he asks about recent offs I’ve had, and whenever it was a Thai off, he would warn me to be wary of Thai boys. He thinks they will try to milk me of my money through nefarious means. For example he has warned me about a certain "cellphone scam", which is similar to the "jet ski scam" in Pattaya. He said certain “evil Thai boys” will bring with them an already broken phone to an off. At some point during the off, said Thai boy will put his cellphone near the edge of the bed, hoping that the customer will knock it off the bed. Since the cellphone is already broken, it will shatter or break when it hits the ground. Guilty customer will of course offer to replace said phone, thus completing the scam. He has a number of stories like this, to my delight and horror.

 

So maybe his disdain for Thai working boys extended to DTG, probably a mixture of having a prejudice against Thai boys, and my obvious affection for DTG.  He goes to me and asks me if I loved DTG. I tell him no but I let him know that I like DTG a lot because he is not like any other money boy I’ve met. This was a mistake telling him this, because he asks me if I don’t like him anymore. He says he was jealous because I am able to talk to DTG about fairly complex things and DTG is able to understand and comprehend whatever I throw at him. He says he is “stupid boy” and can not compete with DTG.

 

So I do what I normally do when CB gets into these self-pitying spirals, like when he shared about how helpless he is when he told me months ago that he needed to come up with a lot of money to pay down his parent’s debt (which he was successful in paying off), or when he shared about his tragic childhood and being left in the street to fend for himself (which he was able to survive and come out of): I lay him down the bed, wiping the tears off his eyes (there is always tears), and look him in the eye. And with my best smile, I tell him how happy he makes me feel. I tell him he is a great guy with a lot to offer. I tell him he is smart and I learn a lot from him. Hugging him always helps. 

 

I remind him that he is probably the boy I see most often in Thailand. I tell him I see a lot of boys, and I am a butterfly, but I also want him with me a lot. I tell him I will continue to be a butterfly and see a lot of boys. But I will always try to see him, because I like him. I tell him I cannot be his boyfriend, but I can be the next best thing: a good friend. I hug him deeply, and we cuddle in bed, fully clothed. No pretense of sex. Just another opportunity to connect, to deepen our bond to each other. I know how strong he is and how cunning he can become with his customers. But he lets himself be vulnerable around me. He lets the floodgates often because I want him to. He is my catharsis, and I want him to be mine.

 

Of course the cynic in me, in all of us, would think that this display of pity and vulnerability, and the tears that are free-flowing, is another ploy to get more money. If I pity him, I will give him more money. Maybe it is a ploy, another scheme that the predatory money boy has in their arsenal of weapons to squeeze every dollar out of our wallets. Naive or not, I don’t think this is the case. As that famous quote by Maya Angelou says “If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

 

We cuddle like this for a few minutes and then we decide to have dinner. We shower and then start dressing up for the night. I wear my long jeans again, for his benefit, because he has said he liked how I looked in long pants. I wear one of the H&M shirts that I bought. He wears the long sleeve shirt and pants I just bought him. I hug him and tell him he looked beautiful tonight. He gives me this genuine smile that tells me the worst is over. He knows I am only his tonight. I will try to keep it that way.

 

I decide to go to Mango Tree because I had a blast the last time I was there. It was with DTG that last time. It is 8:30 PM when we get there. We order some seafood, and some festive alcoholic drinks. We laugh and talk about our day. I feel a slight twinge of sadness because this is my last night, but I push them away to force myself to live in the moment. I know he is also thinking this, and tonight’s melancholic episode may have something to do with that, so I try to be happy and smiling, because I know he is making an effort as well. I hold his hand most of the meal. We share everything family style, just the way he always likes it. He takes some pictures and posts them on his Facebook.

 

We finish dinner around 10 PM. I ask him where he wants to go next. He, of course, tells me “up to you.” I tell him, NO, this is our night. What would you like for us to do? He again says “up to you.” We go like this a few more times, and then he says “OK, I know you. Lets go gogo bar. I know u like look boy.” I was kind of surprised by this choice and I tell him that this was not necessary. He continues to insist though, telling me that it was my last night and I wont be able to see gogo bars when I go home. I ask him is he was really sure. He said we should go now.

 

We get on Surawong Rd and head over to Soi Twilight. Its starting to rain, so its time to be indoors. I decided against going to Dream Boy in fear of seeing DTG again. I decide on Hot Male. Actually it was forced upon me. They have very very forceful touts outside of Hot Male who literally drag you into their bar. Actually I had some willpower to resist the touts, but CB did not, and was carried away by the touts to Hot Male. I chased them down into the bar.

 

There were probably about 10 people in the bar tonight. Does this bar ever fill up? I’d hate for this bar to close because of poor attendance. Does Dream Boy just suck the oxygen out of every other bar here on the Soi? Anyway, we get seated at the front, and immediately get asked for our drink orders. We both get beers. We survey the boys onstage. Everyone was in briefs. It was a better selection today, though I still miss the Viets. CB tells me that he doesn’t find anyone attractive. 

 

I actually see one boy who is very cute. He looks a little bit Viet. The boy catches me looking at him, and he smiles at me. He is very lean, and he has no fat whatsoever in his body. He could be classified as a twink except that he has a little bit more muscle than the average twink, and has a complete set of abs. His pencil-thin mustache makes him look like in his mid-20s, but I am sure if he shaves it off it’ll make him look bordering on barely legal.

 

CB catches me staring at the boy. He asks me if I like him, I say yes, he is cute. He then asks me if I want to off him. I say not really. Maybe just ask him to have drink with me. Is that OK? CB says of course, and raises his hand to call on the boy. I kind of like CB taking matters into his own hands sometimes. The boy sits right next to me and immediately cozies up to me. He smiles and looks very friendly. He tells me his name and then talks to me in Thai. I say what and he says he thought I was Thai. I tell him I get that a lot, and I assure him I was born in the U.S.

 

He then asks what my heritage is. I tell him and he finds it funny. He points to my face and tells me I look like I am from Chiang Mai.  I tell him I’ve heard this numerous times before, and tell him usually people think my looks land me somewhere in Northern Thailand/Northern Vietnam/Southern China. I then tell him he also looks like he is from Chiang Mai. He tells me he is from Isaan, but one of his grandmothers is Viet, that is why he looks kind of Viet. Of course I pick the guy in the bar with a hint of Viet. He is animated and looks me in the eye when he talks to me. 

 

I look at his physical presence up and down. He is very sexy, very smooth, with just a hint of treasure trail from his belly button to his underwear. His body, very lean, but with just the right amount of muscle to hold my attention. I put a hand on his thigh, and I feel his warm body pressing against my arm. He gives me a kiss in the cheek, and I get a whiff of his pleasant scent. A good mix of perfume and his own pleasing body scent. His smile is very inviting.

 

I feel comfortable with this guy. He is handsome, very friendly, and looks genuinely engaged to talk to me. There was something very down to earth and humble about his demeanor that I felt instantly comfortable with him. If this was any other night, I would have offed him. If my instincts are right about him, he’d be one of those that will be a multiple night off, delving deeper into his background, possibly making a deep connection with him, as I endeavor to do with boys I like.

 

Unfortunately this is not one of those nights. When I make a promise to someone, I keep it. I promised CB it was just us tonight, and it will continue to be so. So I am honest to this guy, telling him I am with CB and will not be offing him, but I hope I will see him in a future trip. He nods, and I detected a hint of disappointment, but he continues to smile despite this setback. I remain close to him while the Hot Male show comes and goes. I fish out 250 baht from my pocket and give it to him, and thank his for his time. He Wais and smiles. I hope I see him in the future.

 

Butterfly status: Dead

 

I simply cannot be sad about not being able to off Hot Male Guy. The butterfly in me might be dead, but maybe it’s not really who I am. I like meeting new boys, and sometimes get a lot of them, but I also like being fiercely loyal to the ones I already know, especially the ones I have made a deep connection with. Not everyone I off multiple times I develop a deep connection. Sometimes great sex is just that, great sex. But the ones I do I hold on to. 

 

So I am holding onto CB tonight. I ask him what he wants to do next. I tell him since we did something I wanted, its his turn to pick what he wanted. He thinks for a minute and tells me he just wants to talk and be close to me. I say sure, where do you want to go for that? At the condo, disco or bar? He thinks about it and chooses "bar." I motion to mamasan and pay for three drinks. I hug my Hot Male guy, say goodbye, and off we go to Soi 4.

 

Thank goodness the rain has stopped. It’s cool enough that I don’t regret wearing long pants. We head over to Soi 4 via Patpong, holding hands the whole way. Silom is less busy tonight because of the rain. We get to Telephone Pub and get good seats. We again get beers and have a pleasant conversation about pop culture, not so pleasant conversations about the future, about my inability to commit to him, about how tired he is being a money boy, and reassuring conversations about our love for each other, about being there for each other, even if I have a BF, and him with his revolving  door of lovers. This is a relationship that cannot be defined by just mere words. Best friend? Boyfriend? Lover? These words are just too limiting, or go too far.

 

We head to the condo and make the requisite preparations to make love. And make love we did. As two boys with both the sexual appetite and the drive to create fireworks.  As two lovers deeply familiar with every contour of each other's bodies and needs. And as two good friends eager to show each other another way to care. We did not make love like it was the last night of the world, but the last night for us, for now.

 

I have pushed this relationship as far as I could without committing to be his boyfriend. We exist in the nexus between great friends and great lovers. I cannot do anything more for him. Part of me wants to. I have the means to make it happen, and I have the love that is needed to sustain it. But I simply cannot. He is not the first boy I’ve met in this magical place in between. And I doubt he will be the last. Not by a longshot.