lookin

No, (per another old wheeze) I'm trying not to tell you something.

Reminds me of this old wheeze.

An older woman comes to the doctor complaining that she's passing gas all the time. They're quiet, thank goodness, so nobody knows it's me, and they're completely odorless. It's just that I know it's me and I feel like everyone's staring. Here, try these pills, says the doctor, and come back in a couple of weeks. When she returns, she's no happier. Not only am I still passing gas constantly, but now they're starting to smell just awful! Fortunately, they still don't make any noise so I'm getting away with it. Well, says the doctor, it looks like your sinuses are clearing up OK. Now let's see what we can do about your hearing.

That's OK. Billy peed in the bag anyway.

Halfway through the Citations and References Section, our Complainant decides it's easier to banish himself.

Personally, I'd be up for the destruction of every nuclear weapon on the face of the Earth. If we could take back the ones we dropped on Japan, I'd vote for that too. I'll be happy to read all the reasons why they're a good idea and about the lives saved because we used them when we did, but then I'll still vote for getting rid of all of them. I think they take a toll on those who use them too.

Well, I won't boycott everything. I just got a MacBook Pro, knowing it was made in China. If they had another one sitting next to it but made in the U. S., I'd have paid an extra hundred dollars to get that one. So there are usually limits to boycotts for me. But if the Koch brothers bought Apple, I'd switch to something else. It's kind of a case-by-case basis, one purchase at a time. In general, though, I try not to buy a whole lot of stuff. Mostly things I really need or want. So the Chinese won't get rich on me. It's interesting to see how different folks approach the issue of boycotts, which I expect was lurkerspeaks' intention in starting the thread.

" . . . the great American ear . . . " Love it!

I don't have a lot of boycotts going, but I take them pretty seriously. Had to go into a Walmart last year for the first time in a decade as they were the only ones open with a pair of reading glasses that I needed. I held my nose paying for them. When I was back East last year, I toyed with the idea of going to a Chik-fil-A, just to see what they were like. It would have been a once-and-done just for curiosity, and in hopes that it was just another dry chicken breast, but it was Sunday and they were closed. Not sure I would actually have gone through with it had I got through the door. No Russian vodka from now on either. And I haven't gone near a Koch brothers product for years. And won't, even though Brawny paper towels used to be my favorite, and Dixie cups and Quilted Northern were things I bought occasionally. While I agree with zipperzone that none of my little boycotts will put anyone out of business, I think we have all multiplied our effectiveness by speaking out here and elsewhere. Without this Board, I probably wouldn't even have known about some of these miscreants. I for one am grateful to those of you who stay aware, and care, and share.

I'm thinking JKane may be pretty close to the mark. How much of that cash surcharge actually found its way back to the Air India corporate offices is a question for the ages. Next time, OZ, you might want to discreetly inquire as to whether a bit of baksheesh could help to smooth things over. Add to that the nearly infinite reservoir of resignation that most Indians have when being treated poorly by their countrymen in positions of authority, and it's surprising you haven't run into this elsewhere in your travels. I'm pretty sure that most Indian functionaries are required to take a course in How To Make Your Customer Miserable, with a mandatory do-over until they are able to cause the visible gnashing of teeth. I remember many years ago standing in what seemed to be an unending line at the Post Office to get a mailing label for a Christmas package for my parents, filling it out and affixing it, and then standing in an even longer line to actually get postage and mail the package. When I finally got to the last window, the clerk informed me that there was a mistake in the address label. I had entered 'Mr. and Mrs.' in the Name field, and it clearly was intended for only a single name. I explained that my parents had been married for many years and actually lived together, side by side, in the house whose address he would find in the following two lines. My argument carried no weight as the Name field was for one name, not two names, and the package could not possibly be sent as addressed. I would have to stand in line for another label and then again for postage. I don't think he was prepared for how quickly I drew a line through 'Mr. and' and shoved it back at him with only the 'Mrs.' visible. "Well, alright", he muttered, "but it is highly irregular." I hesitated to weigh in on this thread, as my experience with Air India was nearly a half century ago, and it was exemplary. However, it was the first time the Peace Corps had used Air India to transport volunteers and they were on their best behavior. Air India, that is, not the volunteers. Early on, the flight attendants decided that the way to the hearts of a hundred young men was to keep the alcohol flowing and that's what they did for the next twenty-odd hours. Somewhere over Shannon the liquor bottles got away from them, as did any semblance of passenger decorum, and it was a weary group of flight staff that finally touched down in Delhi. It occurred to me, in reading OZ's tale of abuse that maybe some of the folks that bedeviled him had parents or grandparents staffing our flight, and perhaps they were still carrying a grudge.

I'll be thinking of you blowing out that candle. Congrats!

Just don't count on her for your Maid of Honor! On March 1, 2011, Palin told National Organization for Marriage Chairman Maggie Gallagher that she opposed the Obama administration's refusal to continue defending the Defense of Marriage Act: "I have always believed that marriage is between one man and one woman. Like the majority of Americans, I support the Defense of Marriage Act and find it appalling that the Obama administration decided not to defend this federal law which was enacted with broad bipartisan support and signed into law by a Democrat president. Political positions of Sarah Palin

Perhaps next time you could take the train.

A lesbian finishes her gynecological exam with flying colors. "In fact," says the doctor, "I've never seen anyone keep so clean down there!" "Oh", she says, "I have a girl come in twice a week."

Not that I'm particularly proud of this, but several years ago I ran into a guy at a local fairgrounds who invited me back to his place and let me know that his biggest turn on was having someone hunker down over his face and fart on him. "I don't care if it smells.", he said shyly, blending reassurance with encouragement. He was sort of young, I thought, to have developed such a refined fetish but I'm a pretty chacun-ȧ-son-goût kinda guy, so I gave it my best shot. Nada. And I tried. More than once. Hovering, hunching, and heaving till my hamstrings started seizing up. But nothing. Weird, because my challenge up until that day centered more around how not to break wind during a casual encounter. And here, when they were wanted most, the nether breezes had died down so completely that I wondered if somebody had buttoned my bunghole when I wasn't looking. I've been pee-shy before but never fart-shy. Since it's the weekend, and since we're sharing, has anyone else ever had this phenomenon manifest itself in their personal or professional lives? PS: Tossed his number a few years ago and never ran into him again, though I did subsequently develop a hankering for fair food, especially chili cheese dogs.

Mai oui, bien sûr.

I think he did some more orchestral stuff but can't say whether or not it was recorded. He was at one point the highest-paid entertainer in France. Not sure if your interest lies more in arrangements or in technique, but the latter is examined more fully in The Crepitation Contest in which Paul Boomer takes on Lord Windesmear. The business end doesn't get started until almost six minutes in.

He's holed up at the Walmart. . . Smart move. . . . I'll say! . . . . You wouldn't catch me dead in that place. . . . . nnnnnnnnn . Me neither.

Swap fully closed eyelids for a casual droop and you've got my routine titivations for an evening out with the lads.

If you ask me, the line between Sarah Palin and satire is a fairly slender one.

Hold my calls, Miss Blankensop. I'll be busy pruning my Rolodex.

The problem is that when you tell folks you're not spying on them and then they find out you are spying on them, you take away any measure of trust that you may have built up over the years. Trust is an enormously valuable asset, not only in diplomacy but in all human relationships. It takes a huge investment of time and energy to build up trust and only an instant to lose it. Once lost, it may never be regained. Edward Snowden is not the one who told the Germans one thing and then did another. It was our government. He's also not the one who told U. S. citizens they were definitely not being spied on, even while they were. It was our government that lied to us. Snowden merely told us the truth about it. Think of it like this. Let's say you find your ideal husband, settle down, and start a life together. You tell him you want to be faithful to one another and he promises you he will never stray. You keep up your end of the bargain but, after your third child together, your neighbor tells you that he's been cheating on you all along. Would you say, "Oh my, all husbands do that - no problem"? Or would you be hurt? Would you blame your husband for cheating, or your neighbor for telling you about it? Or yourself, for asking him to be faithful and believing that two-timer in the first place? And where are the kids in all of this? I can tell you my answers to these questions, but I have a hunch they may not be the same as yours.

I find even the name to be a little creepy. Same with "Homeland". I always feel like I should be saluting something.

But you'll like North Carolina. Now go climb in your shipping crate.