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An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.’ The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, ‘Well, doc, it’s like this–first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. ‘Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. ‘We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.’ The doctor was shocked! ‘You asked your neighbor?’ The old man replied, ‘Yep, none of us could get the jar open.’

Sucky, listen to the lyrics. JGoo, thanks for saying it much better than I could. HITO, I 'll watch you get dipped and smooched to this song on your wedding night while you are in a pair of Manolos. And I'll even do all of your flowers if you wish. Retired florist that I am.

Hello guys! What's up? Life has really taken me for a few twists and turns of the past few weeks. I can say that I am safe and healthy and all is good in lala land! I'm back to posting a bit more but not going to be traveling to those nastry sex ridden destinations for the next few months. I'll be doing more of a cultureral tour. Imagine that, me learning about culture. No, not Culture Club. I was sad I was not able to post of late and I hope to be back more and more in the coming days and weeks! I hopoe all is well here and the you guys had a bit of fun without me. Catch me up! Any hot photos I need to see? Any trip reports I missed?

Of course her guests will be throwing Minute® Rice.

Awww, I want a post like THAT !

What a lovely post, ihpguy. You're sweet.

" I WANT A FRIEND LIKE THAT ! "

Well, he's on again, but a fat lot of good that does me. My "Free Chat Has Expired"! It actually expired a couple of days ago, but I thought it might reset every day or two. Not a chance! OZ has got that thing locked as tight as a rusty nut. I've never felt I had the self-discipline to turn my credit card over to one of these chat sites, no matter how tempting the bait. I guess especially when the bait is as tempting as The Young Mister Johnson. So I suppose he'll just have to carry on without me, and my Visa will stay in my pocket. Along with my own rusty nuts and everything else.

Oh, well, AS, I will give lookin one of mine, in your honor. MJ "married" Lisa Marie Presley. I have no idea who got the best of that bargain. Probably neither one. OTOH, perhaps it was Bubbles. Best regards, RA1

I did not know that about the stoat and Ludovico! Great. (Out of dratted Likes again, wouldn't you know.)

Just last evening, I happened to watch a program on da Vinci in which this very painting was featured. The ermine, or stoat, is said to be the spitting image of Ludovico Sforza, Duke of Milan at the time, and at once the lady's lover and Leonardo's patron. The Duke, however, went on to marry someone else, as did Michael Jackson.

"Miss Vinegar Veins" without so much as a "bless his heart" to accompany it? Harsh, AdamSmith. I'm agast.

I had to look up "stoat". I wonder what folks in the time of LDV thought of weasels? Generally I have a high opinion of LDV and not so much of MJ. Best regards, RA1

I think I have a medium income but would love to have a median one as described in this application. Best regards, RA1

I'll be glad to take the extra ticket. I have a friend who's dying to attend.

Dunno which is worse: my fear of heights or my fear of arugula.

very interesting, though I think I would rather see the same ranking using the criteria of net worth rather than median income. A $200K annual income means a completely different thing in America if that means husband/wife/with 3 kids are working 2 jobs each to pull in that salary vs. someone who is retired or has been an heir who lives off $200K annual mutual fund distributions from a $6 MM fund.

hito, although your wedding sounds like it will be the party of the century ( ) please dont send me an invite.... I am busy that day; there's a new Muppets movie opening at the local theatre, and the 7 Eleven is giving away Free slurpies..... So, I'll just send you my Congrats now, and you can keep them on ice !

Heard on talk radio last night: I have a master's degree in comparative religion. What is your current occupation? Rent-a-cop, which is why I am up all night listening to talk radio. Best regards, RA1

20 couples, eh? If the Pope came to MEM he could acquire the nickname of Marrying Francis and that would just be on the first day. Best regards, RA1

Israeli intelligence veterans refuse to serve in Palestinian territories Innocent people under military rule exposed to surveillance by Israel, say 43 ex-members of Unit 8200, including reservists http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/sep/12/israeli-intelligence-reservists-refuse-serve-palestinian-territories

Adam, thanks for posting this.

THESE are quite Yummy, and Versatile, might I add ! (AND, have saved MY life on my occassions)

Funny old lady.

Weed is so last year.

When I was an undergrad and in a frat, we did lots of "crazy" things that weren't directly related to our academic pursuits. However, it was part of the college experience and building long lasting friendships.....and a hell of a lot of fun to blow off steam, having fun, etc etc. And it didn't in any way prevent me from graduating summa cum laude from an ivy league school so I am sure my parents had nothing to complain or worry about. Seems to me that these "kids" were doing nothing more than what we did 30+ years ago, just another medium and way of expressing their fun. I enjoyed the video very much.

This is a truly beautiful song with depth of meaning and emotion. I know this artist very well and hold him in high regard. One can relate to or interpret the meaning at whatever level it touches them based on their own experiences of course. Also, one can also simply enjoy the beauty of the totality of the song without even trying to gather insight or reflection. A video may or may not always compliment that interpretation so I often tend to just listen to the artist performance. In this case, however, there was for me a nice synthesis between the music and the video that added something extra special that is difficult to articulate. I came across this, for those that would like to hear the artist's intent: A quote directly from Matt, regarding the song. "The biggest love of my life had fallen out of love with me because he thought I had fallen out of love with him. This was the saddest thing that had happened in my life romantically to date. The song was a real attempt to reconcile with someone who meant very much to me." Using the metaphor of a roller coaster for a relationship, and that roller coaster, like the relationship, coming to an end. Also, about trying to let go at the end of a relationship.

I am still using 2 soup cans and string...........