CurtisD

Communication My name is being called urgently with the cute mangling of a consonant that tells me it is Bangkok Guy who wants me. We are due to go snorkeling in ten minutes and ensconced in reception with a coffee, a sea view and my laptop I have lost track of time. Bangkok Guy knows that I sometimes loose track of time when I work and he is rounding me up. Just as I nudge him along when we have an early start and get the inevitable “mpfh, few minute” as he smiles and snuggles back down (I know from experience he will be more-or-less on time). As I stand it feels like a knife has gone through my intestines. I have been eating higher-spiced local Thai food for over a week now and my stomach has begun to protest. Eating Thai food with Bangkok Guy is like eating with a highly vigilant food taster. It is a cannon of his belief that Falang cannot eat spicy food and he needs to protect me from it, steering me away from particularly spicy dishes and weeding out particularly hot peppers. My stomach is telling me he has a point, and I reluctantly tell him to go snorkeling without me. A day’s break from each other turns out to be a good thing. He has a great time exploring the waters off several islands with the instructor and a Thai couple, a welcome rest from having to think in English. I spend the day in a hammock reading, enjoying doing precisely nothing. We decide to have dinner on the beach at Idyllic, an up-market treat of fresh-caught fish accompanied by a very good singer/guitarist. Bangkok Guy shares the instructor’s pics of the expedition, great shots of him with many colorful fish. And then we sit and stare at each other because we have run not out of conversation, but out of words. It’s not the first time, and after this many days together it is becoming obvious. Because we observe each other we understand each other well in simple things and we are in tune with each other’s mood. However, if we are going to keep moving forward we have to improve our ability to communicate. It is not the first time that better communication would make things smoother. A few nights earlier Bangkok Guy decided he was going to sleep cuddling a pillow, not me. We both enjoy cuddling, so this is surprising. “Why cuddle pillow not me?” “Pillow small” ?? “I take pillow” and we wrestled for control of the pillow until we are laughing so hard tears are rolling down our cheeks. Bangkok Guy likes these contests of strength which usually occur over the remote or preventing him from tickling me and I always win, eventually, but not this time as while I have the two arms with which to pin him down I lack the third arm required to seize the pillow and the contest ends with him grinning at me over the pillow, reveling in his triumph. None of which explains why he is cuddling the pillow. Feeling a little hurt I decide to sleep on it. With Bangkok Guy if I do not understand something time usually reveals what is going on. I wake in the morning way over on my side of the bed with the pillow hard against my back and Bangkok Guy asleep on the pillow. I turn over and find I am cuddling the pillow and am pleasantly in contact with Bangkok Guy. “Pillow small” now makes sense. It is very comfortable and, as the light of understanding breaks I see it solves two problems that have been causing us to sleep apart and not sleep well. The hotels in both Bangkok and Chang Mai had covered duvets, not a separate duvet and sheet. Bangkok Guy likes sleeping under the duvet but after some time cuddled up close under a duvet I get too hot and, without the option of separating the duvet from the sheet, we end up sleeping apart. To compound matters, this trip I am snoring more because I have let some of the Covid pounds I got rid of before the January trip slip back on. I could do with loosing ten pounds. The snoring is not the issue as much as the dribbling from sleeping open-mouthed. The pillow is comfortable, Bangkok Guy and I are in physical contact, I am not over-heating and any dribble is on the pillow. Bangkok Guy has discovered an effective heat and dribble barrier. Life would be smoother if he could communicate that to me. We agree that by my next trip I have to master basic Thai and Bangkok Guy needs to improve his English. If anyone has any recommendations for how to learn Thai, please let me know.

Reciprocity Bangkok Guy is good for me. This is not just my opinion but also that of friends. Beyond being generally happy that I know him, he is slowly changing some of my habits and mind sets for the better. I no longer bolt down my food but put my cutlery down and pause between mouthfuls. I no longer feel compelled to eat and drink until the table is clear and the bottle empty. Following Bangkok Guy’s example, I now stop when I feel full without guilt about the leftovers. I am still organized by the clock independently of the day’s agenda – if it is x o’clock I must be up, or have accomplished y – but a little less so. Bangkok Guy is organized by the day’s agenda, not the clock, and if the agenda is empty he feels no compulsion to fill it but rather relaxes into the empty space. A little of this is rubbing off on me. A little. I told Bangkok Guy this and it made him happy as it was reciprocal “You very good for me”, in a tone that sounded like a major statement. I know his life is not easy. He is responsible for his mother and younger sister – he has pawned the ring-that-was-a-dragon to pay his sister’s school fees. Still, he is usually upbeat and cheerful so it surprised me (alarmed rather) when relaxing on the deck at Koh Lipe after a very enjoyable day snorkeling he said his head was so full of ‘pobpems’ that there was room for no more, illustrating this by filling a glass to the top with water “No more room”. Right then it did not seem the time to press the issue. However back in Bangkok over dinner at Baan Suriyasai, the first outing in his tailored clothes, I enquired. “No worry, it nothing, I exaggerate”. “No, it is something. I want to understand”. A pause while he searches for words. “What my future? I not know. Have no power”. The issue is that without my support, if I drop dead or drop him, he would be in trouble, back to hand-to-mouth. He has several business ideas, but lacks the capital to initiate any of them. He has no power to change his situation. Well, he has a little power, he has my goodwill. I reassure him that our discussion in January still holds true. As I get new business, I will help him with the capital he needs. There is no guarantee on timing, but it will happen. He has proof that if I say something I follow through as this year, as travel opened up and business picked up, I increased his allowance. He is a realist and knows the future is uncertain, but there is something here to hope for so, as a generally optimistic person, he is happy. The importance of helping him get to a point where he has some independence (‘power’ in his words) is very clear. And as cost cutting is just as good and possibly more permanent than increasing income, I am going to try to adopt his frugal mindset to free up some cash. (That crashing sound is a friend falling off his chair laughing, ye of little faith!).

Damn, I wish I was that creative. Way to go!

How to be Gay Bangkok Guy is very boy-next-door and not obviously gay. He is very nice, polite, considerate and takes responsibility seriously. The fact that he dresses well, takes care of his skin and checks himself out in handy reflective surfaces might or might not be slight tells. He does not do anything to overtly identify as gay – no rainbow stripes anywhere. I got him an Apple watch this trip. My suggestion to get him a watch as he has wanted one for some time, his suggestion that it be an Apple. My watch ideas were too “for boss” which in this instance was less about the power structure and more about age. The Apple store was displaying a range of Pride watches, but these did not hold his attention. He got a dark case with a dark metallic mesh strap – classic and clean. The major tell occurs when we are in any form of transport together. He automatically holds my hand, sleeps on my shoulder, or puts his head in my lap. He has done this since we first met. In his mind it is totally the done thing and normal. So far there have been no negative reactions and a few positive ones, for example a stewardess smiling as he slept on my shoulder. We had to overnight in Hat Yai on the way to Koh Lipe and I wondered in the South, more Muslim and conservative, if he would modify his behavior. He has been to Hat Yai in the past to see relatives and stay at a temple, so he knew the lay of the land. “No pork, eat chicken or fish”. No modification at all, and also no consequences. We discussed plans for international travel and I pointed out that in some countries gay people are not popular and he could not use me as a human pillow. “Not go” was the instant and definite response, which surprised me given how keen he is to travel. I tested his resolve. The Serengeti is in Tanzania and Kenya, neither of which is gay friendly. In January after I showed him pictures he was very keen to go. “Tanzania and Kenya, you cannot use me as pillow”. “Not go”. To me, accustomed to modifying my behavior as necessary, this level of resolve is quite an eye opener. We went over the list of places to which Thais can travel without visas to see if any might be ‘human pillow friendly’ and came up with a revised list of destinations. However, even in this list I have difficulty imagining ‘human pillow’ being greeted with the same nonchalance as it is in Thailand. Bangkok Guy is keen to travel, but as himself. I hope it is possible.

Couture Both Bangkok Guy and I like clothes and take care how we dress. In other words, we are both gay. We both prefer a classic simple look, although I have a penchant for a splash of color while Bangkok Guy is strictly muted colors. This trip it was a multicolored belt which triggered him “Why you like?” in a tone suggesting that insanity hovered nearby. As I loathe shopping, have preferences for the cut of my clothes and enjoy choosing fabric, I like to use tailors and assemble what I want. As Bangkok Guy loves shopping and a bargain, he prefers pret-a-porter in markets. The culture shock of taking him to my tailor was entertaining. The genesis of this adventure came over dinner at Baan Suriyasai during my last trip when Bangkok Guy made a quiet comment in passing ‘Look like waiter’. He was wearing a new white Chinese collar shirt from Icon Siam and black pants, which did bare a family resemblance to the waiter’s outfit. However I think the motivation for the remark was less his outfit and more mine, as I was resplendent in fresh-from-the-tailor shirt and trousers. The objective was to get him an outfit he could wear to restaurants and the Bamboo Bar and not look like the waiter – blue blazer with gilt buttons, white trousers and tailored shirts. Bangkok Guy was curious but hesitant – ‘Not know how’ (to use a tailor). I explained that the objective was to get exactly the cut, cloth and fit he wanted, and found patterns online for collars, cuffs, trousers and jackets to give him an idea of the range of choices, assuring him the tailor could show him. The whole exercise (for the pair of us, as I had a suit made) took four fittings, two before we left on our travels and two the day we returned. The first source of amusement came from watching Bangkok Guy instruct the tailor. At the first fitting he was looking for guidance but after that, once it came to discussing the fit, he was in charge. The tailor is a pro, but I couldn’t help wondering how he felt about taking instructions from a young durian trader from Issan. It was all amicable and Bangkok Guy got the fit he wanted – generally looser than the Italian cut favored by the tailor. After the third fitting I complemented him on how well he was managing the fittings to get what he wanted. A slight smile “I watch you”. The second source of amusement was the conflict between Bangkok Guy’s love of economy and his love of the way he looked and felt in the tailored clothes. He looked fantastic and heading out to dinner for the first time in the blazer with a red-and-navy silk pocket square, white trousers and white shirt with blue-lined collar and placket, he was walking on air. Bangkok Guy feels powerless (a topic for another time), a feeling the clothes temporarily removed. He didn’t know what the clothes cost, but he knew it was too much, especially as he can only use them a couple of times a year when I visit. They are not practical everyday wear for selling durian. He raised his concern about costs over lunch after the first fitting. “Tailor too expensive”. “Being Falang is expensive” – which response was met by a completely unconvinced look. As with alcohol consumption, he understands that the problem is not a generic Falang issue, but is specific to his particular Falang. After all, I am neither unintelligent nor too old to learn more economical ways from him. He knows that with patience and humor, the old dog can be retrained. He showed me the website of a tailor offering a complete outfit for 2000bt. “Probably not good cloth, this tailor better”. He graciously changed the topic but did not give up and continued to suggest that for much less money he could get what he needed at a market. The only argument I had that made any headway was “But then we not same-same”. He likes the idea of being the same, not because of the clothes, but because of the implication that I want us to be closer. After that the tone of the conversation changed. The tailor is still too expensive and markets a much better option, but for a few pieces of clothing that enable us to be “same-same” at restaurants and jazz bars, it is acceptable that we use the tailor. And, now he has had time to think about it, he would like a pair of trousers-with-braces like mine, as long as the braces are in muted colors. He thinks the braces are cute. I told him I will bring him a pair of braces next trip, so a further visit to the tailor is on the agenda. I am not going to tell him the cost of Trafalgar woven silk braces, as (i) he would call it off and (ii) my sanity, already in question, would look distinctly shaky.

I would love to take credit for the pics you mention, but the guy with the great pics is @daydreamer My pics tend to be limited to Bangkok Guy, whose privacy I respect. However, here are a couple of Koh Lipe from which he somehow escaped the frame.

@jason1975 @Boy69 Thank you! Glad you are enjoying it.

This trip was planned in outline by Bangkok Guy and then refined by me as I encountered the reality of logistics in Thailand. All air routes pass through Bangkok, you can’t simply fly direct city-to-city, and this consumes a lot of time. It was not possible to fit Bangkok Guy’s top three destinations into ten days and we settled on two, Chang Mai and Koh Lipe, with an overnight transit stop in Hat Yai because the flight arrivals and boat departures do not match up if your starting point is Chang Mai and you have to travel via Bangkok. No Covid issues this time. Bangkok Guy is double-vaccinated, Moderna as the second shot, bright eyed and looking forward to our trip. He has been helping his sister sell durian ‘It good business’, except his sister likes durian and eats some of the stock, which amuses him. As I am with Bangkok Guy and not having daily bar-scene adventures I have experimented with the format of this report. Rather than write the report chronologically, after an initial touristic overview I have structured it by themes. As usual we visited the jazz bars. I still can’t find a calendar of who is playing where, which is frustrating. We tried the Crimson Room for the first time and found Norwood Young and his band were the act. He was excellent, great voice and quite a showman. Bangkok Guy loved it, so we returned after our travels but found a Thai singer who was good but not Norwood Young. Bamboo Bar was excellent as always. As in January Peter the resident pianist (I could listen to him all night) was backing Thai vocalists who were good but did not have quite the lungs and range of the vocalists in January. This was a disappointment to Bangkok Guy who particularly likes vocals that you could dance to if there was a dance floor. Bangkok Guy informs me that if you can’t dance to it, it “old people jazz” (which he still likes). Our first night in Chang Mai Bangkok Guy was excited to go to the Sunday night market. He loves markets. It was large and fun. In addition to the shopping there was a lot of activity at Wat Chedi Luang. We bought flowers to offer and, assisted by a monk, Bangkok Guy hauled a water container up a rope pully to tip over the ruined chedi. We returned to our hotel very late and Bangkok Guy discovered the night security guard was a guide (Bangkok Guy chats to everybody), so the next day he took us on a tour of the temples, a great restaurant in a garden by a reservoir, and shopping. The low tourist numbers were painfully obvious in the shops-geared-for-tourists to which he took us. Large complexes in which we were the only customers. Koh Lipe I highly recommend, but we will not be returning as Bangkok Guy did not like the hour long boat ride. The route is a two hour ride in a van from Hat Yai to Pak Barra on a good road, followed by an hour in a speed boat to Koh Lipe. Picture a gutted cabin cruiser with one large open space holding seating for around 30-40 people and four massive outboard motors. On the way there the sea had a slight swell which resulted in some exciting bumps even with an experienced driver, which in turn lead to a few cases of mild seasickness, one of whom was Bangkok Guy. Despite a room right next to the water with a view-to-die-for, excellent food, great snorkeling and it generally being a great place, Bangkok Guy did not forgive the seasickness. On the return trip the sea was like glass and it was wonderful. Still no forgiveness. I would return in a heartbeat and will try to bribe Bangkok Guy with the Idyllic Resort which we found just down the beach from our resort. “We can move here?” he asked hopefully. The attraction was air-conditioning versus fans. The return flight to Bangkok was an hour late due to weather. Approaching Bangkok the turbulence was uncomfortable – Bangkok Guy gripped my arm like a drowning sailor while I played at being calm and stoic. The cause of the turbulence became clear after the pilot made a U-turn into the landing approach. We had skirted a sizeable thunder storm with lightening the likes of which I have never before seen – massive, thick, bright white bolts that made me visualize pools of molten glass wherever they struck. After washing off the day’s travel at the hotel we headed out to Silom for Issan food. I got the feeling that Bangkok Guy is not often in this part of Bangkok anymore, several times he was not so sure finding his way around, and this was one of these occasions. No Issan food where he expected it. We ended up at Fork and Cork, which we liked. Since we were in the area, why not visit Jupiter? I wanted to see a show and Bangkok Guy was happy to go along as he likes the Jupiter guys more than I do. He likes buff. About ten guys in great shape. Good acts. A very thin crowd. Four or five young women front row at one end of the stage, two small mixed groups along the right-side front row, three guys on the left side and Bangkok Guy and I seated a little further back. However Bangkok Guy did not get into playing the ‘Which guy you want?’ game and his body language became stiff. When I suggested we go he almost leapt from his seat. I have not taken him to a bar since the very early days of our relationship, wanting to spare him any possible loss of face at being perceived as a ‘boy du jour’ and possible discomfort if I too-visibly found a guy attractive. Although none of the guys really appealed to me, the longer we stayed in the bar the more uncomfortable he was, particularly as I was trying to figure out if I thought #86 was attractive or not (conclusion, yes) causing my attention to be too focused. Bangkok Guy and I are firm fans of Baan Suriyasai and that did not change this trip. We tried the Blue Elephant and while I would recommend it there were many people, so not a private dining experience, and it is a fraction Euro-centric. The wait staff automatically focused on me, while in Baan Suriyasai they focus on Bangkok Guy. The limopattaya were great as usual, taking us to-and-from the airport and also around Bangkok in the evenings between restaurants and jazz bars. For the first time ever on my departure Bangkok Guy decided he would keep the hotel room and check out after breakfast the next morning. I left him happily snuggled under the duvet.

Your photos are wonderful, thank you! I am also making notes of useful tips like the one above! Very glad that you and N navigated quarantine with sanity and humor intact.

Not sure if the timing of your arrival may be affecting the responses you are getting. I arrived early morning and all could get a result by lunch time. However, the day I departed the hotel requested that I be at their testing spot as early in the morning as possible to guarantee the quick turnaround.

Sheraton Grande, Le Meridian, Peninsula, Manderin Oriental.

I should have mentioned, the exception to this was the Koh Samui sandbox where the tests are done by the local health authority and it is all 24 hour, which translated to overnight (by 8am the next day). In this case there was no express option.

It is possible to get an express result, guaranteed in four hours not over night. You will need to call the hotel and explicitly ask for it. In arranging my trip none of the hotels mentioned the availability of an express result - they automatically assumed the 24 hour result was ok - but if you asked about an express result they could do it for another $70 or thereabouts.

It is foundational to wealth accreation. The key point of the only book my parents ever gave me on financial management was that the surest way to accumulate wealth is to not dissapate it. Actually it was my mother who gave me the book as she could see I took after my father, very able to make money and also very able to let it slip through my fingers. It has provided a necessary break on my behavior, albeit not as much of one as she desired. Bangkok Guy is much more in her mould.

It is incredibly difficult to create a successful small business. Watching Bangkok Guy's efforts over the last two years have really brought this home to me. He is smart and he wants to build a business, and I am keen to help him. Whether or not this is enough to succeed, who knows. We will not know until we try. This is my fall-back for Bangkok Guy. I think it is also his fall-back. He did not use the money I gave him to purchase his great aunt's small plot to purchase the land, nor did he give it all to the family unit. He gave some to his mother, but he still has most of it in the bank "for business". Business is where his ambition is.

We have known each other four years and he is in his twenties. I am very cautious about this. First step is to help him achieve financial independence.

Thank you, I am glad you have enjoyed it. I can't wait to see what Bangkok Guy organizes in the second half of the year.

Farewell, For Now Our last day, and after getting up early for my pre-departure RT-PCR test I return to bed and spoon with Bangkok Guy. We sleep late and head to the pool just before noon, where we relax in a cabana. I occasionally swim laps while Bangkok Guy is content to relax in the shade. We return to the room for a final nap and a final ‘nap’. Before going to dinner, I pack. I hate doing it, going through all the mechanical steps needed for a smooth departure this evening. We have a final dinner on the terrace by the river and then go to Bamboo Bar where we are greeted warmly and the captain automatically brings us our drinks, a Sazerac for me and a Pina Colada for Bangkok Guy. Since the evening four years ago when the mixologist at Vespers decided that a Pina Colada was a good match for someone who does not like the taste of raw alcohol, it has become Bangkok Guy’s standard jazz bar drink. The female vocalist tonight is outstanding. I suggest to Bangkok Guy that we should dance if there was more space. Back in the room we do just that, our own versions of the tango and the waltz. Next time, we agree, we need to dance. Bangkok Guy could stay in the room until late check out tomorrow, but ultimately he decides he will take a cab home when I leave, despite the late hour. By himself the room is “too spooky”. The LimoPattaya is on time, not our favorite lady in her ‘Boss car’, but a colleague. I ask Bangkok Guy if I can hug him goodbye – we are in public – “Yes, can” and we briefly hug. He usually gets down the evening I depart and while he has been cheerful up until now, I see this is happening. Despite all the snafus, the stresses and only spending four days with Bangkok Guy, it has been a great trip. However, like Bangkok Guy, alone in the car to the airport I am a little down. I really want more time with him. I stroke the gold dragon on the red cord around my wrist. This connection has become deeper than anything in the past. A little deeper, and it will push against the practicalities of my life, and I really have no idea where to take it then. I smile. I like Bangkok Guy. I like him a lot. We will connect again some time after June for the trip around Thailand and that will give us time together to figure this thing out.

I sent you a message.

Tipsy Talk Back at the hotel Bangkok Guy heads to IconSiam to get a shirt for tonight while I shower before the tailor arrives. I am very pleased with the clothes and by the time Bangkok Guy returns I am wearing some of my new wardrobe, a pair of high-waisted caramel linen trousers held up with woven silk braces in light blue with a tropical fish design and a white Chinese-collared shirt, the collar and placket lined in deep navy. Bangkok Guy both likes and is amused by the braces “They cute”. He explains his amusement by showing me a picture of little children wearing outfits with braces – he associates braces with children’s clothing. He has bought a white Chinese collared shirt which matches mine. His phone rings. It is our driver from today saying that she will not be driving us tonight, one of her colleagues will collect us. We are disappointed as she is a co-conspirator and we like her car, a black Honda Accord, which Bangkok Guy tells me in Thailand is a “Boss car”. Her colleague arrives in an SUV, apparently “Not Boss car”, so we arrive at Baan Suriyasai as our humble selves. Our reservation is in Khun Bangkok Guy’s name as the restaurant was having trouble with my name and Bangkok Guy took over. The new shirt matches his status as patron-of-record. We have our usual room, a private table-for-two overlooking the courtyard. Bangkok Guy orders for us, old favorites like the pork belly with different sizes of egg and a few new dishes. As always the food is wonderful. No champagne by the glass, only by the bottle. I ask Bangkok Guy if he likes champagne and if he can drink more than a glass. I order a bottle after he affirms both. We don’t usually drink this much, certainly not Bangkok Guy, and the alcohol loosens the conversation. “Why you drink so much?” “All Falang drink”. “I not know Falang, I know you. You like alcohol more strong (than the champagne)”. I later ask for an eau-de-vie, confirming his analysis. “Your mother knows you are gay?” “Yes”. “Does it bother her?” He looks confused “Why it bother her?” “In the West some parents do not like their sons being gay”. “Oh?” he is not sure what to make of this Falang peculiarity. “Why you give me everything?” “I don’t give you everything”. “You give a lot”. “I like you”. “How much you like me?” “A lot” and I extend my arms to indicate the entire room and the universe beyond. “Why you like me?” “You are a very nice person. You have a good heart. You are responsible. You have a sense of humor”. “I not so nice”. “Really, why you say that?” “If I no want to talk to someone they can see, my face look like this” (he tries to pull a face of someone turning up their nose, but does not really succeed). I had wondered how Bangkok Guy’s complete lack of a poker face went down with fellow Thais and this suggests that it can cause problems. “You like me?” “Yes, you always nice to me, never ‘Ack Ack’ me, and you are funny”. ‘Ack Ack’ is said rolling back the lips to show the teeth in a biting motion. It’s a gesture I have used to indicate that I have had to deal with someone. He sees it as part of my being a Boss, but happily I don’t act as Boss to him. “Why you stay in such expensive hotel?” in a slightly critical tone. Bangkok Guy likes value-for-money, not expensive things. Now I discover why he called asking for the hotel address. I explain I have a deeply discounted rate, but admit it is still expensive. I am paying about twice as much as I normally would in order to get the space and river access, to keep distant from people because of covid. He nods, this is of a piece with my using the LimoPattaya rather than public transport and insisting on cracking the windows open despite smells outside. On the way to Ayutthaya, he wound the windows up because of a smell (not much of one to my nose, but he has a much keener sense of smell) and I put them back down. He felt the need to explain my odd behavior to our driver (I caught the word ‘covid’) and she just laughed. After driving me several times she was used to my strange obsession. “What do Thai people think when they see your ring?” I ask, indicating the ring-of-power-that-was-supposed-to-be-a-dragon on his ring-finger. “Think I am married”. “How many children do you tell them you have?” I tease him. Bangkok Guy gives me a tolerant ‘You are so Silly’ look and ignores the question. “In Thailand where you want to live, Bangkok or hometown?” “Bangkok too many people, but is business. Hometown is nice, have trees and nature, but no business. Stay Bangkok for business and live in hometown once business big enough. If could live anywhere, would live in mountains like you, cooler, air clean, not many people”. In mountains like me?! “I don’t live in mountains”. “Yes, I see many trees”. One time he called me I was in the garden and he has associated the many trees with forest, which he associates with mountains. He really does like nature. I explain the confusion. “Still many trees”, which I can’t deny. The comment about no business in hometown causes a penny to drop. The allowance I give him enables him to stay in Bangkok and keep alive his aspiration of creating a business. Without it covid would have forced a retreat to the hometown where the living is cheap but the opportunities are zero. “Outside Thailand, is there anywhere you would like to live?” “With you”. “You can live outside Thailand?” “Yes”. “But no Thai people, who you talk to?” His look implies I am missing something “Who you think run Thai restaurants?” he asks laughing. My local Thai restaurant is indeed run by Thais, and there is a temple twenty minutes away. I have always thought that Bangkok Guy was wedded to Thailand, so this is news. “You would be happy outside Thailand?” The answer here is nuanced. In Thailand getting ahead as a very poor person is difficult. His father went bankrupt a few years ago and now the responsibility for the financial wellbeing of the family unit (his mother and younger sister) rests on his shoulders. It is a lot. He accepts the responsibility, not accepting it is not a consideration, but he would like to be happy while he shoulders the responsibility and somehow this might be easier outside Thailand. My guess is that it comes back to needing emotional support and, possibly, he thinks there is more opportunity outside Thailand. Bangkok Guy, possessed of the ring of power, wants to join me in my woodland sanctuary. I wonder if this is how Tolkien got inspired? I’ve never heard that he visited Thailand.

You are right, I did not get the reference. The only other time I have been called a shark it was intended as a complement by a friend who I helped when he had trouble with his bank, "It's great to be friends with a shark", but it was one of those complements that are, well, possibly best left unspoken, such as "I really like the way you use a knife in a fight". Many ways to do it - IP, a more efficient business model which gives a cost advantage, better product design or quality, better sourcing or logistics, branding, greater scale etc - but it is not simple, easy or static (i.e. what is differentiated or defensible now will cease to be so in the future). The concepts are also relative to the competition, not an absolute universal standard. In Bangkok Guy's case he needs to find something which is differentiated and defensible relative to other market traders, not relative to Amazon.

We prefer Lamniformes enabled.

Ayutthaya and Birthdays The same lady driver from LimoPattaya is on time in her very nice car to drive us to Ayutthaya. As usual, Bangkok Guy curls up on the back seat and rests his head in my lap. My role as human pillow is secure. After the first temple, one with tortoises, we are hungry. Bangkok Guy finds a place online and a ten minute stroll finds us at a charming old wooden Thai structure nestled in a garden. No one in sight, and we are concerned that it is closed until we find the proprietors seated around a table at the back having lunch. We are the only customers, and they are delighted to see us. Bangkok Guy selects what turns out to be a very good lunch. Over lunch we continue an earlier discussion of future travel plans. We have been looking at all the places that Thais can go without visas and some of these correspond to my bucket list, including the Maldives and the Serengeti (Tanzania and Kenya are e-visa, failing which South Africa and Kruger National Park is no visa). He does not know the Serengeti, so I type it on his phone and he explores the pictures on the web, his grin widening. He holds up a picture of one of the lodges with eco-style architecture: “This where we stay?”. “Can”. “I want!!” He is however a frugal realist: “But expensive?” Yes, compared to Tokyo which had been the next on our list, but as I want to go anyway and it will be more fun with Bangkok Guy than by myself, I assure him we can do it. Our post-covid travel plan is now the Maldives and Africa. Tokyo is banished: “It only shopping”. However, who knows when covid will end. For the second half of this year we agree that he will plan a trip for us in Thailand. Bangkok Guy is enthusiastic and shows me pics of himself on holiday in various spots of natural beauty around Thailand. He really likes scenic beauty, partly for the beauty and partly for the absence of people, and traces out a possible route on a map, all nature spots except Chang Mai which, as I have not been there, he thinks I should see. We will hire a car, he can drive, he is in fact very enthusiastic to drive me. To avoid circumnavigating Thailand by car, which I think would be tiring, I point out that he has a credit with Bangkok Airways for the cancelled Koh Samui ticket, so when we reach the far North we can fly South and hire another car. Given the logic of a free flight, he agrees, although left to himself he would drive the entire way. Lunch over, he calls the driver (they exchanged numbers and he is now in charge of driver relations) and we visit more temples including the Buddha-head-in-tree, the one with a big fishpond and the reclining Buddha. Our last stop is a floating market which Bangkok Guy is very keen to re-visit as he enjoyed it on a previous occasion. From his photos I thought it was a local market, but it is clearly built-for-tourists, albeit strongly appealing to Thai tourists. Unfortunately many of the shops and the ladies selling from boats in the small lake are no more, victims of the economy. Bangkok Guy is disappointed but unfazed and once he finds a clothing store I see why he likes this place – very attractive casual clothing at very cheap prices. He gets a stylish tie-died shirt and loose pants in white with a red-brown Thai-patten print for 100Bt each. H&M and Uniqlo, eat your hearts out. It is now a little past the hour at which we need to depart if I am going to be back at the hotel in time to receive the completed clothes from my tailor. Bangkok Guy speaks with our driver, and we are on the road home for all of four minutes when we suddenly pull over and circle around for a parking spot. To my questioning face Bangkok Guy says ‘Two minute’ with his ‘Trust Me’ expression. I assume he needs to go to the toilet. Ten minutes later I am beginning to wonder. Fifteen minutes later I line him “?” and get a quick response “Five minutes” and a sticker indicating ‘please’. My “Ok. What you doing?” gets a sticker of a figure biting its fingernails. “Not to worry, but only because it is you” to which he responds with a kiss sticker. Whatever he is doing, it means something to him, and I will find out eventually. I text my tailor that I am running late and can he please come thirty minutes later than scheduled, a request with which he is fine. I look back in the direction in which Bangkok Guy went to see if there is any sign of him and spot an advertising sign for a jeweler. Our driver is watching me. “Did he go to the jeweler?” “Yes”, she smiles. She is in on whatever he is up to. I decide to visit the jewelry shop. As I approach the shopgirls see me and by the time I enter they and Bangkok Guy are doubled-over in guilty laughter. A gold dragon on a red cord is just about to be placed in its gift box. Instead, Bangkok Guy places it around my wrist “Happy Birthday!” Everyone in the shop is beaming. It is the same type of dragon that I gave him the money to buy two years ago, instead of which he bought the ring. I had said I would like one and we had planned to take a boat to Chinatown tomorrow to get one for each of us. Bangkok Guy had drawn me into a thorough discussion of what size dragon I wanted compared to the size he wanted, and in the car on the drive here had played around comparing his hand and wrist with mine, I now realize to size the red cord correctly. I offer to buy him one but no, he has the ring, the whole point of the discussion was to find out what size of dragon I wanted. I am quite blown away and grinning from ear to ear. This is a nicest gift I have had in a long time, and the best planned. As an aside, our lady driver passed Bangkok Guy’s number on to LimoPattaya, and for the remainder of the trip LimoPattaya call Bangkok Guy, not me.

Am I projecting my needs onto Bangkok Guy? I don't think so. I hope not. Relationships work better the more you understand the other person, so I am interested in understanding him. Given the language and cultural barriers, there is a large opportunity for mis-interpretation. Given Bangkok Guy's very factual nature and lack of a poker face, there is some hope I may get enough right.

Shopping and Business In the morning we follow Bangkok Guy’s habit of sleeping in if there is no specific reason to get up. I enjoy drifting along next to him. We leave the room in time for lunch and Shopping at IconSiam. First stop is for me, Jim Thompson where I buy additional masks as gifts and get one in yellow with an elephant pattern for Bangkok Guy. Then I follow Bangkok Guy to his usual go-to’s, H&M and Uniqlo where, to my surprise, he buys nothing. Too expensive as no Sale today. His frugality extends to my money. In Muji he finds underwear and hoodies he likes, and my views are sought on hoodie selection. He gets an attractive lemon yellow one with dove grey lining. We are heading for the escalator when I see Polo Ralph Lauren. “Expensive”. Yes, but they are having a sale, 50% off. Bangkok Guy needs ‘underwear for swim’ and these are on sale. My opinion is sought between pale pink and mid blue. I am surprised he likes the pink, but maybe it is only brighter shades to which he has an aversion. In the end price is the deciding factor, pink is 50% off while blue is only reduced 30%. To my surprise, we have to return to Jim Thompson where Bangkok Guy buys himself a black facemask. He has decided it will match his outfit better, which it does. He is frugal, but he is gay. All this activity requires a rest, so we return to the hotel and after a shower climb into bed for a nap which later becomes a ‘nap’. After dinner on the hotel terrace, we have a business discussion. I have updated the spreadsheet showing his monthly budget: his expenses, the money he makes from the market and his allowance from me. The last two years his market income has been erratic to put it mildly and I have provided additional funds to fill the gap. For the coming two years I have increased his allowance so that it fully covers his expenses: the additional money is funded from a new long term contract I recently landed. Whatever happens with covid, his basics are covered. The discussion then turns to his business. His experience with the market stalls is a textbook case of the need for differentiation and defensibility in a business model, without which you can’t maintain steady volume and reasonable margins. For example, he got into selling masks and sanitizer early and for around two months he was doing great business, until everyone else did the same thing. If he is going to move beyond hand-to-mouth he needs to find something which is both differentiated and defensible. I explain these ideas, using his experience as the example and sketching out pictures in my business notebook. Bangkok Guy becomes animated – he gets this – and takes over the conversation to explain to me how markets are organized, sketching pictures for me. He has a plan, which I think is a good one, that achieves a somewhat defensible business model by using access to goods from his hometown and the organizational structure of the markets. By employing his mother and sister the model also follows his understanding of the purpose of a small business, which is to support the family unit. Bangkok Guy and I have discussed business often enough that there is a mutual understanding that my suggestions are very welcome (“you are businessman” in a very approving tone), but that he will decide whether-or-not my ideas are workable for small business. Early in our friendship he had an idea for creating a laundry service to cater to the new middle-class tower blocks. I thought it was a good idea and a scalable one if he developed an app with a tie-in to courier services. From my perspective, the purpose of a small business is to scale enough to achieve a trade-sale or an IPO. As I waxed lyrical, I noticed I was on the receiving-end of the constipated look. “What think?” What he thought was that I did not understand the purpose of small business which is, as everyone knows, to support and provide employment for the family unit. So now I offer my insights from ‘big business’ which he then considers through the lens of his framing of small business. Capital is needed to make this new idea work, which is my role. He understands that anything beyond the allowance depends upon me generating additional income. I now know the goal for the additional income I need to make this year if the modest percentage I share with Bangkok Guy is going to meet his capital needs. I am keen to help him with this, partly as I think he has a good idea and partly because I want to move him away from hand-to-mouth and become financially independent. And of course, I like him and enjoy his enthusiasm. We do not go to Bamboo Bar tonight as Bangkok Guy points out that we have an early(ish) start in the morning.