Londoner

I've always been too shy to chase. On my first visit nearly thirty years ago, I required my object of desire to make the first, second and third move. And to be blunt, I don't think I've changed. I envy those who are braver than me and more resilient when it comes to set-backs.

I am with you, TotallyOz. These partnerships aren't easy for either party and among all their problems one, though not the most significant, is the cynicism they sometimes encourage. On both parties, I hasten to add. P and I celebrated our twentieth anniversary in January of this year.There have been bad moments, I confess; times when I doubted him and occasions when he, I know, was disappointed with me. But it has worked for both of us, if in totally different ways. I hope it continues for you, too. I wouldn't presume to offer advice but I do urge patience and realistic expectations., for you both.

It may be because I've just returned from Thailand and am, bluntly, fed-up....that I can sympathise with visitors who have disappointments there; we all do, whether it be an unsuccessful "off" or, in my case, a poor meal. Very few of those, by the way! However, for someone contemplating a grey, chilly day in London, thousands of miles away from his loved-one I must encourage adopting the Buddhist principle of (as P tells me, ad nauseam) "thinking good." It is true that, the older I get, the harder it is to look on the bright side but, for heaven's sake, the vast majority of guys on the scene whom we meet are friendly, reasonable in their demands. And fun. That was my experience, anyway. For me, just to wander through the JC before bedtime (embarrassingly early in my case) enjoying the cheerful smiles, the enticing offers- cheerful and not persistent when refused- and the sheer joyfulness (at their best) of the guys is something I treasure. And even more so in retrospect. I just like being smiled at! Is there anywhere else in the world where such pleasures are available so cheaply and so safely? and when the assignation isn't so good, it is so easy to say, "Mai pen rai; tomorrow's will be better". And it will be.

My departure from BKK on Wednesday was pain-free (at least in terms of the immigration process!), and quicker than usual. I wasn't prepared for the changes but the system worked for me. I was in the priority queue...I don't know whether this helped.

The booking sites are bizarre when it comes to The Agate, demanding prices 200% above what we paid. Email the hotel directly.* It is true that there are many Russian guests; pre-covid, it was Chinese groups that were predominant, now it's Russian families escaping the cruel winter they suffer. *Suraksa.p@theagatepattaya.com The management is efficient; you'll get a speedy response.

Our holiday is over and we return to our homes tomorrow. We've been discussing our impressions of the JC, the changes, the good and less good, and comparing what we found this time with the nine or ten previous stays. Firstly, the bar scene. Our knowledge is very limited because we usually have a walk through the soi quite early....20.00 to 21.00. We are therefore merely visitors. There have been occasions when there has been a vibrant atmosphere with many cheerful (and attractive) guys greeting us and inviting us to come in for a drink. And on others, with few punters and many guys, the atmosphere has been less pleasing. Guys transfixed to their phones, sometimes rather forlornly due to the small number of punters. They deserve better; I hope that, on our next visit in March, the good nights will outnumber the bad ones. But there was one impression at which we arrived independently; there were noticeably more visible falang/Thai partnerships, both around the Complex and in the beach area. I don't refer to self-evident LTRs like ours, but older falang visitors accompanied by younger guys. I can't recall seeing so many before and have no explanation why this is the case. Another positive is the evening scene on the beachfront. Families and holiday makers enjoying the cool of the evening with some good restaurants available and many food stalls for those wanting a cheaper option, including one offering fried insects, which only one of us bought. We enjoy watching the dance/ exercise groups even if their members are overwhelmingly female! Loy Kratong was , once again, a delight. It was the second time we'd enjoyed it at Jomtien. Much more relaxed and family-orientated than Songkran. Another word of praise for the Agate Hotel. I suspect that it had more gay guests this time which was pleasing. Such friendly staff; so close to the action and yet so quiet. Needless to say, we are looking forward to our return.

They frequently find us hilarious but, I'm told, usually "jai-dee", that is "kind-hearted". Asians are considered more generous (or wealthy) than the rest of us. Of course, they don't have to spend so much money getting here.

A huge change since our last visit three months ago. We walked through the bar area at about 2000 (yes, I know that's early) and were amazed at the number of guys eagerly awaiting the attention of punters. And there were certainly more falang visitors than last time....the bingo bar was packed. Dick's and Sandbar, our two Jomtien favourites, have been busy since we arrived last week. This morning we walked the beach through the gay area; many bathers and beach-lovers as well as people merely strolling, like us. In fact, I don't remember seeing this number of people there for ten years at least. We also walked past Boyztown a couple of nights ago, again rather early, and it seemed to be almost deserted. Perhaps the crowds came later.

It didn't help that Biden was embarrassingly timid in dealing with the deranged and psychopathic Netanyahu. The genocide and US support for it may not have been decisive but the world's super-power being treated with such contempt by a country that it has funded, excused and cossetted for decades was not a good look.

Recommended for enlarged prostate sufferers.

Turkeys voting for an early Christmas.

If you're a newbie you should be aware that Thai attitudes to nudity are, on the whole, very different to those in the west or even other Asian countries. Thai guys at saunas take their towels off only for showers and in the privacy of a cubicle, though I recall occasionally meeting some naked guys in the (very) dark rooms at Babylon. (Happy times!) I've seen falangs walk around Babylon naked but very rarely. Somehow, it looks "wrong" because I know it offends Thai cultural beliefs. Don't be misled by the apparent freedom of the Bangkok sex-show. Even the most experienced mb will probably undress in your room with a towel around his waist. Of course, it will be removed for the fun but there is usually a shyness which demands modesty until the right moment arrives.

I strongly recommend EVA's direct LHR-BKK service. I've enjoyed over eighty trips and have never had cause for complaint.

One disaster on a Thailand trip; 2008. My passport, my cash, my cards, my car keys...all stolen. At Heathrow Airport. I didn't even make it to the plane. Not a happy day.....but a mostly happy ending, in that most of my stuff somehow , through a variety of means, apart from about £1500 cash got back to me. And ten days later, I was in Bangkok. By the way, EVA were very helpful. The LHR police weren't.

The inmates are now running the asylum.

Remember Neal from Happy Place in Pattaya Soi 2? Sorry to reminisce- yet again- but he was a famous (to some notorious) regular in Boyztown until his untimely death a few years ago. A wealthy guy, with a successful business in the US, he did exactly what OD wants to do. The result was Happy Place. The old venue ("Crystal Boys"?) was gutted and no expense was spared when fitting it out. Not willing to work too hard he appointed one of his harem- he was invariably accompanied by a group of cute guys - as mamasan/manager..... ....who proceeded to run "private parties" after the bar had closed. A rival alerted Neal at 0300 am who jumped in his car and arrived as the party was in full swing. The mamasan was summarily sacked. Allegedly, he was being paid 30,000 baht per month. Neal had told me that making money wasn't a concern; it was just a hobby. And it failed. The lessons? for a bar to work, the owner needs to put in the hours; but most importantly he must be as rich as Neal. And even then....

We enjoy Balcony in Soi 4; traditional Thai food in large portions (much the same as at the much-missed Dick's), average prices, and good for people watching if you choose to sit outside.

Floridabob's mention of Joe, the papasan whom he met recently and who said he'd been around for twenty years, is one of many guys who made a living in Boyztown for decades. Who recalls "Tiger", a fixture on the periphery of the scene and who is mentioned in MIchael Burchill's history of Boyztown? A go go boy in the late eighties and still around six or so years ago. Sadly, he passed away. And there were a couple of guys whom I offed when I was a butterfly and who were still working in Boyztown only a few years ago. It is amazing how some Thai guys keep their looks. As for Joe, yes, I know him. He was a waiter in P's bar in 2004, always taking a keen interest in our developing relationship.The last time I saw him was a few years ago in a short-lived bar opposite Toyboys. I can't recall its name....Prism? Boyztown has been a world unto itself since the 1980s. There are many stories that began there, some happy such as mine, others sad, particularly during the years when Hiv was more prevalent than it is today. And that's before we start considering the bar-owners themselves- Jim from BBB, Kevin from Throb. Any other Boyztown characters that deserve a mention?

And here I am, sitting in grey London , counting the hours to my arrival in Bangkok (approximately 200 of them, if you want to know) and bemoaning the sheer ordinariness of my life and the absence of handsome guys smiling winsomely at me: one in particular. And much else that I am too shy to mention. A word of advice to O.D. which he is free to take or ignore; we usually don't know how much we enjoy things until they're over.

I'd appreciate a report from Ambiance. Is it busy? And Boyztown itself? Leaving it for Jomtien was an easy decision owing to the sleepless nights caused by late night, or rather early morning noise but we both miss those penthouse rooms. And the staff.... is Dom still there? I was very sad to say goodbye to him.

It may be because it evokes childhood memories of family. And family is everything.

The best book I've ever bought about Thailand is "Very Thai" by Phillip Cornwel-Smith, published by River Books (Thailand) in 2005. It is a survey of popular Thai culture, dealing with many issues which are uniquely Thai, and is full of beautiful photographs. The chapter on the Sniff Kiss ("hom kaem") is particularly interesting. Recommended. It's available from Amazon and I expect eleshere (I bought my copy in Dom Muang ) and has been updated. A great Christmas present for anyone who loves Thailand as we do.

I note Vinapu's post elsewhere which referenced the issue of kissing for gay guys in Thailand. I thought it deserved a thread of its own. Have other visitors encountered the view, as expressed by some gay Thais I know, that kissing (the intimate kind, French and just with the lips) is "un-Thai"? Neither topping nor bottoming are, nor even straight sex, nor any other of the usual activities...but kissing? I have to admit that I'm not bothered personally since in both my personas, straight and now gay, it has never been high on my list of pleasures. But a cultural unwillingness to indulge? Any views? Then there's the issue of the "sniff-kiss", originally a mother sniffing her baby to check that all is well and, apparently, used sometimes as an intimate act between adult lovers. Has anyone experienced this? I have been coming to Thailand- specifically gay Thailand- for nearly three decades but there remain cultural issues which still puzzle.

I'm no doctor but those drugs, as I understand it, only affect performance, not desire.

i was offered drugs for an enlarged prostate which was having a disastrous effect on my sleep patterns. However, I checked carefully on the side effects and loss of libido was chief among them. Accordingly, I put up with the problem. At my age, I've not many years of sexual adventuring left and I'll be d****d if I do anything to spoil the last hurrah. A word of encouragement to a-447; the symptoms subsequently suddenly disappeared for no apparent reason. Someone up there loves me! By the way, like others, my libido is also at its most active, demanding and urgent when I am far away from the source of release. This is, as those raised on Evangelical and Fundamentalist readings of the Old Testament will confirm, the result of Original Sin. Look it up.