End of an era...single again.

[Guest anonone]

A very sad time in life for me. 

 

After 5 wonderful years together with my Thai BF, we have broken up.  I will not get into the specifics as many members of the forums know both me and him, and I just don't think it is right to air these types of things in public.  I will say it wasn't anything specifically related to Thai/Falang, or age differences, or anything like that.  It was something that could happen in any relationship.  But it was unexpected and quite devastating. 

 

This all happened during my visit in the beginning of April for Songkran.  I have been home for a couple weeks just dealing with my heartache.  The sense of loss is profound and honestly, more deep then I could ever have imagined.  But every day gets a bit better and I am trying to move forward, keep busy, and adjust to my new situation. 

 

I debated posting about it at all, but I plan to remain active in the forums, as well as returning to Thailand for travels.  It would just be weird to not let everyone know as I am sure it would come up in posts and such. 

 

So, that is the update.  A new stage in life begins...

 

 

 

[steveboy]

It is very sad to read what you wrote. 

 

But like it happens with the body, emotional injuries heal with time. 

Keep thinking highly of yourself.  The biggest loss is if you lose yourself.

Take one day at a time.  Keep life on hold for a while for recovery.

Practice the feeling of unconditional happiness (the one that does not need reasons).

[Aikuchi]

((warm consoling hugs))

[TotallyOz]

I know this is a heartbreak.  I am sorry you are in pain.

[kokopelli]

anonone, thank you for your posting.  Many of us, including myself, always fear that such an event could happen in our own lives.  Please do continue to post.

[Guest FossilGay]

I will not get into the specifics as many members of the forums know both me and him, and I just don't think it is right to air these types of things in public.

 

Very true.  I live here and I whether I want to or not, I hear all sorts of gossip and rumours so good luck!

[Guest anonone]

Thanks for all the kind words everyone.  It really threw me for a loop...totally unexpected. We actually had begun filling out the paper work to apply for marriage visa.  I am much better then I was 2 weeks ago.  And I am sure I will be better 2 weeks from now. 

 

Oh, and I have abandoned Facebook and Line for a bit.  Just too tempting to keep watch.  So for those that were friends on there, you will have to use the forums to contact me for a bit. 

 

I am trying to figure out when to return to Thailand...and where to go/what to do then.  I really love Pattaya and have many friends there, but also many memories.  I also imagine BF will end up back there at some point.  I can't imagine him staying home in Esan now.  Maybe some time in Bangkok, or even Chiang Mai, is in the cards.  Or maybe the lure of Pattaya will overcome my better sense.  No idea now and no need to decide quickly. 

 

Anyway, thanks again for the good thoughts. 

[newalaan]

A very sad time in life for me. After 5 wonderful years together with my Thai BF, we have broken up. 

 

But it was unexpected and quite devastating. 

 

This all happened during my visit in the beginning of April for Songkran.  I have been home for a couple weeks just dealing with my heartache.  The sense of loss is profound and honestly, more deep then I could ever have imagined.   

 

 

So very sad to learn of your heartache, anonone. The fact that it was unexpected would make a break up that more devastating.

 

I've been with my bf getting on 9 years and I can't really envisage not being together or what could lead to a break up, but that's the thing you just never know sometimes. Our getting together was a slow burn over a length of time which just kind of crept up on me as when I first met him I wasn't earnestly looking for a relationship, but now I too would be devastated if anything suddenly happened. He's been my only Thai bf so have never gone through a break up to know/understand what you are going through, only that it must hurt.

 

Hope in time you can come to terms with it if there is absolutely no chance of a reconciliation. Hope also you make back to Thailand in not too distant future, always enjoy hearing about your trips.   

[firecat69]

So sorry Anonone. Relationships of any kind are hard and when they fall apart, things seem bleak.

 

Hopefully it won't be so long that you are once again hoping to find that life long relationship and this time it does last forever.

 

Just remember you can't win if you are not in the game. Hope to see you soon!!

[Guest anonone]

@newalan

Thanks for the post.  Much like you, I had no intentions of having a Thai BF all those years ago.  It just happened and bloomed over many trips and time with each other.  I am grateful for the good times we had together and the feelings we shared, but it is over now.  And no chance of reconciliation. 

It is hard to describe the hurt and loss, but I know it is for the best.  Complicated stuff, this love business.

And yes, I will be back in Thailand soon enough.  Going to be a much different experience now, but have to keep living.

 

@Firecat.  Absolutely the outlook I am trying to keep front of mind.  Without sounding too much like a driveling idiot, I had never experienced the happiness that my life with BF brought me...which is why it hurts so much now, I guess.  But I know myself well enough to understand that I am happiest when I am in a relationship.  So yes, I will get back in the game in due course. 

Just trying to decide how long the scab will take on this wound, which probably means some butterfly time is in my future. 

Enjoy the rest of your time in South Africa.  I am enjoying your reports.

[Guest abang1961]

Time and again, this issue pops up once more.

I can understand that emotional void as I had went through it so many times. At one juncture, I began to question my suitability to have a long-lasting relationship but as they said, fools rush in...

 

Ts, be strong... who knows the next one may be silently invading/inviting himself into your life.

[steveboy]

Time and again, this issue pops up once more.

I can understand that emotional void as I had went through it so many times. At one juncture, I began to question my suitability to have a long-lasting relationship but as they said, fools rush in...

 

Ts, be strong... who knows the next one may be silently invading/inviting himself into your life.

 

Maybe you should be in my prayers,

victim of the fools rushing in, silently invading/inviting themselves into your life.

 

anonone: "Without sounding too much like a driveling idiot, I had never experienced the happiness that my life with BF brought me...which is why it hurts so much now, I guess.  But I know myself well enough to understand that I am happiest when I am in a relationship.  So yes, I will get back in the game in due course. "

 

What about BF?  Is he OK?  Or was he nothing but a worthless instrument of destiny that gave you so much happiness only to then take it away from you?

[vinapu]

A very sad time in life for me. 

 

After 5 wonderful years together with my Thai BF, we have broken up. 

I like your attitude, instead of  getting bitter over issue you still see best part of the story. Time will heal and even if you don't find such a wonderful BF again you will still have memories of those good days previous one beautified for you. 

[traveller123]

Anonone, I was so sorry to read your report.

I have been with my Thai partner for 7 years and I know how devastated I would be if we split.

I suspect you have enough experience in these matters to know that when you return to Thailand take it slowly very slowly in looking for a relationship.

I firmly believe there are a fair number of good gay Thai guys out there looking for a loving relationship along with the professionals looking for a good living (nothing wrong in that as long as we are aware of it)

[Guest Stewart]

Very sad to hear your news. I echo the above that I too would be pretty cut up should it happen to me, although early stages in my case. I am on a journey as I reach the twilight of my life and serious emotional stress that this could bring is something most folk can do without. I write this from BKK as I wait for my flight home and you can imagine how I felt this morning saying goodbye. As my father always reminded me "why buy a book when you can borrow it from the library". wise words indeed.

 

Thailand is rich in genuine, loving and loyal boys (and girls) that are waiting for a kind hearted (old) soul to help them along the way. Our rewards from them are immense as I am sure you would agree. I wish you well in your search, I am sure it should not take too long, or maybe get back together again wit your ex.

[numazu]

I want to join the chorus of support that the others have given and say that this too shall pass. I've been lucky with my BF of 8 years (albeit we are both Americans, but that shouldn't make a difference), and would be devastated if ever our relationship were to end. While I do not know the circumstances of the causes of your separation with you man, but an unexpected one is probably the worst of them all.

 

Going by my experience the last few times I've visited Thailand, I know that there are a lot of Thais/Asians looking for love out there, both sex workers and free boys. I hope this experience does not dissuade you in visiting Thailand again, despite many things that will probably remind you of your ex. Like you, I am most happy when in a relationship, and can't seem to stop forming close relationships with boys whenever I am in Thailand. It will only take one right boy to get you back on your feet again, even if it is just a rebound, so I hope you start trying soon!

[biguyby]

I'm sorry for OP's heartbreak it must be terrible I felt similar pain when my 19 years old Cat died.

 

I suppose I feel lucky that I do not have any emotional or romantic feelings for my sexual partners in Thailand or elsewhere and I lose interest very soon after I have ejaculated.

 

I am however very loyal to friends and although I am a bit of a loner I am no way anti social if that makes sense.

 

We are all wired differently and I am thankful that I have managed to avoid a lot of the drama associated with complex emotional relationships.

[Guest anonone]

Thanks everyone, for the kind words and messages of support, whether posted here or via PM. 

 

I will certainly be returning to Thailand.  I have come to appreciate the culture and people very much.  It is the place in this world where I feel most comfortable.  As for a future relationship, it is a bit early to even think about that.  I wasn't looking for a BF 5 years ago when this adventure began, but when love presents itself, you have to be react. 

 

As biguyby stated, we are all wired differently.  I don't engage in relationships easy.  This was only my 2nd time in a serious relationship. During both, I was extremely happy...but also very hurt when they ended.  But that is how life works. 

 

I am now committed to looking forward and seeing what life will offer me next.  My next trip will be incredibly different from those in the last 5 years.  But in a way I am excited to experience Thailand as a single guy once again.  The memory of life with BF will loom large, but after accepting that it is over the only thing to do is keep moving forward. 

 

Cheers everyone. 

[a447a]

OMG, I'm in shock! Who would have thought?

 

Anonone, you are a kind, decent guy. You'll have no trouble whatsoever finding another boyfriend, of course, but in the meantime I can feel the hurt in your posts.

 

All the best.

[vinapu]

. As my father always reminded me "why buy a book when you can borrow it from the library". 

 

.....because it looks good on the shelf and you have access to it anytime.

 

Have a safe trip home

[steveboy]

I am now committed to looking forward and seeing what life will offer me next.  My next trip will be incredibly different from those in the last 5 years.  But in a way I am excited to experience Thailand as a single guy once again.  The memory of life with BF will loom large, but after accepting that it is over the only thing to do is keep moving forward. 

 

As soon as you published your breakup I emphasized right away (2nd post in the thread) and wrote down some suggestions to ease your pain, and in a later post I asked about your BF.

 

Neither in your posts nor in the chorus of responses with much pity and consolations that there are still many Thai warm bodies to be had, does one find one word of sympathy or any other thought for the other part in the breakup, your former Thai boyfriend.  He has no voice in this forum, and we won't hear his side of the story from him.  It is like he is not a person.

 

We all know that in Thailand the market of boyfriends is such that the offer widely exceeds the demand. So it is strange that a fortunate Thai who has found his farang and kept him for 5 years would renounce to his happiness so suddenly. 

 

Should we keep pouring all the pity and consolations exclusively on you?

[steveboy]

.....because it looks good on the shelf and you have access to it anytime.

 

Have a safe trip home

 

LOL!  You dirty old men... Maybe karma could punish you by making you fall in love?

 

Use condoms for protection, and also put one on your heart to protect your and your offeds' feelings  

[Guest anonone]

steveboy.

 

Fuck you.

 

I started this thread by saying I will absolutely not go into details about the breakup.  I have not indicated what was the cause, whose idea it was, or anything else.  Regardless of how things ended up, I respect, and yes love, BF way too much to broadcast personal details.  And your trolling posts will not change that.

 

As a couple, we have met many members from the various Thai forums.  He is not some anonymous money boy that schemes for sponsors.  And your rather shitty comments in your second post , which I see you keep editing and have now moved to the above, are not called for. 

 

I appreciate the many words of support from my friends on this forum, but I am in no mood to play games with assholes.

 

Peace.

[Guest shamahan]

steveboy.

 

Fuck you.

 

I started this thread by saying I will absolutely not go into details about the breakup.  I have not indicated what was the cause, whose idea it was, or anything else.  Regardless of how things ended up, I respect, and yes love, BF way too much to broadcast personal details.  And your trolling posts will not change that.

 

As a couple, we have met many members from the various Thai forums.  He is not some anonymous money boy that schemes for sponsors.  And your rather shitty comments in your second post , which I see you keep editing and have now moved to the above, are not called for. 

 

I appreciate the many words of support from my friends on this forum, but I am in no mood to play games with assholes.

 

Peace.

There are two types of relationship. If it was a kind of infatuation, the best cure is to find quick substitute.  Even though it may not be the same, it will definitely help. If, on the other hand, it transformed with time in a sort of habit, it is much better to wait and internalize the new situation. No need to rush with something else. You will see things in a new light soon. My experience with Thai guys (and it may come as surprise  for those who never had long term relationships with some of them), that, in fact, it is not easy for them to break up and they may want to come back (it may last for years:telephone calls, and occasional meetings).

[steveboy]

steveboy.

 

Fuck you.

 

I started this thread by saying I will absolutely not go into details about the breakup.  I have not indicated what was the cause, whose idea it was, or anything else.  Regardless of how things ended up, I respect, and yes love, BF way too much to broadcast personal details.  And your trolling posts will not change that.

 

As a couple, we have met many members from the various Thai forums.  He is not some anonymous money boy that schemes for sponsors.  And your rather shitty comments in your second post , which I see you keep editing and have now moved to the above, are not called for. 

 

I appreciate the many words of support from my friends on this forum, but I am in no mood to play games with assholes.

 

Peace.

 

Fellow,  you should have thought about keeping your breakup confidential before starting this thread. Nobody forced you to do so.  But you had to wallow in your self-pity and seek the sympathy of everyone.  This was your decision.

 

I doubt that any of us seniors here have gone through life without a serious breakup that broke our heart.  I have had one that was much more serious than yours, but I never went crying to nobody for sympathy.  This does not mean that you should not do it, but at least be ready to accept some questions without retorting to blind attacks. 

 

I still wonder about your ex boyfriend, a person which YOU brought up.  If I should not do this, you should have kept your affairs to yourself.  You don't have an exclusivity on suffering, so don't come here to make impositions on how you should be treated in yours, which you volunteered.  I am not an asshole, but reading your last post  I am not sure about you.

 

There is a couple in my neighborhood of an older man married to a much younger Thai woman.  I know her, and she cares for her husband, who treats her well (or so it appears), and she would not think of breaking their relationship. She would have too much to lose.  They confirm my idea that a relationship between an older person from a rich country with a much younger one from a poor country who can benefit economically and socially is quite a strong one.  If something catastrophic would break it, it would be an exception that is worth to know about.

 

Similarly in your case,  if something catastrophic happened in your relationship, and you spread out the news in this public forum, don't you think that with the request for sympathy you could also help your fellow posters who are in relationships like yours by telling them what went wrong and how to perhaps avoid it?